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Anonymous #1
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 I need help. I need serious help. 
#16023279 - 03/31/12 11:38 AM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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I have a problem. I'm living abroad for a few months. I'm a young guy with some friends and things are okay...but on more than one occasion I've gone to see a prostitute.
They're on the street here, a lot of them are fairly attractive and cheap too. I'm done. I feel absolutely terrible for having had sex with a prostitute, I know its a shady industry, and that I'm not helping anyone by doing it.
It always happens when I end up drunk by myself. I have so much shame. I am so incredibly ashamed..I was even having suicidal thoughts earlier. I don't know who to turn to, which is why I'm posting here. I'm scared, this kind of behaviour isn't like me. I'm a good person, I usually make people laugh, I don't want to think of myself as some scumbag.
I'm not going to do this anymore. I've promised myself that. But I'm scared...what do I do next time (if there is one) I get a girlfriend. I'm afraid that because of this I won't be able to have any meaningful relationships and that scares the shit out of me. What if I get into a nice relationship and I open up and tell my gf that I had sex with four hookers a while ago...?
I need help. Please, if anyone has been in this situation before or knows someone who has, is there anything I can do. I feel like I've ruined my life.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: I need help. I need serious help. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#16023372 - 03/31/12 12:06 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Get over it man... so you banged a few skanks? There's far more worse things to be ashamed of. I honestly don't see why its such a huge deal for you since you weren't involved with anyone when you did it. People have needs, ya know?
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 greys
Mushroom Dork
 
Registered: 07/16/06
Posts: 37,370
Loc: nunya
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Re: I need help. I need serious help. [Re: Anonymous #1] 3
#16023485 - 03/31/12 12:35 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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OK, lets get this straight, you are never ever going to tell any GF ever that you banged 4 hookers, ok?
Ever.
And give yourself a break...so you participated in the worlds oldest profession. It was going on 5000 yrs before you arrived...and it will keep happening. World keeps spinning, ok?
Long term advice: When you do find a GF, make sure she doesn't mind pretending to be a hooker when you're drunk. 
And lighten up...its not like you killed the hookers after you fucked them.
you didn't , did you? 
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I need help. I need serious help. [Re: greys]
#16023553 - 03/31/12 12:56 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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That's what creeps me out, that's what I hate...the thought that I won't be able to be fully honest with people in my life, even the person who I could potentially be very emotionally close to. I feel like such a shit head.
I do feel better now than I did earlier, but I still feel like a gross disgusting person. I guess all I can do is try to make each day better than the last. I just don't want to keep doing this.
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greys
Mushroom Dork
Registered: 07/16/06
Posts: 37,370
Loc: nunya
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Re: I need help. I need serious help. [Re: Anonymous #1] 2
#16024001 - 03/31/12 02:24 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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You know what? Not everyone needs to know everything about you. A little mystery can be good.
Now repeat after me... I will never ever never ever never tell an ex gf I banged 4 hookers.Ever.
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WhiskeyClone
Not here
Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,492
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Ca...
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Re: I need help. I need serious help. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#16024019 - 03/31/12 02:28 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
That's what creeps me out, that's what I hate...the thought that I won't be able to be fully honest with people in my life, even the person who I could potentially be very emotionally close to. I feel like such a shit head.
So you believe you're "ruined" the moment you do something you couldn't bear to tell anyone about? Because then we're all ruined.
I don't know if anyone is able to be fully honest anyway (whatever that means), even with themselves. It's not necessary to disclose every single thing you've ever done just to have an honest and loving relationship. In every relationship, both parties have instances in their past they'd rather never discuss or even think about again, and they have that right.
The loving thing to do is not necessarily to spill your guts about everything you've done that you regret. There's just no need for that and often it's really the wrong thing to do. No matter how close you are with someone, there is some of each person that is bound to remain private, and that's fine.
You haven't ruined yourself, but seeing prostitutes is destructive and compulsive behavior for you, and you should do whatever you have to to stop.
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Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.
