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 Enjoywho
Substance Enthusiast
 
Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 6,076
Last seen: 11 days, 6 hours
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 Re: ex-girlfriends sister and I are overwhelmingly in love  [Re: fireworks_god] 2
#15778437 - 02/08/12 12:25 PM (1 year, 3 months ago) |
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Lol, next post.
Oh no guys! I really fucked it up this time! She caught me having sex with my ex and her dog while we were all On mushrooms!
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"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."
"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."
Edited by Enjoywho (02/08/12 12:26 PM)
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VisionaryFlicker
Querulant
Registered: 12/12/09
Posts: 2,456
Loc: Amsterdam 
Last seen: 3 months, 14 days
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Re: ex-girlfriends sister and I are overwhelmingly in love [Re: fireworks_god]
#15779849 - 02/08/12 06:02 PM (1 year, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
fireworks_god said:
Quote:
VisionaryFlicker said:
Anyway, even though she wants to forgive me, she says she fears that she will forever be unable to trust me.
Has anybody have any experience with regaining trust after it is broken?
Her fears are more than certainly valid, and, if you're lucky enough that she will feel safe enough to decide to be with you and to give her feelings for you more preference than her fears, one of the most important things you'll have to ensure you adequately take care of is fully accepting these feelings of hers and the ways that she will act as a result.
A perfect example: there are more than likely going to be moments, if she does decide to be close and intimate with you, that her feelings will alternate - there will be moments when her concerns for her own safety (in the sense that she will feel threatened by not being able to trust you, by the idea that you could act in those ways like you did on those two occasions, and that she's not protecting herself by giving more importance to her feelings for you) will become more powerful, and she will pull away from you. It'll hurt, it'll be difficult to navigate those moments, and she might act in ways that, in other contexts, you would feel is unfair to you.
It sounds like you're lucky that she really does care about you and wants to be with you, and I'm sure this is exactly because she has a deeper insight into who you are as a person, from having such a close glance from seeing you relate with her sister for so long, probably hearing all kinds of things from her about you, plus the whole connection that you shared with her meanwhile. In many ways you're lucky that other people informed her so much about your recent activities that hurt her, because otherwise you probably would have tried to sweep them under the rug, where they would have festered over a long time in which she would have had no doubts about the capacity that you have to hurt her, only to find out and to feel like she doesn't truly know what's happening in her life or with herself. You're lucky for that...
At this point I'm really hoping that you aren't making all sorts of promises to her that things will never be like that again, under the influence of a lot of your own feelings, without enough discipline and lasting motivation to ensure that you fulfill them. If you're starting things off in the terms that you are, considering how she feels about everything, ultimately choosing to be vulnerable and be with you, and you end up giving her unfulfilled promises regarding exactly what she fears most, it'll worsen everything much more than it would if your relationship was in terms of "I understand how badly I hurt you by doing this, I don't feel good at all about what I did, I'll do my best to not hurt you like that again, but I can't give you a guarantee because just very recently I still had this capacity". Ensuring her that you will not hurt her in the ways she fears the most is something that will be very tempting for her to accept, because she'd probably love nothing more to give into her feelings for you and to not have to think about these matters as ever being a problem again, so promises in this sense aren't exactly a light and easy matter.
Ultimately for you to have a relationship with her is going to require that you assume more responsibility for the way she feels, as if she was you, due to the inevitable influence you have on the way she feels and the inevitable influence the nature of your actions have created on the way she perceives you. You've basically struck some pretty instinctual nerves that imply negative feelings, and it's far too easy for a relationship to get completely tangled when this is the case. The fact that you two have feelings of this caliber for each other specifically means that you have the capacity to do a lot of harm to each other...
You're likely in a position though that can potentially lead to you sharing something with someone else that will eclipse what most people on this planet could even imagine possible. Love is an amazing thing.  
Thank you so much for taking the time to give such a well thought through and comprehensive response.
I don't feel I'm in a position to NOT promise her my faithfulness in the future, (I myself would not be content with that either in her position) and at this time I think I can give it to her. I am aware that if I break her trust again, I will not only doom our relationship for all eternity, but may also cause her difficulty to trust others as a result. Her trust WILL in the future be in good hands.
I now believe I understand why I suddenly cheated twice in one week, where in my past 1,5 year relationship I didn't cheat once.
