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 Aldebaran
Psilo-Scribe
Registered: 11/26/09
Posts: 289
Loc: Yorkshire, UK
Last seen: 2 days, 4 hours
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 Hellbound in room 305 - “If the world is ending, I want to be on the side of the giant lizards” 
#15715580 - 01/25/12 09:30 AM (4 months, 2 days ago) |
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Black Number – - a massive bad trip in a tiny hotel room
“it feels like the world is being ripped open”
OK OK, its a long report. But please carry on reading and let me explain about God, the lizards and the talking kittens....
It's October 2008. I'm about to trip in a claustrophobic hotel room in Amsterdam, making the most of the last weeks of legal magic mushrooms. I'm a bit too eager, a little over-confident. I've only tripped a handful of times before, but my doses are steadily rising. I decide to eat a 35g packet of fresh cubes (labelled “Ecuadorian”) followed by two 12g packs of fresh pans cyans. I eat the mushrooms in stages over a couple of hours, re-dosing even as the trip is spiraling downward into despair and panic...
Dosage (wet weight, not dry weight!)
6.00pm 35g Ecuadorians (fresh cubes)
6.30pm 6g Hawaiians (fresh pans cyans)
7.00pm 6g Hawaiians (fresh pans cyans)
8.00pm 6g Hawaiians (fresh pans cyans)
8.30pm 6g Hawaiians (fresh pans cyans)
The trip is not fun - its chemical warfare in my head. This is what you would call a bad trip. This is the kind of thing your parents warned you about. My mood prior to visiting Amsterdam was on a downer for various reasons, and the vistas that open up in my head are bleak; an empty world where everyone has gone home. As the full dose kicks in, the effects are absolutely ferocious. I’m on the brink of just curling up on the floor, but I’m too busy with God, the second-coming, the end of the world, kittens that speak several languages, the plot for a Hollywood Blockbuster, and the giant lizards. Giant, very pissed-off lizards. It’s complicated. Read on....
I took notes while I was tripping, and the cover of my notepad is covered in a random, schizophrenic scrawl with GOD I NEED HELP MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON THEIR SOULS in the centre. I can just make out teeth marks at the edge of the notepad. What follows is an edited version of my trip journal, a kind of “in-progress” trip report. Half an hour after eating the initial dose, the effects begin:
***
Very weak CEV – eyelids fluttering producing butterfly-like shapes resolving into a couch or two, a lounge with a Chinese guy sat there.
I can feel this starting to kick-in a bit, like staring into the back of a dimly lit club. An ominous feeling that new realms are opening up.
CEV – snakes, animal skins, slithering. The white light shining out of a club doorway, graffiti dissolving into patterns of snakes, psychedelic fish.
However much you expect the visuals to arrive, they can seem threatening when they do.
CEV – creatures with long legs dancing to music.
Wooden panels are an alarming shade of hallucinogenic brown. You really shouldn't try to hallucinate anything brown. It's not a good color.
Strong come-up. Triangular patterns are dancing on the back of the chair. I will have to transfer my sanity into this book.
CEV – The inside of my mind like a large rectangular space. Being probed by beams of light from hovering things in the darkness. The lack of humanity disturbs me.
Blimey that was a bit strong. And still is. It's hard to write. The fact that I have a body just feels like one more thing to worry about.
I feel like a railway station. I cannot be everywhere at once.
You can't run away from yourself doing this. Whatever is inside will find you. And probably eat you.
The world feels like a joke that's gone bad.General philosophical confusion and blurred vision.
It feels like the world is being ripped open.
Burrowing into your mind from the inside. There is no “inner receptive centre”, that's the problem. There is a book and there is a pen and everything else is up for grabs.
It's like metaphysics and gambling – two things that shouldn't mix.
I feel like I am pouring out of myself.
Everyone has abandoned the world and gone home. The mushrooms are sweeping away my point of view. A cold and extravagant dish that is eaten alone. A large jigsaw. A tumble-minded kitten-weed. An empty wasteland. The exotic and unexpected.
We are exceeding set depths and targeting minority interests and slowly losing the will to finish the end of our sentences.
