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 cateyes
Registered: 12/16/03
Posts: 2,754
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 Mental Illness: My Return to the Mushroom  3
#15294355 - 10/29/11 10:22 AM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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this isn't an intense trip report... it's more a recount of my return to psychedelics... i hope someone will enjoy this...
i stopped using psychedelics when i graduated from advanced school... at the time i thought it was the responsible thing to do... at 33 i developed a severe mental illness that through my life into a tailspin... some time past then about nine months ago when several things occurred... the birth of our second child, i implemented fairly significant lifestyle changes and made the decision to return to psychedelics after giving it some SERIOUS deep thought...
i dug up all my gear from the attic and moved it into my personal room in our basement and proceeded my grow... everything went smoothly and i had a tremendous overall yield, i was surprised... my wife had no idea i was cultivating, i didn't want to worry her... i was in my basement room alone and i took a little less then an eighth... as soon as i consumed them i began to worry that i might lose it and my wife would find me huddled up in a mess on the carpet... so i began to try to work it out... when it finally started to kick in the come on pretty awesome and i became more relaxed, all the anxiety i had completely disappeared... so i'm just chilling out, thinking about things while listening to some music and all of a sudden there's a knock on the door... i'm like holy shit as my wife walks in... she says "i'm going to the mall come with me"... so i figured what the fuck to myself and joined her... at the mall she's shopping and i'm just hanging with her, i'm mostly people watching... colors are very intense as i remembered they would be and i seem to have this ability to focus in on every sound, every conversation around me... it was very cool, i was getting into this, it wasn't overwhelming me... not once did i feel paranoid or experience delusions in anyway which was one of my concerns going into this... as a matter of fact it was quite the opposite... i felt a connection to everything and everyone... i have no other way of explaining it other then that, i hope someone here knows what i mean...
eventually my wife picked out what she came for and we headed over to the food court to get something to drink... while we were sitting at a table talking she gets a call... so i'm just thinking to myself and looking around a bit, just checking out my surroundings and i see this young girl... she's sitting at a table by herself and she kind of looks very sad... i couldn't stop looking at her... all of a sudden she raises her head a little and looks straight at me... i just began to smile at her and she began to smile back at me, we sat there staring at one another, it was very intense and all of a sudden she began to emanate this beautiful light... it was fucking amazing... i wasn't able to handle it well, for some reason it began to overwhelm me a little bit so i eventually turned away and faced my wife who was still on her cell phone... as i sat there i began to feel this incredible sense peace and felt deep love for everyone around me, especially my wife... i began to weep, i couldn't help it, it just happened... my wife asked me what's wrong, was i OK? all i said to her was i love you... she said i better get you out of here, NOW! and home we went...
i made a straight line to my basement room... i closed the door, turned on some music and sat down on the chair at my desk... i was just rolling with it at this point, just thinking when the mushroom spoke to me... it told me i was on the right path and that everything was going to be OK... at that point i completely broke down into tears but they were happy tears, maybe you can understand... it was very cool... a short while later there's another knock on my door and my wife walks in, pulls up a chair along side me and says "are you alright?"... "is everything OK with you?"... i said i was fine and we talked a bit and out of the blue i just blurted out what i had done this afternoon with no forethought whatsoever... she was concerned but she wasn't angry in anyway... she wanted to know what my experience was so i explained what had happened at the mall and in the basement... she seemed fascinated by it, but she did express concerns about what effects this might have with my medications... i told her i thoroughly looked into it and that everything was cool... i told her that i felt a greater sense of peace at that moment then i had in many years... i asked her if it would be cool if i tripped once or twice a month and she said it would be OK... and that was the beginning of my new journey...
like i said i trip once maybe twice a month now... it's always a great experience and if things are just right i generally learn something new... i feel it was a combination of my lifestyle changes and the mushroom that helped get rid of my depression, hypo-mania and anxiety... i give the mushroom equal credit... i still have positive symptoms of schizoaffective disorder but their occurrence and intensity are significantly less... in the past when they occurred i could become consumed by it all and fall further down the rabbit hole... now when they occur i'm able to quickly rationalize the experience and dismiss it completely...
