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Anonymous #1
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 Re: I've decided to committ suicide  [Re: Mufungo]
#16131861 - 04/24/12 04:52 AM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Mufungo said:
Have you ever known anyone who has killed themselves? Have you ever actually seen the impact that it can have on the people around that person?
It seems like you're trying to justify or minimise in your own mind the pain you know you will pass on to everyone around you if you killed yourself.
What did you mean by your friends blew you off because they thought you weren't serious, serious about what? Did you only reach out once to them, or multiple times? If there's been a rift between you and your friends, it might take multiple attempts to cross and repair that rift. It might also require a sign of putting the friendship before one's own pride, to make the other person feel like they are worth it, to make the friendship work (I'm doing a bit of mind reading here, but maybe it's relevant to you).
No I've never lost anyone to suicide but my plan if possible is to make it look like an accident. I told two of my friends flat out that I wanted to hurt myself and that I wanted to check myself in the hospital. They both just dismissed me and said oh it'll get better and I dont think you need a hospital. I ended going to the hospital anyways. After that conversation I didn't hear from for a good two weeks. Listen I'm not bashing them I just think they don't want to deal with my issues. Even now when we do talk I constantly get that feeling they rather be elsewhere than talking to me.
Outside of my family I have no one. Sure that's more than most people have but I can't continue to live just for them
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 Mufungo
Coming at ya
Registered: 04/03/07
Posts: 2,637
Loc: Knowhere
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Re: I've decided to committ suicide [Re: Anonymous #1]
#16131973 - 04/24/12 06:45 AM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Living for others, living for your family?! Learning to live for yourself is where it's at. Only then will your emotional well-being not be dependent upon the actions and words of others. Have you ever lived just for yourself, put yourself first and foremost, given yourself the sort of love, comfort, soothing, etc, you might need?
So you reached out to some friends and told them that you were thinking of killing/hurting yourself, and then you get online and tell all of us about your intention... yeah? So what is it you really want to say by telling people about your intention to kill yourself?
In both situations, to varying degrees, you got a similar response where people either ignore your comment as not being serious or were turned off/took offense at you announcing a plan to kill yourself. You might not know, and that's ok, but what if we did accept your announcement as being true, then what? What is this communication you started all for? Who is it for? What purpose might it be achieving?
What's stopping you from living just for yourself? Loving yourself? Becoming a good companion to yourself? Etc, etc... It takes time. A couple of posts ago, you said you gave being more positive a go, what did you do that for? Who did you do that for?
Lots of questions I know, but it might be insightful to have a go at answering them. Even if you don't reply with your answers in this thread.
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 FishOilTheKid
Abducted
Registered: 11/14/10
Posts: 3,134
Last seen: 51 minutes, 47 seconds
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Re: I've decided to committ suicide [Re: Mufungo]
#16132165 - 04/24/12 09:15 AM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Wow, thanks.
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Freedom
Will swim for food
Registered: 05/26/05
Posts: 5,024
Last seen: 21 days, 17 hours
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Re: I've decided to committ suicide [Re: Anonymous #1]
#16132645 - 04/24/12 12:19 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
I've never been one to really want to talk about feelings so ultimately my attempt at therapy failed. Feeling all this and knowing that things are only worse what's the fucking point of continuing to live.
Why is it so hard to talk about your feelings? It sounds to me that perhaps you are ashamed of what you feel.
PM me if you'd like.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I've decided to committ suicide [Re: Mufungo]
#16134005 - 04/24/12 06:10 PM (1 year, 30 days ago) |
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Quote:
Mufungo said:
Living for others, living for your family?! Learning to live for yourself is where it's at. Only then will your emotional well-being not be dependent upon the actions and words of others. Have you ever lived just for yourself, put yourself first and foremost, given yourself the sort of love, comfort, soothing, etc, you might need?
So you reached out to some friends and told them that you were thinking of killing/hurting yourself, and then you get online and tell all of us about your intention... yeah? So what is it you really want to say by telling people about your intention to kill yourself?