This is a very small room to be going insane within. I must remember to take better care of myself. The hallucinations are vicious but maybe they are the only way to learn.
I feel empty. No good. Diseased. Mixed-up. Frightened. Metaphysical conundrums and difficult childhoods. I'd forgotten trips could be like this. Your entire life opened up like a sardine can. Experiencing reality from within and finding that there is only a mirror. You expect hallucinations but you just get a continuation of the biggest hallucination of all.
I think I understand why people do strange things while under the influence of these drugs. It's like pushing the big red button in life and sitting back to enjoy the consequences.
There is no plan B. There is no back-up plan. You are yourself and you are a railway station. You cannot be everywhere at once and you should stop trying.
This is just an impossible situation which can only get worse. I'm invisible but I've been here before. A gadget of fidgets.
Bitter mushrooms and bitter memories. These drugs are like a wake-up call.
We have been transferred into a 9-5 universe but no-one seems to realize that metaphysical attacks can occur in any dimension at any time and may take on unexpected and unwelcome new designs.
The illusion of insanity. Going insane is just too much effort.
My CEV: blue and red kaleidoscopes and ball-shaped illusions
It was a peaceful Monday afternoon and they just dropped this hallucination on me like an atom bomb and walked off and said I had to deal with it by myself.
My thought processes are unusual and not to be repeated. When they unleash the yet-to-be-tested weapons of metaphysical delusion the world will be astonished. This is bad but it's a black number so that's only to be expected.
People are pushing biros into my eyes and razor-blading my dinosaurs.
The ride is fully-booked, the turbulence is awful and the destination will be unrecognizable when you get there. It's beautiful but I don't like it and I want to go home.
They are feeding me realities like fish in the zoo and there is only so much nonsense that one man can take.
Dizzy with frenzy and pregnant with lust, the ceiling looked like it could be relied upon to organize itself quite happily into a new undertaking of great repute, with better grammar and more reliable delusions.
I have sharper claws and battle-hardened delusions and entire networks of unpronounceable nonsense which can tangle you up for days and you won't even know how or why you've been attacked.
Delusions that are more real and more vicious than anything you could stop in your worst nightmares. Turbo-charged carcasses of forgotten realms are soon to be unleashed and they are getting restless and the consequences for the world will be disastrous.
You want something different. You've got it. And it's not what you expected and it's more powerful and more violent than anything you have ever seen.
From the inside the position is always worse and the ones at the front will be the first to taste the malice in my steel claws.
My nightmares have gotten out of control and the fires are raging in my brain.
***
3 hours into the trip, the writing stops abruptly.
A phrase runs through my head as I drop my notepad to the floor - “I pray for forgiveness for the ferocity of what I am about to unleash.” Although I'm an atheist, the trip takes on a strange kind of religious fervor, as though the second coming is imminent and God is very, very angry. It's that unshakable feeling, under the influence of a large quantity of psychedelics, that God is coming. To make things worse, I'm convinced that God is mad at me, that I'm going to be persecuted for the sins of humanity, that satan is going to violate my butthole in the pits of hell. I will become the anti-christ.
It's more than I can take. I lose the plot. I remember lying on my back on the bed, running my feet up the wall and babbling some kind of glossolalia. I'm almost getting to the point where I feel the need to open the window and start shouting into the street about Jesus. I see inner visions of churches, their spires connected to the heavens by lightning that forks and crackles in the night sky.
In my head, the apocalypse is imminent. I see visions of giant lizards with lasers in their eyes ready to destroy the earth under God's command (stop laughing!). As the trip peaks, I do the only thing you can do in the middle of a ferocious hallucinogenic onslaught, and decide to go with the flow. If the world is ending, I want to be on the side of the giant lizards. I decide to accept the word of Jesus (at least until the drugs wear off). I envision myself as one of those fervent born-again Christians, preaching about the wrath of God. I feel better.
