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 Robert6051
Budding Alchemist
Registered: 01/18/12
Posts: 48
Loc: Upper Midwest
Last seen: 1 day, 3 hours
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 Re: What's the worst sex you have ever had?  [Re: Sled]
#16065598 - 04/09/12 04:31 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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It was almost barclose one night and I had picked up this hot Mexican chick. Took her back to my apartment and ended up having sex...and ass sex. I passed out afterwards. I woke up a little while later to my girlfriend slapping me in the face. Was she pissed? No. She was out at the bars also, and had come over and was trying to wake me up to have sex with me. I obliged. Where was the Mexican chick I had just banged? Turns out she had left. Must have been seconds or minutes before my GF arrived. Those were the glory days. Sorry, not a "worst sex ever" story, but a story none the less!
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 ganjfather
uncle randy
Registered: 08/06/09
Posts: 3,093
Loc: 
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Re: What's the worst sex you have ever had? [Re: Sled]
#16065623 - 04/09/12 04:37 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Sled said:
Quote:
ganjfather said:
Now I got her in the reverse cowgirl, fucking a 100 miles a minute, and she starts kinda nibblin my lip.
She must be one flexible chick.
Oh wait I guess thats just cowgirl 
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Dr.Tooty
Part time mycophile.
Registered: 06/03/11
Posts: 1,478
Loc: Nowhere in particular.
Last seen: 12 minutes, 19 seconds
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Re: What's the worst sex you have ever had? [Re: Gumby]
#16065664 - 04/09/12 04:44 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Gumby said:
I'm a huge fan of spicy food. I had these asian neighbors that had this ungodly hot asian chili paste stuff. I forget what it's called, I think it had a chicken on it. Anyway, I used to put it on almost everything I ate.
This stuff is the only hot food I've found that just won't wash off with soap, no matter how hard I tried. As you can imagine, this was a recipe for disaster.
So me and the girlfriend are doing the foreplay thing. She liked to be fingered. She loved it. Like deep as possible. Apparently I had some of the spiciest chili paste in the world on my fingers or under my nails. So I'm fingering her then all of the sudden she starts screaming. "You fucking fucker, my pussy burns like hell. MOTHER FUCKER, why didn't you wash your hands. Fuck I gotta go wash it out."
So that was the end of sex for that night. And honestly, this happened about 5 other times. One time I went down on her about an hour or two after eating some chili paste. Same thing. "MY CLIT IS ON FIRE! CHRIST! YOU FUCKER!".... then ran to the bathroom.
Eventually she made a rule of no sex that night if I ate chili paste. Of course that just turned into keep your hands and mouth away from my pussy and we'd have sex anyway.
sriracha hot sauce...I call it cock sauce.
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"I get up, I get down." Insect Forum
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BlindSophist
you can call me BS
Registered: 07/11/06
Posts: 28,118
Loc: SF Bay Area
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Re: What's the worst sex you have ever had? [Re: DeathSpider]
#16065704 - 04/09/12 04:52 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
DeathSpider said:
So I was working in a music shop while going to school and this dude kept coming in almost every other day for about two weeks and ask me about the dvds we had, but never bought anything. It annoyed me for a bit, but eh, he was good looking so I didn't really put too much thought into it. Eventually though he finally gets the nerve to ask me out. So I agree.
We went out on a Thursday to a bar and were having an alright time. The conversation was a bit lame, but since he was buying, I didn't care. Out of the blue, two of my friends showed up and invited themselves to our table. While I wouldn't say the guy got defensive, he did "up" his game a bit to a strange level. I would say something like "Yea, I wouldn't mind checking out Spain one of these days," to which he'd pipe in "I'll take you to Spain. Just you and me."
Eventually, my bullshit meter broke and even though I was pretty drunk, I was wondering wtf was going on with this dude. Still, he was good looking and so I said fuck it, I had no intentions of seeing him again and so I brought him home. I was really curious about what was making this bloke lose his mind.
This is when the nightmare began. First off, the dude's wang was next to non-existant. I stand five feet tall. My hands are tiny. I have to wear extra small latex gloves. I could fit his entire package, balls and all, in my hand and still had a lot of room.
His attempt at foreplay was about as erotic and enticing as a mongoloid tapeworm making flatulent noises with it's tail. I eventually had to make him stop it cause it was annoying and started to hurt. He decided he want to go down on me, but seeing as how poorly he did everything else, I feared what he would do with that I said no. So after a bit of fumbling around, he decides he wants me to ride him. He then proceeds to fall off my bed.
