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Anonymous #1
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 Questions about NSA sex 
#15919834 - 03/08/12 04:10 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Its just not possible for me, I cannot be intimate with someone without falling for them, so I spend a lot of time on my own, because it seems to me, that most people are hell bent on having a good time without becoming attached...as if it is an option...it probably is, for them, and that is why I am starting this thread.
Are you one of them? Please feel free to share in here how you manage to do it, without becoming attached to the other person or wanting something more with them. Is there a system to your thinking? when did you first know that this was something you could, perhaps preferred, or liked doing?
If you dont feel a sense of attachment, or desire for a more commited connection with the other person, what is it you do feel instead? Does it affect your sensual experience?
For me personally, I always thought the reason I cant do it is because my orgasms are so intense causing an immediate and strong attachment to the person I have them with....but then, that cant mean that people who have NSA sex dont have intense orgasms can it?...I dont think it does, I think we all experience things differently, but I would be interested in your thoughts.
Really interested to hear whatever you want to share in this topic, I am kind of happy the way I am, but I do wonder what it would be like to be able to have NSA sex. I mean, is it an attitude you have to learn or is it hereditary?
Cheers
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Anonymous #2
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I'm with you, I've always found the whole concept impossible. For me I just wouldn't want to have sex with someone I don't trust, and it takes getting to know someone to find out if they are honest. NSA is just a euphemism for desperate to me. Desperation, passion, sometimes I can't even tell them apart, but they are strings in themselves.
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 pwnasaurus
Stranger
 
Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 8,297
Loc: Canada 
Last seen: 15 minutes, 23 seconds
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
I'm with you, I've always found the whole concept impossible. For me I just wouldn't want to have sex with someone I don't trust, and it takes getting to know someone to find out if they are honest. NSA is just a euphemism for desperate to me. Desperation, passion, sometimes I can't even tell them apart, but they are strings in themselves.
What? Can you try and explain that, cause it makes absolutely no sense to me.
Right now, I am not in a relationship. I am planning on moving in the near future, and I'm not sure what lies in ahead, and I want to travel this summer, and definitely am going to be single during that time. For that reason, there is no way I am getting into any sort of relationship right now.
I have not had sex in months, and I am absolutely down - I don't go out spending my nights searching for "pussy", but if a cool chick comes along, I'm more than down to get it on. Sex feels good. How is that desperate?
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Anonymous #2
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Re: Questions about NSA sex [Re: pwnasaurus]
#15920477 - 03/08/12 06:15 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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What I'm saying is that I am not going to feel comfortable having sex with a person I don't have some sort of trusting relationsip with, it is just the way I am wired. If I get to know someone well enough to want to have sex with them, there will be some form of connection between us beyond physical pleasure, I wouldn't call that NSA sex even if we are not in a typical 1 man, 1 woman, commit to mating-for-life sceneraio.
I'm not saying this is the way it has to be for everybody, I certainly cared a lot less about a person's character when I was younger.
Sex is pleasurable but it comes along with certain risks, the label NSA seems to disregard these risks.
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Anonymous #1
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So 2, are you saying that you could have a non commited unmonogamous sexual relationship with someone, though it would still need to have some meaning and trust?
If this is the case, what is the essence of that meaning and trust, if it does not contain a committed connection?
I am not asking in rhetoric, I genuinely hope that there is an answer.
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Deekay
Registered: 09/07/08
Posts: 3,145
Loc: 
Last seen: 2 days, 15 hours
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There's always some attachment with sex.
Hence why said people decided to have sex in the first place, it's not unnatural.
I have a harder time climaxing with NSA partners personally, but whatever.
Getting my partner off gets me off. 
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Anonymous #2
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
So 2, are you saying that you could have a non commited unmonogamous sexual relationship with someone, though it would still need to have some meaning and trust?
Yes.
Quote:
If this is the case, what is the essence of that meaning and trust, if it does not contain a committed connection?
I think everything in life has meaning, or nothing does. I don't try and convince myself or anyone else that some of my actions are meaningless because they don't mesh well with my self-image and I "didn't mean it".
The essence of trust: I dunno, guess it is the ability to come across as a genuine person I can feel like I understand. I don't want to have to lie, I don't want to be lied to or emotionally manipulated for selfish reasons, I am willing to have less sex in order to ensure these things.