In order to promote the word of God, I feel that the general population need some kind of real proof. I have an amazing idea – each and every person will receive a kitten that talks every known language, to tell them about the power of God and the secrets of the universe. I stalk around my hotel room, convinced of the awesome potential of my discoveries. I almost think I see a kitten materializing out of the shadows by the door, but it's just my shoes. I keep touching the wood paneling in order to ground myself in my crazy new world in which God not only exists, but distributes talking kittens. I stare at the sink in the bathroom, feeling that all the hatred and pain of the earth is disappearing into it, with an immense sense of peace and profundity.
And then I remember that I've recently eaten a huge quantity of hallucinogenic mushrooms. “Shit, this is just a fucking hallucination isn't it?” I'm thinking. No matter. Even if God isn't about to make his presence felt, I feel sure that I have the material for a major movie blockbuster, to be called “The East India Company” - in which a secretive company is set up and becomes fabulously wealthy when the existence of God is revealed in a film called “The East India Company.” The logic seems irrefutable. The film-within-a-film will not only be a success, it will start a new religion. It will create it's own universe. It will feature “cats and lawyers” and Michelle Pfeiffer.
Eventually, the trip winds down and the mania cools off. As I drop into a deep sleep it’s with a profound gladness that all the chaos in my head has finally stopped. The morning after, I feel a bit bemused by the total insanity of the trip, and the fervent belief in utter lunacy that was generated by the mushrooms. The ascent and peak of the trip was an awful experience of impending doom linked in with religious delusions of a troubling and negative nature. The rest of the trip was equally bizarre, entangled in absurd delusional thoughts that didn't give me any peace. It may read like a joke but it was all very serious to me at the time. Only the mushrooms were laughing.....
Aldebaran never became a religious fundamentalist, but even now he is still hiding from the giant lizards
    
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I wrote that, but I meant something else
Edited by Aldebaran (01/25/12 11:02 AM)
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Vernus
Registered: 10/16/11
Posts: 1,043
Last seen: 2 hours, 8 minutes
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 Re: Hellbound in room 305 - “If the world is ending, I want to be on the side of the giant lizards” [Re: Aldebaran]
#15715646 - 01/25/12 09:49 AM (4 months, 2 days ago) |
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i really enjoyed your trip report ! thanks for sharing ! (5 starts for this post )
you see when i trip i see god as the + energy and Satan as the - Energy.
that't why i always put my self in GOD'S (+ energy Field) hands and praise those beautiful waves of energy ... the more you focus on the + the better your inner voice feels.
This trip report related to my trips alot. again i say i enjoyed it Thanks Friend.
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 Jessica Swift
यन्त्र
Registered: 01/13/12
Posts: 1,723
Loc: 
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Re: Hellbound in room 305 - “If the world is ending, I want to be on the side of the giant lizards” [Re: Vernus]
#15716322 - 01/25/12 12:51 PM (4 months, 2 days ago) |
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Quote:
Experiencing reality from within and finding that there is only a mirror. You expect hallucinations but you just get a continuation of the biggest hallucination of all.
Spot on.
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Wise Toad
Distorted Interpretation
Registered: 06/08/10
Posts: 2,223
Loc: Flipside
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Re: Hellbound in room 305 - “If the world is ending, I want to be on the side of the giant lizards” [Re: Jessica Swift]
#15717986 - 01/25/12 06:47 PM (4 months, 1 day ago) |
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Aldebaran
Psilo-Scribe
Registered: 11/26/09
Posts: 289
Loc: Yorkshire, UK
Last seen: 2 days, 4 hours
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 Re: Hellbound in room 305 - “If the world is ending, I want to be on the side of the giant lizards” [Re: Wise Toad]
#15720224 - 01/26/12 09:26 AM (4 months, 1 day ago) |
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Quote:
These Lizards?
Aha! "it doesn't matter where you go, you cannot escape the vengeance of the lizards!"
They were more like the Megalosaurus featured halfway down this page: http://www.houseoftheorangemonkey.co.uk/monkey/trips/trip970311.htm
But with lasers in their eyes, obviously. And maybe the face was a bit different, imagine a chameleon the size of a bus (psychiatrist nods and writes something on his clipboard)....
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I wrote that, but I meant something else
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