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 Bundy
It's just words.
Registered: 09/04/11
Posts: 2,971
Last seen: 8 months, 18 days
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 Derealization/personalization 
#16295422 - 05/28/12 03:17 PM (1 year, 21 days ago) |
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I don't know if my Schizophrenia is getting worse, or if I'm just going through a weird time.
I drove the other day, looking for a job. I shook peoples hands, and filled out applications, and drove and drove.
I got home at the end of the day, and realized. Non of that seemed real.
Did I stop for red lights? Did I cut anyone off?
How the fuck did I even get home?
The road I drove down was so unfamiliar, yet I've been down it a million times.
I awoke this morning, and said aloud "I'm not walking to Mcdonalds." I have no idea why I said that.
I came downstairs and feel asleep in my recliner. When my wife woke me, I said "Where I am?" I had no idea where I was.
After she assured me I was home, I felt a little better.
Around noon I went out for a smoke. I came back in and look at myself in the mirror, I had no idea who I was. Who was this person staring back at me? I didn't know.
So I took another nap. When I awoke again, I again said "Where I am?" I thought I was in a hospital. I dreamed I was back in a mental hospital and when I woke, my bedroom was unfamiliar.
this has been going on for 3 days now, and has been increasing with each passing day.
I'm also noticing more voices. Especially when I'm about to fall asleep, or am getting ready for bed, making it increasingly harder for me to fall asleep.
Nothing seems real. The world around me just seems... I don't know... made up.
Maybe I'm losing touch with reality? I don't know.
The only thing I can pin-point this to is derealization or depersonalization. Or a combination of both.
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IT'S A FISHY!!!!! ----> 
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SporesAndSpores
Bovine Stalker
Registered: 01/19/11
Posts: 357
Last seen: 15 days, 2 hours
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Re: Derealization/personalization [Re: Bundy]
#16295491 - 05/28/12 03:31 PM (1 year, 21 days ago) |
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Have you been or are you now a chronic Marijuana smoker? If so stopping now for a while as well as quitting other drugs will significantly improve your sanity. I am very young and only soon did I start to realize my brain is not adamant and I have made some very serious and noticeable changes to it throughout my 3-4 years of hardcore drug abuse. At this point even the highly regarded as "harmless" marijuana starts to drive me crazy after a while. However in my opinion "depersonalization" often just has to do with how you think of your thoughts, and is also caused by self-diagnoses. If you have other symptoms including but not limited to; auditory hallucinations, visual distortions, strange delusions, irrational paranoia and depression then you may want to consult a professional. Then again, seems like all they want to do is put you on MORE drugs! Ah making an edit here, i see you have had other symptoms. My only advice to you is to abstain from all drugs, ESPECIALLY including marijuana, and to exercise, diet and take care of yourself the best you can. Meditation is also a great way to practice mental control, specifically mindfulness meditation. I'm not going to get into my "symptoms" but drugs have really made me a very out of touch person questioning my sanity as well. "Depersonalization" is not really a solid diagnoses either. Nobody really understands how a "disorder" like that works EXACTLY, and there could be many causes. Not to mention your brain is unique, it's very hard to come up with answers for things like this and you shouldn't be diagnosing yourself! It will only further lead you to question your sanity! After doing what i have discussed above, and finding outlets and ways to have fun, things seem to be really clearing up! Best of luck to you man!
Check this out: http://www.schizophrenia.com/prevention/streetdrugs.html
Edited by SporesAndSpores (05/28/12 03:44 PM)
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Bundy
It's just words.
Registered: 09/04/11
Posts: 2,971
Last seen: 8 months, 18 days
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I quit all drugs a while ago. With exception of vicodin I had done after having a wisdom tooth pulled.
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IT'S A FISHY!!!!! ---->
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Derealization/personalization [Re: Bundy]
#16295873 - 05/28/12 04:54 PM (1 year, 21 days ago) |
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didn't your doc just switch your meds? you might should be talking to him/her about this
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Bundy
It's just words.
Registered: 09/04/11
Posts: 2,971
Last seen: 8 months, 18 days
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
didn't your doc just switch your meds? you might should be talking to him/her about this
He switched me to a higher dose, then a 2 days later put me back to where I was.
I don't see him till the 7th, but I'm on the "cancelation" list.
So if something comes up sooner, I'll get in. But until then, I have to wait it out.
Just felt like venting, or something. 
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IT'S A FISHY!!!!! ---->
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Derealization/personalization [Re: Bundy]
#16296073 - 05/28/12 05:31 PM (1 year, 21 days ago) |
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I'm just saying. you make these kinds of posts on an almost daily basis. you're on/have been on all kinds of meds, and as well have and occasionally do still experiment with other "drugs."
you have a lot of stress in your life, and clearly have trouble dealing with people, as well as your internal demons and issues, complicating that stress. you dwell on the stress, the "voices", and so forth. what would you talk about if you weren't talking about your issues, voices, and stresses/troubles?
I'm not trying to be mean or offensive. Just think about it, observe it from different positions.