At this point, I was embarrassed for him. But he finally tries to make an honest go of in and an hour later, I am in a state of almost sheer sexual frustration. I wasn't feeling anything and he was moaning like a really bad female porn star. I stopped, said I needed to go get a drink of water. I get up and he grabs my leg and rams a finger inside me, full force. He might as well have tried to fist me. Hurt like hell, he pulls out and immediately sticks it in his mouth and makes this nauseating overzealous slurping sound, followed by an "MMM tasty." I totally shuddered then and there. I was trying to figure out how to get him out of my place when he jumps up and says he's going for a smoke. I said don't but he does it anyway and steps out onto my balcony, completely naked.
He comes back inside all rearing to go again and I'm just about ready to cry. I look at the time and said "Look, it's 3am. I am bored as shit and have to work in the morning. This is so not worth losing sleep over. You have to go." Never seen a guy hustle so fast to get his clothes back on. He couldn't find his socks and was all "You can keep them as a souvenir." I quickly found them and replied "No, I don't ever want to remember this night."
Someone please top that!
I'm into big girls, and I had to learn the hard way that hygiene is exponentially more important for this demographic.
You may begin painting your nightmarish involuntary mental pictures... now.
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Dr. P. Silocybin
I dig love
Registered: 09/09/08
Posts: 1,578
Loc: limbo
Last seen: 1 day, 3 hours
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Re: What's the worst sex you have ever had? [Re: BlindSophist] 1
#16065758 - 04/09/12 05:08 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Wow this thread makes me feel so much better about the bad sex I've had. When I lost my virginity we were outside, it took forever for me to get it up, and when I finally did I lasted about 5 seconds.
The first and only time I met a girl from okcupid I went to her house to fuck. she was a bit fatter than she looked her picture, and her face was way more busted. we got naked and she started blowing me, everything was good, but when I started fingering her pussy an ungodly smell was unleashed. This bitch's pussy juice smelt like death. my dick went soft and I got the fuck out of there. It was like a 20 minute drive home, the whole time I was gagging because of the noxious fumes coming off my finger. I had to wash my hands like 30 times to get that stink off.
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Quest_ions
IM RETARDED
Registered: 11/12/11
Posts: 5,093
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I realized its the 'sluts' that have the most tip-top clean N spiffy vagina's.
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ITS BULLSHIT so I Bark At The Moon..
Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.
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BlindSophist
you can call me BS
Registered: 07/11/06
Posts: 28,118
Loc: SF Bay Area
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Re: What's the worst sex you have ever had? [Re: Quest_ions] 1
#16065794 - 04/09/12 05:15 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
TheMushroomJesus said:
I realized its the 'sluts' that have the most tip-top clean N spiffy vagina's.
Not exclusively, but they tend to be informed that their vagina stinks more rapidly. 
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Dr. P. Silocybin
I dig love
Registered: 09/09/08
Posts: 1,578
Loc: limbo
Last seen: 1 day, 3 hours
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Re: What's the worst sex you have ever had? [Re: Quest_ions] 1
#16065815 - 04/09/12 05:20 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
TheMushroomJesus said:
I realized its the 'sluts' that have the most tip-top clean N spiffy vagina's.
I can't tell if your being sarcastic? In my experience classy chicks have the nicest vaginas
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plasma
Registered: 09/17/08
Posts: 5,939
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Alright so one time when I was like 10 I met this 25 year old chick, smoking. Easily a 8 / 10
Anyways I asked her if she wanted to bang. Of course she said yeah so I took her to my crib
We started fuckinh and then she realized I was only ten years old so she gave me a bj and told me to call her later
my parents found out when they looked at my cell phone and they arrested the woman for having sex with a minor
shit was crayy
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BlindSophist
you can call me BS
Registered: 07/11/06
Posts: 28,118
Loc: SF Bay Area
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Re: What's the worst sex you have ever had? [Re: plasma]
#16065962 - 04/09/12 05:54 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
plasma said:
Alright so one time when I was like 10 I met this 25 year old chick, smoking. Easily a 8 / 10
Anyways I asked her if she wanted to bang. Of course she said yeah so I took her to my crib
Quote:
We started fuckinh and then she realized I was only ten years old so she gave me a bj and told me to call her later
my parents found out when they looked at my cell phone and they arrested the woman for having sex with a minor
shit was crayy
Fridge logic: you were still in a crib at ten?