I don't always feel like this, I am human, but in general this is how I feel as of late.
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 jboredone
Money-The root of all evil....
Registered: 01/19/12
Posts: 1,991
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--------------------
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CounterCulturest
-Positive Mental Attitude-
Registered: 01/18/10
Posts: 3,089
Loc: At yo door Nigga
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Re: Questions about NSA sex [Re: jboredone]
#15927646 - 03/10/12 02:10 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Man I actually tried this for the first time. Im 23 now and before the past couple of months I was just not interested in the aimless sex. I'm down for it, just for myself. Not cut out for it.
So I said fuck it and started sleeping with this girl. It's already causing problems. I made it clear that I didn't want anything REMOTELY serious and she is already getting way to attached. Constantly harping on me...
If you don't feel like you aren't mean to have aimless sex, then don't do it.
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TTT
Cultivate the inside
Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 4,340
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I can't have sex with people I am not attached to for one simple reason:
By engaging in the act of procreation with someone, I am letting them know they are in some way worthy of impregnating me. Of course not literally impregnate, but that is the most basic meaning behind sex. I am allowing them to think they are worthy of mixing their DNA with my own. It's an ego boost of sorts. Most people, in my eyes, are not worthy of such an ego boost. They don't deserve to think they are worthy males because they're not. So why should I lower my standards just so I can feel the sensations of sex when I wouldn't even want the person I am fucking. Being attractive isn't what I am attracted to, anyway. I need someone to be intellectual, motivated, and interesting. If someone isn't, I literally can't get wet. I can't allow myself to let such a person penetrate me.
And so, I tend to only have intimate relationships with someone who has enough likeable traits that I *could* date them or want to, but won't for whatever reasons. Main reasons being that I don't need a relationship atm and it's a rare for to find attractive men who can handle a FWB. Because of this, the amount of people I've had sex with is pretty fucking low. Especially when compared to other women my age.
I'll probably get criticized for this but 
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Butt-Head
Drizzle
Registered: 05/01/11
Posts: 3,622
Loc: Enceladus
Last seen: 3 hours, 31 minutes
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Re: Questions about NSA sex [Re: TTT]
#15928643 - 03/10/12 10:22 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
TTT said:
I can't have sex with people I am not attached to for one simple reason:
By engaging in the act of procreation with someone, I am letting them know they are in some way worthy of impregnating me. Of course not literally impregnate, but that is the most basic meaning behind sex. I am allowing them to think they are worthy of mixing their DNA with my own. It's an ego boost of sorts. Most people, in my eyes, are not worthy of such an ego boost. They don't deserve to think they are worthy males because they're not. So why should I lower my standards just so I can feel the sensations of sex when I wouldn't even want the person I am fucking. Being attractive isn't what I am attracted to, anyway. I need someone to be intellectual, motivated, and interesting. If someone isn't, I literally can't get wet. I can't allow myself to let such a person penetrate me.
And so, I tend to only have intimate relationships with someone who has enough likeable traits that I *could* date them or want to, but won't for whatever reasons. Main reasons being that I don't need a relationship atm and it's a rare for to find attractive men who can handle a FWB. Because of this, the amount of people I've had sex with is pretty fucking low. Especially when compared to other women my age.
I'll probably get criticized for this but
I wish I had a girl like you I cant wait to have a family
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Questions about NSA sex [Re: TTT]
#15928654 - 03/10/12 10:29 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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edit: removal of emotional rants with embarressing details.
Edited by Anonymous (03/10/12 10:42 AM)
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TTT
Cultivate the inside
Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 4,340
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One thing that helps is not talking about it and not allowing your mind to spend any amount of time sweating it.
Go fucking masturbate for fucks sake.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Questions about NSA sex [Re: TTT]
#15928679 - 03/10/12 10:39 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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I have but thanks anyway.