In both situations, to varying degrees, you got a similar response where people either ignore your comment as not being serious or were turned off/took offense at you announcing a plan to kill yourself. You might not know, and that's ok, but what if we did accept your announcement as being true, then what? What is this communication you started all for? Who is it for? What purpose might it be achieving?
What's stopping you from living just for yourself? Loving yourself? Becoming a good companion to yourself? Etc, etc... It takes time. A couple of posts ago, you said you gave being more positive a go, what did you do that for? Who did you do that for?
Lots of questions I know, but it might be insightful to have a go at answering them. Even if you don't reply with your answers in this thread.
Why live for yourself if you can't justify your existence? I feel as though I've already served my purpose so there is nothing less except a void that gets wider and wider.
I reached here for a different reason than I reached out to my friends. At the time I reached out to my friends I wanted to be saved to have someone say okay they support me and would help me through this crisis. But now I'm past that don't want to be saved but still feel compeled to talk about what I'm going through. I can do it here anonymously. I appreciate this dialogue not being judged or treated like some attention seeker because as minimal as this it's the only outlet I have.
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The Influence
I make it do what it do
Registered: 03/30/11
Posts: 4,387
Loc: Not Wisconsin
Last seen: 11 months, 9 days
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Re: I've decided to committ suicide [Re: Anonymous #1] 1
#16134090 - 04/24/12 06:28 PM (1 year, 30 days ago) |
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OP you think you feel pain and misery? I wish for one hour you could feel the pain my mother felt when she found my little brother's lifeless body. I am a grown man who has been to prison and seen some hellsih things but the only thing I cry about 7 years later is the loss of my little brother. It's too bad you can't find something to live for, but it's even worse you don't give enough of a fuck about your own family to hold your head up and keep trying to live a happy life.
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Bad: Waking up to find a penis has been drawn on your face. Worse: Finding out it was traced 
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Anonymous #9
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Anon 1, what kind of things have you been reading? Find some good things to read.
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Anonymous #3
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Re: I've decided to committ suicide [Re: Anonymous #9]
#16134342 - 04/24/12 07:25 PM (1 year, 30 days ago) |
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Man, I'm sorry but a lot of people out there aren't going to up and support you. I'm sure your family would if you can be honest with them, but most people now days get scared away by things like that. It's not you dude--it's that people don't like dwelling in negativity. It's sad, though, I wish your friends would help you... If you really want them to, be completely honest with them and I'm sure they'll help.
You say you can't justify your existence? Can anyone really? We're all just stuck here temporarily and it's up to us to decide what we want to make of it.
You gotta understand where you're at and how advantageous it can truly be for you. You're at rock bottom, my friend, and when you reach rock bottom, it's time for rebirth. You can rise up and re-define yourself how ever you want to. If you want this, you gotta fight and do the things you need to do fearless of how others will perceive you.If you take risks,fight, keep moving on and on, open up your heart to the world, keeping your eyes on the future, I'm sure you'll find some beauty within it--some contentment.
best of luck to you man.
Edited by Anonymous (04/24/12 07:27 PM)
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mushiefeet
Iron Lung420
Registered: 01/18/11
Posts: 369
Last seen: 8 months, 21 days
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Re: I've decided to committ suicide [Re: jimboob]
#16134366 - 04/24/12 07:30 PM (1 year, 30 days ago) |
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Quote:
jimboob said:
So...there's nothing else that would make you happy?
I always said to myself that if things got that bad where I was gonna kill myself i'd make dramatic moves first. You only get one life, why throw it away? Go run away to a really nice place. Steal food to support yourself, do drugs, have fun, bang some hos. Even if you don't got nothin but the clothes on your back...idk man, you know what I'm getting at?
Try and start over.
Do that shit for a while. 
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Mufungo
Coming at ya
Registered: 04/03/07
Posts: 2,637
Loc: Knowhere
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Re: I've decided to committ suicide [Re: Anonymous #1]
#16134878 - 04/24/12 09:26 PM (1 year, 30 days ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
Why live for yourself if you can't justify your existence? I feel as though I've already served my purpose so there is nothing less except a void that gets wider and wider.
