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Anonymous #1
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 I'm worried about her.. 
#16138770 - 04/25/12 06:55 PM (1 year, 30 days ago) |
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In a few months my gf is gonna go study overseas for about 16 months, and I'm really worried about how she'll handle it. Before I met her she was this highly independent and confident career-driven woman who strictly opposed marriage and kids. After meeting me, she's turned into this dependent, clingy girl who wants nothing more than to be a house wife and have my children. Her friends and family can't believe it, they are in a state of shock, so is she. Now, soon she's going overseas for a long-ass period; we've already had to spend about 2 months apart due to my own studies, and she's handled that pretty poorly tbh. Then with her going way the fuck over the other side of the world where she has practically no-one to talk to and keep her stable, and where our communication will quite likely break down to the point of non-existence, I'm really fucking worried. I wouldn't be worried if she was the typical girl who gets clingy over nothing so is used to years of being in states of emotional mess, but she totally isn't. This is something completely new for her, she loves me so incredibly much; she admits despite all her past relationships, she had never known true love until she met me.
I want her to go and have a good time, but I know she will be a miserable mess; I'm worried for her in so many ways, just spending these last few months 1000 miles apart has got me scared enough for her, let alone 16 months ~12,000 miles apart. I love her so fucking much, but I've been playing with the idea of breaking up with her so that hopefully by the time she leaves she'll be over me to some degree. But I just know that will probably make it worse.
What the fuck to do..
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 HeadTripVertigo
at least I'm housebroken
 
Registered: 05/07/06
Posts: 10,674
Last seen: 3 hours, 46 minutes
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She'll get over it and start fuckin somebody else bro
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TACOS LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER
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pslyke
Contemplative
Registered: 06/12/10
Posts: 591
Last seen: 1 hour, 48 minutes
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Bro, she'd start fucking someone else TO get over it 
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Captain_Spaulding
HST
Registered: 04/25/12
Posts: 39
Last seen: 10 days, 11 hours
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Re: I'm worried about her.. [Re: pslyke]
#16139657 - 04/25/12 10:47 PM (1 year, 30 days ago) |
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Wow a genuine concern and u all respond with probably the last thing the poor guy wants to hear.
(Even if its true :/  )
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When in Rome play a fidle
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buttersandwitch
Stranger
Registered: 02/06/12
Posts: 35
Last seen: 9 months, 5 days
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Get a new girl
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pslyke
Contemplative
Registered: 06/12/10
Posts: 591
Last seen: 1 hour, 48 minutes
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Dude^^ it was a tongue-in-cheek play on the words of the fellow above--not really what I thought.
(I use the above emoticon only because I think that it is grossly underused).
Edited by pslyke (04/25/12 11:02 PM)
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I'm worried about her.. [Re: pslyke]
#16139799 - 04/25/12 11:16 PM (1 year, 30 days ago) |
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To be honest, I'm not worried about her fucking other people, it will probably happen, and in some ways it could be a good thing; it will slightly irk me I admit, but in the long run it don't mean shit. I've even thought about getting one of my good friends who lives close to where she will be living to start taking her out and possibly fucking her if she wants; just to give her something to keep her mind off shit for the mean time. All I really care about is her doing well and having a good time, I'm pretty well as confident as anyone could be that she won't find someone she would rather be with than me. This may sound naive not knowing the context, but just trust me, I've got very good reason to believe this.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: I'm worried about her.. [Re: pslyke]
#16139828 - 04/25/12 11:22 PM (1 year, 30 days ago) |
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I was just in a very similar situation.
My girlfriend was very much the same way. Always looking at the negatives of things, somewhat depressed, very anxious, calls herself bipolar, blah blah. She was very dependent. We were together for 3 years.
