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Offline42001321
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Registered: 04/27/12
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Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
Do I Need Help? Please help, I'm scared :(
    #16147204 - 04/27/12 04:17 PM (2 years, 6 months ago)

Hi everyone, I'm new to the forums but I've used the site before. I made an account because I need help from people who have had bad experiences before. I'm really, really worried for my health and that I may have some underlying problems I didn't know about. A couple of my friends have had bad trips but I really don't think they understand or that it compares and I need help from people who have felt similarly to me. It's long but I really need help.

My background:
Mentally stable college student, suffered from depression several years ago and have overcome it. No real negative thoughts, no huge stressors and a generally positive life. Sometimes struggle with a feeling that life is insignificant because we're just energy, but that's about it. I'm on no medication. I've tripped on a half-eighth of mushrooms, a half-eighth of mushrooms lemon tek'd and 12mg's of 2c-e twice, with pretty normal experiences every time. Light visuals, clearness of thought, euphoria. I loved tripping. The hardest I'd tripped was for an hour on the 2c-e where there were heavy waves and tunnel vision. I'm 125lbs, pretty fit, 5'8.

My bad trip:
Yesterday at around 530 or 6 my girlfriend, my friend and I all ate some shrooms while two friends hung out and babysat. I had not eaten since 11, where I had a small sandwich, much less than I normally eat, but I was feeling fine. Because of some switch ups with dividing it up, people wanting less, etc, I got roughly half of the quarter we were all splitting, so about an eighth. We ground it up finely, soaked it in concentrated lemon juice for 15-20 minutes and then ate the mushy lemon-mushroom combination, chewing and then washing down with water. We did all of this at a building that I am very familiar with, a local tiny music/art venue we help run. Good atmosphere with music I liked, people I love and generally good vibes. Didn't feel anxious at all, everything was good. My girlfriend took a little less than me and my friend had a little less than a half-eighth.

Within fifteen minutes of dosing we were all feeling the effects. I had some light nausea, which I haven't had before. In half an hour things were starting to trip pretty strong relative to how hard I'd tripped before. My visuals were as strong as they'd ever been with lots of waves and wiggles. There were some trails as well and lights were very bright. Everything was very fast - we were all bouncing everywhere acting high-paced. I was very manic but feeling good. From t+.30 to t+1 I had extremely strong feelings of deja vu. Everything that I took in had happened before a week ago except that my hair was cut and we were wearing different clothes. It was a very strong feeling but I was having a great time. I had a fit of giggles and couldn't really talk that much with pretty great difficulty expressing myself. My thoughts were very fast and my friends were entertained that I was tripping so hard and we were all having a good time. I remember feeling like I was at '0,' that I didn't understand anything and all my thoughts were new, which I liked a lot.

I got very, very hungry at t+1 and my friend was too so our babysitter recommended we get food. We settled on Hy-Vee and went. I got in the car and felt pretty out of it, almost intoxicated like drinking, but was still having a great time. The Deja Vu had passed at that point and I was mostly just experiencing visuals and thoughts getting deep very quickly.

We got out of the car at Hy-Vee and I felt a little anxious because there were a lot of cars (it's t+1.5 now and about 7-730 PM so it was very busy). I kept saying I felt just crazy, completely insane. Nothing made sense. I was pretty visual but it was still about on par with how hard I'd tripped visually. I was tripping more mentally than before but it was alright. We walked in to Hy-Vee and, even though I'd been saying I wanted hot food really bad, I wasn't hungry anymore. We went to the bathroom and they asked me what I wanted and I said maybe an apple but that I wasn't hungry. They thought that was ridiculous because I'd been so adamant about being hungry and I felt bad so I got an apple.

That's where I fucked up. Our babysitter was getting us drinks for later (we're under 21 so he went on his own, then to his car). My girlfriend and friend were still looking at fruits so I grabbed an apple and went to pay. It felt like there were literally thousands of people in there and everyone was looking at me. Things were very bright. I got to the cash register and that's when things got really, really bad. I was having a little trouble checking out at the self-checkout but got it to work. When the computer said 'thank you, have a nice day' it repeated and echoed as if in a large room from several different perspectives, but all the echoes were just as loud as the original. I'd never had an auditory hallucination before so it freaked me out. Then I realized that the guys beside me were speaking about me to eachother (although in retrospect they definitely weren't; it was too loud and too unnaturally worded for it to have been what they were actually saying) and I went to bolt out the door. Suddenly as I was walking out it hit me that there was no one in the store - the huge amount of sound vanished and felt very faint and I felt like me and two or three others were in the store or the whole world. I saw my friends but was to paranoid of the store to go get them so I went outside and sat near the entrance to eat my apple. I called them and told them where I was.

