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OfflineWakeboardrB
Pepe Silvia
Male


Registered: 05/18/03
Posts: 13,678
Last seen: 11 years, 8 months
Soul crushing depression * 3
    #16245271 - 05/17/12 01:33 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

I really envy people that have never had to deal with depression.

Ever since Monday this shit has been hitting me hard. Extreme depression, hopelessness, everything is just bleak and dark. I can hardly pull myself out of bed until late afternoon.

And when I do pull myself out of bed, it's no better. All I can do is just lay down on the couch and try my best to go to sleep again. The more I sleep, the less pain I feel.

My job has gone to shit because of this in the last few days. I'm unable to fulfill commitments, both work and legal. And that's just fueling the depression.

God, make it go away. I've always been an advocate of suicide, but I never considered it an option for me because I simply can't put my parents and family/friends through something so devastating.... So I just wallow in my own misery until it passes. Sometimes it's a day. Sometimes it's half a month.

:facepalm: I hate this shit so fucking much.


--------------------
Same thing happened to me when I played Neil Armstrong in Moonshot. They found me in an alley in Burbank trying to re-enter the earth's atmosphere in an old refrigerator box.

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Offlineamontripper
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Registered: 02/16/10
Posts: 582
Last seen: 2 years, 4 months
Re: Soul crushing depression [Re: WakeboardrB]
    #16245295 - 05/17/12 01:40 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

I know that feeling man. I always remind myself that it'll subside in time. Tends to help. I've even begun to embrace the shittyness of it all.
Periods like the one you find yourself in now are what make the sweet all that much sweeter.

EDIT: But like withoutawire said, exercise does wonders.
And listen to some music and/or pick up your instrument of choice, if you play one.

Edited by amontripper (05/17/12 01:58 PM)

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Offlinewithoutawire
hi
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Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 11,384
Loc: Honolulu, Hawaii
Last seen: 9 months, 13 days
Re: Soul crushing depression [Re: amontripper]
    #16245310 - 05/17/12 01:44 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

When I get really depressed I do the following things.


Exercise
Shoot guns
Buy myself something
Eat a nice meal
Get a tattoo


Endorphins are the only thing that get me out of the "crushing depression" into just normal levels of dull. I can stand the slight depression/anxiousness but that feeling where the world is crushing around me is too much. Only natural highs can help me. Drugs just make it worse because they numb me.


Make a list of endorphin things that you like and do all of them. Make SURE you hang out with friends. TALK TO THEM ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL. I cannot stress how important this is. Talking coupled with your list is the single best thing I have found to deal with overwhelming depression. Make sure you do ALL the things on the list.



This works better than any SSRI, Opiate, Ketamine, etc.


--------------------
:tigerbunny:

Edited by withoutawire (05/17/12 01:53 PM)

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OfflineNoOneImportant
Just a pawn in the game
Male


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 424
Loc: Midwest
Last seen: 3 years, 7 months
Re: Soul crushing depression [Re: WakeboardrB] * 1
    #16245343 - 05/17/12 01:50 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Sorry to hear that man.  Gone through something similar, but probably not to the same extent.  Days or months of a funk where nothing can pull me out of it.  Disengage from everything socially but still go through the motions like everything is okay.  Alcohol would take away the pain, but once the alcohol was gone, pain would be more intense and much more alcohol is needed.

In the grand scheme of things though, what does it matter.  That's not meant to be an alienating thing or make one feel the mass insignificance to life, but rather just to put everything in perspective.  Our individual problems are not problems at all, just opportunities.

From your perspective though it might be hard to see.  When I get into those funks, there isn't anything or anyone can do to pull me out of it, cuz it's in my mind state.  I know there are chemical imbalances and shit that are out of people hands.  The one thing that seems to snap me out is I'll have a thought like, "Why am I doing this to myself?"  The intense depression,anxiety, fear doesn't go away but I just accept it is there and I can't do anything about it right now.  Slowly though it changes and doesn't get to me anymore.