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DeathSpider
the living dead girl
Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 5,007
Loc: In the state of Denial
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Quote:
Dr. P. Silocybin said:
Quote:
TheMushroomJesus said:
I realized its the 'sluts' that have the most tip-top clean N spiffy vagina's.
I can't tell if your being sarcastic? In my experience classy chicks have the nicest vaginas
you'd be surprised about how slutty classy chicks can be
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BlindSophist
you can call me BS
Registered: 07/11/06
Posts: 28,118
Loc: SF Bay Area
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Re: What's the worst sex you have ever had? [Re: DeathSpider]
#16066010 - 04/09/12 06:03 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
DeathSpider said:
Quote:
Dr. P. Silocybin said:
Quote:
TheMushroomJesus said:
I realized its the 'sluts' that have the most tip-top clean N spiffy vagina's.
I can't tell if your being sarcastic? In my experience classy chicks have the nicest vaginas
you'd be surprised about how slutty classy chicks can be
You might also be surprised at how classy slutty chicks can be.
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DeathSpider
the living dead girl
Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 5,007
Loc: In the state of Denial
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Re: What's the worst sex you have ever had? [Re: BlindSophist]
#16066032 - 04/09/12 06:07 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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i love the ebay and amazon ads that appear on this thread. Right now it is suggesting Hot Sauce and Sriracha.
Thanks Gumby and TootyBooty
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DivineIntensity
Techno-Optimist
Registered: 09/03/11
Posts: 2,706
Loc: Florida
Last seen: 11 hours, 59 minutes
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Re: What's the worst sex you have ever had? [Re: DeathSpider]
#16066041 - 04/09/12 06:09 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Funny, mine has ads linked to flesh lights and lube.
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BlindSophist
you can call me BS
Registered: 07/11/06
Posts: 28,118
Loc: SF Bay Area
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Quote:
DivineIntensity said:
Funny, mine has ads linked to flesh lights and lube.
I get Hot Sauce from eBay and Fleshlight with Sriracha from Amazon.
How do they know my lubrication preferences?!
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DeathSpider
the living dead girl
Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 5,007
Loc: In the state of Denial
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Re: What's the worst sex you have ever had? [Re: BlindSophist]
#16066065 - 04/09/12 06:16 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
BlindSophist said:
Quote:
DeathSpider said:
Quote:
Dr. P. Silocybin said:
Quote:
TheMushroomJesus said:
I realized its the 'sluts' that have the most tip-top clean N spiffy vagina's.
I can't tell if your being sarcastic? In my experience classy chicks have the nicest vaginas
you'd be surprised about how slutty classy chicks can be
You might also be surprised at how classy slutty chicks can be.
Let's leave my mother out of this, shall we?
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DivineIntensity
Techno-Optimist
Registered: 09/03/11
Posts: 2,706
Loc: Florida
Last seen: 11 hours, 59 minutes
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Re: What's the worst sex you have ever had? [Re: BlindSophist]
#16066078 - 04/09/12 06:20 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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They're watching us 
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DeathSpider
the living dead girl
Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 5,007
Loc: In the state of Denial
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Oh wow.. i'd totally dry hump that dude's forehead.. that'd be awesome
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Salomon
living on borrowed time
Registered: 01/17/09
Posts: 20,269
Loc: I dont even care anymore
Last seen: 3 hours, 53 minutes
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Re: What's the worst sex you have ever had? [Re: DeathSpider]
#16066089 - 04/09/12 06:23 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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mine links to ranch dressing, and giant black dildos 
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Horsewithnoname
Someone
Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 739
Loc: Right here
Last seen: 15 days, 6 hours
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Amazon is suggesting a really weird combination of fleshlights and Sriracha. No way that could go well.
Cool thread, luckily my worst sex story is nowhere near some of the one I've read here.
My first time was a mess. I was 21 and being still a virgin at that age made me very self conscious, which of course didn't led to anything good. I was drunk and high and couldn't find exactly where to stick my dick into, so she had to almost babysit me through the whole ordeal. I was so ashamed, it was awful hahah. To top it off the condom broke so next day we had to do the whole plan B pill business.
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Don't Panic
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