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 Aldebaran
Psilo-Scribe
Registered: 11/26/09
Posts: 289
Loc: Yorkshire, UK
Last seen: 2 days, 6 hours
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 Aldebaran's Hallucinogenic Petting Zoo of Unreliable Ideas 
#15785291 - 02/09/12 06:07 PM (3 months, 18 days ago) |
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“They are testing ideas down here with new kinds of wind tunnels.”
I stared at the lampshade next to my bed and watched numbers float within the fabric covering. There were numbers in the wall. The room was lit by lamps each side of the bed, and I remember a peculiar instance when the light from the lamp seemed to be illuminating a scene within my CEV. I closed my eyes and in my CEV I saw some kind of object slowly rotating in the centre of a room, with the scene lit as if the lamplight was shining from the real world into my inner, imaginary world.
The other strange thing about this trip was that I fell asleep for nearly half an hour during the peak, dreaming confused dreams of blue lights inside a dark dome-shaped space, mixed with self-recrimination and the feeling that I should be somewhere else. I had the odd experience of waking up into the middle of a psychedelic trip, and recalled the old thought-experiments of “How do you know you aren't dreaming? How do you know you aren't hallucinating?” These armchair philosophy experiments take on a new perspective when you have just been dreaming inside a hallucination for the past half hour.
I felt as though I had only now truly woken up, that I could have been asleep for months, for years, sleep-walking through life like a zombie. I was considering the possibilities of being “trapped within a hallucinogenic nightmare of proportions so vast that you would have to consume an ever-increasing dosage of hallucinogenic drugs from within the universe that you had created in your head to ever escape from it.” I returned to the “How do you know you aren't hallucinating?” dilemma. The solution seemed obvious - when you are hallucinating, look closely and every surface of every object is covered with numbers.....
Now it's time to return to the beginning of the trip. As usual, I sit in bed and record the unfolding experience with paper and pen. My dose is 12g (wet weight) of pans cyans, split into two equal portions eaten one hour apart to smooth the come-up. After 20 minutes, I can feel the initial effects. These are some of the notes written during my trip:
Slight after-image from TV when I close my eyes. I can sense my vision beginning to warp. The weft and the weave.
We are re-entering the world of the strange.
A feeling of heightened general intensity. Tense and uncomfortable. The sensation of my lips seems to increase. The visual field seems to be busy with peripheral activity, shifts in the overall light level that may or may not be real.
My normal self feels slightly overwhelmed. Feel like I am awake and asleep at the same time.
Reflected light off objects takes on a strange glowing quality. The light to my left seems green but isn't.
Yawning. Sliding into a hallucination is like falling asleep.
A hallucinogenic push from within. I wouldn't say this was pleasant. I feel tired.
Stuck in a weird drifting state. Too many weird songs on the beginning of this playlist.
The door appears unfocused. I am more aware of my teeth. For no apparent or useful reason.
It's just my brain going crazy again. Takes a while to realize that the hallucinations outside are inside. The internalization of reality. Solipsism. Yourself alone.
I seem to be yawning a lot. Could be tiredness. Could be the drugs. Could be the strange uninvited guest inside my head. Or did we invite him? I guess we did or he wouldn't be here.
My ideas are expressing themselves into 3D space. There is no 'here' anymore. Everything shifts. Get used to it.
Feels like reality is falling out of my pockets. A life is a very strange thing when you think about it.
I am unwinding myself. Random mood change? Everything feels busy? Not sure what the fuck is happening? Wondering why your handwriting is in several colors at once and all the gaps between the letters are colored with rainbows? Must be the drugs.
Organized psychedelic explorations into a troubled mind. We've been here before.
Feels like there are people standing around me and saying “Is he OK?” Well maybe I am. And maybe I'm not.
Turn up the heating and punish the evidence. This is more like it.
Seeing rooms of words like an airflow experiment. A wind-tunnel of words. Crosswords & aerodynamics. Mixed-up ideas. Letters flowing around the shape of a wing.
You are daydreaming reality. Why do I have that grin on my face?
A shopfront of reasonable ideas hides the inferno beneath.
It's quarter past I don't give a fuck. Hallucinations like these run on their own timetable. A quarter past I don't remember heaven.
They are testing ideas down here with new kinds of wind tunnels.
I'm enjoying this. Possibly. It's kind of hard to pin the experience down.
The heating is on 5 and the hallucinations are on 6. The ideas are dripping through my veins and I can't believe anyone would want to stop this.
It's like people are pestering me with shopping lists. There are girls inside my head and they don't know what they're doing. It's colorful and the traffic just goes where it wants.
We are speed-testing hallucinations in the tunnels under the city.
I'm watching the shadows created by slowly rotating objects in a room which doesn't exist. The clouds are green and the receptionist is distracted. Get in quick and hide where you can.
The ideas are crowding in like a packed train at rush hour. They are standing on the seats and creating new dimensions for the rest.
Imagined objects reflecting light from the lamp to my left in real-time? How is that possible?
This track builds and so do the drugs. A nausea of ideas. Acid House! Stay up forever!
In a programmed reality with doses like trains. The music of hallucination and the geometry of something which has overtaken me.
I surrender my ideas at the desk and check-in my expectations and hope for the best. I am going cross-eyed but only to make room for the ideas in my head.
Everything looks normal. Why do you ask? In the geometry of the insane everything always looks normal. There will be dancing lizards in the room and shadows on the ceiling in colors you wouldn't believe and the clerk at the desk will tell you that everything looked normal.
Everything everything. They're sending me ideas and I'm having to ditch them over the ocean into continents that only exist inside my head.
The paper is blank and the flight is in progress and everything will be OK. You have to trust that there is someone here who is in control and knows what they are doing. That is the truth? Or is it?
The horrible truth is that the ideas have taken control and collided with themselves in the tunnels under the ocean where people bury their expectations and lose their dogs in a continent of catastrophe and it's raining ideas and the consequences are awful and the lifts are working but the doors are filled with nightmares.
 
Nobody would organize a flight like this. They are parachuting reservists into the global catastrophe inside my head and calling it a hallucination.
It's a quarter to I've lost my tissues in a continent of I forgot to pack any lunch and tell Charlene.
The trains in my head run on lines of unwieldy ideas and come back to haunt you when you least expect it.
The hallucinogenic petting zoo of unreliable ideas. Stay up forever. Lose sleep. Gain weight.
Don't ask me for directions. My hallucinations are in control.
In a continent over the ocean where it's raining ideas you only have yourself to blame.
Everything is everything and you are feeding me lies.
[30 minutes later]
I fell asleep while I was hallucinating and have woke up again. This is totally insane....
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I wrote that, but I meant something else
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 redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 13,639
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 Re: Aldebaran's Hallucinogenic Petting Zoo of Unreliable Ideas [Re: Aldebaran]
#15789995 - 02/10/12 07:01 PM (3 months, 17 days ago) |
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