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Quote: mick said: actually yeah I do think it would go down well if you continued to see a counselor, or maybe a life coach.
man rereading your posts I see so many self-defeating statements. that is a behavior that will keep you locked up in chains.
you say, "im an emotional fuckup, I am very cold, im such an asshole, i have too much pride, etc etc etc..." by continuously telling yourself that youre not good enough, you subconsciously put yourself into this role in real life. You are taking your mistakes from the past and using them to write your story for the future. This kind of thinking robs you of your free will. You are NOT a product the past! And you are NOT doomed to behave a certain way in the future. You live in the present moment with free will to be the person you choose to be.
I think it would be a good start for you to start affirming your positive beliefs about yourself. Keep a journal of the things you would like to improve and start by thinking positively about those aspects. Try and act on those positive thoughts man. I will tell you from personal experience positivity is contagious. Once you reform the way you think, you will look back on your past thought schemes almost like a hiker looks back on the mountains he has climbed.
I think that because I live with negative people (mum and her partner), and have wasted years hanging around with negative people, that it is like you have said "contagious" because when I start living psotively I clash with negative people even more... Speaking from experience of the times I hvae tried.. However im not even ready to move out... I have no job, no affiliations no thing.
and actually the things I am saying about myself, I am just reiterating the words of both my so called parents, and the people I have hung around with in the past,.. Whos opinions and propaganda are more believable to most people because they have lives whereas I do not, and even when I dont feel everything is as much a struggle people have been jealous of me in the past... Never knew why cus any potential I ever had I just threw up the wall anyway.. Its always the same..
Most people have negative influences in their lives, I know it can be difficult to look past those, especially when some can be so close to you. The best you can do for yourself is to try and understand why people say those things. Its not about you, its about those people being frustrated in their own lives. No truly happy person wants to condemn you for any reason. Someone who is truly happy wants to spread that happiness with everyone else. Its like a tremendous ball of energy once youve got it inside you, and you are inspired to spread that energy with the universe. So anyone who tells you these negative things, you must understand they are dealing with their own issues. Wish the best for them, and continue to focus on making your life better.
Remember anyways: its not what others think of you, the only thing that matters is what you think of yourself.
You seem like a pretty intelligent person. It is not far fetched for me to assume that if you can type coherent sentences, you can do other things that require a bit of thought. I REALLY encourage you to look into some self-help books man. I understand the sentiment if right now you feel that a therapist/counselor cant help you; but that doesnt mean you cant help yourself. There is never a time where you cannot force positive change in your life. Never. You have to make those first steps man. Stop tricking yourself into thinking youre not good enough, or youre not going to get anything out of trying. Those negative thought schemes will keep you in a cycle of despair until you decide its time to stop. I think the time should be now.
I immediately think of a book that I started reading when I was younger. It was a great first book, and I got a lot out of it, especially the part that helped with guided self-meditation.
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "
ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."
Seriously bro... I tried to answer all your questions in one go, but I type so much when im being honest that I just get lost in my own rant, im an emotional fuckup, my emotions are more like a womens for my age sometimes.. But I am very cold, and dont care a whole lot bout the human race,
Listen, man, I am HORRIFIED the way you were treated as a child by your supposed guardians. I am not biblical, but can really dig some wisdom said from it--which most likely was ripped off from other sources---such as 'the worst enemies you can have can be in your own houshold', or words to that effect. In our papers is this story of this mother and father who came from Pakistan and moved to the UK, and brought their children up brutally. Their daughter wanted to wear western clothes, and go to university, and so they murdered her which they call an "honour killing", and how they did it?---her mum held her down on the sofa while her dad stuffed a plastic bag in her mouth till she suffocated to death!! And they DID this in front of their other children! and after dumping their daughters body in some wasteland told their kids not to tell. So do you get me??? What you --I feel (from your words, the tone of what you say that comes through)--are doing is blaming your SELF. That because the disrespectul and barbaric way you were treated, and that fukin nightmare school experience (and man, me too---I HATED school/prison with a passion and it can really fuck a child right up)--that you see yourSELF as fucked up. Have you heard of the battered wife syndrome? It is a pattern you see from women (and men, because you can have battered husbands too) who are brutalized by their husbands or partners. They begin to BLAME THEMSELF---please listen close to this. They blame themselves for the brutality that the other person is doing to them, and thats why many will not want to leave him, and claim they love him. And they think they deserve it, and are no good, etc. All their confidence goes, and they feel like shit. And some women will often leave one evil fucker like that, and then find another one--as though they seek out those kinds of sadists. So first thing man is to start looking deep and undwerstanding that you are NOT to blame for how you were treated as a young boy. You were the CHILD, and the adults bringing you up should have known better how to raise a child right. School itself is an enforced bullying institution where millions of kids HAVE to go and be brutalized. Check out John Taylor Gatto, and you will learn just what the 'education' system is all about. Please understand that its not YOU that is fucked up, its the culture, and often its victims are also parents who then go on to brutalize their own children, and on it goes --where the abused go ont to abuse others etc etc etc
Quote: I even feel sorry for people sometimes, I dont know what I want more..im begining to think the problem is I desire some sort of revenge more than I do to just live...