I reached here for a different reason than I reached out to my friends. At the time I reached out to my friends I wanted to be saved to have someone say okay they support me and would help me through this crisis. But now I'm past that don't want to be saved but still feel compeled to talk about what I'm going through. I can do it here anonymously. I appreciate this dialogue not being judged or treated like some attention seeker because as minimal as this it's the only outlet I have.
Well thanks for sharing that and your honesty.
You say you've served your purpose. What was this purpose of yours?
I think many of us have the void at varying depths of despair from time to time. It's almost one of those tests in life. It's up to ourselves to discover some way to fill our own void and make ourselves complete. ...as corny and cliché as that sounds. If you think you "can't" do something, whether that is make yourself a little happier, soothe yourself or whatever, then I wonder if you've ever stopped to ask yourself "What's stopping me?" and then "What's stopping me from overcoming that?" and so on..
Talking with you, it seems like you haven't yet learned the strategies for life that others might take for granted that actually make getting yourself out of a rut more manageable. Instead you default on depending on others and if they don't solve your problem, then you dwell in the sadness you've created for yourself. I say this not as a criticism but rather as an observation, and I might be completely wrong, but that's the impression I get. So if this is half way close to being accurate, a light at the end of the tunnel for you could be simply throwing yourself into learning how other people pull themselves out of despair like what you've been through. Get some psychological skills.
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Edited by Mufungo (04/24/12 09:38 PM)
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Anonymous #3
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Re: I've decided to committ suicide [Re: Mufungo]
#16135067 - 04/24/12 10:01 PM (1 year, 30 days ago) |
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Listen to this!...the whole way through
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I've decided to committ suicide [Re: Mufungo]
#16136819 - 04/25/12 06:14 AM (1 year, 30 days ago) |
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Quote:
Mufungo said:
Quote:
Anonymous said:
Why live for yourself if you can't justify your existence? I feel as though I've already served my purpose so there is nothing less except a void that gets wider and wider.
I reached here for a different reason than I reached out to my friends. At the time I reached out to my friends I wanted to be saved to have someone say okay they support me and would help me through this crisis. But now I'm past that don't want to be saved but still feel compeled to talk about what I'm going through. I can do it here anonymously. I appreciate this dialogue not being judged or treated like some attention seeker because as minimal as this it's the only outlet I have.
Well thanks for sharing that and your honesty.
You say you've served your purpose. What was this purpose of yours?
I think many of us have the void at varying depths of despair from time to time. It's almost one of those tests in life. It's up to ourselves to discover some way to fill our own void and make ourselves complete. ...as corny and cliché as that sounds. If you think you "can't" do something, whether that is make yourself a little happier, soothe yourself or whatever, then I wonder if you've ever stopped to ask yourself "What's stopping me?" and then "What's stopping me from overcoming that?" and so on..
Talking with you, it seems like you haven't yet learned the strategies for life that others might take for granted that actually make getting yourself out of a rut more manageable. Instead you default on depending on others and if they don't solve your problem, then you dwell in the sadness you've created for yourself. I say this not as a criticism but rather as an observation, and I might be completely wrong, but that's the impression I get. So if this is half way close to being accurate, a light at the end of the tunnel for you could be simply throwing yourself into learning how other people pull themselves out of despair like what you've been through. Get some psychological skills.
Most of my life I've been going at it alone. Whenever I've been faced with some adversity I dealt with by myself. Not even my family not friends just me. But I've reached the point that I can't fight this challenge anymore so as a last ditch I reached but didn't get support so I've given up.
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cinic
Registered: 02/04/12
Posts: 592
Last seen: 11 months, 11 days
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Re: I've decided to committ suicide [Re: Anonymous #1]
#16136852 - 04/25/12 06:35 AM (1 year, 30 days ago) |
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see ya later bro
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Mufungo
Coming at ya
Registered: 04/03/07
Posts: 2,637
Loc: Knowhere
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Re: I've decided to committ suicide [Re: Anonymous #1]
#16136903 - 04/25/12 07:10 AM (1 year, 30 days ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
Most of my life I've been going at it alone. Whenever I've been faced with some adversity I dealt with by myself. Not even my family not friends just me. But I've reached the point that I can't fight this challenge anymore so as a last ditch I reached but didn't get support so I've given up.