After we kissed for the first time (whilst under the influence of alcohol and speed) I quickly convinced myself that her interest in me was dwindling and she had only kissed me because of the drugs and booze, and mistook the hesitance caused by her guilt with regards to her little siter for decreasing interest. My low self-esteem caused me to think our relationship had no chance of succes anyway, so I was more inclined to cheat. As so often, low self esteem has caused me projective identification.
Trust and esteem issues aside, I fear that the cheating will cause me to forever possess the moral LOW ground. In every argument, in every situation, I will be bearing guilt and be expected to act accordingly: namely not too bold, and somewhat apologetic and submissive. I wonder if this is an obstacle that can be overcome.
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l'enfer c'est les autres
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VisionaryFlicker
Querulant
Registered: 12/12/09
Posts: 2,456
Loc: Amsterdam
Last seen: 3 months, 14 days
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Re: ex-girlfriends sister and I are overwhelmingly in love [Re: VisionaryFlicker]
#15780087 - 02/08/12 07:00 PM (1 year, 3 months ago) |
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Was just browsing youtube, and this song describes perfectly spot on how i feel right now.
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l'enfer c'est les autres
Edited by VisionaryFlicker (02/08/12 07:30 PM)
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VisionaryFlicker
Querulant
Registered: 12/12/09
Posts: 2,456
Loc: Amsterdam
Last seen: 3 months, 14 days
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Re: ex-girlfriends sister and I are overwhelmingly in love [Re: VisionaryFlicker]
#15811854 - 02/15/12 04:17 AM (1 year, 3 months ago) |
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Alright, although she hasn't explicitly forgiven me, implicitly she has. We've been dating, going to the movies and such, and having sex. It's been a jolly good time, and I'm so glad she's forgiven me.
Next time I see her I'll ask her where she wants to go from here, a proper mutually exclusive relationship or a friends with benefits situation. I'm not sure what I want right now.
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l'enfer c'est les autres
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fireworks_god
SexyButt McDanger
Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,197
Loc: Red Panda Village
Last seen: 3 hours, 6 minutes
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Re: ex-girlfriends sister and I are overwhelmingly in love [Re: VisionaryFlicker]
#15811876 - 02/15/12 04:25 AM (1 year, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
VisionaryFlicker said:
Alright, although she hasn't explicitly forgiven me, implicitly she has. We've been dating, going to the movies and such, and having sex. It's been a jolly good time, and I'm so glad she's forgiven me.
Next time I see her I'll ask her where she wants to go from here, a proper mutually exclusive relationship or a friends with benefits situation. I'm not sure what I want right now.
Wow, I'm expecting that she will receive this question really well. 
A few posts ago you were hoping like crazy she'd forgive you for fooling around with someone else... and now you want to ask her if she wants an exclusive relationship or not? Unless I'm missing something, it should already be clear in which way she's interested in you, right?
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If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you
  
 
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VisionaryFlicker
Querulant
Registered: 12/12/09
Posts: 2,456
Loc: Amsterdam
Last seen: 3 months, 14 days
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Re: ex-girlfriends sister and I are overwhelmingly in love [Re: fireworks_god]
#15811939 - 02/15/12 04:53 AM (1 year, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
fireworks_god said:
Quote:
VisionaryFlicker said:
Alright, although she hasn't explicitly forgiven me, implicitly she has. We've been dating, going to the movies and such, and having sex. It's been a jolly good time, and I'm so glad she's forgiven me.
Next time I see her I'll ask her where she wants to go from here, a proper mutually exclusive relationship or a friends with benefits situation. I'm not sure what I want right now.
Wow, I'm expecting that she will receive this question really well.
A few posts ago you were hoping like crazy she'd forgive you for fooling around with someone else... and now you want to ask her if she wants an exclusive relationship or not? Unless I'm missing something, it should already be clear in which way she's interested in you, right?
No don't get me wrong! I'm not going to suggest an open relationship! I just want to make sure she wants to go through with this, and not just assume it without communicating! I understand the confusion, my wording wasn't what it should have been.
