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 NoFaceToSave
Musician
Registered: 12/09/08
Posts: 205
Last seen: 2 years, 9 months
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 My girlfriend and her dead ex boyfriend 
#11671131 - 12/17/09 07:40 PM (14 years, 3 months ago) |
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I don't know what to think, her ex boyfriend died like a couple months before I met her while she was going out with someone else, she left him and we eventually found eachother and have been together ever since. From what she's said about this Alex guy she used to be dating he was kinda a smoozey dickbag that even hit her and choked her before but he was also extra sweet kinda and funny. He died drunk driving (wich i have no remorse for becasue i've lost friends to drunk drivers) and inside she's been torn up about it even though she was dating someone else when it happend. This alex guy even got her put in jail before, I just dont get it. He was always being reckless and driving drunk, even the first night i met her at a party she had at her house she had to seperate from the rest of the party becasue this alex guy (who she wasn't dating at the time anymore) was causing trouble speeding off down the road drunk and put his car in a ditch or some bullshit. He was a cocky mexican and im not rascist, im an overly aggressive philipeano.
Anyways its been nearly a year since this dude died and she's visted his grave like twice and she's still trying to be like semi-involved with that dudes family, and its wierd. I can't picture if my ex girlfriend of 4 years died me being all around her family??? you know what i mean?! heck I left that girl i was dating 4 years for this one and I still wouldn't be all bent over the past. People die, you will die and pay taxes, two things are gauranteed in life. I dont get it, I just dont get it and im sooo frustrated why is she still so bent about this
Today that alex guy's sister texted my girlfriend from his old phone number and she nearly couldn't take it and almost had to go home from work, then after work she didn't even want to stop in and lay around and cuddle like we usually do.
I try to be supportive, Id even go with her to the gravesite or whatever I just dont get it. I dont really want to get it and im tired of playing second to a dead guy who was a real smooze to begin with.
Am I wasting my life with this one? I wait around all day for her to get off of work becasue she never knows when she's getting out (She's a server at a resturant) and when she does get off I always have to boot my friends back home so we can spend time alone (for like an hour before she has to go home). This is every day. Everything I do is always about her, She doesn't seem to even care about how my day ever is. I love her to death and i've been good to her and she's been good to me but I just feel like im at a loss.
She's incredibly bipolar, she's either happy energetic, giggling, or sad serious and not talkative. Middle doesn't exist. It doesn't bother me, we work together great, we click and we have the creepiest trippy timing, I dont know how to explain it but i'll get out of work and pass her at intersections and stuff like that or i'll go to call her and she's calling me and ect ect.
Its been 6 months we have been together. We've both bought eachother hundreds of dollars of christmas presents, im sure hers are going to make me cry but for some reason I feel like I can barely hold this thing together till christmas... I just feel like its slipping apart even though I awlays put her first before my will, I always put her before my friends yet I always get thrown under a bus.
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“By calling attention to ‘a well regulated militia’, the ’security’ of the nation, and the right of each citizen ‘to keep and bear arms’, our founding fathers recognized the essentially civilian nature of our economy. Although it is extremely unlikely that the fears of governmental tyranny which gave rise to the Second Amendment will ever be a major danger to our nation, the Amendment still remains an important declaration of our basic civilian-military relationships, in which every citizen must be ready to participate in the defense of his country. For that reason, I believe the Second Amendment will always be important.”
John F. Kennedy, April 1960
Edited by NoFaceToSave (12/17/09 07:53 PM)
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 Huehuecoyotl
Fading Slowly
 
Registered: 06/13/04
Posts: 10,689
Loc: On the Border
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Re: My girlfriend and her dead ex boyfriend [Re: NoFaceToSave]
#11671176 - 12/17/09 07:46 PM (14 years, 3 months ago) |
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She is obviously posturing. She is transferring someone's tragedy to herself for attention ...it is a very negative way to get attention...to pretend as if it is her loss. Dump her if she don't want to be real.