What's stopping you from fighting this challenge again this time? Why does giving up need to translate into dying?
I know what it's like to give up. I give up from time to time, then it eventually passes, and then I ease back into things, then life gets hard and I might give up again, and so on, kind of like a cycle.
It seems like if only you were feeling less void and a bit better now, feeling a bit better and have something useful to do, then you wouldn't be planning suicide, probably because you'd be planning something else, is that right?
I was curious, what meaning does dying have for you?
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tripp23
Kratom Freak
Registered: 05/22/08
Posts: 3,125
Loc: Florida, US
Last seen: 1 day, 18 hours
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Re: I've decided to committ suicide [Re: Mufungo]
#16147681 - 04/27/12 05:58 PM (1 year, 27 days ago) |
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i take the mirtazapine as well, its a substitute for remeron. when i first started taking it, it made me sleep forever and hungry as hell. i began taking it because my panic attacks were a living fuckin hell.. but now i mainly take it right before bed so i can sleep which i do enjoy. not too many side effects to this drug, it really is a gentle drug and i do thank god for it because it has helped me alot already within this last year. i approve of it 
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"take thy medicine you filthy swine and you'll see that the world is in fact divine!"
Where does the world go when we close our eyes?
Experience my nightmarish first time of smoking Ganja!
 SAVE KRATOM FROM DAMNATION!
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I've decided to committ suicide [Re: tripp23]
#16151600 - 04/28/12 04:59 PM (1 year, 26 days ago) |
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Everything that I predicted would start to go wrong has been coming to fruition June is the month for my plan suicide 3 months before my 31st birthday. Now I'm just at peace with my decision.
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Me_Roy
Stranger
Registered: 07/30/02
Posts: 2,097
Loc: Berlin
Last seen: 3 days, 17 hours
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Re: I've decided to committ suicide [Re: Anonymous #1]
#16151661 - 04/28/12 05:18 PM (1 year, 26 days ago) |
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Hitting bottom = having nothing to lose = having every reason to decide what you want to do and do exactly that.
If you want shrooms but don't have access to them, it's a good sign that you're not getting out enough. Take the $ you've set aside for your funeral and plan a trip with it. Go someplace you've never been, someplace you're simply curious about.
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A lotta cats a livin' in the neighborhood
Some are bandits,
Some are very, very good as I would tell it to ya'
- I-Roy
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Tripbin
Registered: 03/21/12
Posts: 150
Last seen: 15 hours, 33 minutes
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Re: I've decided to committ suicide [Re: Me_Roy] 1
#16151856 - 04/28/12 06:15 PM (1 year, 26 days ago) |
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If you predict things will go wrong they will bro. If you believe negative things then your mind will search out the negative and thats all you will see. Obviously thinking positively doesnt just happen but it can happen over time. Ive been there man. Try new things, things you think youd dislike. Surprises are the best part of life. Try a new diet and exercise or pick up a random ass hobby. Hopefully life changes for the better for you
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RonaldFuckingPaul
Our Dear Leader
Registered: 10/31/07
Posts: 13,372
Loc: Straight Outta Compton 
Last seen: 3 hours, 15 minutes
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Re: I've decided to committ suicide [Re: Anonymous #1]
#16152258 - 04/28/12 07:52 PM (1 year, 26 days ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
Everything that I predicted would start to go wrong has been coming to fruition June is the month for my plan suicide 3 months before my 31st birthday. Now I'm just at peace with my decision.
Are you sure you've exhausted all your options? If so I understand why you want to do this. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.
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Donate bitcoins to: 1EiXM1ZSbNbksnHzTPJE2MaMNF8kKi9SQs
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Anonymous #1
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Quote:
reeferaddict69 said:
Quote:
Anonymous said:
Everything that I predicted would start to go wrong has been coming to fruition June is the month for my plan suicide 3 months before my 31st birthday. Now I'm just at peace with my decision.
Are you sure you've exhausted all your options? If so I understand why you want to do this. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.
Thanks man hopefully Ill make it to that peaceful place
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