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 Kada
Asha'man
 
Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 12,395
Loc: Buckeye 
Last seen: 28 days, 21 hours
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 So my wife wants to go to bars with co workers. 
#13627335 - 12/13/10 04:30 PM (13 years, 4 months ago) |
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I don't tell my wife what she can't do because I don't own her. I just feel like something bad could happen to her or something might happen in the heat of the moment. Her co workers are girls and guys and I don't know any of them. She wants me to tell her that I don't mind that she goes out to bars until 1-3am with other guys basically. She says they are just work friends but I know what that can turn into.
What do I do here?
She went to myrtle beach with her sister and cousin and ended up in 4 guys hotel room drinking. WTF is up with that? She ended up calling me and telling me the next day that she left because it was a weird situation, but she did go in there for a while. Anything could have happened. She left her sister and cousin there because they wouldn't leave. I flipped out because thats how girls get raped, killed, kidnapped or whatever.
She went out with her sister to a club that is known as just a place to display what you got a few times and ended up not answering my calls until 5 am instead of the 1am that I asked her to not go over just so I knew she was safe. WTF is up with that I ask. That was a few years ago but her lack of judgment is in question with me. She felt she was safe getting wasted there.
She went to that same bar and walked home drunk with my sister 6 years ago through a golf course at night. That was stupid because drunk people fuck there all the time.
I dunno, I might be overreacting, but I don't really want her out at the clubs with mixed sex work friends. Thats how shit accidentally happens. It seems like a recipe for disaster.
I tell her I can't order her around or tell her what she can and can't do but I'm not comfortable with her staying out until the crack of dawn with other guys even if girls are there too. Who knows what can happen. I told her I didn't mind her going out last weekend for a few hours, but then she called that night wanting to go to other bars with them and didn't come back until 2:30 am.
She is all upset with me that I have a problem with this. I told her I can't tell her what she can and can't do because I'm her husband not her master, but I really don't like her doing this.
What should I do? DSHSB?
Really tho. Should I worry? Every time she tells me to trust her I find something that she did unacceptable or dangerous. Am I thinking to much into this? What does a married woman need to be doing out so damn late? I dunno.
What should I do? My reluctance makes her think I don't trust her at all and she is almost crying over this. She is pretty mad that I even question the situation.
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~The Cultivators Motherload~ "I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them.
I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." -Robert A. Heinlein "There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies.
My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness."-Dalai Lama Live long and prosper. 
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 PreparationH
apply daily
Registered: 03/28/05
Posts: 18,354
Loc: Amsterdam
Last seen: 5 minutes, 54 seconds
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Re: So my wife wants to go to bars with co workers. [Re: Kada]
#13627368 - 12/13/10 04:36 PM (13 years, 4 months ago) |
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What are you worried about? Her cheating? Better sooner than later.
I personally think you're over reacting. She invites you right? If not, she just wants some alone time, you should go to a bar yourself.
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stuntmanmike
Registered: 09/16/10
Posts: 836
Last seen: 12 years, 1 month
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Re: So my wife wants to go to bars with co workers. [Re: PreparationH]
#13627388 - 12/13/10 04:41 PM (13 years, 4 months ago) |
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 foodsgoodtoo
FPSnosurrender
Registered: 02/13/09
Posts: 3,720
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Re: So my wife wants to go to bars with co workers. [Re: PreparationH]
#13627390 - 12/13/10 04:41 PM (13 years, 4 months ago) |
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I like that advice.
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Kada
Asha'man
Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 12,395
Loc: Buckeye
Last seen: 28 days, 21 hours
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Re: So my wife wants to go to bars with co workers. [Re: PreparationH]
#13627392 - 12/13/10 04:41 PM (13 years, 4 months ago) |
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She told me I can go. I hate bars and don't really want to hang out with teachers. I guess thats my own fault for not wanting to go to a bar. I don't drink and I hate being around people that drink. We have been married for 9 years and I'm not afraid she will find anyone better or something. She is hot as fuck and I don't trust other dudes especially when alcohol is involved.
I can't help but to feel like I need to protect her. She stopped me from going to bars when we were younger for the same reasons. Now she wants to go to them for the same reasons I wanted to but I'm supposed to be ok with it.
I just love her and would die if anything happened to her. She told me I'm acting like her jailer just because I care. WTF I didn't say she couldn't, I just said I don't like it one damn bit. She always manages to ask for more once she has her way.