My whole perspective may be bullshit but who knows.  A saying that's always helped me is, "If you resist, it will persist." Accept it as it is, deal with it if you can, but don't make it into a bigger problem.

Hope you feel better man.


--------------------
Take when in need.  Give when you can.

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InvisibleNWlight
Just look


Registered: 01/12/10
Posts: 18,686
Re: Soul crushing depression [Re: withoutawire]
    #16245348 - 05/17/12 01:51 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)


You'll be alright OP :sun: :awesome:


Everybody has slumps.

I wish you the best


--------------------
:wizard::deemsters:

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OfflineFernis
Will provide
Male


Registered: 04/28/10
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Last seen: 8 years, 10 months
Re: Soul crushing depression [Re: WakeboardrB] * 1
    #16245370 - 05/17/12 01:56 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Trust me, man. I know how you're feeling. I'm going through something similar at the moment. I don't know about you, but for me it's like, I don't want to die, but I don't want to live either. It's the biggest mindfuck ever.

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InvisibleBill_Oreilly
ANIMALS (the RAINBOW SERPENT)


Registered: 11/12/11
Posts: 26,370
Loc: Boston
Re: Soul crushing depression [Re: WakeboardrB]
    #16245381 - 05/17/12 01:58 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

I humbly introduce you too








bad joke... you'll be fine. Have you tried growing mushrooms?

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Offlinewithoutawire
hi
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Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 11,384
Loc: Honolulu, Hawaii
Last seen: 9 months, 13 days
Re: Soul crushing depression [Re: Fernis] * 3
    #16245389 - 05/17/12 01:59 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

You cannot expect to feel any different if you don't start making changes in your life. I know the depression tells you to not try new things, talking, therapy, etc. How can you possibly expect to get better if you keep doing the same shit over and over? I highly encourage any of you who are experiencing this to take the advice of professionals and people who tell you how you can help yourself. You must be proactive about your own happiness.


After all this and you do feel better, you'll realize how chemically wired we are. It's amazing that my happiness comes down to endorphins.


--------------------
:tigerbunny:

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OfflineAlmond Flour
...get off my lawn!
Male


Registered: 12/26/08
Posts: 11,340
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
Re: Soul crushing depression [Re: Bill_Oreilly]
    #16245390 - 05/17/12 01:59 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Fast bro, its the only way out of the mindfuck and mental fog :onfire:


--------------------
Hippies and Liberals love Pope Francis, so why dont I quote him for you guys. "There is NO SALVATION outside the Catholic Church" :morningtoke:

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OfflineSoreSpore
Registered: 03/06/12
Posts: 7,481
Loc: Halfway there...
Last seen: 10 years, 28 days
Re: Soul crushing depression [Re: Bill_Oreilly]
    #16245393 - 05/17/12 02:00 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Who is that dude?

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InvisibleBill_Oreilly
ANIMALS (the RAINBOW SERPENT)


Registered: 11/12/11
Posts: 26,370
Loc: Boston
Re: Soul crushing depression [Re: SoreSpore]
    #16245406 - 05/17/12 02:02 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Marshall Applewhite


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OfflineWakeboardrB
Pepe Silvia
Male


Registered: 05/18/03
Posts: 13,678
Last seen: 11 years, 8 months
Re: Soul crushing depression [Re: NWlight]
    #16245421 - 05/17/12 02:05 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

NWlight said:

You'll be alright OP :sun: :awesome:


Everybody has slumps.

I wish you the best




Thanks everyone for the good words. It helps.

But this particular post, I've got to disagree with. Sure everyone has their slumps.

But I'd take a slump over what I'm going through every day. Let me put it to you this way. On my best day, when I'm running at 100% of my capacity, it could be compared to a normal regular everyday person running at maybe 20-30%.