That is natural. Of fukin CAUSE you do. If people treat you like shit, and screw up your very chuildhood you defintately want revenge. I had dreams of blowing up my old school lol. Ie., I wouldn't have gone through with it, but i ALLOWED these emotions freedom. I encourage you allow that. Be aware of all this hurt, because it has to find expression through feeling. NOT going out and massacreing people, or beating someone to death--taking all your shit out on some poor sod, no. But ALLOW all this hurt, confusion, mixed-fucked up feeling--allow all that to express itself. Cry, moan, scream, rock. I am not even saying one time, of course. But it is all this energy, the hurt etc that NEEDS to be felt. Some people avoid this and try and numb it with smack, and booze, and all kind of stuff that is an attempt to numb themselves so they DON'T feel---but you know what? EVEN if they try and do that for 20 years, which will also bring on other shit like disease, the pain aint gone nowhere becuase it has been suppressed. So please--I mean thats why I said that your direct and honest already, but you are tending to blame yourself. LOVE yourself. If you dont who will. Get me? Love yourself. Allow your body mind and soul to feel.
Quote: I cant erase the past if im reminded of it by other people every day, the only way to do it is if I fuck off in the army which I dont really wanna do,
The army is the ULTIMATE abuse of the person. Do some research man, and see what joining the army has done to so many young men. Many are so fucked up from their experiences they are committing suicide, and receive no support at all--obviously--from the army. The army is evil, avoid it like the plague!
Quote: or if I get on one of those teach english in a foreign country courses where I can just dissapear and be a teacher for a few years in some random country lol... Im not sure I wanna do that either.. It might not cure my longing for acceptance as a foreigner.. I really dont know..
That sounds like a cool idea. I am friends with this blogger who does that. he lives in Thailand and teaches English, and seems really like he loves it. If you wanted I could give you his details to find out how he came about doing it etc?
Quote: Pretty sure id feel alot better if I had a missus, but hey! I always find a way to mess things up with women too. I sat next to some random girl in the library, she was very pretty, she was helping me do something with my phone (she offered), and we were talking for ages after that, then come closing time I didnt ask for her no. Or anything.. I was just like.. Well I best get going, and we parted ways.. I walked past her in the library again "weeks" later, I had a scowl on my face from whatever was annoying me that day and she came around the corner, she looked for a split second then just looked down as she walked past me.. Like she either felt sorry for me, or like she felt rejected which I doubt.. At which point I thought to myself....
Hey, just remember, you are most of the time feeling truamatized---completely overwhelmed by you past--all the hurt--the hurt, and so relationships may be difficult. So just understand that. Stop beating yourself up---isn't it enough that others have done that without you doing it too? You need to start loving yourself, and realizing how hurt you have been and still feel. get me?
Quote:
"I am such a fucking asshole" I couldnt even say hello! To much pride wtf is wrong with me.. I know its because im too afraid to bring someone like that into my own fucked up world when I know they can do a lot better, im not a bad guy to talk to when you find me in the right mood... Easier said than done, I hate that prick, even just hearing him come up the stairs I wanna run out and knife him... I cant face the world because im that incompatible mix of both vulnerable and temperamental..
See what I mean? You sound like a lot of the time you hate yourself.
Have you ever had magic mushrooms?
Quote: I just want to be left alone, but be left alone with 1 or 2 people who arent that bad and that I arent afraid to open up to.. You really think if I told someone other than a councellor in real life of my troubles it would go down well? Lmfao
OK, in this culture the only option when your emotionally troubled seems to be either psychiatrists and their fukin 'meds' OR a person centred counsellor (theres CBT too but it treats you like a machine because that is what this culture tries to make us think we are---machines!). So what about a PCC then? Well, with a PCC they aren't a friend, you have about 50 mins to an hour with them, and in that time you can begin talking about ANYTHING, and as you talk emotions will begin showing themselves, and a PCC wants to encourage you to FEEL. Not to hol feelings in and rationalize. So in that respect you are at least with another human who you can trust to tell the deepest darkest secrets too, and even cry if needed. Doing this with a friend can be difficult because some people dont know how to deal with this and will try and 'save you' and give you ridiculous advice, or patronize you, etc.
I personally would encourage you to first book a session with a PCC. To personlly begin allowing your emotions to express themselves, and learning to love yourself. And then get some magic mushrooms, and this will REALLY help you out of rigid ways of thinking about what has happened and how you feel.
Ok so is a person centreed councellor different from a regular councellor?.. Or are they one and the same.. See I could give councelling a go again (for the last time), a gp around here will book me in with that no problem.. Actually I got a refferal from a plastic surgeon I went to for psychologist... Didnt bother with it.. But I could try that?... I dont know a lot about CBT but a guy I know went with it after breaking up with his girlfriend (dont know why), I even found a book on it lying around his house.. I dont like the sound of it though.. Doesnt originate from Japan by any chance does it?.. Wierd question I know but Japs apparently dont have much of an outlet for their emotions and have the highest suicide rate 0-O of any country.. Poor buggers.. No wonder they have the most f'd up porn! .. Just sayin.
The thing about the Army is I have absolutely no problem killing people (legally remember), the fact that the Taliban are a waste of time anyway and want to die (probably even more than I do) means I wouldnt have a problem.. As for bullying.. I wouldnt take that shit anymore, and if I got discharged then so be it.. Then again who knows what could happen to me out in the field (thats right im thinking of myself on that one, not others)..