Edited by Anonymous (03/10/12 10:48 AM)
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greys
Mushroom Dork
Registered: 07/16/06
Posts: 37,370
Loc: nunya
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Re: Questions about NSA sex [Re: TTT]
#15928859 - 03/10/12 12:03 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
TTT said:
I can't have sex with people I am not attached to for one simple reason:
By engaging in the act of procreation with someone, I am letting them know they are in some way worthy of impregnating me. Of course not literally impregnate, but that is the most basic meaning behind sex. I am allowing them to think they are worthy of mixing their DNA with my own. It's an ego boost of sorts. Most people, in my eyes, are not worthy of such an ego boost. They don't deserve to think they are worthy males because they're not. So why should I lower my standards just so I can feel the sensations of sex when I wouldn't even want the person I am fucking. Being attractive isn't what I am attracted to, anyway. I need someone to be intellectual, motivated, and interesting. If someone isn't, I literally can't get wet. I can't allow myself to let such a person penetrate me.
And so, I tend to only have intimate relationships with someone who has enough likeable traits that I *could* date them or want to, but won't for whatever reasons. Main reasons being that I don't need a relationship atm and it's a rare for to find attractive men who can handle a FWB. Because of this, the amount of people I've had sex with is pretty fucking low. Especially when compared to other women my age.
I'll probably get criticized for this but
You and Xul should get together and spend hours over analyzing stuff.
Also...you have a subliminated imsemination/impregnation fantasy.
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Deekay
Registered: 09/07/08
Posts: 3,145
Loc:
Last seen: 2 days, 15 hours
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Re: Questions about NSA sex [Re: TTT]
#15928863 - 03/10/12 12:04 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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That was far from one simple reason 
No offense but that sounds pretty kooky to me
The whole point of NSA sex is that you don't have to worry about that sort of nonsense.
If it becomes an issue for you cut it off.
The point is just to enjoy each other for a bit.
As for the ego boost thing, if it's NSA why feel bad about making someone feel good for a little.
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TTT
Cultivate the inside
Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 4,340
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Re: Questions about NSA sex [Re: greys]
#15928944 - 03/10/12 12:39 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Clearly you totally don't understand my perspective at all. Most people don't... heh
Quite simply: I dislike most people so the thought of letting someone who irritates me get off from intimacy with me is kind of nauseating. And so, I refrain from pursuing such encounters. They do nothing for my long term happiness, are a major waste of energy and don't give back nearly enough to be considered worthwhile. I try not to be a simple, hedonistic beast.
Quote:
greysRDbest said:
Quote:
TTT said:
I can't have sex with people I am not attached to for one simple reason:
By engaging in the act of procreation with someone, I am letting them know they are in some way worthy of impregnating me. Of course not literally impregnate, but that is the most basic meaning behind sex. I am allowing them to think they are worthy of mixing their DNA with my own. It's an ego boost of sorts. Most people, in my eyes, are not worthy of such an ego boost. They don't deserve to think they are worthy males because they're not. So why should I lower my standards just so I can feel the sensations of sex when I wouldn't even want the person I am fucking. Being attractive isn't what I am attracted to, anyway. I need someone to be intellectual, motivated, and interesting. If someone isn't, I literally can't get wet. I can't allow myself to let such a person penetrate me.
And so, I tend to only have intimate relationships with someone who has enough likeable traits that I *could* date them or want to, but won't for whatever reasons. Main reasons being that I don't need a relationship atm and it's a rare for to find attractive men who can handle a FWB. Because of this, the amount of people I've had sex with is pretty fucking low. Especially when compared to other women my age.
I'll probably get criticized for this but
You and Xul should get together and spend hours over analyzing stuff.
Also...you have a subliminated imsemination/impregnation fantasy.
People with XUL's personality are extremely far from being attractive to me. I may over analyze things, but I feel it makes me a bit more grounded with reality than most. There really isn't anything I said in my explanation that is invalid... please tell me if there is. Especially since most of it, besides the beginning, is opinion. I tend to be bothered by people who don't analyze things enough. Most of the problems in this world are caused by people not thinking things through enough and acting on impulses that yield a short term gain but do nothing for the bigger picture. Humans often look at things through such a narrow lens. Me me me, pleasure, pleasure, materials, profit, social status, instant gratification, bullshit. Fuck that. The purpose of life is efficiency and being able to adapt. Part of my way of maintaining efficiency is not wasting an ounce of my energy on human relationships that will never be lasting. I'd rather learn.
I'm not even sure why I bothered to respond.