note: after about six months of returning to the mushroom my wife and i were sitting on the couch and she turns to me all of a sudden and starts asking me what the experiences were like... so i explained to her what it was like and what it meant to me and she looks me straight into the eyes and says "i want to trip with you"... needless to say i was overjoyed so we made plans... her conditions were no friends over and our children had to stay at her sisters house... i said it sounds like a plan and we set a date for the following weekend... she only brought it up once during that week but she said she was very excited and couldn't stop thinking about, i told her i completely understood... saturday comes, we're all alone and i did hers in a small berry smoothie... her come on was very smooth thank god, i was worried about it and she was really enjoying it, she told me so several times as a matter of fact...  i was like cool this is all going to work out well... after awhile of talking with each other she said "i want to lay down"... i became worried and i asked her "are you OK?" she said "i'm fine, i just want to lay down"... i was relieved... so off to the bedroom we went and began to undress each other... we climbed under the covers and just laid there touching each others bodies looking at each other... i let her drive the conversation... we spent the rest of the evening talking about whatever was on her mind... she began to tell me how it felt, she said she felt alive... i said, "i know" and then she said "no, i mean really alive!" we were in a good place at this point... she said that now she understood why psychedelics are important to me... she wanted to talk about so many different things and i just rolled with it... at one point i began to realize that she had alot more on her mind then i had ever realized... and she was keeping it in in order to protect me... she accepted all the pressures of running the household virtually alone and it didn't bother her... she didn't come out and say this... the mushroom showed me this... some time past, we got body to body close and held and caressed each other before she eventually fell asleep... the following morning, i'm sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of tea and she walks into the room... i asked "how are you" and she looks at me with this incredible smile simply replied "i am beautiful"... with that i said "yes you are"... to this day my wife only trips only tripped 3 times and under the same conditions, no friends and no children... when we make love it's almost kundalini intense...
thanks for reading... PeaCe2U all...
Kensho 
Edited by cateyes (11/13/11 08:18 AM)
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joemolloy
DMT is Bullshit
Registered: 04/12/09
Posts: 6,212
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 Re: Mental Illness: My Return to the Mushroom [Re: cateyes]
#15294860 - 10/29/11 01:11 PM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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Beautiful story, man. You found it, what we all search for, a taste of peaceful wonder.
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An arrogant asshole who really does know it all.
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 Eschalt
främling
Registered: 04/01/04
Posts: 173
Last seen: 1 month, 15 days
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Re: Mental Illness: My Return to the Mushroom [Re: joemolloy]
#15296389 - 10/29/11 07:19 PM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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That's the sort of thing that should be in the news:
"Man returns to psychedelics, realizes everything is going to be OK"
Thanks for reminding me that I need to trip a couple times a month. Sounds awesome.
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thedream
The Most High
Registered: 12/25/10
Posts: 491
Last seen: 5 days, 16 hours
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Re: Mental Illness: My Return to the Mushroom [Re: Eschalt]
#15328779 - 11/05/11 11:36 PM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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An intense T.R indeed! Stories like this are very reassuring as to how beneficial and valuable the psychedelic experience is! Congrats to you my man, I'm glad your life is getting back on track. It's funny how a little fungi can put life into perspective.
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cateyes
Registered: 12/16/03
Posts: 2,754
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Re: Mental Illness: My Return to the Mushroom [Re: thedream]
#15331275 - 11/06/11 03:39 PM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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thank you thedream... the mushroom always opened my mind and eyes, right back to the first time i tired them when i was 14... i really appreciate that you took the time to comment... it really means alot to me...
PeaCe2U
Kensho
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chrissake
Student of Life
Registered: 11/18/10
Posts: 312
Loc: Northern Woods
Last seen: 11 hours, 37 minutes
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Re: Mental Illness: My Return to the Mushroom [Re: cateyes]
#15336663 - 11/07/11 05:19 PM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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I understand completely. I just tripped last night and it was so beautiful. But then again, it always is for me. Aside from brief moments of depression where I get thinking about the big picture, but then I quickly move to something positive and good.
I feel like mushrooms remind me of what is important, and helps me shed my ego little by little each time. I always tell my woman I love her and how great she is about a thousand times, so she doesn't mind ;-) . She loves tripping with me, and gets jealous if I do it alone.
Mushrooms are an important medicine that helps bring out the positive light in me I love the mushroom and the mushroom loves me
I'm glad you're back  
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cateyes
Registered: 12/16/03
Posts: 2,754
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Re: Mental Illness: My Return to the Mushroom [Re: chrissake]
#15362224 - 11/12/11 10:59 PM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
chrissake said:
I understand completely. I just tripped last night and it was so beautiful. But then again, it always is for me. Aside from brief moments of depression where I get thinking about the big picture, but then I quickly move to something positive and good.
I feel like mushrooms remind me of what is important, and helps me shed my ego little by little each time. I always tell my woman I love her and how great she is about a thousand times, so she doesn't mind ;-) . She loves tripping with me, and gets jealous if I do it alone.
