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VisionaryFlicker said:
I couldn't agree more. I hurt this girl, the sweetest girl, so fucking bad. And she loved me.

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automan said:
In a non-trolling way, you sound like a total douchebag. I wouldn't let you date my sister, for sure.

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VisionaryFlicker said:
Come on guys, I genuinely know I've been a fucking dick.

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koraks said:

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automan said:
In a non-trolling way, you sound like a total douchebag. I wouldn't let you date my sister, for sure.

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True. But it's not the whole truth.

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VisionaryFlicker said:
Come on guys, I genuinely know I've been a fucking dick.

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  Or perhaps you've created a persona somewhere down the line that's all tough and careless, and you're running into trouble with that now because that persona isn't really you. It's a 'you' that once upon a time you'd have liked to be.

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koraks said:
Well, you're young, I think that explains a lot. That may sound condescending, but I certainly don't mean it that way. I recognize a lot in your story. When I was 20-ish, I had created a persona for myself that was a quite rude and careless regarding other people's feelings. I thought I knew how the world worked (I still do in a way, mind you ), voiced that clearly, and I hid my insecurity behind a facade of rudeness and bragging. Which didn't work out too well - some people thought I was an asshole (they were right), while others cut me some slack because they recognized that I was smart but also immature. Personally, I ran into some trouble - I think I became emotionally blocked or frustrated. I'm not really sure. But I experienced dissonance, that much is true. Over the following decade, I gradually came more into touch with my own feelings and those of others. I remain a somewhat arrogant smart ass to this day, but what I've gained is some respect for myself and the people around me. I feel much more balanced now.

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Simms said:
OP is stupid as fuck

Lay off drugs for a year, at least for a year. And you won't be needing to come into the forums seeking some kind of apology remorse or free of guilt.

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VisionaryFlicker said:

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Simms said:
OP is stupid as fuck

Lay off drugs for a year, at least for a year. And you won't be needing to come into the forums seeking some kind of apology remorse or free of guilt.

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Thats dumb. How is laying off the drugs going to cause me not to seek advice on a forum?

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c1dh3d said:
Am I the only one who thinks its actually pretty cool he ran through two sisters in what, a week?

The best I've done is 2 Cassie's in the same day, and I thought that was a bitchin accomplishment by the age of 22. That was back when Myspace was like a booty hub for me just from networking with friends of friends, back when Myspace still kind of existed, man those were the days.

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I don't think it is something to be particularly proud of. Maybe if I'd set out to "hustle" the sister, and she wasn't into me from the start it would be something of an achievement. But it just grew like this organically and naturally. Anyone in my situation would have been able to do this.


***


Aside from that, miraculously she has forgiven me again!!! At least, she hasn't said so, but she's been acting like it.

I promise myself, and all of you. This time I will not ruin it, because she's the best I ever had. A truly reasonable, drama-less girl, (an extreme rarity, as you all will know!) the sweetest girl I know with a heart of pure gold...!

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Anonymous said:
I hate to be the downer, but I called this shit as soon as I read the OP.  From a girl, you need to have more respect for  the one you love.  But as it stands, you both sound very young, or just immature, to be throwing around things like love after one week/bang - I don't care how mystical, spiritual or beautiful it was.

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For someone who called it as soon as you read the OP, you certainly seem to have no real understanding of the situation he described. There's no question of them mentioning love in regards to each other after only one single week.

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fireworks_god said:

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Anonymous said:
I hate to be the downer, but I called this shit as soon as I read the OP.  From a girl, you need to have more respect for  the one you love.  But as it stands, you both sound very young, or just immature, to be throwing around things like love after one week/bang - I don't care how mystical, spiritual or beautiful it was.

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For someone who called it as soon as you read the OP, you certainly seem to have no real understanding of the situation he described. There's no question of them mentioning love in regards to each other after only one single week.

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VisionaryFlicker said:
Anyway, even though she wants to forgive me, she says she fears that she will forever be unable to trust me.
Has anybody have any experience with regaining trust after it is broken?

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Her fears are more than certainly valid, and, if you're lucky enough that she will feel safe enough to decide to be with you and to give her feelings for you more preference than her fears, one of the most important things you'll have to ensure you adequately take care of is fully accepting these feelings of hers and the ways that she will act as a result.

A perfect example: there are more than likely going to be moments, if she does decide to be close and intimate with you, that her feelings will alternate - there will be moments when her concerns for her own safety (in the sense that she will feel threatened by not being able to trust you, by the idea that you could act in those ways like you did on those two occasions, and that she's not protecting herself by giving more importance to her feelings for you) will become more powerful, and she will pull away from you. It'll hurt, it'll be difficult to navigate those moments, and she might act in ways that, in other contexts, you would feel is unfair to you.

It sounds like you're lucky that she really does care about you and wants to be with you, and I'm sure this is exactly because she has a deeper insight into who you are as a person, from having such a close glance from seeing you relate with her sister for so long, probably hearing all kinds of things from her about you, plus the whole connection that you shared with her meanwhile. In many ways you're lucky that other people informed her so much about your recent activities that hurt her, because otherwise you probably would have tried to sweep them under the rug, where they would have festered over a long time in which she would have had no doubts about the capacity that you have to hurt her, only to find out and to feel like she doesn't truly know what's happening in her life or with herself. You're lucky for that...

At this point I'm really hoping that you aren't making all sorts of promises to her that things will never be like that again, under the influence of a lot of your own feelings, without enough discipline and lasting motivation to ensure that you fulfill them. If you're starting things off in the terms that you are, considering how she feels about everything, ultimately choosing to be vulnerable and be with you, and you end up giving her unfulfilled promises regarding exactly what she fears most, it'll worsen everything much more than it would if your relationship was in terms of "I understand how badly I hurt you by doing this, I don't feel good at all about what I did, I'll do my best to not hurt you like that again, but I can't give you a guarantee because just very recently I still had this capacity". Ensuring her that you will not hurt her in the ways she fears the most is something that will be very tempting for her to accept, because she'd probably love nothing more to give into her feelings for you and to not have to think about these matters as ever being a problem again, so promises in this sense aren't exactly a light and easy matter.

Ultimately for you to have a relationship with her is going to require that you assume more responsibility for the way she feels, as if she was you, due to the inevitable influence you have on the way she feels and the inevitable influence the nature of your actions have created on the way she perceives you. You've basically struck some pretty instinctual nerves that imply negative feelings, and it's far too easy for a relationship to get completely tangled when this is the case. The fact that you two have feelings of this caliber for each other specifically means that you have the capacity to do a lot of harm to each other...

You're likely in a position though that can potentially lead to you sharing something with someone else that will eclipse what most people on this planet could even imagine possible. Love is an amazing thing.