Has your mate in Thailand settled in well over there then?.. I would have to spend my money on a celta course to increase job offers I think.. And if I knew for a fact that it was something I wanted to do, then an English degree (2 years) would ensure I can move about from country to country doing that for the rest of my days if I wanted to... I just wouldnt want to feel trapped, and ultimately I must enjoy the job as opposed to just escaping with it...
I dont know if im blaming myself... Actually it is everybody else I blame, and people are telling me now that im older to take some responsibility.. Even my grandfather says that and he knows what ive gone through...
I truly resent my family because (and by family I mean auntie, grandfather, and uncle, noone else!) claim to care about me and so on, but none of them have ever really helped me, I resent my dead grandmother because she took me in off the streets when I was kicked out after finishing school.. She couldnt cope with my mum and her threats so she told me go back down home... She never gave a shit about me, she just felt sorry for me and wanted people to praise her for caring.. Its all make believe and the lot of them could die tomorrow and id laugh the fucking house down..
Im destined to be lonely because if I break away from where I am, I have no one one to confide in, no one to go to for help (not that I get it) and those bastards (all of em) will pray day to day that things go wrong for me so they turn out to be right... I just want a gun and I want to put an end to the family, because I have absolutely no intention of carrying on our pathetic bloodline, I want to legally change my name and dont know how..
I want to win, win one over my family, because lets face it... If I had money they would talk dirty about me that I only care about myself lol, we already can establish that... I owe nobody anything, cept for a bullet in the head, if this was America I would be fucked because I would have had access to a gun by now.. I dont know if its a good thing or a bad thing that I originate from the UK and guns are illegal... Definately my ideal method of suicide and homicide for that matter..
the only reason I wont kill a person (like I keep telling my grandfather I want to) is I "know for a fact" people will laugh at me when I go to prison, that is the only reason.. Thinking of myself.. Not the persons life I just took away, because what about my life that was taken away?..
Everybody wants to allocate blame to somebody else, including me... And that faggot downstairs thinks hes all wise, and overcome his own demons because hes in his mid 40's blah blah blah, he talks shit, he still is a wanker, and he will die a wanker, unfortunately because people outside of what I have always known think hes a good person, (hes the kind of guy people go to for advice, but I never confide in him cus he uses it against me, hes just after information to use in arguements) I cant even go down stairs to get food, because when hes in on a weekend (and obviously I have no interest in going out because theres nothing out there) I will blow.. I will literally blow if he starts being all fucking snappy and degrading when im like this. Hes just a prick, I want to kill him, but even then id probably stop myself at the last minute, he is a loser! And people think its me who is the loser and hes a good bloke! Well fuck everyone, cus he could have cancer and id laugh my tits off, I dont want to be a decent person anymore, I wish I could just rid myself of my consiounce because people have used me over the years,
lol I just texted my "once" best friend, told him come see my new band in october.. I aint in no band lmfao!, I just like fucking with peoples heads, if people can do it to me, they are good enough to take it back when I bide my time. He is a jealous prick who needs a fuckin bath at the end of the day and thinks he is shit hot on guitar because he can play most scales yet he is dogshit with his wrist...
he obviously never liked it when I told him I wanted to do vocals and not play bass anymore, haha, and because hes a loser himself and has only ever had one missus and cant get another, he would spread shit about me whenever I got close to another person.. Fucking "wanker", he is nothing else. I made peace with him a few weeks ago tellin him I was sorry for all the abusive and threatening texts I sent him, he sent back saying "thanks for that, im sorry for things ive said about you too".... So I was right all along... Fucking scumbag... He just brags about shit all the time because he feels inadequate and he could never take it when I was doing alright... Emotional vampire, suck the life out of me with his bullshit, and only wants me when im down in the dumps.. Tosser.
New years eve was funny cus he tried start shit with some guy in the street at 4am.. Granted the guy threw a phone at us after some arguement with someone, but I was happy to just walk on, I was trying to change my behaviour towards people.. Threatens knock us both out, I told him I dont want fight.. Then my mate realising I wasnt on it, backed down a bit, then this guy knocks my mate to the floor in one hit, so I blew and told him do it to me, the piece of shit couldnt land a single punch, twatted him, was getting better of him, then my mate gets back up off floor and jumps on his back the coward... So I left them to it... But I lost my temper really bad because I honestly didnt want fight, so I stamped all over his head multiple times.. It felt great, big chunk of skin came away from his forehead... Then we ended up getting chased by a fuckload of em in a car and on scooters and they all had bottles lol.. I left my mate on some culdesac where he got twatted with a motorcycle helmet (got what he deserved), and I didnt get a scratch on me that time.. Of course its me who started it all as far as other peoplewere concerned.. I think deep down people were absolutely gutted that it was him who took a kicking and not me. Fuck em, long as im alright im not bothered... New year was my last ditch attempt to make ammends with someone I had been friends with for 7 years and he fucked it all up.. Again.. So people in and around our circle at the time can think what they want about me..
oh yea, no I never tried magic mushrooms, I dont know where to get em nowadays.. They had truffles in amsterdam but if they found truffles on me in Paris it would have been game over..