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~The Cultivators Motherload~ "I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them.
I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." -Robert A. Heinlein "There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies.
My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness."-Dalai Lama Live long and prosper.
Edited by Kada (12/13/10 04:43 PM)
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shadyy
aHhahhHA
Registered: 09/08/08
Posts: 21,330
Loc: winchestertonfieldville i...
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Re: So my wife wants to go to bars with co workers. [Re: Kada]
#13627404 - 12/13/10 04:44 PM (13 years, 4 months ago) |
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she's fucking someone else, bro
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ga ga ga eets eets how you gone be mad on vacation?
MONICA COULDN'T TELL TIME UNTIL SHE WAS 13
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Kada
Asha'man
Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 12,395
Loc: Buckeye
Last seen: 28 days, 21 hours
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Re: So my wife wants to go to bars with co workers. [Re: shadyy]
#13627409 - 12/13/10 04:46 PM (13 years, 4 months ago) |
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I know she isn't so  :P
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~The Cultivators Motherload~ "I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them.
I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." -Robert A. Heinlein "There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies.
My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness."-Dalai Lama Live long and prosper.
Edited by Kada (12/13/10 04:47 PM)
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stuntmanmike
Registered: 09/16/10
Posts: 836
Last seen: 12 years, 1 month
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Re: So my wife wants to go to bars with co workers. [Re: shadyy]
#13627411 - 12/13/10 04:47 PM (13 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
shadyy said:
she's fucking someone else, bro
hahahahaha
Teachers really? you know how crazy those teachers party!!
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Kada
Asha'man
Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 12,395
Loc: Buckeye
Last seen: 28 days, 21 hours
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Re: So my wife wants to go to bars with co workers. [Re: stuntmanmike]
#13627422 - 12/13/10 04:49 PM (13 years, 4 months ago) |
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I just know it would be a bad idea if I went out and got drunk with other chicks. That's why I don't. 
I avoid situation where fucked up shit can happen. I know her male co workers think she is hot she has told me. Didn't help the situation.
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~The Cultivators Motherload~ "I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them.
I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." -Robert A. Heinlein "There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies.
My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness."-Dalai Lama Live long and prosper.
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stuntmanmike
Registered: 09/16/10
Posts: 836
Last seen: 12 years, 1 month
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Re: So my wife wants to go to bars with co workers. [Re: Kada]
#13627434 - 12/13/10 04:51 PM (13 years, 4 months ago) |
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Its probably not great for her to be out like that but you cant get mad about it always comes out bitchy you gotta be more so she doesnt want to go get shitfaced with work friends
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PreparationH
apply daily
Registered: 03/28/05
Posts: 18,354
Loc: Amsterdam
Last seen: 5 minutes, 54 seconds
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Re: So my wife wants to go to bars with co workers. [Re: stuntmanmike]
#13627445 - 12/13/10 04:54 PM (13 years, 4 months ago) |
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When she comes home missing the ring, then you flip shit. Most men once they see that ring have the decency to fuck off if their looking for something other than friendship.
Not that their aren't sleeze balls at that bar, I just think yes, you are over reacting imo. I think you should just go though, I love being around drunks, and when they start hitting on your wife it's like a "Fuck yea she's hot aint she? Too bad she's mine  "
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Set
candy colored clown
Registered: 10/03/08
Posts: 6,383
Loc: right near da beach
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Re: So my wife wants to go to bars with co workers. [Re: Kada]
#13627471 - 12/13/10 05:00 PM (13 years, 4 months ago) |
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I wouldn't worry if I were you.
Although, I'm in Myrtle and wouldn't trust my wife around people like me, if I had one.
hmm, tough one
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 classic LOVELINE
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Prisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!
Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
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Re: So my wife wants to go to bars with co workers. [Re: Kada]
#13627482 - 12/13/10 05:04 PM (13 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Kada said:
She is hot as fuck and I don't trust other dudes especially when alcohol is involved.
then why not trust her
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igwna
The Cap'n
Registered: 06/19/07
Posts: 8,016
Loc: New England, USA
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
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Re: So my wife wants to go to bars with co workers. [Re: Kada]
#13627486 - 12/13/10 05:04 PM (13 years, 4 months ago) |
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thats rough man, i think you should do as prepH says and do something similar. go out, maybe make her worry a little too.
otherwise i would just say suck it up, go meet some people and drink with your wife.