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 Mufungo
Coming at ya
Registered: 04/03/07
Posts: 2,640
Loc: Knowhere
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Re: Derealization/personalization [Re: Bundy]
#16299442 - 05/29/12 05:44 AM (1 year, 20 days ago) |
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The majority of what we experience is beyond our consciousness and only bits and pieces get filtered through to consciousness. I reckon it can be really interesting how people make meaning of the bits and pieces that are getting filtered through to consciousness. Like voices.. some people make a meaning that the voices are coming from spirits or aliens or radio signals channeled through fillings or just coming from themself as a variation of internal dialog. There is nothing we won't make a meaning about, and we like to think/feel we're "right" about the experience we're having (even if we think we're right about being "wrong"), when we're only ever getting a small piece of the puzzle to base our conclusions on.
Reminds me of the story of the 3 blind men and the elephant... the abridged version... 3 blind men go to a circus and ask the animal keeper if they can feel an elephant to get a sense of what it looks like.. the keeper takes them over to one of the elephants... the first blind man feels the trunk and says "oh, an elephant is like a python", the second is feeling the leg of the elephant and says "no, an elephant is like a tree trunk", and the third feeling the tail says, "no you're both wrong, an elephant is like a piece of rope". From each of their perspectives, they were kind of right based on the small piece of information they each had to work with, but none of them were in any position to really have a clue about the phenomenon they were investigating.
What's "real", what's "unreal", who knows, the meaning can only be made relative to something else. If I spend the rest of tonight thinking to myself "this feels unreal", what does that actually mean? Is it relative to how I usually feel? I dunno.. so how do you know what's real and what's not real - is it just by a collection of physical sensations, or by what you say to yourself, or does the world look, sound, smell different? Either way, is the world any less real regardless of how we are experiencing it from moment to moment? What meaning can't we make about this - is it limited by anything other than our imaginations?!
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zZZz
R.I.P. woodruss67 *
Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 6,470
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Re: Derealization/personalization [Re: Bundy]
#16304095 - 05/30/12 02:12 AM (1 year, 19 days ago) |
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i feel like i know what your are talking about. life seems like a dream at times, right? you are walking and suddenly you stop and its like, "what the fuck!?". you question your existence and existence itself, but there is no answer. just an emptiness inside you that makes you feel like you are the only one in this world. if this is you then i can sympathize with you. this happens to me often, i think my past drug use had a lot to do with it. it almost feels like the after effects of a psychedelic trip. which is also the reason why i am very cautious about mind altering substances. anyway, i have a very difficult time writing and trying to make good sentences, so i am just going to tell you straight up what you can do.
. when you awake next time and you ask yourself, "where am i?", leave it at that and move on. don't try to solve it, just drop it and move on to your next duty.
i understand that questions like "who am i" are very important and should be pursued, when the time is right. not when you are restless and going through all this shit. this is why i say to keep moving. the more you chase these thoughts, the more the mind works, and it is after all the mind that is causing you all this stress.
. stay in the present, try to be aware of what you are doing at all times.
when you were driving and looking for jobs you said you felt like it didn't even happen, as if you weren't even there. this was because you really weren't there. you body was set on automatic while you drifted into the endless mazes of your mind. you weren't driving when you drove, you weren't shaking hands when you were shaking hands. you weren't aware of the present.
.be mindful and stay away from all drugs, even cigarettes.
hang in there, stay clean, stay aware, and who knows maybe next time you ask yourself where you are you will be able to answer, "i am here".
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Jesus Is Love
 "The best quote of all time"
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Emmanuel Goldstein
Registered: 02/06/12
Posts: 255
Loc: usa 
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Re: Derealization/personalization [Re: Bundy]
#16308878 - 05/31/12 12:35 AM (1 year, 18 days ago) |
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Depersonalization and derealization are extreme states of anxiety that can be brought on by even the slightest amount of anxiety or stress. It's a very common component of schizoaffective and schizophrenia disordered thinking. Bipolars and depressives too, even people with general anxiety can develop it. It can also be caused by using dissociative drugs like weed, ket and mushrooms or other hallucinogens to name a few. There are dozens of people on Utube who have it and discuss it all of the time. There is a very successful treatment but it requires complete letting go of all your worries and you've been going through tons of stress on top of your illness. Most of the people on Utube claim weed did them in and although your symptoms are real they pale in comparison to what many experience let me tell you. I'm not trying to trivialize your situation but if you dog for symptoms on the net or watch some of their videos you'll get a feel for what I'm saying.
I can PM you a program but I can't say it'll work for you, because of your life situation. It's tough for a so called "normal" let alone a newly married unemployed father to be who suffers from schizophrenia. All I can do is wish you the best that this passes because it can completely pass on it's own. Have you ever tried meditation or calming breathing exercises? When you breathe, breathe from your abdomen, completely avoid chest breathing. Each incoming breath should raise your diaphragm, in your nose and out of your mouth.
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zZZz
R.I.P. woodruss67 *
Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 6,470
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hey that was very helpful, i especially liked the part about letting go of all our worries.
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Jesus Is Love
"The best quote of all time"
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