I was sitting outside and some kids walked past and were talking like the teacher on Charlie Brown, just loud meaningless murmurs. A man walked past and was talking on the phone and said on his phone 'This guy's bad. He needs to go walk into the street.' and I could clearly (he was thirty feet away) hear the person on the other side of the phone say 'Yeah, he should probably walk into the street.' I knew that was a bad idea and looked away and saw two people stop their conversation, look at me with unnatural and scary faces at exactly the same time, turn back to each other and resume their normal faces and conversation.

While all this was happening the clouds in the sky were twisting into helices, the cars were coming toward me and then off into the sky, the neon sign for a nearby restaurant was shifting and morphing into odd shapes, the people were all looking at me. My hand felt as wet as the moist apple did in my mouth, like they were connected in some way, and I could taste the apple in my mouth through my hand. I was shifting by the second from hungry to full, thirsty to not. My leg would feel really hot in one place and then my rib would feel cold. I could hear the cars' breaks echoing off of buildings thousands of feet away and everything had an intense audio reverb. Everything seemed overwhelmingly malevolent and dark and I felt like I was going to die. I felt removed from the real world, like everything real was very very distant and I was floating away into nothingness. This is all at t+1.6.

I see my friends and sitter just inside and go get them. We all meet up and they can instantly tell by my expression/demeanor that things are not good. The sitter sasks if I'm alright and I say no, definitely not, we need to go right now. We walk the hundred feet to the car and it feels like fifteen minutes. My girlfriend is talking and this is what I hear:

"Gage, how is it like when the like like if like flibber gibber wibber fibber nibber," with it trailing off at the end. I look at her and say 'what?' and everyone instantly realizes that I'm really, really bad off. They start talking again and they're all just saying numbers because I apparently asked how long it'd been and I said 'stop, what? be normal, I don't understand!' People around us were saying my thoughts very loudly to eachother like I said before and because everything was so imaginary-seeming, like I'd made it all up, I had a really strong feeling that I was still sitting in front of Hy-Vee and they hadn't come out yet or that I was in a coma or dead still at the venue, that there'd been mold on the shrooms.

We got in the car and they let me sit in front. I rolled down the window because I was hot and immediately rolled it back up cause I was cold, then back down again. The music in the background was the radio and the announcers sounding like people talking to me insanely, saying things like 'He's not good. He needs help.' 'He should probably go to the hospital.' and I said it was freaking me the fuck out and my girlfriend put on piano music to help, which it did a lot. I remember looking up and seeing the same 25mph sign every time I looked out the window and freaking out because of it because it was the same distance and angle. I keep closing my eyes but I can see everything through my eyelids just like they're open. I keep trying and feeling my eyelids to make sure they're closed but I can see everything. Remember that since t+1.6, nothing is normal. I can't look anywhere or hear anything normally at all, all voices trail off, all faces are menacing, everything I see is twirling or tilting or shifting or coming toward me or anything.

We stop by the venue so I can pee and me and the sitter go in. As we do he says, "This isn't going to sound great, but maybe you should call your mom." And I thought that he said that because my subconscious was making the bad idea to call my mom and putting those words in his mouth because he was just a figment of my imagination and things got incredibly dark. But he added "Because she knows about this kind of stuff." (she was pretty crazy as a teen) and I snapped back to. One of our much more experienced friends shows up to meet us there after the sitter called him. He says a lot of positive, concrete things (longboarding is fun, right? you're definitely coming down (but i knew they were lying but it made me feel better that they cared), it's a nice day out) and I was still tripping really hard. It's about t+1.8 now. We get back to the car and I ask everyone to stay as normal and non-metaphorical as possible because things get so deep so fast and it fucked me up. We get to my friend's house where they go inside and my friend who took the least sits with me in the car for an hour from t+2-3 (I'd completely lost track of time and space at this point, having no understanding of dimension or distance) and just said positive things and helped me out. I kept asking for the trip to end, hoping that it would end as soon as possible, smoking cigarettes to try to make it end faster. I couldn't finish any sentences because my thoughts kept going back to keeping everything positive. I was really suggestible, my friend was talking like a normal person and I caught the words 'we're friends' and just fixated on that and felt positive about that and was like, 'yeah, we are friends.' I felt like everything had such a negative connotation. I nearly cried several times and kept going into deep breaths to chill out. I was losing track of everything and I'd be talking with my friend listening and not looking at me and I'd feel far away again and I'd stop mid sentence to ask him to look at me and say something so I knew it was real. I just sat there smoking endless cigarettes and still getting visual hallucinations everywhere, endlessly, and audio hallucinations whenever I'd turn on the radio because it felt quiet. (then I'd turn it back off cause it was crazy).