We actually did the long distance thing (thousands of miles) for about 6 months. She was struggling so bad.. didn't want to be there.. was crying every night over Skype.. flipping out (even on me).. it was a daily, constant thing. She was always complaining, bitching, yelling at me, etc. We hardly ever had normal conversations and I barely ever got to talk about my days/life. She was finally coming back (and had been talking about wanting to be a housewife for over a year.. move in with me.. live together.. start our life together.. etc.) and we had been talking about moving in together. She had decided when she was coming back, declined an extended internship offer, and I thought it was all set.
Fast forward a couple of weeks and she's freaking out even more. Constantly talking about how she doesn't know where she's going in life, how she doesn't know who she is, or what she wants. But still saying she can't wait to come home, hates it where she is, and hates everything about her current situation. Literally, every day.
Fast forward a few more days and she is breaking up with me. She had no idea what she wants to do with her life. All of a sudden she needs to be more independent. She doesn't know who she is. Being a housewife and moving in with me was apparently a fantasy all this time. I literally had no idea this was coming and it was completely out of the blue one evening. I feel like she had been thinking this stuff for a while but leading me on and lying to me.
So, we're broken up now. She's out partying every night, making out with random people, and still has no idea what she wants to do with her life. She started smoking. She signed up for college randomly one day as she couldn't find another option and all of a sudden loves where she is and doesn't ever want to leave. She applied and accepted the offer for a course she doesn't even want to be in and has no interest in. She had been complaining about not wanting to go to school for years and saying how she wants to do all this work to get a job. I made her apply for the job she currently has and if I hadn't she would just be sitting on her lazy ass.
She's no longer the same person. I feel like I've had my heart torn out, stepped on, and flushed down the toilet by some random person. She seems happy. That's good.. but also makes me hurt so much more.
I love her like no other but if I had known it was going to end like this and out of the blue with no real reasoning I would have not gone with it. I'm unsure if given the opportunity that I would do it again.. especially if I had the chance of starting over with someone who wasn't going to treat me like this.
The amount of pain I feel is so immense and I don't think she understands that.
My advice is as follows: since you're thinking about breaking it off, go ahead and do it. It will most likely not make it and the fact that you're thinking this already guarantees it won't last. Either way, the pain isn't worth it.
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 atayia
nom nom
Registered: 02/24/08
Posts: 1,195
Loc: Australia
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If she starts fucking someone else, don't get mad at her. It's just life. Don't deny her of life's pleasures and exploring her own options. Just realize it's reality. This shit happens, long distance relationships suck, no matter how awesome the relationship is.
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Simms
Fuckwit
Registered: 11/17/08
Posts: 1,093
Loc: Somewhere in Europe
Last seen: 21 days, 14 hours
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
I was just in a very similar situation.
My girlfriend was very much the same way. Always looking at the negatives of things, somewhat depressed, very anxious, calls herself bipolar, blah blah. She was very dependent. We were together for 3 years.
We actually did the long distance thing (thousands of miles) for about 6 months. She was struggling so bad.. didn't want to be there.. was crying every night over Skype.. flipping out (even on me).. it was a daily, constant thing. She was always complaining, bitching, yelling at me, etc. We hardly ever had normal conversations and I barely ever got to talk about my days/life. She was finally coming back (and had been talking about wanting to be a housewife for over a year.. move in with me.. live together.. start our life together.. etc.) and we had been talking about moving in together. She had decided when she was coming back, declined an extended internship offer, and I thought it was all set.
Fast forward a couple of weeks and she's freaking out even more. Constantly talking about how she doesn't know where she's going in life, how she doesn't know who she is, or what she wants. But still saying she can't wait to come home, hates it where she is, and hates everything about her current situation. Literally, every day.
Fast forward a few more days and she is breaking up with me. She had no idea what she wants to do with her life. All of a sudden she needs to be more independent. She doesn't know who she is. Being a housewife and moving in with me was apparently a fantasy all this time. I literally had no idea this was coming and it was completely out of the blue one evening. I feel like she had been thinking this stuff for a while but leading me on and lying to me.