Mushrooms are an important medicine that helps bring out the positive light in me I love the mushroom and the mushroom loves me
I'm glad you're back
thank you for reading my trip report and that you got something out of it... and i'm glad you're able to get something out of these experiences too, it's good to hear others out there are able to connect... and isn't awesome to trip with your lover? there's nothing like it on earth as far as i'm concerned, to look into her eyes... when i do this i see the universe before me... quarter trips always do this to me...
PeaCe2U
Kensho
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Gooners
Registered: 11/17/10
Posts: 162
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
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Re: Mental Illness: My Return to the Mushroom [Re: cateyes]
#15382585 - 11/17/11 06:54 AM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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good read
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Smokey-hitz
Registered: 01/02/11
Posts: 769
Loc: In the thumb 
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Re: Mental Illness: My Return to the Mushroom [Re: Gooners]
#15382607 - 11/17/11 07:03 AM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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maggotz
Registered: 06/24/06
Posts: 7,200
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Re: Mental Illness: My Return to the Mushroom [Re: cateyes]
#15392493 - 11/19/11 10:52 AM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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nice read, man.
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jayfromtheSE
Mushroom Enthusiast.
Registered: 04/22/11
Posts: 191
Loc: Australia, Melbourne. 
Last seen: 1 day, 6 hours
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Re: Mental Illness: My Return to the Mushroom [Re: Eschalt]
#15394026 - 11/19/11 06:09 PM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Eschalt said:
That's the sort of thing that should be in the news:
"Man returns to psychedelics, realizes everything is going to be OK"
Thanks for reminding me that I need to trip a couple times a month. Sounds awesome.
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I dreamed I was a butterfly, floatting around in the sky; then I awoke. Now I wonder; Am I a man who dreamed of being a butterfly, or am I a butterfly dreaming that I am a man?
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EthanJPA
Explorer
Registered: 10/15/11
Posts: 214
Loc: USA, NY
Last seen: 1 day, 15 hours
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Re: Mental Illness: My Return to the Mushroom [Re: jayfromtheSE]
#15398511 - 11/20/11 06:13 PM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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Very uplifting! Almost couldn't help but smile at a few parts. Glad to hear tripping has had such a positive impact on your life - and now your wife's life too 
Positive vibes in all further trips man!
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TO DO LIST
Weed Mushrooms DMT LSD Salvia DXM Aya/Pharma a-PVP a-PVT MDMA Ketamine Mescaline 4-FA 4-ACO-DMT MXE 25i-NBOMe Kratom DOC
..AND MANY MANY MORE..
Sometimes, you have to let go in order to see if there is anything worth holding on to.
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gornyhuy
A Myth Intrepidly Met
Registered: 08/04/09
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Loc: USA
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Re: Mental Illness: My Return to the Mushroom [Re: EthanJPA]
#15453885 - 12/02/11 11:50 AM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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Beautiful report man, thank you!
I've been debating about tripping again this weekend after some difficult experiences a few weeks ago. This is leaning me toward doing it right.
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 Bulk Grow Substrate Calculator Spreadsheet - get it HERE
*Downloaded over 2,000 times!* - As discussed in this thread.
Also try the CHANGA CALCULATOR
Strangers passing in the street
By chance two separate glances meet
And I am you and what I see is me.
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cateyes
Registered: 12/16/03
Posts: 2,754
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Re: Mental Illness: My Return to the Mushroom [Re: gornyhuy]
#15454631 - 12/02/11 03:39 PM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
gornyhuy said:
Beautiful report man, thank you!
I've been debating about tripping again this weekend after some difficult experiences a few weeks ago. This is leaning me toward doing it right.
you have no idea how happy your comment made me... PeaCe2U
Kensho
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SomeGuy
I feel better now :)
Registered: 04/18/10
Posts: 7,496
Loc:
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Re: Mental Illness: My Return to the Mushroom [Re: cateyes]
#15454657 - 12/02/11 03:48 PM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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I wish all my experiences were as nice as yours.  great post!
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owls
just let go!
Registered: 02/22/09
Posts: 6,415
Loc: dancing
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 Re: Mental Illness: My Return to the Mushroom [Re: cateyes]
#15455667 - 12/02/11 07:23 PM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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dude that was a BEAUTIFUL trip report best one i've read in a long time actually (i honestly don't even read that many because some of them just plain suck,) but you did an AMAZING job of really detailing the experience. totally reminds me how much i miss shrooms... and how beautiful they are... Awww, this story totally warmed my heart 
i totally know what you mean about crying man. shrooms used to make me cry all the time, out of the realization of what sheer beauty it is to merely exist.
i loved the part about how you were able to detail the experience so well to your wife that she just looked at you and said "i want to trip with you." that is awesome dude. you are so lucky to have the life you have, and you know what makes it even better? you have that life because you deserve it, 100%.
