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Anonymous #1
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 Really like this girl but just one major problem... 
#16009177 - 03/28/12 04:27 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Ive been seeing this girl for a while now and im really starting to fall for her. The only problem is her child. Now dont get me wrong, I do love spending time with the child and we get on well, but shes really naughty. Shes not even two yet and its getting worse and worse. The thing is my girlfriend is a very good mom in the sense that she loves her daughter and would do anything for her, but she lets her get away with murder. Their is absolutely no discipline. Shes constantly rewarding her daughter for bad behavior just to keep her quiet and gives in to her. Shes doesn't believe in spanking, which is cool, as long as you have an alternative method of teaching your child right from wrong, which she clearly doesn't have. I would never tell another person how to raise their kids. I don't have kids but I understand it must be hard for her being a single parent, but even I can see where shes going wrong. Every time I spend the day with them I really enjoy it but I come home so stressed out. How can I expect to spend the rest of my life with this girl if I cant even stand a day. She wants to go on holiday but holidays are supposed to be a time to relax and get away from things, I just know its gonna be a nightmare.
Sorry for rambling a bit there but what am I supposed to do here? I cant imagine I would ever find a girl as sweet as her again...
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 veryhoudini
Stranger
Registered: 08/18/11
Posts: 71
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
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Re: Really like this girl but just one major problem... [Re: Anonymous #1]
#16009450 - 03/28/12 05:30 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Well you might need to take the place of diciplining her kid. I tell my family and friends kids what to do and what not to do. the thing is that my aunts are alot like your girl. they have this blindness because of their love. but the thing is if you dont start teaching behaviour habits at a young age and teach the kid asap that they can't just do what they wont, and that every action has a reaction and choices have conciquences, then the child is gonna get more fucked up as they get older. this isnt always the case obviously. i mean it goes without saying that we are talking about a child and part of being a child is acting out, but its important for the parent to recognize that they need to help this kid, and shape them. leading your kid into a good direction is really showing more love than, just acknowledging that you love them and let them get away with anything.
i personally try not to yell at my little ones(cousins) and i would nevver hurt a child, and I'm also against even spanking(personally ofcourse). speaking to kids like they are adults is very powerful. i have a two year old cousin who is a little bastard most of the time. his mom and grandma have caused all of this behaviour problem, they are good moms but they are enablers, which even if out of love causes harm. when im with the kid, i dont put up with shit, and all his older brothers know that im the funnest but at the same time the most serious, so they are all respectable except for him.
if talking doesn't work, i ignore the kid. they usually are tryign to get attention.
but again i tend to treat all little kids as adults, if you got a problem with anyone you should tell them and confront your problem. the mom needs to see that enableing her kid is actually harmful.
im actually an example of this, although all my mistakes were my fault, i also never had a parent that punished me or anythign so i did what i want and was arrested two times as a teenager, not too bad for a worst case scenario, but in my family we also have a high teenage pregnancy rate too.
so see if you dont teach your kid how to behave, they will most likely get arrested, be pregnant as a teenager, or worse.......
kids are always gonna be tough tho, and they are always gonna need help and guidance. maybe you are the influence this girl needs to straighten up her behaviour. maybe you just need to talk to her in a way she'd(mom or daughter) understand. and since this a big responsibilty you should think more about what you really want.
i mean im sure you dont want to be the asshole that left the girl because of her baby. thats really doesnt make you an asshole or anything, cause you're happiness is just as important as anyone elses.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: Really like this girl but just one major problem... [Re: Anonymous #1]
#16009829 - 03/28/12 07:07 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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if you two go on vacation together, and her child comes along, it will in no way be a vacation for you. you will be the one taking care of the kid while she's enjoying herself
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 Penguarky Tunguin
f n o r d
 
Registered: 08/08/04
Posts: 16,906
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Re: Really like this girl but just one major problem... [Re: Anonymous #2]
#16010163 - 03/28/12 08:30 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
if you two go on vacation together, and her child comes along, it will in no way be a vacation for you. you will be the one taking care of the kid while she's enjoying herself
Absolutely true.
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Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.
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Anonymous #3
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Re: Really like this girl but just one major problem... [Re: Anonymous #1]
#16010502 - 03/28/12 09:35 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Too late for abortion.
Learn to live with her methods, or move on.
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 20,712
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Re: Really like this girl but just one major problem... [Re: veryhoudini]
#16011547 - 03/29/12 01:37 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
if you two go on vacation together, and her child comes along, it will in no way be a vacation for you. you will be the one taking care of the kid while she's enjoying herself
Nah. You'll both be looking after the kid. The odds are that none of you will be having a vacation, and if anyone, it's the kid 
Quote:
veryhoudini said:
Well you might need to take the place of diciplining her kid.
I agree. But only if your gf thinks you should do so and if your approach doesn't totally conflict with hers. That would just confuse the kid and drive the two of you away from each other.