Eventually I came on an upswing when my friends came back out and we went to meet up with someone else. I was still way too intense to the point of being scary but it had dropped enough and become positive enough that it wasn't scary. My experienced friend had told me that it goes in waves of positive and negative and that triggered me to go into a positive wave I think (I'm very logical and factual usually, so scientific facts like that help me a lot). Then I was calm enough to handle it and nothing huge happened after that, though I tripped quite intensely (still constant visuals but with some normal stuff too, mind still crazy, no audio hallucinations or weird sensory stuff like tasting sounds anymore) for another hour or so, then came down for two more.

I know I'm forgetting a lot, but that's about it. If I remember any more I'll update it.

Here's where I need help:

Why did I trip SO HARD? My girlfriend who took maybe a gram less than me and ate when and as much as I did had a euphoric, strong trip, but not NEARLY as strong as mine. No one I know has tripped nearly that hard off of anything but DMT. How much would it normally take to trip that hard?

But more importantly, do I need to be worried about schizophrenia? Paranoia? I"m really shaken by how strong the things were regarding that, like thinking strangers are telling each other that I should walk into the street and that I'm not okay and stuff, that really shook me up really bad, and that people were saying my thoughts. Do I need to be worried that I have some sort of sleeping schizophrenia? No one else is talking about these symptoms and it scares me. Can anyone offer similar experiences?

EDIT: Oh, and outside Hy-Vee I thought that I was actually crazy, that I'd be crazy forever until I died, which I thought might be very very soon, but if not that I'd be in a psych ward by the end of the night and that I'd stay there forever.

EDIT 2: The venue was empty except for us.


Edited by 42001321 (04/27/12 04:59 PM)


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Invisiblewildernessjunkie
Do Good Asshole
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Registered: 06/13/10
Posts: 5,834
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Re: Do I Need Help? Please help, I'm scared :( [Re: 42001321]
    #16147343 - 04/27/12 04:45 PM (2 years, 6 months ago)

You did lemon-tek on 3.5g's. That's probably why it hit you so hard.

I think that sometimes the power of the mushroom is severely under estimated. Mushies are powerful tools, and can and will remind you of that fact if you don't respect them.

I hope your next trip is more pleasant. I would recommend less next time, and maybe do without the lemon-tek.


--------------------


Salvia is like that malicious carnival ride operator, the one that sees you getting sick and not having a good time. But the ride you paid for is 5 minutes long...and you WILL get all 5 minutes.
BUT
Even the bad trips, are positive when taken in the proper perspective.
CLICK HERE TO LEARN THE TRUTH ABOUT DRUGS


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Offline42001321
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Registered: 04/27/12
Posts: 3
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
Re: Do I Need Help? Please help, I'm scared :( [Re: wildernessjunkie]
    #16147409 - 04/27/12 05:02 PM (2 years, 6 months ago)

Next time will be back to a half-eighth eaten non-tekked, and maybe some day I'll work my way up to an eighth, but I will not ever tek again I don't think and it will be a long time before I up the dose from a half-eighth again.

Do you know anything about the schizophrenia symptoms?


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Offlineegodeathflux
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Re: Do I Need Help? Please help, I'm scared :( [Re: 42001321]
    #16147524 - 04/27/12 05:29 PM (2 years, 6 months ago)

You are just scared as shit and no doubt bewildered/stunned by what you went through. PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) is not that uncommon among psych users, you are essentially playing with the fundamental fabric of reality.

I have never seen any evidence to support the idea that mushrooms induce schizophrenia, the link with Cannabis is more substantial and that is tenuous at best.

It can take weeks/months/years to fully come to terms with a deep experience such as the one you describe. I would put all thoughts of mental illness from your head, 99% of the negative effects you mention are common if not widespread among the mushroom/psych community.

There is no doubt trips can be beyond unsettling, but unless you are having auditory hallucinations etc whilst sober, you have nothing to worry about.

I used to regularly take 5-7g dried and powdered in juice, yet the most intense trip I have ever had from Cubensis was from 1/8th, same as yourself.

Many things can effect the strength of a trip; any number of physiological issues (diet, blood sugar etc), as well as the varying potency of each mushroom, dosage is not an exact science.

This is why many people prefer tea if tripping with others, you all drink from the same potency brew, and thus can gauge the relative strengths of your trips more accurately.

I would perhaps lay off mushrooms et al for a while if you are feeling anxious, definitely go with a lower dose, or tea as I suggested. Do not be too discouraged by your experience, I will reiterate that none of the negative things you describe are unique to you, you are  not insane and you have not broken your mind.