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"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda
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NoFaceToSave
Musician
Registered: 12/09/08
Posts: 205
Last seen: 2 years, 9 months
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Re: My girlfriend and her dead ex boyfriend [Re: Huehuecoyotl]
#11671189 - 12/17/09 07:48 PM (14 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
Huehuecoyotl said:
She is obviously posturing. She is transferring someone's tragedy to herself for attention ...it is a very negative way to get attention...to pretend as if it is her loss. Dump her if she don't want to be real.
thats strange you mention that becasue thats exactly how I felt at first,
Best way I can describe it is when someone dies in highschool and everyone in highschool goes to the funeral and is crying and shit but not even a quarter of the people thier even liked the person or was their friend. Its like some sick twisted human interface where in tragedy people WANT to feel involved.
I've talked myself away from that thought though, She really did care about him and he was an intergral part of her past, he got her to break so many rules (she came from a strict house and never thought she'd be smoking weed and tripping and doing the crazy shenangians we do now and days).
I dunnooo what to think, I don't want to dump her but at the same time, I feel like this beautiful vibrant something in me is dying the more I give up to try to love the one I found.
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“By calling attention to ‘a well regulated militia’, the ’security’ of the nation, and the right of each citizen ‘to keep and bear arms’, our founding fathers recognized the essentially civilian nature of our economy. Although it is extremely unlikely that the fears of governmental tyranny which gave rise to the Second Amendment will ever be a major danger to our nation, the Amendment still remains an important declaration of our basic civilian-military relationships, in which every citizen must be ready to participate in the defense of his country. For that reason, I believe the Second Amendment will always be important.”
John F. Kennedy, April 1960
Edited by NoFaceToSave (12/17/09 07:50 PM)
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Jrea
As seen on T.V.
Registered: 06/25/09
Posts: 460
Loc: 303
Last seen: 7 years, 1 month
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Re: My girlfriend and her dead ex boyfriend [Re: NoFaceToSave]
#11671267 - 12/17/09 08:00 PM (14 years, 3 months ago) |
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i think thats a no go on the girl man, she might be amazing at times but she deffinatly doesnt seem worth it
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ツ♥☮impulse☮♥ツ
★☆ one body one mind one soul one life one chance to ʞɔnɟ it all up☆★
 
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NoFaceToSave
Musician
Registered: 12/09/08
Posts: 205
Last seen: 2 years, 9 months
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Re: My girlfriend and her dead ex boyfriend [Re: Jrea]
#11671372 - 12/17/09 08:15 PM (14 years, 3 months ago) |
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I thinks the safest move for me, than doing something durastic than leaving her is just giving her a ton of space.
I'ma go away, i'll be here but I'm not going to hanging over the phone waiting for her calls or wims or watever. I got to be free.
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“By calling attention to ‘a well regulated militia’, the ’security’ of the nation, and the right of each citizen ‘to keep and bear arms’, our founding fathers recognized the essentially civilian nature of our economy. Although it is extremely unlikely that the fears of governmental tyranny which gave rise to the Second Amendment will ever be a major danger to our nation, the Amendment still remains an important declaration of our basic civilian-military relationships, in which every citizen must be ready to participate in the defense of his country. For that reason, I believe the Second Amendment will always be important.”
John F. Kennedy, April 1960
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memes
Blessed
Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 27,785
Loc: In a Tree
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Re: My girlfriend and her dead ex boyfriend [Re: NoFaceToSave]
#11671710 - 12/17/09 09:09 PM (14 years, 3 months ago) |
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I'd say start setting the relationship up for termination. But since you already spent hundreds on her presents..... you'd might as well gets yours, too 
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NoFaceToSave
Musician
Registered: 12/09/08
Posts: 205
Last seen: 2 years, 9 months
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Re: My girlfriend and her dead ex boyfriend [Re: memes]
#11672073 - 12/17/09 10:05 PM (14 years, 3 months ago) |
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Lol
well i wrote here this tonight:
How can I not deal with regret? I cope very well with loss if you haven't noticed. Im confused. Im not mad at you angel, I love you and I know you once loved him but you ARE holding onto the past. He's gone angel and you dont seem to want to move past it. What needs to be made right? Were you and him not talking anymore at that point? I just still dont get it.
I love you angel and I want to understand. Im not mad at you, i dont know how you get that conentation, when i say it burns me I mean it hurts, it hurts alot. Please just let alex go or let me go. I can't deal with anything inbetween.