It's pretty shitty when my functional state is almost 1/4 of what a normal persons mental state is. And when I go into these "slumps", it would probably cause a normal person to put a gun to their head or jump off a bridge.

The thing that concerns me most is that I'm going through a court required IOP and have already been granted a 3 week medical leave because my depression and anxiety caused me to not be able to even attend those classes. Well I came back for 4 sessions and it happened again. Now this is court ordered and my IOP case manager has been trying to help me out as much as possible.

But this latest bout of depression confirmed my fears that I can't finish the 11 weeks of the IOP. I've had my IOP case manager talk to my ASAP case manager, but I haven't heard anything about it. I've tried calling both of them relentlessly, but I get no response. I'm so afraid this shit is going to get thrown back to the courts, in which case, I'll probably flip the fuck out and either kill myself or end up in a hospital, which scares the shit out of me.

I just can't deal with this stress any more. It's making my mental state worse and worse, when it's designed to make me better. How fucked up is that.

I don't know what to do. I've tried and tried to get this shit sorted out, but it's just fueling my depression.


--------------------
Same thing happened to me when I played Neil Armstrong in Moonshot. They found me in an alley in Burbank trying to re-enter the earth's atmosphere in an old refrigerator box.

Edited by WakeboardrB (05/17/12 02:06 PM)

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Offlinewithoutawire
hi
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Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 11,384
Loc: Honolulu, Hawaii
Last seen: 9 months, 13 days
Re: Soul crushing depression [Re: WakeboardrB]
    #16245433 - 05/17/12 02:08 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

I'd see a psychologist. Obviously your depression is rooted deep within your misery. Professionals out there can really make a difference, and help much more than anyone at the shroomery. The medical community can be a great help. The important thing is be proactive. I know i said this, but you got to go after your own happiness just like getting good grades or accomplishing a goal. If you don't, you are doomed. These aren't just things you snap out of. They are wired deep in our brains and we have to go to those depths to find out why. For some reason understanding why and talking about it helps edit that misery.


--------------------
:tigerbunny:

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OfflineWakeboardrB
Pepe Silvia
Male


Registered: 05/18/03
Posts: 13,678
Last seen: 11 years, 8 months
Re: Soul crushing depression [Re: Bill_Oreilly]
    #16245443 - 05/17/12 02:10 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

TheMushroomJesus said:
I humbly introduce you too








bad joke... you'll be fine. Have you tried growing mushrooms?




Dude, you're a real fuck head to post a cult leader that had his minions commit suicide in this thread.

And yes, I grew mushrooms 5-6 years ago. I can't handle a trip any more and I'm not willing to face the consequences of manufacturing a Schedule I substance.


--------------------
Same thing happened to me when I played Neil Armstrong in Moonshot. They found me in an alley in Burbank trying to re-enter the earth's atmosphere in an old refrigerator box.

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Offlinesnoot
look alive ∞
Male User Gallery

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Posts: 9,641
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Re: Soul crushing depression [Re: WakeboardrB]
    #16245942 - 05/17/12 03:56 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

That is a bummer to hear my friend. I don't really know what to say I've never really had to deal with depression, all I know is you need to cheer up, I guess its easy for me to say, but maybe start reading some philosophy? Maybe some blockhead;



I don't like hearing this though, I think everyone is capable of being happy regardless of their situations, but I also don't like saying it cause I'm sure when you're going threw such an ordeal its frustrating to hear people say that. Are you religious in nature? I like to consider myself a good listener if you ever want to talk or just vent feel free to PM me, or go on irc and talk.



--------------------


∞
I am incapable of conceiving infinity, and yet I do not accept finity.
- Simone de Beauvoir -

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InvisibleBill_Oreilly
ANIMALS (the RAINBOW SERPENT)


Registered: 11/12/11
Posts: 26,370
Loc: Boston
Re: Soul crushing depression [Re: WakeboardrB]
    #16245975 - 05/17/12 04:03 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

WakeboardrB said:
Quote:

TheMushroomJesus said:
I humbly introduce you too








bad joke... you'll be fine. Have you tried growing mushrooms?