So, we're broken up now. She's out partying every night, making out with random people, and still has no idea what she wants to do with her life. She started smoking. She signed up for college randomly one day as she couldn't find another option and all of a sudden loves where she is and doesn't ever want to leave. She applied and accepted the offer for a course she doesn't even want to be in and has no interest in. She had been complaining about not wanting to go to school for years and saying how she wants to do all this work to get a job. I made her apply for the job she currently has and if I hadn't she would just be sitting on her lazy ass.
She's no longer the same person. I feel like I've had my heart torn out, stepped on, and flushed down the toilet by some random person. She seems happy. That's good.. but also makes me hurt so much more.
I love her like no other but if I had known it was going to end like this and out of the blue with no real reasoning I would have not gone with it. I'm unsure if given the opportunity that I would do it again.. especially if I had the chance of starting over with someone who wasn't going to treat me like this.
The amount of pain I feel is so immense and I don't think she understands that.
My advice is as follows: since you're thinking about breaking it off, go ahead and do it. It will most likely not make it and the fact that you're thinking this already guarantees it won't last. Either way, the pain isn't worth it.
Yeah, this happens with many girls. IDK why, whats wrong with them. Many of them seem just so... childish. No offence intended.
Kind of same thing happened with my ex. She sees herself as lifelong university student now... Started smoking, drinks, goes out, etc.
I was heartbroken for a while, but after couple of months, I sort of accepted the situation and all of a sudden we are fucking again. I know I could never feel the exact same thing towards her, so its mainly just hanging out and fucking some times, nothing more.
Accept and move on.
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Anonymous #3
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
I was just in a very similar situation.
My girlfriend was very much the same way. Always looking at the negatives of things, somewhat depressed, very anxious, calls herself bipolar, blah blah. She was very dependent. We were together for 3 years.
We actually did the long distance thing (thousands of miles) for about 6 months. She was struggling so bad.. didn't want to be there.. was crying every night over Skype.. flipping out (even on me).. it was a daily, constant thing. She was always complaining, bitching, yelling at me, etc. We hardly ever had normal conversations and I barely ever got to talk about my days/life. She was finally coming back (and had been talking about wanting to be a housewife for over a year.. move in with me.. live together.. start our life together.. etc.) and we had been talking about moving in together. She had decided when she was coming back, declined an extended internship offer, and I thought it was all set.
Co-dependence. Look it up. You shouldn't put up with that in any relationship, and the fact that you did points to your codependency issues.
Quote:
Anonymous said:
So, we're broken up now. She's out partying every night, making out with random people, and still has no idea what she wants to do with her life. She started smoking. She signed up for college randomly one day as she couldn't find another option and all of a sudden loves where she is and doesn't ever want to leave. She applied and accepted the offer for a course she doesn't even want to be in and has no interest in. She had been complaining about not wanting to go to school for years and saying how she wants to do all this work to get a job. I made her apply for the job she currently has and if I hadn't she would just be sitting on her lazy ass.
So she decided that she doesn't know what she wants to do yet? So? She doesn't owe you anything.
You are acting like her dad. Making her apply for a job? Are you serious?
Quote:
Anonymous said:
She's no longer the same person. I feel like I've had my heart torn out, stepped on, and flushed down the toilet by some random person. She seems happy. That's good.. but also makes me hurt so much more.
I love her like no other but if I had known it was going to end like this and out of the blue with no real reasoning I would have not gone with it. I'm unsure if given the opportunity that I would do it again.. especially if I had the chance of starting over with someone who wasn't going to treat me like this.
The amount of pain I feel is so immense and I don't think she understands that.
My advice is as follows: since you're thinking about breaking it off, go ahead and do it. It will most likely not make it and the fact that you're thinking this already guarantees it won't last. Either way, the pain isn't worth it.
Whether she understands it or not is not really relevant. Again, she doesn't owe you anything, its HER life, not yours, for her to do with as SHE wants. And the same with you. You can't just mold people into what you want them to be. It doesn't work like that.