Do you think if Jaimie died I would be still trying to get ahold of her parents and family? I went out with her for four years and I left her for you and you best belive that if she died it wouldn't be more than a drop in the bucket to me, I wouldn't even show up to her funeral and I was very close to her family and you KNOW i used to love her, now I dont. I love you and thats all their is too it.
If you died of course I would be affected, you are my girlfriend, not my exgirlfriend. Their is a big difference.
what im trying to say
Is i've totally written jaimie off out of my past so I can love you Fully, you arn't willing to do that with alex to love me fully.
and she totally understands and everything is ok now? Strange.
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“By calling attention to ‘a well regulated militia’, the ’security’ of the nation, and the right of each citizen ‘to keep and bear arms’, our founding fathers recognized the essentially civilian nature of our economy. Although it is extremely unlikely that the fears of governmental tyranny which gave rise to the Second Amendment will ever be a major danger to our nation, the Amendment still remains an important declaration of our basic civilian-military relationships, in which every citizen must be ready to participate in the defense of his country. For that reason, I believe the Second Amendment will always be important.”
John F. Kennedy, April 1960
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memes
Blessed
Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 27,785
Loc: In a Tree
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Re: My girlfriend and her dead ex boyfriend [Re: NoFaceToSave]
#11673443 - 12/18/09 06:23 AM (14 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
NoFaceToSave said:
and she totally understands and everything is ok now? Strange.
Um because it's clearly NOT. Sounds like she just became temporarily aware of how crazy she is and is restraining her emotions as a result. I'm sure it's not very hard for her to tell how fed up you are with this garbage.
I'm sure her crazy emotions will peek back out of their hiding place in due time. Stay on your toes - i doubt she just 'healed' after your letter.
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aghorrorag
NonExistent
Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 1,542
Loc: Los Angeles
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Re: My girlfriend and her dead ex boyfriend [Re: memes]
#11677396 - 12/18/09 08:04 PM (14 years, 3 months ago) |
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dump her.
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Humility
Working on it
Registered: 10/07/08
Posts: 6,745
Last seen: 7 years, 1 month
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Re: My girlfriend and her dead ex boyfriend [Re: NoFaceToSave]
#11690815 - 12/21/09 07:20 AM (14 years, 3 months ago) |
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Calling someone "angel", especially repeatedly is kinda creepy bro. I'd be really creeped out if someone called me that, especially someone I'm not in a LONG TERM, SERIOUS relationship with (like, 10-20 YEARS), and I've been doing good things like, for the last year or two. Everyone has faults, and calling someone an angel can force them to examine their negative aspects.
If you believe in self defense, and you believe that all people are equal (insofar as rights go) then you must agree that women who incite violence have the right to be hit. Though I'd not hit a person again if I absolutely didn't have to (I'd rather choose to walk away), I have before and would again strike or choke a woman if they were being physically violent against me and I needed to in order to make said violence stop. There is also a line where restraint and defense becomes aggression and that threshold ought not be crossed with anyone while attempting to defend oneself.
I'd never call the police on someone though.
On the rest of your message to her - you sound incredibly non-understanding. Let him go or let you go? It's obvious that she feels this way; her behavior is simply a manifestation of her emotions about this event/situation. Emotions oftentimes happen to people, and women are especially good at opening the spigot and letting their emotions flow freely. You are all but ORDERING her to make a concerted effort to stifle her emotions, to *not care* about something that she does. In lieu of that, I imagine you'd accept her continuing to feel as she does but being deceptive about it and attempting to pretend she feels otherwise.
You talk about relationships like my current girlfriend does. She doesn't, cannot understand how and why I love every partner I've ever had before her. I've only had sex with one other person, and that was my first occasion. It was short, and didn't end in orgasm. For all intents and purposes, the girl I'm with now is the only girl I've ever had sex with. That said, she loathes the fact that when asked, I reveal to her that I do indeed love those previous partners because they are people. I am however in love with her (my gf) and only her.
I'd say get over your insecurities. This guy is dead and you are the one with your GF now. If you can't be there for her and make her happy through something like this, maybe she isn't for you and you aren't for her. Still, give things a shot and try your hardest.
Then again, I also don't really jive with "writing people out of my past". That doesn't even make sense to me. Sounds like you're trying to forget things. That's why you're here now.
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