~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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 XUL
Optimist
Registered: 03/16/05
Posts: 7,680
Last seen: 1 day, 23 hours
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Re: I need help. I need serious help. [Re: Anonymous #2]
#16024028 - 03/31/12 02:29 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
Get over it man... so you banged a few skanks? There's far more worse things to be ashamed of. I honestly don't see why its such a huge deal for you since you weren't involved with anyone when you did it. People have needs, ya know?
I agree. The past is the past.
You are young and have lots of time to mature. It looks like you are already taking a pro-active aproached on your issue and in time you should be rid of your desire to bang prostitutes.
If drinking leads you to bang hoes then dont drink so much or dont drink at all. If you want to solve the problem then kill it at the root, which in your case seems to be drinking.
good luck.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I need help. I need serious help. [Re: greys]
#16024041 - 03/31/12 02:31 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Yeah, I don't think I'll ever mention this outside of an anonymous forum
I just feel really guilty and shitty. Honestly it sounds corny but I feel like I've sinned and have to do a lot to make up for this. It just makes me feel like a loser...I'm a young guy, I'm not bad looking, I shouldn't be doing this.
I know it's because I'm depressed and all sorts of other problems but it really screws with my head. I don't want to be a john. Its not even that fun, its just a fuck. I've had so much better sex with "real" girls before.
Fuck! I just feel like I want to take a million showers. I feel so much shame, much more so than I ever have before.
Thanks for replying to me and helping me out here, I just can't really believe myself..
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XUL
Optimist
Registered: 03/16/05
Posts: 7,680
Last seen: 1 day, 23 hours
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Re: I need help. I need serious help. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#16024047 - 03/31/12 02:33 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
Yeah, I don't think I'll ever mention this outside of an anonymous forum
I just feel really guilty and shitty. Honestly it sounds corny but I feel like I've sinned and have to do a lot to make up for this. It just makes me feel like a loser...I'm a young guy, I'm not bad looking, I shouldn't be doing this.
I know it's because I'm depressed and all sorts of other problems but it really screws with my head. I don't want to be a john. Its not even that fun, its just a fuck. I've had so much better sex with "real" girls before.
Fuck! I just feel like I want to take a million showers. I feel so much shame, much more so than I ever have before.
Thanks for replying to me and helping me out here, I just can't really believe myself..
Its not too bad of a thing what you did. But if you feel that it is just remember that everybody fucks up in life. Its the past. Let it be the past.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I need help. I need serious help. [Re: WhiskeyClone]
#16024067 - 03/31/12 02:38 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
XUL said:
Quote:
Anonymous said:
Get over it man... so you banged a few skanks? There's far more worse things to be ashamed of. I honestly don't see why its such a huge deal for you since you weren't involved with anyone when you did it. People have needs, ya know?
I agree. The past is the past.
You are young and have lots of time to mature. It looks like you are already taking a pro-active aproached on your issue and in time you should be rid of your desire to bang prostitutes.
If drinking leads you to bang hoes then dont drink so much or dont drink at all. If you want to solve the problem then kill it at the root, which in your case seems to be drinking.
good luck.
Quote:
WhiskeyClone said:
Quote:
Anonymous said:
That's what creeps me out, that's what I hate...the thought that I won't be able to be fully honest with people in my life, even the person who I could potentially be very emotionally close to. I feel like such a shit head.
So you believe you're "ruined" the moment you do something you couldn't bear to tell anyone about? Because then we're all ruined.
I don't know if anyone is able to be fully honest anyway (whatever that means), even with themselves. It's not necessary to disclose every single thing you've ever done just to have an honest and loving relationship. In every relationship, both parties have instances in their past they'd rather never discuss or even think about again, and they have that right.
The loving thing to do is not necessarily to spill your guts about everything you've done that you regret. There's just no need for that and often it's really the wrong thing to do. No matter how close you are with someone, there is some of each person that is bound to remain private, and that's fine.
You haven't ruined yourself, but seeing prostitutes is destructive and compulsive behavior for you, and you should do whatever you have to to stop.
Thanks. It's because of where I'm at. I never saw prostitutes back home or even thought about it really. I mean sometimes I would look at craigslist ads and stuff but it was always too expensive and I would have to drive so I never really wanted to.