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l'enfer c'est les autres
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 automan
blasted chipmunk
Registered: 09/18/03
Posts: 6,718
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Re: ex-girlfriends sister and I are overwhelmingly in love [Re: fireworks_god]
#15812885 - 02/15/12 12:28 PM (1 year, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
fireworks_god said:
Quote:
VisionaryFlicker said:
Alright, although she hasn't explicitly forgiven me, implicitly she has. We've been dating, going to the movies and such, and having sex. It's been a jolly good time, and I'm so glad she's forgiven me.
Next time I see her I'll ask her where she wants to go from here, a proper mutually exclusive relationship or a friends with benefits situation. I'm not sure what I want right now.
Wow, I'm expecting that she will receive this question really well.
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No, no, you're not thinking, you're just being logical. ~ Niels Bohr
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Anonymous #4
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Re: ex-girlfriends sister and I are overwhelmingly in love [Re: automan] 1
#15812927 - 02/15/12 12:41 PM (1 year, 3 months ago) |
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<mod edit>
Edited by Anonymous (02/15/12 04:42 PM)
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Anonymous #5
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Re: ex-girlfriends sister and I are overwhelmingly in love [Re: Anonymous #4]
#15813304 - 02/15/12 02:10 PM (1 year, 3 months ago) |
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First, Amsterdam sounds awesome.
Also, when are you going to post some nudie pics of this new girl?
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VisionaryFlicker
Querulant
Registered: 12/12/09
Posts: 2,456
Loc: Amsterdam
Last seen: 3 months, 14 days
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Re: ex-girlfriends sister and I are overwhelmingly in love [Re: Anonymous #5]
#15814205 - 02/15/12 06:10 PM (1 year, 3 months ago) |
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Never!
I saw my ex-girlfriend today, and we had sex. Honestly, you all can hate on me for it, but I can say with 100% certainty none of you would have been able to resist. She was dirty as fuck.
Anyway, talked to sis and we decided it best to end it. (didn't tell her about fucking her sister though)
Although in the beginning I was madly in love with her, it faded away quite quickly in retrospect. We'll stay friends though. Happiest end imaginable for everyone.
/thread
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l'enfer c'est les autres
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i like cow poo
Nature Lover
Registered: 10/20/09
Posts: 2,656
Loc: Mother Nature's Vagina
Last seen: 22 hours, 16 minutes
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Re: ex-girlfriends sister and I are overwhelmingly in love [Re: VisionaryFlicker]
#15814218 - 02/15/12 06:12 PM (1 year, 3 months ago) |
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how the fuck do you get laid so easily? I'm goodlooking/confindent and I barely get any pussy!
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Anonymous #5
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Re: ex-girlfriends sister and I are overwhelmingly in love [Re: VisionaryFlicker]
#15814231 - 02/15/12 06:13 PM (1 year, 3 months ago) |
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Woah, what a roller coaster ride! 
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Anonymous #5
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Re: ex-girlfriends sister and I are overwhelmingly in love [Re: i like cow poo]
#15814238 - 02/15/12 06:14 PM (1 year, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
i like cow poo said:
how the fuck do you get laid so easily? I'm goodlooking/confindent and I barely get any pussy!
He's European
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luvdemshrooms
Two inch dick..but it spins!?
Registered: 11/29/01
Posts: 24,841
Loc: Lost In Space
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Re: ex-girlfriends sister and I are overwhelmingly in love [Re: i like cow poo]
#15814245 - 02/15/12 06:17 PM (1 year, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
i like cow poo said:
how the fuck do you get laid so easily? I'm goodlooking/confindent and I barely get any pussy!
I think, based on the level of honesty he has displayed in the past, he doesn't.
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“In politics, few talents are as richly rewarded as the ability to convince parasites that they are victims. Welfare states on both sides of the Atlantic have discovered that largesse to losers does not reduce their hostility to society, but only increases it. Far from producing gratitude, generosity is seen as an admission of guilt, and the reparations as inadequate compensation for injustices – leading to worsening behavior by the recipients.