Quote: zzripz said:
Quote: fuckmylife12 said:
Seriously bro... I tried to answer all your questions in one go, but I type so much when im being honest that I just get lost in my own rant, im an emotional fuckup, my emotions are more like a womens for my age sometimes.. But I am very cold, and dont care a whole lot bout the human race,
Listen, man, I am HORRIFIED the way you were treated as a child by your supposed guardians. I am not biblical, but can really dig some wisdom said from it--which most likely was ripped off from other sources---such as 'the worst enemies you can have can be in your own houshold', or words to that effect. In our papers is this story of this mother and father who came from Pakistan and moved to the UK, and brought their children up brutally. Their daughter wanted to wear western clothes, and go to university, and so they murdered her which they call an "honour killing", and how they did it?---her mum held her down on the sofa while her dad stuffed a plastic bag in her mouth till she suffocated to death!! And they DID this in front of their other children! and after dumping their daughters body in some wasteland told their kids not to tell. So do you get me??? What you --I feel (from your words, the tone of what you say that comes through)--are doing is blaming your SELF. That because the disrespectul and barbaric way you were treated, and that fukin nightmare school experience (and man, me too---I HATED school/prison with a passion and it can really fuck a child right up)--that you see yourSELF as fucked up. Have you heard of the battered wife syndrome? It is a pattern you see from women (and men, because you can have battered husbands too) who are brutalized by their husbands or partners. They begin to BLAME THEMSELF---please listen close to this. They blame themselves for the brutality that the other person is doing to them, and thats why many will not want to leave him, and claim they love him. And they think they deserve it, and are no good, etc. All their confidence goes, and they feel like shit. And some women will often leave one evil fucker like that, and then find another one--as though they seek out those kinds of sadists. So first thing man is to start looking deep and undwerstanding that you are NOT to blame for how you were treated as a young boy. You were the CHILD, and the adults bringing you up should have known better how to raise a child right. School itself is an enforced bullying institution where millions of kids HAVE to go and be brutalized. Check out John Taylor Gatto, and you will learn just what the 'education' system is all about. Please understand that its not YOU that is fucked up, its the culture, and often its victims are also parents who then go on to brutalize their own children, and on it goes --where the abused go ont to abuse others etc etc etc
Quote: I even feel sorry for people sometimes, I dont know what I want more..im begining to think the problem is I desire some sort of revenge more than I do to just live...
That is natural. Of fukin CAUSE you do. If people treat you like shit, and screw up your very chuildhood you defintately want revenge. I had dreams of blowing up my old school lol. Ie., I wouldn't have gone through with it, but i ALLOWED these emotions freedom. I encourage you allow that. Be aware of all this hurt, because it has to find expression through feeling. NOT going out and massacreing people, or beating someone to death--taking all your shit out on some poor sod, no. But ALLOW all this hurt, confusion, mixed-fucked up feeling--allow all that to express itself. Cry, moan, scream, rock. I am not even saying one time, of course. But it is all this energy, the hurt etc that NEEDS to be felt. Some people avoid this and try and numb it with smack, and booze, and all kind of stuff that is an attempt to numb themselves so they DON'T feel---but you know what? EVEN if they try and do that for 20 years, which will also bring on other shit like disease, the pain aint gone nowhere becuase it has been suppressed. So please--I mean thats why I said that your direct and honest already, but you are tending to blame yourself. LOVE yourself. If you dont who will. Get me? Love yourself. Allow your body mind and soul to feel.
Quote: I cant erase the past if im reminded of it by other people every day, the only way to do it is if I fuck off in the army which I dont really wanna do,
The army is the ULTIMATE abuse of the person. Do some research man, and see what joining the army has done to so many young men. Many are so fucked up from their experiences they are committing suicide, and receive no support at all--obviously--from the army. The army is evil, avoid it like the plague!
Quote: or if I get on one of those teach english in a foreign country courses where I can just dissapear and be a teacher for a few years in some random country lol... Im not sure I wanna do that either.. It might not cure my longing for acceptance as a foreigner.. I really dont know..
That sounds like a cool idea. I am friends with this blogger who does that. he lives in Thailand and teaches English, and seems really like he loves it. If you wanted I could give you his details to find out how he came about doing it etc?
Quote: Pretty sure id feel alot better if I had a missus, but hey! I always find a way to mess things up with women too. I sat next to some random girl in the library, she was very pretty, she was helping me do something with my phone (she offered), and we were talking for ages after that, then come closing time I didnt ask for her no. Or anything.. I was just like.. Well I best get going, and we parted ways.. I walked past her in the library again "weeks" later, I had a scowl on my face from whatever was annoying me that day and she came around the corner, she looked for a split second then just looked down as she walked past me.. Like she either felt sorry for me, or like she felt rejected which I doubt.. At which point I thought to myself....
Hey, just remember, you are most of the time feeling truamatized---completely overwhelmed by you past--all the hurt--the hurt, and so relationships may be difficult. So just understand that. Stop beating yourself up---isn't it enough that others have done that without you doing it too? You need to start loving yourself, and realizing how hurt you have been and still feel. get me?
Quote:
"I am such a fucking asshole" I couldnt even say hello! To much pride wtf is wrong with me.. I know its because im too afraid to bring someone like that into my own fucked up world when I know they can do a lot better, im not a bad guy to talk to when you find me in the right mood... Easier said than done, I hate that prick, even just hearing him come up the stairs I wanna run out and knife him... I cant face the world because im that incompatible mix of both vulnerable and temperamental..