But here there's hookers on the main streets. Its legal here so they can get tested, and some of them are actually quite attractive, and cheap too. (Like 35 dollars for a fuck..). I've always had problems sexually, or at least have thought that I did.
I had a gf for a while last year but then we broke up and since then not much has happened for me.
Basically I haven't been jerking off so that I'm able to get with girls better (honestly it works for me, makes it way easier to get laid) the problem is that I'll get really horny and go see a prostitute instead of jerk off like a normal person. Its totally fucking with my psyche.
I don't want to go to one again. For numerous reasons, one is that I don't feel good about myself. Every time I feel shitty about it and then I worry about getting an STD.
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WhiskeyClone
Not here
Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,492
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Ca...
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Re: I need help. I need serious help. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#16024110 - 03/31/12 02:48 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Thailand?
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Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.
~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I need help. I need serious help. [Re: WhiskeyClone]
#16024143 - 03/31/12 02:53 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Nope. Spain.
I guess I shouldn't feel to bad. I remember talking to some spanish dudes earlier this year and they were saying how its a tradition for them to buy 2 hookers for the guy whose birthday it is. 
Kinda weird but I guess its more normal here. Its that attitude that made me think it was okay. I don't know. I'm really just using this to vent. I cannot thank this community enough. What I realize is that I've got some psychological issues that I need to get straightened out.
Also, on a somewhat smaller note, I'm worried about thinking about all this the next time I trip, which won't be for a while...but still.
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mick
living in perverty
Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 7,941
Loc: hb, cali
Last seen: 4 hours, 28 minutes
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Re: I need help. I need serious help. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#16024391 - 03/31/12 03:45 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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sounds like youve got some obsession issues to work through too man. one thing you gotta remember is that we are human and we do stupid shit. listen to the above posts that say its not necessary to spill your guts about every little thing youve ever done, some shit is meant to be kept personal. i think more importantly, is that you dont continue to come down on yourself for something like this. If you feel it was a mistake, then forgive yourself and move on, and resolve to not do it again.
ive been with 2 prostitutes before; its something i have decided I wont do again, cause its risky, a waste of money, the sex blows due to a complete lack of passion, and I no longer feel it is right to objectify a woman like that. I can understand how you would want to come down on yourself or ruminate on something like that almost as a form of punishment, but dont. its something that happened because of circumstance. I dont even wanna take it back, I just wanna move on and know that now I dont agree with doing something like that.
Ive told girlfriends about my experiences (im more recklessly open about my past haha), and ive had a few that get all pissy and use it against me, and a few that were very reasonable and understanding that we all have some dirt on under our shoes, and a few that laughed about the experiences with me, and we moved on together. its up to you, if you feel youre with a girl who is cool enough that you can share something like that about yourself and can do it without feeling you HAVE TO DIVULGE THIS INFORMATION FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP... cus thats a bullshit obsession within yourself that you have to deal with... but if you can share it cause you think shes open minded, then go for it, worst that happens is she gets pissT and leaves, which means she wasnt right for you anyways... find another. Best case, i dunnno, shes ok with it, and you shared some part of yourself that you were worried you couldnt, and your relationship is a little stronger cus youve opened up that trust to confide in one another with your deeper secrets.
stop obsessing though man, its useless for yourself and the situation. move on.
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http://kittiesntitties.tumblr.com/
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "
ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."
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Anonymous #3
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Re: I need help. I need serious help. [Re: mick]
#16024881 - 03/31/12 05:40 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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No problem, man. I wouldn't say what you did makes you a scumbag at all. You're just having a good time in a foreign place, fending off some loneliness.
If you feel uncomfortable banging hookers though, then stop. Move on from this, relax, and forgive yourself for what you think is wrong. It's in your past now, and you can move away from it.
I lost my virginity on a one night stand to a dirty, somewhat ugly bar slut who was 8 yrs older than me, when I was in Buenos Aires. Did I feel weird about it afterwards? Yeah, but I don't even associate with it anymore. Little moments in time do not define who you are indefinitely. Nothing can define you indefinitely...If you want to be a good person, then do what you think and feel is right, and move on.
