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 TheDeathryder
Reaper
 
Registered: 04/26/12
Posts: 2,636
Loc: Hell 
Last seen: 3 months, 21 days
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 Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong 
#16709290 - 08/16/12 02:17 PM (9 months, 28 days ago) |
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This trip report is to emphasize getting your mind, setting, and dosage right. Yesterday I took 3 grams of PESA via lemon tek and attempted to kill myself. I have had issues with depression, and normally the shrooms help suppress the tiny voice in my mind that says to do violent things to myself, this time the voice found a bullhorn.
After the ambulance took me to the ER to be put on suicide watch, the police took most of my grow equipment and almost all of my shrooms. I have avoided charges so far by voluntarily destroying what they left behind under the supervision of the county's special crimes unit. I also have to enroll in drug counselling, and see a psychiatrist regularly for treatment of my depression. My landlord has not contacted me yet, so I'm hoping that he hasn't been given the details of the incident.
Make sure you get your mind right before dosing, or you might end up in my shoes.
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lifeiswhatyoumake
Knows the Krabby Patty Formula
Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 5,796
Last seen: 1 hour, 33 minutes
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Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: TheDeathryder]
#16709300 - 08/16/12 02:19 PM (9 months, 28 days ago) |
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Damn. Why did you wanna kill yourself?
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Life is what you make of it.
Have you ever heard a goat yell like a man?
VIDEO TO WATCH A GOAT YELL LIKE A MAN
Link To Goat Yelling Like A Man Thread, Official
"This thread had a point, but now its like a boob with no a saggy floppy nipple." - Ima Trooper
"Pris, this is important. If you do not like pasta, go ban yourself." - Cervantes
"Friendliest thread I have ever came by." - LucyLove
Edited by lifeiswhatyoumake (08/16/12 02:19 PM)
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4I8I15I16I23I42
Stranger
Registered: 06/28/12
Posts: 29
Last seen: 7 months, 11 days
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Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: TheDeathryder]
#16709303 - 08/16/12 02:19 PM (9 months, 28 days ago) |
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what happened ? whats pesa ?
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 mushrooms over everything
to do list:weed, shrooms, lsd, dxm, dmt, 4-aco-dmt, 2c-e, 2c-p, 2c-i, mdma, ayahuasca, changa, ketamine, mescaline, lsa, 5-meo-dmt, ghb, amanitas, salvia, bromo-dragonfly, mda, 25i-nbome, 25c-nbome,
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TheDeathryder
Reaper
Registered: 04/26/12
Posts: 2,636
Loc: Hell
Last seen: 3 months, 21 days
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Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: 4I8I15I16I23I42]
#16709315 - 08/16/12 02:22 PM (9 months, 28 days ago) |
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PESA is a mushroom variety. I've had the urge to kill myself for about 15 years, I've been using weed and shrooms to self medicate, but they aren't working anymore.
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lifeiswhatyoumake
Knows the Krabby Patty Formula
Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 5,796
Last seen: 1 hour, 33 minutes
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Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: TheDeathryder]
#16709335 - 08/16/12 02:26 PM (9 months, 28 days ago) |
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How old are you?
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Life is what you make of it.
Have you ever heard a goat yell like a man?
VIDEO TO WATCH A GOAT YELL LIKE A MAN
Link To Goat Yelling Like A Man Thread, Official
"This thread had a point, but now its like a boob with no a saggy floppy nipple." - Ima Trooper
"Pris, this is important. If you do not like pasta, go ban yourself." - Cervantes
"Friendliest thread I have ever came by." - LucyLove
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TheDeathryder
Reaper
Registered: 04/26/12
Posts: 2,636
Loc: Hell
Last seen: 3 months, 21 days
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24. I've had issues with depression most of my life, mostly stemming from a bad family environment. This was not my first attempt, but it was the first attempt that was found out.
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GodSpores
intestines dressed in mescaline
Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 981
Loc:
Last seen: 8 hours, 51 minutes
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Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: TheDeathryder] 1
#16709359 - 08/16/12 02:32 PM (9 months, 28 days ago) |
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Damnn suicide is never the right choice. Seriosuly if your tired of your life, leave every single thing behind and buy a one way ticket to another country. Preferably Amsterdamn
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i reaLLy Dont know why you are reaDing thiS.