See what I mean? You sound like a lot of the time you hate yourself.
Have you ever had magic mushrooms?
Quote: I just want to be left alone, but be left alone with 1 or 2 people who arent that bad and that I arent afraid to open up to.. You really think if I told someone other than a councellor in real life of my troubles it would go down well? Lmfao
OK, in this culture the only option when your emotionally troubled seems to be either psychiatrists and their fukin 'meds' OR a person centred counsellor (theres CBT too but it treats you like a machine because that is what this culture tries to make us think we are---machines!). So what about a PCC then? Well, with a PCC they aren't a friend, you have about 50 mins to an hour with them, and in that time you can begin talking about ANYTHING, and as you talk emotions will begin showing themselves, and a PCC wants to encourage you to FEEL. Not to hol feelings in and rationalize. So in that respect you are at least with another human who you can trust to tell the deepest darkest secrets too, and even cry if needed. Doing this with a friend can be difficult because some people dont know how to deal with this and will try and 'save you' and give you ridiculous advice, or patronize you, etc.
I personally would encourage you to first book a session with a PCC. To personlly begin allowing your emotions to express themselves, and learning to love yourself. And then get some magic mushrooms, and this will REALLY help you out of rigid ways of thinking about what has happened and how you feel.
I only trashed the hotel room to be a pet peave, cus I felt racial hostility in Paris.. PARISIANS unfortunately are quite nasty motherfuckers,
Way to go making some poor housekeeping staff's life even harder. People who work their ass off for little pay as it is now have to clean up and fix your pet peave before they can get on with the other 100 rooms they have to clean before going home tired. Chances are whoever had to clean up after you wasn't even French.
-------------------- "The axioms for a group are short and natural... Yet somehow hidden behind these axioms is the monster simple group, a huge and extraordinary mathematical object, which appears to rely on numerous bizarre coincidences to exist. The axioms for groups give no obvious hint that anything like this exists." -- Richard Borcherds
If there is a creator, he definitely has a sense of humor.
A persaon centred counsellor is supposed to be there for the person, and to listen and not judge, and encourage you to feel. Unlike what else is usually of offer they dont try and impose some method or drugs on you, though of course in any offical psychotherapeutic context there still is that power thang going on, BUT it is the best they have to offer, and you can unload a LOT of shit and be listened to by another adult. I thibnk when you ask your doc it takes about 6-8 moths, but if you stress you urgently need some counselling s/he could speed up the process a little bit...MAYBE. though i should imagine in THIS world many people are seeking counselling!
So you have never had magic mushrooms?
If and when you acquire them they are the sacred medicine par excellence that will deeply help you IF you love and respect the process.
I wouldn't recommend mushrooms to someone in a suicidal frame of mind.
-------------------- "The axioms for a group are short and natural... Yet somehow hidden behind these axioms is the monster simple group, a huge and extraordinary mathematical object, which appears to rely on numerous bizarre coincidences to exist. The axioms for groups give no obvious hint that anything like this exists." -- Richard Borcherds
If there is a creator, he definitely has a sense of humor.
put a little love in your life bro. That changes everything.
-------------------- Even if it seems certain that you will lose, retaliate. Neither wisdom or technique has a place in this. A real man does not think of victory or defeat. He plunges recklessly towards an irrational death. By doing this, you will awaken from your dreams. - Tsunetomo Yamamoto
Antisocial Personality Disorder results in what is commonly known as a Sociopath. The criteria for this disorder require an ongoing disregard for the rights of others, since the age of 15 years. Some examples of this disregard are reckless disregard for the safety of themselves or others, failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors, deceitfulness such as repeated lying or deceit for personal profit or pleasure, and lack of remorse for actions that hurt other people in any way. Additionally, they must have evidenced a Conduct Disorder before the age of 15 years, and must be at least 18 years old to receive this diagnosis.
People with this disorder appear to be charming at times, and make relationships, but to them, these are relationships in name only. They are ended whenever necessary or when it suits them, and the relationships are without depth or meaning, including marriages. They seem to have an innate ability to find the weakness in people, and are ready to use these weaknesses to their own ends through deceit, manipulation, or intimidation, and gain pleasure from doing so.
They appear to be incapable of any true emotions, from love to shame to guilt. They are quick to anger, but just as quick to let it go, without holding grudges. No matter what emotion they state they have, it has no bearing on their future actions or attitudes.
They rarely are able to have jobs that last for any length of time, as they become easily bored, instead needing constant change. They live for the moment, forgetting the past, and not planning the future, not thinking ahead what consequences their actions will have. They want immediate rewards and gratification. There currently is no form of psychotherapy that works with those with antisocial personality disorder, as those with this disorder have no desire to change themselves, which is a prerequisite. No medication is available either. The only treatment is the prevention of the disorder in the early stages, when a child first begins to show the symptoms of conduct disorder.link
Post Extras:
Anonymous #1
Re: I cant keep doing this, I want out, my life is a joke. [Re: Diploid] #16654479 - 08/06/12 05:47 PM (10 months, 7 days ago)
Are you my twin cause I feel ya bro. Anyway, hang in there things will get better and start thinking postively instead of whining or complaining (not tryong to be an asshole) but keep your head above the water and hit me with a private message if you need someone to talk to
Quote: Esekon Kelly said: Are you my twin cause I feel ya bro. Anyway, hang in there things will get better and start thinking postively instead of whining or complaining (not tryong to be an asshole) but keep your head above the water and hit me with a private message if you need someone to talk to
Much Love, brethen
Awesome, much respect brother. Good to see you're finally trying to look up. Just keep on looking up and you'll get out of that hole... Anonymous
Ahh, the suicidal phase... all life's shit piles up to the point it just overwhelms you and you can't see no light at the end of the tunnel... But there's always light and it IS ALL ABOUT PERSPECTIVE! Positivity will be your torch in this seemingly endless abyss of darkness, it will forever burn as long as you fuel it with that desire to find the light... YOU WILL FIND IT!!! When life gets to this point, its got nowhere to go but up.