Protip: Stay single, discover more about your self, and see a therapist about codependency issues. You will thank me later
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Crystal G
Ultimate Scumbag and Douchebag
Registered: 06/06/07
Posts: 4,903
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 1 hour, 3 minutes
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
To be honest, I'm not worried about her fucking other people, it will probably happen, and in some ways it could be a good thing; it will slightly irk me I admit, but in the long run it don't mean shit. I've even thought about getting one of my good friends who lives close to where she will be living to start taking her out and possibly fucking her if she wants; just to give her something to keep her mind off shit for the mean time. All I really care about is her doing well and having a good time, I'm pretty well as confident as anyone could be that she won't find someone she would rather be with than me. This may sound naive not knowing the context, but just trust me, I've got very good reason to believe this.
Be my boyfriend?
And I agree, this is a straight-up textbook example of co-dependence.
Junkies are especially guilty of co-dependent relationships.
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Men who have a fear of women who exert control of their sexualities, know that they wouldn't be able to control or easily manipulate women who are aggressive, dominant, or defiant. Women who refuse to passively cooperate or adhere to stereotypical gender roles. So they use social stigma and social shame and call us "sluts" to try to implant fear and guilt in us, in an effort to control and coerce our behaviors. It is a completely selfish philosophy that stems from the belief that they OWN women.
Thus, me taking control of my sexuality is my big way of saying "FUCK YOU" to the institution, and another "FUCK YOU" to the patriarchy!  
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Anonymous #2
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Re: I'm worried about her.. [Re: Crystal G]
#16141442 - 04/26/12 09:46 AM (1 year, 29 days ago) |
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I definitely agree that there were codependency issues on my part. I had realized them a year into the relationship on my own terms (and we later had seen couples counselors) and had been working on them. I've been going to school and doing my own thing since. I have still be putting her values and wellbeing above my own but not to the point where it has been crippling my life. Though it definitely has now that she ended the relationship.
I think that statement came across wrong about the job. I didn't FORCE her to apply for a job. She wanted a job and was bitching because she "couldn't get one". It turned out, she wasn't even trying to apply for any. I sat with her and basically filed her applications for her. She likes the job a lot.. and just after breaking up with me took an extended offer there. She has always been like this. Her mom had to walk her through, step-by-step, her current program's application; her mom didn't force her to apply.. she just wouldn't have done it without the encouragement and babying.
She didn't "decide she doesn't know what to do yet". She has never known but has been trying very hard to find something. I had been encouraging that in every way possible. Yelling at me for even mentioning "maybe you can sign up for some classes", swearing she never wants to go to school again, constantly saying she just wants to work in the industry (literally for 2+ years) and then breaking up with me and two days later signing up for a full college program is a bit out there. She admitted that she doesn't want to do it (even after the breakup.. and cried quite a bit about it). My encouragement was to find something she wants to do. I didn't say she owed me anything.
I wasn't trying to mold her into anything. I was very open with her inside of the relationship. She could do whatever she wanted and I never restricted that. Smoking, drinking, and even having sex with other people (as long as it was discussed first) were okay with me and these were all known to her.
I was explaining how she was one person while we were dating and then broke up with me and instantly changed.
She wants to get back together "eventually" and just wants to be independent for a while. I'm unsure how I feel about that.
My advice to the OP still stands..
Edited by Anonymous (04/26/12 09:51 AM)
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I'm worried about her.. [Re: Crystal G]
#16143202 - 04/26/12 06:26 PM (1 year, 29 days ago) |
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Quote:
Crystal G said:
Be my boyfriend?
Be our girlfriend? We've been looking for that perfect lil deviant join us in the freaky shit we get up to for awhile now, but tbh most of the girls we've come across are mingas; we're a really good looking couple and can do better. As long as you can handle lots of sex, drugs, and a 9" cock, you're in.
...PM me
Quote:
Crystal G said:
And I agree, this is a straight-up textbook example of co-dependence.
Junkies are especially guilty of co-dependent relationships.
Just to make sure here; you're talking about #2, not me/us right?
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