Dude, you're a real fuck head to post a cult leader that had his minions commit suicide in this thread.

And yes, I grew mushrooms 5-6 years ago. I can't handle a trip any more and I'm not willing to face the consequences of manufacturing a Schedule I substance.




why does everyone have a problem with applewhite...he reminded us we have nothing to fear.

Seasons dont fear the reaper, nor do the wind sun or the rain...we can be like they are..

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Offlineyoimjohn
Male


Registered: 08/13/11
Posts: 1,287
Loc: terra nova
Last seen: 11 years, 5 months
Re: Soul crushing depression [Re: snoot]
    #16245988 - 05/17/12 04:05 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

bad times are temporary

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OfflineM.91
Fucked Up Bro

Registered: 03/07/12
Posts: 557
Last seen: 11 years, 10 months
Re: Soul crushing depression [Re: Bill_Oreilly]
    #16246012 - 05/17/12 04:10 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

"When Your Blue and You Got Nothin To Do Head Into The Party Life"
Jay-Z


--------------------
β˜†

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OnlineNewbieS
User of semicolons.
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Registered: 07/18/04
Posts: 24,715
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Re: Soul crushing depression [Re: WakeboardrB] * 2
    #16246025 - 05/17/12 04:12 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

You have to force yourself to change.  I know it seems impossible, but I have an inkling that you're like me where you'll have a quick manic moment amongst all of the depression.  Take that moment and build on it.  I recently replied to a depression thread in the PaMWB forum with something like this:

Just a little over a year ago I was in such a rut I woke every morning wishing I hadn't.  I wasn't exactly suicidal, I just got sick of waking up and still being here.  I'd have these manic moments where I'd have the extreme urge to quit all drinking, cigs, etc, and hit the gym, eat right, you know the drill.  So I FORCED myself to.  On one of my worst days I signed up for a gym (it was easy to negotiate a good price because I flat out didn't give a fuck about who was speaking to me).  Then I went.  I went before work every day, I adjusted my diet to healthier foods than I was currently eating and within a week or two my whole outlook on life changed.  I changed from someone who didn't ever want to wake up again to someone that purposely woke up early so I'd have more time in my day in a matter of weeks. 

I've been there, man, and I still get back there sometimes, but I just keep remembering how great I feel when I'm taking care of myself and it always pulls me out of my depression. 

I have a depression that doesn't go away completely due to various events that took place in my life, but it's always possible to pull yourself out of it. 

Everyone needs their downtime.  You wouldn't be human if you didn't.  Wallow in your depression, drink your cares away, do what you need to do, but do not let it last more than a couple of months.  You have to get back into the spotlight, so to speak.


As soon as you have that moment of clarity I want you to go to the grocery store and buy up the healthy shit: Chicken breasts, veggies, fruit, nuts, lean meat, multi grain bread, etc.  Then join a gym.  If you're not a member of one, FUCKING JOIN ONE.  Haggle the shit out of them.  They love to haggle.

Couple your new diet with your new workout regimen and I can almost guarandamntee you'll come out on top for a long time.  You'll still fall into depression but you'll remember how the lighter side feels and always return to it.



Damn that was a mouth-full.  My fingers are tired.

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OfflineFisherman
Tchee'ik
Male

Registered: 10/06/08
Posts: 1,342
Loc: Glrrrrrrr!
Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
Re: Soul crushing depression [Re: Newbie]
    #16246071 - 05/17/12 04:23 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

People always suggest cheering up...

I wanna suggest searching for the destruction of the soul and all that was ever alive inside of you.....

I know the path, my soul itself is on it, the universe is too big to be enjoyed all in all, I aint jumping on no long ride.

Bitches dont know shit

goodbye


--------------------
EVERYTHING IS DRUGS

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