Or... give up and die. If you do that I guess you're not strong enough for this big bad world. Survival of the fittest baby, you kill yourself... you kill your bloodline... No matter to me, more room for MY bloodline to flourish... This world can do with a major cut in its population. But do you want to be defeated that easy? Your existence amounting to nothing other than bowing down and making way for others?.. Such as me?!?! Haha, where's your pride man?
-------------------- Through the Spintrinfinty of the all Tremongstanooloop, we realise that infinity may after all amount to nothing... space merely being an illusion.
Quote: Esekon Kelly said: Are you my twin cause I feel ya bro. Anyway, hang in there things will get better and start thinking postively instead of whining or complaining (not tryong to be an asshole) but keep your head above the water and hit me with a private message if you need someone to talk to
Much Love, brethen
Awesome, much respect brother. Good to see you're finally trying to look up. Just keep on looking up and you'll get out of that hole... Anonymous
Ahh, the suicidal phase... all life's shit piles up to the point it just overwhelms you and you can't see no light at the end of the tunnel... But there's always light and it IS ALL ABOUT PERSPECTIVE! Positivity will be your torch in this seemingly endless abyss of darkness, it will forever burn as long as you fuel it with that desire to find the light... YOU WILL FIND IT!!! When life gets to this point, its got nowhere to go but up.
Or... give up and die. If you do that I guess you're not strong enough for this big bad world. Survival of the fittest baby, you kill yourself... you kill your bloodline... No matter to me, more room for MY bloodline to flourish... This world can do with a major cut in its population. But do you want to be defeated that easy? Your existence amounting to nothing other than bowing down and making way for others?.. Such as me?!?! Haha, where's your pride man?
Yeah I'm hanging there and my mind is becoming more and more unclouded by the wicked opiate monster that consumed me. Feeling better slighlty and hopefully everything will become brighter for me...
Quote: Diploid said: I only trashed the hotel room to be a pet peave, cus I felt racial hostility in Paris.. PARISIANS unfortunately are quite nasty motherfuckers,
Way to go making some poor housekeeping staff's life even harder. People who work their ass off for little pay as it is now have to clean up and fix your pet peave before they can get on with the other 100 rooms they have to clean before going home tired. Chances are whoever had to clean up after you wasn't even French.
Quote: Diploid said: I only trashed the hotel room to be a pet peave, cus I felt racial hostility in Paris.. PARISIANS unfortunately are quite nasty motherfuckers,
Way to go making some poor housekeeping staff's life even harder. People who work their ass off for little pay as it is now have to clean up and fix your pet peave before they can get on with the other 100 rooms they have to clean before going home tired. Chances are whoever had to clean up after you wasn't even French.
I think you need to get out more.. Seriously, what you just said is possibly one of the most retarded and trollific statements in the history of the internet.. Way to be a melodramatic twat, not to mention a total fucking "Bore".. I MAKE A THREAD ABOUT SUICIDE AND YOUR MORE CONCERNED FOR SOME THIRD PARTY INDIVIDUAL/PEOPLE FROM A SCENARIO I HAVE DESCRIBED? Arent you the little White Knight.. (sarcasm.. Come on in!).. OH YEA, AND THEY WERE ALL FRENCH -_- Maybe you should actually go to fucking Paris before you pretend to know what your talking about, because it is not becoming of you.
Oh shit did I mention it was nearly a year ago?..
Of course it wouldnt matter if I got stabbed robbed or beaten to you (because that is the kind of thing that does happen believe it or not, to people who go to foreign country's that arent welcome), whats more important is how much somebody had to clean up at the hotel that person stayed in the previous night... YOU SIR are either A piece of Shit* or a Moron, im inclined to see you as both but considering my disposition your probably one or the other..
I CAN PHYSICALLY GIVE YOU THE NAME AND ADDRESS OF THE HOTEL IF YOU LIKE? Maybe you can cry about it to them over the phone?... 'kin IDIOT..
You couldnt be anymore backwards could you?, why post something your not really willing to research or know nothing about? HAVE YOU EVER HAD TO DEAL WITH A SOCIOPATH? Would you even know you were dealing with one if you did? Probably not because according to you I have no emotions (which has completely gone against what everybody else says about me lol),
Why do people like you even post if you have nothing intelligent to contribute at all? All you are doing is throwing out little quips and because im obviously way out of your depth you label me with something that seems the most coherent to your half arsed, half switched on brain.. YOU COULD HAVE DONE A LOT BETTER THAN SOCIOPATH, just from me to you, you really could.
Now fuck off you mullet.