Edited by TTT (03/10/12 12:47 PM)
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Deekay
Registered: 09/07/08
Posts: 3,145
Loc:
Last seen: 2 days, 15 hours
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Re: Questions about NSA sex [Re: TTT]
#15929030 - 03/10/12 01:16 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
I dislike most people so the thought of letting someone who irritates me get off from intimacy with me is kind of nauseating. And so, I refrain from pursuing such encounters.
So, don't have sex with people who irritate you?
No where does it say you have to have NSA with jerks.
If you refrain from these encounters how do you know they're not worthwhile?
Also, sex doesn't make you a hedonistic beast.
All relationships last, just in varying amounts of time.
If you took the time I'm sure you could learn something, from the weekend fling to the year relationship.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Questions about NSA sex [Re: Deekay]
#15929070 - 03/10/12 01:31 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Deekay said:
So, don't have sex with people who irritate you?
No where does it say you have to have NSA with jerks.
If you refrain from these encounters how do you know they're not worthwhile?
Also, sex doesn't make you a hedonistic beast.
All relationships last, just in varying amounts of time.
If you took the time I'm sure you could learn something, from the weekend fling to the year relationship.
Speaking for my situation. People who do not irritate me, usually dont show any sign of interest. And when they do, I fear becoming emotionally attached, that is what my thread is about. If the person isnt irritating, then why is it you dont want more from them? that you prefer no strings...what is the difference?
I wonder if it is hereditary.
Perhaps it is a security thing. Perhaps people who can do nsa like this have a stronger sense of self worth, and therefore it doesnt matter to them who they go with because it doesnt threaten their self esteem.
?
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TTT
Cultivate the inside
Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 4,340
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Re: Questions about NSA sex [Re: Deekay]
#15929335 - 03/10/12 03:08 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Deekay said:
Quote:
I dislike most people so the thought of letting someone who irritates me get off from intimacy with me is kind of nauseating. And so, I refrain from pursuing such encounters.
1) So, don't have sex with people who irritate you?
No where does it say you have to have NSA with jerks.
2) If you refrain from these encounters how do you know they're not worthwhile?
3) Also, sex doesn't make you a hedonistic beast.
All relationships last, just in varying amounts of time.
If you took the time I'm sure you could learn something, from the weekend fling to the year relationship.
1) That is exactly why I don't do the whole "NSA". Most people irritate me. I explained it quite clearly. I am very capable of having NSA flings, but few people interest me enough.
2) When I was younger, I tried to push myself to experience a wide range of things. One of those things was casual hook ups. I could never do it for the reasons I detailed.
Also, I watch people. I learn from other people's mistakes and experiences. Through my observations in watching people waste tremendous time and energy feeling feelings that lead no where and exhaust their spirits, hamper their drive and distract their minds, I've determined most casual flings are not worth my time. Most people in general are not worth my time.
3) If it is for purely pleasure and I have no feelings what so ever for the person, then yes it does make you a pleasure seeking animal who requires no complexity to a relationship before engaging in sexual acts.
I suppose I get more pleasure out of bettering myself, learning, and experiencing life in this wonderful vessel that is me. Don't get me wrong, I fucking love sex and have a pretty ridiculous sex drive. I can control it though and prefer to spend my time thinking about real things, not sex with people I don't truly care about. When I am in a relationship, I am pretty demanding of sex and like A LOT of stuff.
Also, when I say learn, I mean dedicate myself to science. I am into why things work they way they do, not people.
I've had a relationship before. I have had flings before. I also covered that in my explanation. Learn to read.
I have trouble becoming emotionally attached to people, so fear of attachment has never been a concern for me. Usually people I've hooked up with became overly infatuated with me. I can have flings with people but I can't get aroused unless they possess enough likeable traits that it would pretty much qualify them for a relationship. This is rare as fuck which is why I've slept with very few people. Therefore, I don't pursue hook ups because very few people are likeable in the first place...in anyway. I spend most of my time a lone and I am quite happy with that. Why would I try looking for casual sex when I could be reading, making music, listening to music or doing something physically satisfying like skateboarding, biking, walking, skimboarding or swimming?
My hand functions better than most men anyway. If anything, I have an over inflated sense of self worth when it comes to dealing with most people I come across. So, perhaps your problem OP is that you have low self esteem and get easily attached to people.
Edited by TTT (03/10/12 03:21 PM)
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