:peace:


--------------------

"Atrophic interludes weave through my life far too often, for me to fight the biggest enemies"




"Standing on the corner of 5th and Vermouth"



:pm: for info on forays in S/S.E UK, organised and well attended (not for actives**)


Edited by egodeathflux (04/27/12 05:31 PM)


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Offline42001321
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Registered: 04/27/12
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Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
Re: Do I Need Help? Please help, I'm scared :( [Re: egodeathflux]
    #16147634 - 04/27/12 05:50 PM (2 years, 6 months ago)

Thank you so much. I was trying to find information about others having those symptoms but couldn't really. I was worried that I'd perhaps triggered some latent schizophrenia by tripping because it didn't seem like others were having those sorts of experiences, but if it's not uncommon then that puts me at ease.


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Offlinejawsome
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Re: Do I Need Help? Please help, I'm scared :( [Re: 42001321]
    #16147700 - 04/27/12 06:03 PM (2 years, 6 months ago)

You'll be fine. Sounds like it just got a little too intense. It's happened to me. It's hard to have a trip so powerful before you are very experienced. Eventually you can work your way back up do a dose like that, but I would suggest no more than 2 grams for the next few trips.


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OfflineApples.Obituaries
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Re: Do I Need Help? Please help, I'm scared :( [Re: jawsome]
    #16159646 - 04/30/12 12:27 PM (2 years, 6 months ago)

The first time I hallucinated, it really scared me. I had to lay on a couch and cry for half an hour before I could even start to figure out what was going on. My girlfriend of four years leaned in to kiss me, and her face flashed into a soulless creature with no eyes or mouth. I was looking for "pretty colors and an ecstasy-like euphoria," but instead was thrown under a bus full of fuck. Bad trips don't happen as often once you let go of yourself and let the Mushrooms do their thing. Your trip sounds as eye-opening as my first real encounter with Mushrooms. You really do need to respect them, they play massive tricks on those unprepared.


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Offlinetawnchan
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Re: Do I Need Help? Please help, I'm scared :( [Re: Apples.Obituaries]
    #16164151 - 05/01/12 07:34 AM (2 years, 6 months ago)

Hi! =) to me, it sounded like you had a totally unique opportunity to experience a different reality.

I don't think you are crazy, actually I think it's spiritually harmful to believe anyone including yourself is crazy.  The only true reality I have concluded so far is our own.. even if you are seeing in cartoon. You have thought.  That thought created everything you know and it has done so since forever.  I can never see your visions or think your thoughts.. I can never be you so my reality doesn't exist to you.. but I can assure you, it's real to me =)

Don't worry about whether or not you are crazy...

for me... What "crazy" is trying to figure out what "I" am...???


--------------------
Before DMT...

"What is the meaning of life?" and "What happens after we die?"

After DMT...

"What am I?" and "How is it possible to just be? instead of I or mine?"

I spend a lot of time in my head.. you know.. that other dimension.  I love lucid dreams, the other other dimension.  I question about death.. the other other other dimension And I am learning how to make this one like the others.

That's a cool quote.. I've got to admit.. I just thought of it.. - Tawnchan


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InvisibletrANce
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Posts: 6,087
Loc: Florida
Re: Do I Need Help? Please help, I'm scared :( [Re: 42001321]
    #16171729 - 05/02/12 05:02 PM (2 years, 6 months ago)

the auditory hallucinations are just so intriguing tho arent they? :laugh:


--------------------


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OfflineHappy Soul
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Registered: 05/04/12
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Re: Do I Need Help? Please help, I'm scared :( [Re: 42001321]
    #16181794 - 05/04/12 03:31 PM (2 years, 6 months ago)

OMG I've also had it where I was in public and I couldn't understand what people were saying.  Luckily I was with my husband and we both heard the same gobbledy-gook.  Had I been alone I would have felt so isolated from people and it would have probably been a bad time.  I really think during your peak you should not be around strangers or the public.  You are not participating in their reality.


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OfflineThe4ThDoctor
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Re: Do I Need Help? Please help, I'm scared :( [Re: Happy Soul]
    #16188777 - 05/06/12 03:58 AM (2 years, 6 months ago)

You do not need help, I have been in your shoes several times before and thought that I would end up in a mental institution and remain permanently insane. It can be very frightening while it is happening because your brains signals become very confused and altered.
I have not had any lasting effects from my bad trips, except a very strong respect for the mushroom, and of course memories of the experience.
I had a super intense trip at 3.5 grams, much stronger than I was prepared for, so I limit my trips to 2.5 grams now. Potency / intensity does change from trip to trip. My friend does not trip at all under 4.3 grams, and recently did 5.1 grams and probably did not reach the visuals that I got from 3.5. It does vary from person to person.

I do not like losing all control of reality, I am usually okay if I do not exceed 2.5 grams. I did have a very weird trip on 2.5 grams recently, I posted a trip report here several weeks ago.

Good luck in the future if you continue to trip, just find a dose that works for you and stick with it.


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