Quote: moonrockmushy said: I don't really put much stock in psychology, but this sounds alot like OP:
Antisocial Personality Disorder results in what is commonly known as a Sociopath. The criteria for this disorder require an ongoing disregard for the rights of others, since the age of 15 years. Some examples of this disregard are reckless disregard for the safety of themselves or others, failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors, deceitfulness such as repeated lying or deceit for personal profit or pleasure, and lack of remorse for actions that hurt other people in any way. Additionally, they must have evidenced a Conduct Disorder before the age of 15 years, and must be at least 18 years old to receive this diagnosis.
People with this disorder appear to be charming at times, and make relationships, but to them, these are relationships in name only. They are ended whenever necessary or when it suits them, and the relationships are without depth or meaning, including marriages. They seem to have an innate ability to find the weakness in people, and are ready to use these weaknesses to their own ends through deceit, manipulation, or intimidation, and gain pleasure from doing so.
They appear to be incapable of any true emotions, from love to shame to guilt. They are quick to anger, but just as quick to let it go, without holding grudges. No matter what emotion they state they have, it has no bearing on their future actions or attitudes.
They rarely are able to have jobs that last for any length of time, as they become easily bored, instead needing constant change. They live for the moment, forgetting the past, and not planning the future, not thinking ahead what consequences their actions will have. They want immediate rewards and gratification. There currently is no form of psychotherapy that works with those with antisocial personality disorder, as those with this disorder have no desire to change themselves, which is a prerequisite. No medication is available either. The only treatment is the prevention of the disorder in the early stages, when a child first begins to show the symptoms of conduct disorder.link
Quote: moonrockmushy said: I don't really put much stock in psychology, but this sounds alot like OP:
Antisocial Personality Disorder results in what is commonly known as a Sociopath. The criteria for this disorder require an ongoing disregard for the rights of others, since the age of 15 years. Some examples of this disregard are reckless disregard for the safety of themselves or others, failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors, deceitfulness such as repeated lying or deceit for personal profit or pleasure, and lack of remorse for actions that hurt other people in any way. Additionally, they must have evidenced a Conduct Disorder before the age of 15 years, and must be at least 18 years old to receive this diagnosis.
People with this disorder appear to be charming at times, and make relationships, but to them, these are relationships in name only. They are ended whenever necessary or when it suits them, and the relationships are without depth or meaning, including marriages. They seem to have an innate ability to find the weakness in people, and are ready to use these weaknesses to their own ends through deceit, manipulation, or intimidation, and gain pleasure from doing so.
They appear to be incapable of any true emotions, from love to shame to guilt. They are quick to anger, but just as quick to let it go, without holding grudges. No matter what emotion they state they have, it has no bearing on their future actions or attitudes.
They rarely are able to have jobs that last for any length of time, as they become easily bored, instead needing constant change. They live for the moment, forgetting the past, and not planning the future, not thinking ahead what consequences their actions will have. They want immediate rewards and gratification. There currently is no form of psychotherapy that works with those with antisocial personality disorder, as those with this disorder have no desire to change themselves, which is a prerequisite. No medication is available either. The only treatment is the prevention of the disorder in the early stages, when a child first begins to show the symptoms of conduct disorder.link
Quote: 46 and 2 said: put a little love in your life bro. That changes everything.
Quote: 46 and 2 said: put a little love in your life bro. That changes everything.
Hoo shit bro, how can I do that?.. Just start loving everything, that makes fucking sense "not".
FYI their is plenty I LOVE ABOUT LIFE, im surrounded by scum in this city who all cynical bastards though, how am I supposed to care about people like that? Is that what you and those other two retards are getting at?? That "I" am unhappy because I dont love those who would do serious wrong to others or who just genuinely are not good people and I know im not like them??.. YOUR ALL FUCKING HYPOCRITS IF THATS HOW IT IS.. MAYBE IM WAY OFF, TBH THIS PHONE IS GETTIN ON MY TITS CU CARNT CONTROL CAPSLOCK BUT FUCK IT, AT THE END OF THE DAY, IVE BEEN TO PLACES ON THIS EARTH THAT HAD DECENT PEOPLE, MAYBE IS MORE TO DO WITH THE HISTORY/BAGGAE BUT I DONT LIVE IN A PLACE WHERE I FEEL ANY KIND OF POSITIVITY.. I could go to the netherlands tomorrow and feel fucking great however! But then why would I wanna do that man.
THE ONLY REASON IM STILL HERE IS TO ANNOY ARROGANT WANKERS SUCH AS YOURSELF.. Are you fucking thick or sumin? If im dead how will my bloodline cease? My family will still carry on?
oh and if it makes you feel any better, I could not give a fucking shit about you or your family, and if you dropped dead right now, even if it was of cancer id say it was your own fault.. Purely based on my personal opinion of you.. By doing that I would effectively be conforming, just keep my mouth shut and think the worst of everbody.. Ta but no ta!
and you really think this world is survival of the fittest 'kin ell! Are you 15? thats a load of bullshit, its more to do with the envrionment you were brought into that determines survival, after that it is the smartest who wins..
You preach to me how the world is overpopulated when I know so better than most, but it is in fact people like you who are arrogant and dont give a monkeys fuck about anyone but themselves, that overpopulate the planet, typical "im here to take people for what they are worth", well fuck you! You know why..