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pwnasaurus
Stranger
Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 8,657
Loc: Canada 
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Re: Really like this girl but just one major problem... [Re: koraks]
#16011699 - 03/29/12 02:17 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
koraks said:
Quote:
Anonymous said:
if you two go on vacation together, and her child comes along, it will in no way be a vacation for you. you will be the one taking care of the kid while she's enjoying herself
Nah. You'll both be looking after the kid. The odds are that none of you will be having a vacation, and if anyone, it's the kid
Quote:
veryhoudini said:
Well you might need to take the place of diciplining her kid.
I agree. But only if your gf thinks you should do so and if your approach doesn't totally conflict with hers. That would just confuse the kid and drive the two of you away from each other.
Wise words as always Koraks 
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acidxprincess
Livin day by day.
Registered: 01/07/11
Posts: 1,215
Loc: partylands, WI 
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Re: Really like this girl but just one major problem... [Re: pwnasaurus]
#16011823 - 03/29/12 03:10 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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My brother is going through the same thing but his gf has 2 kids that still shit themselves. Ones 5 and ones 4. 
Discipline is the only way 
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"what do you call Discovery?
I call it rape of the natural world."
"Too weird to live..
Too rare to die"
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Lynnch
Strangerer
Registered: 04/29/09
Posts: 4,306
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Re: Really like this girl but just one major problem... [Re: acidxprincess]
#16015630 - 03/29/12 09:41 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Hold on, tell me, just how does a 2, not even 2, year old 'act out'?? This isn't little timmy being a shit and needs disciplinen, this is a little little kid being a little little kid. Can the child even speak or be spoken to clearly? Don't go off about her parenting when you're just learning the first thing about it yourself.
So the obvious issue is Op is not daddy and is not too happy to play daddy.
Suck it up and play daddy -which in my experience amounts to being really silly/ tuning out screaming and crying/ put em in the corner when they break stuff- or leave her. She is a package deal that includes a kid, no way around that. You could look at it like part time parenting/sex experience without the responsibility...
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LadyShroomer
Stranger
Registered: 04/02/12
Posts: 11
Loc: Michigan
Last seen: 10 months, 22 days
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Re: Really like this girl but just one major problem... [Re: Lynnch]
#16032494 - 04/02/12 08:55 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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LOL! Sounds like you aren't use to kids in a relationship. Most children are a handful or two. Just remember 2 years old is still a baby in many ways. Take a "chill" pill when you are with them, or get out of the relationship.
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The LadyShroomer - Totally new to magic mushrooms
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vegansoup
Stranger
Registered: 12/02/02
Posts: 58
Loc: ohio
Last seen: 10 days, 4 hours
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Re: Really like this girl but just one major problem... [Re: Lynnch]
#16032970 - 04/02/12 12:08 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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damn, I always agree with lynnch. you can't really disapline a kid not even 2. And yes, of course it's gonna get worse. heard of the terrible twos? kids at this age are just learning they are independant beings and are just starting to experiment. The best skill you can have when dealing with someone's small child is to learn to turn out the screaming and tantrums. That and redirecting- by that I mean distracting them from their tantrums with something else. good luck 
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GuruBushHippie
MountainMan
Registered: 04/28/11
Posts: 3,418
Loc: USA
Last seen: 2 hours, 24 minutes
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Re: Really like this girl but just one major problem... [Re: Anonymous #1]
#16032979 - 04/02/12 12:11 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Drop her while you can OP. Then again I fucking hate kids so i'm biased
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Two roads diverged in a wood, and I cut straight through the forest, and that has made all the difference.
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Lynnch
Strangerer
Registered: 04/29/09
Posts: 4,306
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Re: Really like this girl but just one major problem... [Re: GuruBushHippie]
#16033064 - 04/02/12 12:36 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Just like in my relationships, I'm always right 
I was actually trying to think a little bit more on the subject of discipline, redirection is a great tip. -Stop screaming, play with this toy; stop smashing your toy into the ground, lets go run laps outside; wtf stop running in the street, im locking you in your room. I remember telling my parents as a kid 'It doesn't matter if you punish me, I'll still just do what I want'... So I don't think its a matter of spanking or grounding or taking things away, I think it really just comes down to communicating whats wrong and whats right more than anything else, and from that they'll learn and hopefully eventually have a conscience. But every kid is going to act out and do dumb stuff, thats what being a kid and learning and life is about.
Hell I even like kids and I'd drop her. Mostly cuz *hooking up* *hooking up* *baby starts crying* 'Oh, sorry maybe later' *not hooking up* gets old reaaaal fast.
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HermitCrabsOnE
Ass Pincher
Registered: 09/06/11
Posts: 307
Loc: in a cold city somewhere
Last seen: 4 days, 9 hours
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Re: Really like this girl but just one major problem... [Re: Lynnch]
#16033266 - 04/02/12 01:33 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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speaking from experience in raising my siblings, you have to discipline them, but know when to draw the line. 2's a little young, but they can get spoiled at that young of an age. Shit, I know a little 9 month old that cries whenever anyone leaves her, because they always picked her up after she started crying. It's kids conditioning parents..lol
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