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 ellenallien
lumpy space princess
 
Registered: 12/04/08
Posts: 8,142
Loc: Sanriotown, Harmonyland
Last seen: 17 days, 11 hours
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 Hello Kitty  8
#16414552 - 06/21/12 03:31 PM (10 months, 24 days ago) |
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hi PubzoRz !
it's been a while.
of cours i misssed u guys,
but i was going off the deep end with the dope and xanax i lost my mind.
i did so many things im totally unaware of and im afraid to confront. even on here.
i got into some trouble, locked up, institutionalized, and then put into a rehab.
now that i am out, after all that detox etc.. im still struggling with the dope/xanax in fact im nodding right now 
it has destroied my relationship, the relationship with my family, it has robbed me of my beloved shroomery, and i am losing my house
at this point im not sure theres any hope for me and maybe i dont care. i cant live without it, i dont want to live without it. im just a big fat failure.
not sure if coming back here was the right thing to do, but here i am, i just couldnt stay away.
i apologize for anything ive done in my altered states and to anyone ive wronged. send me a PM if u would like to make amends.
i will try to explain what i can remember.
PS ~ thank my friends for all the wonderful PM's that you have sent. it means a lot much love
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 Midnight_Toker
DFTBA
Registered: 09/26/10
Posts: 6,903
Loc: Canada 
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It's never too late to change if that's what you want to do. Don't ever forget that.
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g00ru
the kava crow
Registered: 08/09/07
Posts: 17,416
Loc: atlantis
Last seen: 7 hours, 27 minutes
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wow i remember people wondering where you had went, glad to hear your alive!
good luck with your substance issues, that's a tough balancing act for sure, but every day is a new chance to turn the corner 
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Patlal
The brain rapist
Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 14,368
Loc: Ottawa
Last seen: 5 hours, 40 minutes
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Everybody thought you died in a car crash or something.
Welcome back!
You're gonna pull through.
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Hajnal
Reality Hacker
Registered: 01/23/10
Posts: 1,774
Loc: Space
Last seen: 7 hours, 38 minutes
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 Re: Hello Kitty [Re: g00ru]
#16414581 - 06/21/12 03:36 PM (10 months, 24 days ago) |
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Welcome back~ Sorry to hear about your rut but things need to get worse before they can get better sometimes 
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Hajnal ['hɒjnɒl] - An elegant mixture of blood and circuitry; sorrow and love fill your systems, like the stars and black holes encompass the ∞.
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Bodhi of Ankou
Fūrinkazan
Registered: 06/02/09
Posts: 13,800
Loc: Soviet Canuckistan
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Re: Hello Kitty [Re: Hajnal]
#16414633 - 06/21/12 03:43 PM (10 months, 24 days ago) |
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gENERIX
/usr/bin/drinking?
Registered: 10/18/05
Posts: 4,910
Loc: Skyward Bound
Last seen: 4 days, 7 hours
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BAD KITTY! (>_<)
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ellenallien
lumpy space princess
Registered: 12/04/08
Posts: 8,142
Loc: Sanriotown, Harmonyland
Last seen: 17 days, 11 hours
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Re: Hello Kitty [Re: gENERIX]
#16414684 - 06/21/12 03:52 PM (10 months, 24 days ago) |
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thanx for the smiles guys. very much needed im in a bad place at the moment
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Laurelei
Registered: 05/16/10
Posts: 650
Last seen: 3 hours, 1 minute
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Re: Hello Kitty [Re: gENERIX]
#16414698 - 06/21/12 03:54 PM (10 months, 24 days ago) |
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Glad to see you back!
 Aww shit! This thread is 'bout to explode!
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SoreSpore
Sweet & Cuddly
Registered: 03/06/12
Posts: 6,482
Loc: Under The Blankets
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Quote:
ellenallien said:
i cant live without it, i dont want to live without it. im just a big fat failure.
I assure you that you can live without it as you very well know. Struggling with addiction doesn't make you a failure. Actually believing it ensures it however.
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Bodhi of Ankou
Fūrinkazan
Registered: 06/02/09
Posts: 13,800
Loc: Soviet Canuckistan
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When you are as seriously addicted as she was/ still is you will always have that temptation in the back of your mind even 40 years down the line. Its insidious.
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ellenallien
lumpy space princess
Registered: 12/04/08
Posts: 8,142
Loc: Sanriotown, Harmonyland
Last seen: 17 days, 11 hours
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im just feeling so very sad right now. im 4 bags deep on top of taking 4 bars and drinking on top of it. i dont think theres much help for me. i wish i just would have went one of the may times that i have OD'd. i dont think i have much to offer the world. i really am so sorry i dont mean to get all grim
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SoreSpore
Sweet & Cuddly
Registered: 03/06/12
Posts: 6,482
Loc: Under The Blankets
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Quote:
Bodhi of Ankou said:
When you are as seriously addicted as she was/ still is you will always have that temptation in the back of your mind even 40 years down the line. Its insidious.
That hurts my heart to hear, but does this negate the need to get better? Should you quit pursuing sobriety because you have failed so many times? Just because you will always be addicted, doesn't mean you have to always be a user.
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Everlong
Please Stand By...
Registered: 03/25/08
Posts: 5,287
Loc: PA 
Last seen: 2 hours, 33 minutes
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Next time you use pictures of a girl you found online make sure she is more attractive..
I mean if you are going to fake it and all might as well make people think you are smoking hot.
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Bodhi of Ankou
Fūrinkazan
Registered: 06/02/09
Posts: 13,800
Loc: Soviet Canuckistan
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Your actions are haunting you, you need to stop carrying that shit around with you, you still got plenty to give to this world but first you gotta learn to love yourself.
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Beanhead
appreciating aesthetics
Registered: 10/11/08
Posts: 13,251
Loc: Geospatial inversion
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WELCOME BACK
Shroomery has missed you 
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Je sens que je vais aller voir ailleurs
Là où tout est beau et plein de douceur!
Les femmes.
Je sens mon corps se remplir de bonheur
Et mon sourire noyé par les pleurs
Je danse mais j'hésite encore...
Des larmes.
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SoreSpore
Sweet & Cuddly
Registered: 03/06/12
Posts: 6,482
Loc: Under The Blankets
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Quote:
ellenallien said:
im 4 bags deep on top of taking 4 bars and drinking on top of it. i dont think theres much help for me.
you make it seem as though the drugs victimized you here.
it was your choice to intake those things.
i know you know this to be true, but i hope you take it as the reality.
all i can do is love you, wish you the best and encourage sobriety.
I admire addicts. In a world where everybody is waiting for some blind, random disaster or some sudden disease, the addict has the comfort of knowing what will most likely wait for him down the road. He's taken some control over his ultimate fate, and his addiction keeps the cause of his death from being a total surprise
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plasma
Registered: 09/17/08
Posts: 5,939
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Re: Hello Kitty [Re: Beanhead]
#16414902 - 06/21/12 04:22 PM (10 months, 24 days ago) |
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how much time did you do all together including rehab??
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ellenallien
lumpy space princess
Registered: 12/04/08
Posts: 8,142
Loc: Sanriotown, Harmonyland
Last seen: 17 days, 11 hours
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Re: Hello Kitty [Re: plasma]
#16414924 - 06/21/12 04:26 PM (10 months, 24 days ago) |
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Quote:
plasma said:
how much time did you do all together including rehab??
i did a week in lockup, a few weeks in psych, then 30 days in rehab
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Bodhi of Ankou
Fūrinkazan
Registered: 06/02/09
Posts: 13,800
Loc: Soviet Canuckistan
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....what did you do to land you in the psychward?
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