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 pablokabute
SporeCaster
Registered: 11/22/11
Posts: 1,432
Loc: outside your doorstep, kn...
Last seen: 2 minutes, 33 seconds
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Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: GodSpores]
#16709382 - 08/16/12 02:38 PM (9 months, 28 days ago) |
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hey deathryder, been seeing you around.. making advises to cultivating and such..
never would have thought youre into some deep shit like this.. whats up??
hey man.. like, what the fuck.
i hope you get better.
pablokabute all the way from the Philippines.
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"I envy you. You North Americans are very lucky. You are fighting the most important fight of all - you live in THE HEART OF THE BEAST."
--Anonymous Guerilla, or is he..
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TheDeathryder
Reaper
Registered: 04/26/12
Posts: 2,636
Loc: Hell
Last seen: 3 months, 21 days
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Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: pablokabute]
#16709415 - 08/16/12 02:45 PM (9 months, 28 days ago) |
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I'm hoping too. I'll be seeing the psychiatrist on the 20th, so I'm hoping to get a new way to to keep that voice from hounding me further. I want to live a happy, productive life, but even the best facade breaks down with enough punishment. Sometimes its very easy to forget what it feels like to be happy, or feel loved.
I'll be starting back to college this month as well so that I'll hopefully be able to get a job that doesn't require me to break the law and continue destroying my self image to survive.
I'll still be around here helping noobs when I have the time. Seeing the ratings I get when I help out does a lot to boost my self-esteem. I might start cultivating again one day, but I've got a lot of shit to deal with first.
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lifeiswhatyoumake
Knows the Krabby Patty Formula
Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 5,796
Last seen: 1 hour, 33 minutes
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Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: TheDeathryder]
#16709518 - 08/16/12 03:06 PM (9 months, 28 days ago) |
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Quote:
TheDeathryder said:
Sometimes its very easy to forget what it feels like to be happy, or feel loved.
Do you have any friends out side of the internet?
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Life is what you make of it.
Have you ever heard a goat yell like a man?
VIDEO TO WATCH A GOAT YELL LIKE A MAN
Link To Goat Yelling Like A Man Thread, Official
"This thread had a point, but now its like a boob with no a saggy floppy nipple." - Ima Trooper
"Pris, this is important. If you do not like pasta, go ban yourself." - Cervantes
"Friendliest thread I have ever came by." - LucyLove
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pablokabute
SporeCaster
Registered: 11/22/11
Posts: 1,432
Loc: outside your doorstep, kn...
Last seen: 2 minutes, 33 seconds
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what the fukking fukk. i hope everything gets well with you.
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"I envy you. You North Americans are very lucky. You are fighting the most important fight of all - you live in THE HEART OF THE BEAST."
--Anonymous Guerilla, or is he..
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Wing
The Eye Tyrant
Registered: 04/26/11
Posts: 2,802
Loc: Middle of the East Coast
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: TheDeathryder]
#16709564 - 08/16/12 03:17 PM (9 months, 28 days ago) |
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 Aw man I'm sorry to hear about this. You seem like a really cool guy from posts and PMs so I really wish you the best of luck, health and legal wise. I've battled depression as well and have been self medicating for years. Fortunately I suffer from light depression.
Sending good vibes your way man, from a warm, happy, positive place.
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My Grow Logs
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TheDeathryder
Reaper
Registered: 04/26/12
Posts: 2,636
Loc: Hell
Last seen: 3 months, 21 days
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Very few. After high school, most of my friends moved off to college, joined the military, or OD'ed. Of the few I have left, there's only 5 that I can stand to be around for more than 30 minutes at a time.
I live in a small town with no recreational businesses, so meeting new, like minded people tends to be pretty difficult for me.
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lifeiswhatyoumake
Knows the Krabby Patty Formula
Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 5,796
Last seen: 1 hour, 33 minutes
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Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: TheDeathryder]
#16709594 - 08/16/12 03:22 PM (9 months, 28 days ago) |
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I see.