i'm SO glad you discovered how beneficial and what a special medicine mushrooms can be to people what are mentally unstable. TOO many people think mushrooms and mental instability DO NOT MIX.. so many people on this forum feel that way and it's really really sad... shrooms always helped me so much with my mental quirks and always gave me the most healing experiences ever. i know you know exactly what i'm talking about. it frustrates me how many feel about shrooms on this forum and don't understand what they truly are... an amazingly powerful healing medicine. i hope that one day they can be seen and respected for the power they truly hold in this society.
that was a great story man and i know you'll continue to have awesome experiences with this sacred medicine. much love man
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i love you ♥
you are beautiful! 
COME TOGETHER, JOIN THE PARTY!!
"what beith a man if he doth not enjoy cannabis?"
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LayinUp
Faith
Registered: 04/14/11
Posts: 1,922
Loc: Inside the mycelium
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Re: Mental Illness: My Return to the Mushroom [Re: owls]
#15457104 - 12/03/11 01:18 AM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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Excellent report, thanks for sharing.
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Escape the box.
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Nature Boy
Stranger than most
Registered: 07/09/07
Posts: 4,647
Loc: Samsara
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Re: Mental Illness: My Return to the Mushroom [Re: cateyes]
#15457333 - 12/03/11 02:39 AM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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Wow...how did I miss this trip report for a month??? Nice job with the grow, good job with letting the wife come around of her own accord to sample the experience, and great job making her first foray into the soul of the mushroom such a successful venture.
The posts above mine seem to tacitly recognize the responsible way you went about the whole process of reintroducing psychedelics into your life, the appropriateness of your motivation for doing so, and the consequent benefit which ensued because of those particular factors. Kudos for the timing.
I hope with all my heart it stays special and positive for you both.
N.B.
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All submitted posts are by Someone Who Isn't Me (SWIM) - and in any event are works of pure fiction or outright lies. Any information, statement, or assertion contained therein should be considered pure unadulterated bullshit. Note well: Sorry, but I no longer answer PM's unless you are a long-time trusted friend, so don't bother. If you have a question, ask it in the appropriate thread...no exceptions. Anyone with less than 1,000 posts is automatically assumed to be a cop.
 
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cateyes
Registered: 12/16/03
Posts: 2,754
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Re: Mental Illness: My Return to the Mushroom [Re: Nature Boy]
#15458312 - 12/03/11 11:59 AM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Nature Boy said:
Wow...how did I miss this trip report for a month??? Nice job with the grow, good job with letting the wife come around of her own accord to sample the experience, and great job making her first foray into the soul of the mushroom such a successful venture.
The posts above mine seem to tacitly recognize the responsible way you went about the whole process of reintroducing psychedelics into your life, the appropriateness of your motivation for doing so, and the consequent benefit which ensued because of those particular factors. Kudos for the timing.
I hope with all my heart it stays special and positive for you both.
N.B.
what an awesome comment... seriously man, i deeply mean this... and thanks for the well wishes, we're on this new journey together and it's awesome... 
PeaCe2U
Kensho
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cateyes
Registered: 12/16/03
Posts: 2,754
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Re: Mental Illness: My Return to the Mushroom [Re: owls]
#15517174 - 12/14/11 08:48 PM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
owls said:
dude that was a BEAUTIFUL trip report best one i've read in a long time actually (i honestly don't even read that many because some of them just plain suck,) but you did an AMAZING job of really detailing the experience. totally reminds me how much i miss shrooms... and how beautiful they are... Awww, this story totally warmed my heart
i totally know what you mean about crying man. shrooms used to make me cry all the time, out of the realization of what sheer beauty it is to merely exist.
i loved the part about how you were able to detail the experience so well to your wife that she just looked at you and said "i want to trip with you." that is awesome dude. you are so lucky to have the life you have, and you know what makes it even better? you have that life because you deserve it, 100%.
i'm SO glad you discovered how beneficial and what a special medicine mushrooms can be to people what are mentally unstable. TOO many people think mushrooms and mental instability DO NOT MIX.. so many people on this forum feel that way and it's really really sad... shrooms always helped me so much with my mental quirks and always gave me the most healing experiences ever. i know you know exactly what i'm talking about. it frustrates me how many feel about shrooms on this forum and don't understand what they truly are... an amazingly powerful healing medicine. i hope that one day they can be seen and respected for the power they truly hold in this society.
that was a great story man and i know you'll continue to have awesome experiences with this sacred medicine. much love man
thank you owls... that means alot to me coming from you... seriously dude... 
Kensho
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