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Anonymous said:
24, male. I am good looking, attractive, healthy. I work out, try to keep me occupied etc. But at the end of the day I feel lonely as hell.

I have tried dating sites, and there are not many people here where I live its pointless. When I go out, I go out alone. On weekends, city is full of people, but I don't know how to connect with them. At one time I may even find myself talking to someone (some random guy mostly), and soon I am left alone again. Sometimes I even get paranoid because of that.

Since I picked up smoking, I found that it really helps with social situations. But I don't even like to smoke at social events, I can only  thorougly enjoy it by myself. And I don't like the long time effects that its having on my workout regime.

I have one real friend, but even that is kind of based on mutual feeling of loneliness. He has never had any real relationships, is 28 and lives with his mom. I live alone. I have had 2 relationships, both started quickly and ended badly, 2 flings and I have done drugs etc.
I also have 2 childhood friends. But it seems we only hang out on each others birthdays. I never get the invitation to anywhere when they are doing something together. One time I got a response that they think I probably have already something more interesting to do. Although the last time I hung out with them was indeed kind of boring, we have just grown apart, have different perspectives on life etc.

So I just sit home and work most of the time, make some music or sleep when tired. When I have more time, I go to camping by myself. So, I don't do much, because there isn't anything to do in this town I live. Which is kind of also the reason why my last relationship did not work out. What I hate the most is that we were actually really good friends, very likeminded etc, but I am not sure if I can be just friends. Maybe one day, but not now. Plus I am pretty sure there will be no contact for more than a while now. The only person I ever truly loved. The remorse of what could have been if I were not so passive is killing me slowly.

I feel like I just want to experience life more fully. Do stuff, connect with world. Find likeminded people who would do shrooms or smoke with me. But most of the time I feel like a creep who is analyticly watching the world from distance.

What I have noticed is that I have put value in material things, like it would attract people more somehow. I recently got myself a smartphone, and now that I am connected, I feel even more alone.

Its july, for me it has always been most lonely time of the year. I hope this year I at least get to spend NYE with someone... fuck

Most of the time I rely on Internet forums and such. And I play chess online, like its my connection to the world. I don't talk, I just like the feeling of knowing there is another person who is making decisions based on my decisions and vice versa. Yeah its pathetic. I would probably had killed myself for a while ago if I did not know it would destroy my whole family.

How does one cope with being by himself all day long?

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