Edited by Anonymous (03/31/12 05:45 PM)
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Anonymous #4
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Re: I need help. I need serious help. [Re: Anonymous #3]
#16026822 - 04/01/12 12:56 AM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
Little moments in time do not define who you are indefinitely. Nothing can define you indefinitely...If you want to be a good person, then do what you think and feel is right, and move on.
I think everyone has done things that they will never disclose to anyone, not necessarily because they regret it, but because they have moved on and changed for the better. I am on the other side of your dilemma, more than a year ago I had to suck and fuck this old guy, about 55 years old, just to pay my rent. Will I ever tell this to anyone I want to love and be loved by? No. Its not lying its just that I am not that person anymore. My values have changed and yes I do wish that I never had to do that, but I did and now I have learned from it and I will never do it again.
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Drsteez
politically academic. ....fuckk
Registered: 12/26/11
Posts: 238
Last seen: 16 days, 14 hours
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Re: I need help. I need serious help. [Re: Anonymous #4]
#16027694 - 04/01/12 05:36 AM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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dam im in india right now and ive definotely looked at some of them hookers lol..but only problem is. ..they find out were you live.. they'll black mail you. and theyvclaim to be 16 17 .lol. shit cracks me up. i dont have the balls to go threw with it.
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syrinx2112
Newbie
Registered: 01/29/12
Posts: 26
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
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Re: I need help. I need serious help. [Re: Drsteez]
#16028592 - 04/01/12 12:19 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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I just did something very similar and feel exactly as you describe... except i'm in a 7 year long relationship with a girl that I love.
And then I tripped.
Feel shame beyond belief. I told her about it yesterday. She hasn't stormed off and I'll know I'll have to earn her love again if she deciders to give me that chance. I still feel shame though and don't know what to do - i feel broken
Edited by syrinx2112 (04/01/12 12:20 PM)
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preschooler
Stranger
Registered: 01/27/03
Posts: 3,929
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Re: I need help. I need serious help. [Re: greys] 1
#16028745 - 04/01/12 01:03 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
greysRDbest said:
Now repeat after me... I will never ever never ever never tell an ex gf I banged 4 hookers.Ever.
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greys
Mushroom Dork
Registered: 07/16/06
Posts: 37,370
Loc: nunya
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Re: I need help. I need serious help. [Re: preschooler] 2
#16028829 - 04/01/12 01:32 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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If you young fuckers listen to NOTHING else i ever say...listen to that.
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LadyShroomer
Stranger
Registered: 04/02/12
Posts: 11
Loc: Michigan 
Last seen: 9 months, 25 days
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Re: I need help. I need serious help. [Re: greys]
#16032429 - 04/02/12 08:17 AM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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As long as you are practicing "safe sex", don't be ashamed of your sexuality. I feel bad sometimes after masturbating, so I understand how you might feel after buying sex. Look at it as a service for your mind and body, Pros are available for people who need their services, everyone don't want to masturbate all the time when their "lover" is not available. Sometimes we all need another humans touch.
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The LadyShroomer - Totally new to magic mushrooms
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Anonymous #5
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Re: I need help. I need serious help. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#16042445 - 04/04/12 12:36 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
That's what creeps me out, that's what I hate...the thought that I won't be able to be fully honest with people in my life, even the person who I could potentially be very emotionally close to. I feel like such a shit head.
I do feel better now than I did earlier, but I still feel like a gross disgusting person. I guess all I can do is try to make each day better than the last. I just don't want to keep doing this.
are you going to tell her that dress makes her ass look fat, or that she made an ass out of herself with that one joke at her boss' dinner?
you won't ever be totally honest, and this is well before you meet that girl.
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SoreSpore
Sweet & Cuddly
Registered: 03/06/12
Posts: 6,478
Loc: Under The Blankets
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Re: I need help. I need serious help. [Re: Anonymous #5]
#16043764 - 04/04/12 05:24 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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I understand and feel your remorse but you must realize that guilt and worrying are very similiar in the fact that neither are productive.