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I don't believe in cops, bosses, or politicians. Some call that anarchism. I call it having a fucking heart that beats.
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4runner
Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 15,406
Loc: State of Jefferson
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Re: So my wife wants to go to bars with co workers. [Re: Kada]
#13627512 - 12/13/10 05:09 PM (13 years, 4 months ago) |
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Yeah, you have been invited and from your story she seems like someone you should trust.
Let it go man, it should be fine. You are protective of her and I don't blame you but if you really trust her and you don't feel anything is up, let her have her fun. Kind of like a guys night out playing poker or some other shit.
If you are worried, don't let it interfere with your relationship. Just be honest with here and keep communications open. If you both are open and talk to each other about your worries honestly you should be good. If you can get through those conversations honestly and you should know if she is not than try not to worry.
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Kada
Asha'man
Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 12,395
Loc: Buckeye
Last seen: 28 days, 21 hours
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Re: So my wife wants to go to bars with co workers. [Re: Set]
#13627535 - 12/13/10 05:12 PM (13 years, 4 months ago) |
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I talked with her and told her that I wanted to go out with her with them a few times to get to know them. I also told her I didn't like the guys paying for all her drinks because that is practically buying into her to some extent. She said that if some dumb ass guy wants to waste his money then why shouldn't she get free drinks.
I'm a super nice guy but if they get to know me they wouldn't dare try anything with her. I'm a bigger guy and a former marine and I have a don't fuck with me vibe that comes out a bit. I will go and have fun with them and then let her go alone when I'm comfortable with the situation. I can't help but be reluctant because if I lost her I would be nothing. I was a dumb shit head before I met her and she keeps me in check honestly. She is everything good about me. It would rip out my soul if anything ever happened to her. 9 years of marriage isn't something to be casual with and she really does feel the same.
She also asked me why in the world would she want to have to train another man all over again when she has me trained so well. wtf? lol
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~The Cultivators Motherload~ "I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them.
I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." -Robert A. Heinlein "There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies.
My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness."-Dalai Lama Live long and prosper.
Edited by Kada (12/13/10 05:16 PM)
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lazyfingers
grrr
Registered: 08/07/09
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Re: So my wife wants to go to bars with co workers. [Re: 4runner]
#13627537 - 12/13/10 05:12 PM (13 years, 4 months ago) |
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Don't give her a reason to cheat. Let her go. Sometimes they get away, but that doesn't make it your fault.
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Set
candy colored clown
Registered: 10/03/08
Posts: 6,383
Loc: right near da beach
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Re: So my wife wants to go to bars with co workers. [Re: Kada]
#13627559 - 12/13/10 05:16 PM (13 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
dr_gonz said:
Marriage is such an antiquated practice that has no relevance in our modern culture. 
this is true
and if I was the kind of guy who would worry if my wife went out drinking with other men, I wouldn't get married
I'm not married
 sorry Kada I know that doesn't help
I'm assuming your wife is in her late 20's, early 30's? After 9 years of marriage she probably wants to get that "young" feeling again. Unfortunately for you that "young" feeling is going to bars and getting hit on by younger guys. If you trust her then let her have her fun, you know that nothing more will come of it. If anything it'll probably give her more self confidence...a rejuvenation if you will.
You will reap the benefits, sir.
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classic LOVELINE
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Kada
Asha'man
Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 12,395
Loc: Buckeye
Last seen: 28 days, 21 hours
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Re: So my wife wants to go to bars with co workers. [Re: Set]
#13627566 - 12/13/10 05:19 PM (13 years, 4 months ago) |
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Yep your right. She is 28.
Thank you for the advice. I don't want to crush the butterfly in my hand trying to keep it safe.
She doesn't have any friends that are not friends with me and I think she needs some space and I respect that. I just worry that some dumb drunk guy is going try to pillage my wife and rape my goats.
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~The Cultivators Motherload~ "I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them.
I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." -Robert A. Heinlein "There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies.
My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness."-Dalai Lama Live long and prosper.
Edited by Kada (12/13/10 05:21 PM)
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Prisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!
Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
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Re: So my wife wants to go to bars with co workers. [Re: Kada] 1
#13627578 - 12/13/10 05:21 PM (13 years, 4 months ago) |
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take my advice. when she gets home ask her if she had fun, tell her next
time you'll go and then do it... let your wife have some fun, at least
meet and get to know her coworkers a little and get involved in your
wife's life a little more.
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