I know that you love growing and eating mushrooms. What else do you do?
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Life is what you make of it.
Have you ever heard a goat yell like a man?
VIDEO TO WATCH A GOAT YELL LIKE A MAN
Link To Goat Yelling Like A Man Thread, Official
"This thread had a point, but now its like a boob with no a saggy floppy nipple." - Ima Trooper
"Pris, this is important. If you do not like pasta, go ban yourself." - Cervantes
"Friendliest thread I have ever came by." - LucyLove
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TheDeathryder
Reaper
Registered: 04/26/12
Posts: 2,636
Loc: Hell
Last seen: 3 months, 21 days
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I collect guns, watch movies, read, chill with my fiance and our cat. Sometimes my friend that runs a local car lot lets me test drive the vehicles fresh from the shop to make sure everything's running good. I also like to build things, especially with re-purposed parts. I'm working on building a little off road cart with a lawn mower engine and aluminum pipe frame, just waiting on my welder to be returned to me.
Skeet shooting is one of my favorite things to do. Very stress relieving.
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lifeiswhatyoumake
Knows the Krabby Patty Formula
Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 5,796
Last seen: 1 hour, 33 minutes
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Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: TheDeathryder]
#16709645 - 08/16/12 03:32 PM (9 months, 28 days ago) |
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You have a fiance? Why did you want to kill yourself when you have a fiance?
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Life is what you make of it.
Have you ever heard a goat yell like a man?
VIDEO TO WATCH A GOAT YELL LIKE A MAN
Link To Goat Yelling Like A Man Thread, Official
"This thread had a point, but now its like a boob with no a saggy floppy nipple." - Ima Trooper
"Pris, this is important. If you do not like pasta, go ban yourself." - Cervantes
"Friendliest thread I have ever came by." - LucyLove
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TheDeathryder
Reaper
Registered: 04/26/12
Posts: 2,636
Loc: Hell
Last seen: 3 months, 21 days
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To make the voice go away. After I spiral down, nothing matters to me anymore. At times the very concept of love is a foreign idea to me. When I hit bottom, the only emotions I can comprehend are hate and loathing, usually directed towards myself. It's completely wrong and selfish, I know, but I don't know how to stop it from happening anymore. Once the depression spiral is locked in, I don't have the ability to come out of it on my own. This is why I'm seeking medical treatment.
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lifeiswhatyoumake
Knows the Krabby Patty Formula
Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 5,796
Last seen: 1 hour, 33 minutes
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Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: TheDeathryder]
#16709703 - 08/16/12 03:40 PM (9 months, 28 days ago) |
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What kind of medical treatment will you receive you think?
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Life is what you make of it.
Have you ever heard a goat yell like a man?
VIDEO TO WATCH A GOAT YELL LIKE A MAN
Link To Goat Yelling Like A Man Thread, Official
"This thread had a point, but now its like a boob with no a saggy floppy nipple." - Ima Trooper
"Pris, this is important. If you do not like pasta, go ban yourself." - Cervantes
"Friendliest thread I have ever came by." - LucyLove
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TheDeathryder
Reaper
Registered: 04/26/12
Posts: 2,636
Loc: Hell
Last seen: 3 months, 21 days
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Counselling for sure, probably medication as well.
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The_Aviator
High Flyer
Registered: 03/08/10
Posts: 2,196
Loc: Gamehendge
Last seen: 9 hours, 5 minutes
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Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: TheDeathryder]
#16709773 - 08/16/12 03:54 PM (9 months, 28 days ago) |
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That is great that you are going to see a psychiatrist. A good psychiatrist can make a world of difference. And we are all glad that you are still with us. If you are into philosophy and rationality I must recommend the book The Myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus. It is about suicide and why it is not a logical way to deal with the absurdity of our reality. Hang in there, and remember next time you are down that you have a whole family here to talk to.
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Sartre on conciousness: "a being such that in its being, its being is in question in so far as this being implies a being other than itself."
Being and Nothingness
Easy no-nausea hbwr tek
Phish videos and discussion!
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