You banged a couple hookers; so what? I exchanged oral with my cousin when we were 14 at church camp. These are the things that are quietly swept under the rug and "forgotten" about 
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trulyknotmadly
impromteau therapist
Registered: 03/18/12
Posts: 95
Loc: texas
Last seen: 6 months, 24 days
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Re: I need help. I need serious help. [Re: SoreSpore]
#16044087 - 04/04/12 06:42 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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I wrote a paper on the legalization of prostitution in college.
Yes, ages-long profession. But you have a few things to think about from what I'm reading. So many people are afraid or ashamed of their sexuality. Embrace yours.
If you're young and a good-looking guy, this tells me that you probably don't have a lot of physical touch in your day to day life. Honestly. And that's the biggest thing you're missing. I say that, because that's where the paradox lies - you feel absolutely shitty for paying for taps, but I would imagine that's because you equate sex with intimacy.
At the very least, props that you don't have the 'friends with benefits' where things have to go and get messy and shit witcher circle of friends.
I don't believe in sin. I don't really think you should be ashamed. You have physical and emotional needs. We all do. 
Now...the guy hittin' dat with the 7 year long relationship.....I'd be pretty pissed off as a GF or wife. But by the same token, as long as it was not a reoccurring process, I'd want to figure out what we were lacking that you had to go out and buy pussy. Just sayin'. 
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"You're only given a litttle spark of madness. You mustn't lose it." - Robin Williams (1951 - )
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Anonymous #6
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Quote:
trulyknotmadly said:
I wrote a paper on the legalization of prostitution in college.
If you're young and a good-looking guy, this tells me that you probably don't have a lot of physical touch in your day to day life. Honestly.
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trulyknotmadly
impromteau therapist
Registered: 03/18/12
Posts: 95
Loc: texas
Last seen: 6 months, 24 days
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Re: I need help. I need serious help. [Re: Anonymous #6]
#16065481 - 04/09/12 04:01 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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You think I'm kidding?
As someone's who's been assigned in the sandbox. If you're military, you can get in trouble just for patting someone on the shoulder as a sign of comfort.
Even in day to day life, we can forget how important just contact with someone can be.
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"You're only given a litttle spark of madness. You mustn't lose it." - Robin Williams (1951 - )
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Anonymous #7
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 Re: I need help. I need serious help. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#16070866 - 04/10/12 05:21 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Hi there, I've been browsing this site for years, love the Shroomery and support everything you do. But I just registered this very minute because I had to post a response to this.
I know what you're feeling brother. A few years ago, at a time in my life when I was lacking in confidence (in retrospect maybe even depressed) I started paying for sex. It became a far too frequent habit and escalated and escalated. Obviously I was spending far too much money. But it was a substitute for real intimacy and responsibility and above all it was done in secret.
I'm a good looking, sociable guy with a wide circle of friends. But I realised this had become an escape, an addiction, a thrill. Which always left me feeling like utter shit for a couple of days. I realised that I was ashamed of my sexuality, I felt a need to hide my desires. My lack of confidence with women was a symptom not the cause.
It took time and work but it started with forgiving myself, learning to love myself and not being afraid to BE myself. It also took me breaking the heart of the woman I loved very much (not because I was paying for sex at the time but because infidelity and especially secrecy were still a part of me I couldn't let go of).
But you are not me, your situation and everything is different, maybe vastly different. But listen to yourself, your emotions are not wrong. If you feel bad then this is something to acknowledge, understand and accept. And if somethings make you feel good then embrace that too (I recommend Jamon Iberico and fino, goddamnit man if you don't eat well in Spain then I may not forgive you for that!)
You're a good person, I have no doubt. Everything you've written tells me that. But only you can figure out what is right for you. Don't be wracked by guilt, remember what Nietzsche said and use troubling times to make you stronger. You ARE human and have physical and emotional needs, see they are met in a positive way.
And 4 hookers, 40 or 400, it's irrelevant. How you feel about it is important. Don't beat yourself up. We are alive, we are in constant flux, you are not the same person you were yesterday nor will you be the same person tomorrow. Grow, learn, love.
Oh and relaaaax.
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