I posted this on the HipForums a day or two after it happened. I thought Id share it with you all as well, as it is still an important milestone to me.
I dont know where to begin. My thoughts may not be very ordered. My experience was so surreal...I dont know how accurately I can portray it. My chronology is a little messed up, so the events may not be recounted in perfect order.
I smoked a joint at 9:00 PM. Before it was time to eat the shrooms, I was distressed by some personal things. In fact, Id been having a pretty bad day. But I worked out around 5:00 PM and after that I felt much better. I ate three Vitamin C supplement tables before ingesting the shrooms, because a friend suggested it. I decided to eat the mushrooms at 11:00 PM. I ate them, and waited for something to happen. I was in my room (I go to boarding school) with my roommate, also tripping, and two friends. We have a small room, with my desk on one wall and my roommates on the opposite. Our beds are next to our desks. My roommate and I get along very well, weve been great friends since freshman year. Its hard to say when the hallucinations started. Someone once told me that shrooms were a spiritual experience. As a pretty convinced atheist...they absolutely are. At some point, I started to feel unbelievably happy. I was literally writhing in ecstasy. I wasnt aware that such a great depth of feeling was possible. I kept putting my fingers in mouth, and rubbing them on the area around my mouth. I didnt care about the saliva getting on my face at all. I was in a different state of being, almost regressing back to being in the womb or something. I would talk to myself for long periods of a time, perceiving some other entity that was channeling thoughts through me. I couldnt see it. I half knew nothing was there, but I didnt care. I was exploring myself, and everything I said just sounded like the right thing to say, and saying it was amazing. At some point, I decided to call one of my best friends, A. I told her that she was one of the people Im closest to, and that “I need more of you in my life.” The depth of my emotion was so great, I felt like I had to share it with as many people as I could. They needed to understand what I was experiencing! I said to one of my sober friends, “Think about what happiness is. Then realize you have no idea what happiness is!” I cant even begin to describe the visuals. They were so far from my ordinary realm of experience Im having a difficult time recalling them and picturing them in sober terms. There was colors, tons of colors. Things seemed to blend together. I definitely felt the sensation of “the pattern,” but it wasnt all I could see. As I lay in bed writhing I felt as though I were contorting my body so it would fit in with the pattern. I kept thinking I was on the verge of some transcendent truth. I would say to the entity, “Tell me! Please tell me!” I was also extolling the pleasure I was feeling. I literally said, “I am writhing in the carnal ecstasy of being!” I felt as though every fiber of my being were orgasming. At one point I exclaimed, “This is what Salvia is like!” I thought about the people who wanted to take this feeling away from me, the authority figures whove banned the use of psilocybin and other drugs. When I imaged people wanted to deprive me—or anyone—of this feeling...it made me want to cry. I dont know what else to write. Perhaps I will add more as it comes to my mind.
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