Im at a crossroads.. At the end of the day its like this.. IF I BECOME A WANKER LIKE EVERYONE ELSE ILL BE A LOT BETTER AT IT THAN THEM, SHIT I MAY MAKE A GOOD SOCIOPATH AFTERALL IF IT COMES TO THAT.. If however I stay a decent person then my pride stems from knowing ill never be a single fucking iota like you boyo.
Now fuck off and smoke sumthin.
Quote: Kamoopstinoops said:
Quote: Esekon Kelly said: Are you my twin cause I feel ya bro. Anyway, hang in there things will get better and start thinking postively instead of whining or complaining (not tryong to be an asshole) but keep your head above the water and hit me with a private message if you need someone to talk to
Much Love, brethen
Awesome, much respect brother. Good to see you're finally trying to look up. Just keep on looking up and you'll get out of that hole... Anonymous
Ahh, the suicidal phase... all life's shit piles up to the point it just overwhelms you and you can't see no light at the end of the tunnel... But there's always light and it IS ALL ABOUT PERSPECTIVE! Positivity will be your torch in this seemingly endless abyss of darkness, it will forever burn as long as you fuel it with that desire to find the light... YOU WILL FIND IT!!! When life gets to this point, its got nowhere to go but up.
Or... give up and die. If you do that I guess you're not strong enough for this big bad world. Survival of the fittest baby, you kill yourself... you kill your bloodline... No matter to me, more room for MY bloodline to flourish... This world can do with a major cut in its population. But do you want to be defeated that easy? Your existence amounting to nothing other than bowing down and making way for others?.. Such as me?!?! Haha, where's your pride man?
Quote: Esekon Kelly said: Are you my twin cause I feel ya bro. Anyway, hang in there things will get better and start thinking postively instead of whining or complaining (not tryong to be an asshole) but keep your head above the water and hit me with a private message if you need someone to talk to
Much Love, brethen
Quote: Esekon Kelly said: Are you my twin cause I feel ya bro. Anyway, hang in there things will get better and start thinking postively instead of whining or complaining (not tryong to be an asshole) but keep your head above the water and hit me with a private message if you need someone to talk to
Much Love, brethen
I may pm you or somethin tomorrow mate (need sleep its 4am and im tired for once),
not apologising for any of my brutal responses cus I havent got time for people who post stupid shit like, oh your a sociopath, oh I dont give a shit but what about your bloodline, oh what about the poor hotel workers from "fuck knows when"..
What is it about the internet that gives people a kind of licence to talk nothing but absolute fucking shit.
Oh yea and before any of you say, well what makes "you exempt", I would say its the fact im just speaking from the heart as I type on this shitty infuriating wanky plastic piece of shit phone.. Whereas some of you are just doing the typical internet routine where you get to be a 10 year old and not feel like a dick cus its not real life................. "Fuaark me" -_- .
Quote: moonrockmushy said: I don't really put much stock in psychology, but this sounds alot like OP:
I don't put much stock in psychology because I don't think things are ever cut and dry like a textbook diagnosis. I agree that to say that any person is incapable of emotions is a lie. I think that there are people who's insecurity and the resulting emotions are causing them to blame their own problems on others. Your penchant for violence is mostly what bothers me about you. I understand that you were hurt in the past, but why continue the cycle?
I post because I enjoy the community here. I think there are people are receptive to ideas I have and I learn alot from others. Also for the lols. I don't think I would be making posts on a mushroom forum if I was considering suicide, but I tend to internalize things rather than lash out.
I think that your anger towards the world is clouding your vision. People who want help shouldn't act like assholes.
Quote: fuckmylife12 said: YOU JUST DONT GET IT DO YOU?..
THE ONLY REASON IM STILL HERE IS TO ANNOY ARROGANT WANKERS SUCH AS YOURSELF.. Are you fucking thick or sumin? If im dead how will my bloodline cease? My family will still carry on?
oh and if it makes you feel any better, I could not give a fucking shit about you or your family, and if you dropped dead right now, even if it was of cancer id say it was your own fault.. Purely based on my personal opinion of you.. By doing that I would effectively be conforming, just keep my mouth shut and think the worst of everbody.. Ta but no ta!
and you really think this world is survival of the fittest 'kin ell! Are you 15? thats a load of bullshit, its more to do with the envrionment you were brought into that determines survival, after that it is the smartest who wins..
You preach to me how the world is overpopulated when I know so better than most, but it is in fact people like you who are arrogant and dont give a monkeys fuck about anyone but themselves, that overpopulate the planet, typical "im here to take people for what they are worth", well fuck you! You know why..
Im at a crossroads.. At the end of the day its like this.. IF I BECOME A WANKER LIKE EVERYONE ELSE ILL BE A LOT BETTER AT IT THAN THEM, SHIT I MAY MAKE A GOOD SOCIOPATH AFTERALL IF IT COMES TO THAT.. If however I stay a decent person then my pride stems from knowing ill never be a single fucking iota like you boyo.
Now fuck off and smoke sumthin.
Hahahahahaha look at you getting your panties in a knot... need a tampon there darling? Boo fucking hoo, biggest cry baby lmao. Get back to me when you stop menstruating haha.
-------------------- Through the Spintrinfinty of the all Tremongstanooloop, we realise that infinity may after all amount to nothing... space merely being an illusion.
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