Thomas Sowell
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i like cow poo
Nature Lover
Registered: 10/20/09
Posts: 2,656
Loc: Mother Nature's Vagina
Last seen: 22 hours, 16 minutes
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Re: ex-girlfriends sister and I are overwhelmingly in love [Re: Anonymous #5]
#15814255 - 02/15/12 06:19 PM (1 year, 3 months ago) |
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Eh realistaclly if he fucks that many different people he probably has an std
Not that I wouldn't do the same
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VisionaryFlicker
Querulant
Registered: 12/12/09
Posts: 2,456
Loc: Amsterdam
Last seen: 3 months, 14 days
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Re: ex-girlfriends sister and I are overwhelmingly in love [Re: luvdemshrooms]
#15814281 - 02/15/12 06:25 PM (1 year, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
luvdemshrooms said:
Quote:
i like cow poo said:
how the fuck do you get laid so easily? I'm goodlooking/confindent and I barely get any pussy!
I think, based on the level of honesty he has displayed in the past, he doesn't.
You can believe what you wish. Every single word I've spoken in this thread is true, events and feelings alike.
And in response to "i like cow poo", there is a certain kind of girls that I can easily get laid with, but there's a whole demografic in which I have zero chance. I'm very shy, I am in fact stunned that so many girls are willing to have sex with me! It seems every avance I have made has led to sex thusfar. I don't take it for granted, it's only been like this for about 1 year or so, and like I said, before my previous girlfriend I hadn't so much as kissed a girl.
What has changed in my demeanor since I started to get laid is very subtle; I stopped assuming no girl could ever want me, and I've started to touch girls subtly during conversation. I'm not much of a verbal flirt at all, I usually just talk to girls and at some point I sense that she is open to being kissed...! 
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l'enfer c'est les autres
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VisionaryFlicker
Querulant
Registered: 12/12/09
Posts: 2,456
Loc: Amsterdam
Last seen: 3 months, 14 days
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Re: ex-girlfriends sister and I are overwhelmingly in love [Re: VisionaryFlicker]
#15814305 - 02/15/12 06:31 PM (1 year, 3 months ago) |
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Holy shit I never thought this day would come, I have an explosion thread! I can die a happy man now.
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l'enfer c'est les autres
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VisionaryFlicker
Querulant
Registered: 12/12/09
Posts: 2,456
Loc: Amsterdam
Last seen: 3 months, 14 days
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Re: ex-girlfriends sister and I are overwhelmingly in love [Re: luvdemshrooms]
#15814383 - 02/15/12 06:46 PM (1 year, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
luvdemshrooms said:
Quote:
i like cow poo said:
how the fuck do you get laid so easily? I'm goodlooking/confindent and I barely get any pussy!
I think, based on the level of honesty he has displayed in the past, he doesn't.
Please, show me some evidence of having lied in the past? I'm confused as to where you are referring to 
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l'enfer c'est les autres
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luvdemshrooms
Two inch dick..but it spins!?
Registered: 11/29/01
Posts: 24,841
Loc: Lost In Space
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Re: ex-girlfriends sister and I are overwhelmingly in love [Re: VisionaryFlicker]
#15814400 - 02/15/12 06:49 PM (1 year, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
VisionaryFlicker said:
Please, show me some evidence of having lied in the past? I'm confused as to where you are referring to
Easy enough:
Quote:
feels it is ok to kill over petty crimes (graffiti, marijuana smoking, the growing of shrooms, premarital sex)
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“In politics, few talents are as richly rewarded as the ability to convince parasites that they are victims. Welfare states on both sides of the Atlantic have discovered that largesse to losers does not reduce their hostility to society, but only increases it. Far from producing gratitude, generosity is seen as an admission of guilt, and the reparations as inadequate compensation for injustices – leading to worsening behavior by the recipients.
Thomas Sowell
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VisionaryFlicker
Querulant
Registered: 12/12/09
Posts: 2,456
Loc: Amsterdam
Last seen: 3 months, 14 days
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Re: ex-girlfriends sister and I are overwhelmingly in love [Re: luvdemshrooms]
#15814426 - 02/15/12 06:54 PM (1 year, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
luvdemshrooms said:
Quote:
VisionaryFlicker said:
Please, show me some evidence of having lied in the past? I'm confused as to where you are referring to
Easy enough:
Quote:
feels it is ok to kill over petty crimes (graffiti, marijuana smoking, the growing of shrooms, premarital sex)
That's what you said in my graffiti thread. You were acting like a right redneck; "teenagers cross my property, I'm going to shoot them! Yiiihawww, with my concealed gun license!"
I'm a big proponent of the right to bear arms, but not for people like you.
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l'enfer c'est les autres
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