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 TD42
Traveller
Registered: 12/28/08
Posts: 4
Last seen: 2 years, 7 months
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 My first psychedelic experience, my mistakes, and my request for information. 
#9506294 - 12/28/08 07:27 AM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Its been almost 3 months since the trip occurred -- but I have only started writing about it today. Let me bore you with the entire story, incase someone else can make sense of it, learn from it, and help me to learn from it.
Finding a field full of shrooms
It started roughly 3 - 4 months ago, when me and a friend were searching for shrooms. After 2 weeks of searching, we eventually got in contact with people that new a spot and inevitably we stood in a huge field full of shrooms.
We both tried eating 20 liberty caps each -- that had no real effect. A week later, I picked around 100 liberty caps and ate 64. This was the night I tripped for real. While picking I ingest a quarter of a 2-CB pill and smoked maybe 2 joints.
I ingested the mushrooms at around 8PM (darkness/sunset) and expected it to all be over by 2AM at the latest. How wrong I was. I decided to do it alone, despite much advice. At first I ate 40 mixed with a pot noodle. About 30 minutes later I ingested 24 more.
2 Hours
After around 2 hours (T+2:00), I could feel the initial effects. The walls felt like they were breathing.. like they had energy. Infact, it felt like everything had a form of energy.
2 Hours - 5 Hours
After 10PM, I definitely new that I was tripping. I decided to go down stairs and look out into the garden. I was quite happy at this time. But for some reason, the happiness took a turn for the worse.
I tried putting my hand into an object that I knew was a washing basket but it didn't look its usual self. When Id get my hand near I would get a kinda tingly sensation. When i quickly grabbed it, it was like an electric shock went through my head -- like being shot in the head with intense fear. Everything changed. I quickly ran upstairs and shut my door and tried to forget about it and carry on.
The trip was in full force. I noticed getting hot.. and quickly taking all my clothes off to cool down. Then Id get cold, and put them back on again. It was a constant hot-cold-hot-cold cycle. I started getting afraid -- thinking I had poisoned myself, thinking I had ingested too much, thinking about ways I could end it. To calm myself I would go downstairs and make a drink, then go back up and sit down and try my best to remain sane. I would play the same track over and over again. I would write in my notepad to see if I could still write, and would have a fear of never waking up from the trip -- as if I would trip forever. I would try and stabilize myself though and remind myself that itll end eventually.
Eventually by around 2AM-3AM the insanity started to die down. I decided to lie down and close my eyes. Wow.
I could see a red and blue somewhat cylindrical rotating mesh-like object which at one moment would be a rotating cylinder and then it would unfold and become a flat surface. When I started feeling fear again, I would imagine healing myself from the inside -- and this would often calm me.
This continued until around 5AM, at which point I managed to finally fall asleep.
The aftermath
After this trip I was ok with it all. I knew things happened that I could not explain, and was slightly fearful about what happened with the washing basket. 1 week later, and I ingested around 25 shrooms with a friend. No real effects that I noticed occurred and the next day I felt fine.
Two days later I stayed up real late, and out of the blue I had what I think was a panic attack. It scared the hell out of me and all of a sudden I was dropped into a world of regret. I was blaming it all on the drugs (shrooms and weed). I started having symptoms of anxiety disorder, paranoia, depersonalization. I was afraid. I would read about things and be convinced I had them -- fearing that Id turn into a psychotic schizophrenic crazy person.
It was the physical stuff more than anything.. at first frequent urination.. fear.. headaches.. not caring about anything.. feeling as if nothing had any point to it.. realizing that I had perhaps wasted my life, insulted my family by messing with drugs.. sometimes I would experience kinda flashes during my sleep (like a light sort of thing before a headache). I was paranoid of all visual input -- A shadow.. anything and everything would require a second thought. On 3 occasions since this all began I tried marijuana to calm me down -- but it did not work and made it worse and more tense if anything.
I appear to be still recoving from all of this, although am in a better condition so far. I'm unsure of my future and want to move on. I dont know if I should do psychedelics again (or marijuana.. or any drug).
I would be very interested to hear of similar stories and advice. Thanks.
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Some men see things that are and ask why; I dream things that never were and say 'Why not?'.
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lobotomix
Stranger
Registered: 06/08/05
Posts: 327
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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 Re: My first psychedelic experience, my mistakes, and my request for information. [Re: TD42]
#9507191 - 12/28/08 11:54 AM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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If you feel uneasy now sober, learn to not feel uneasy anymore.
Maybe you want to try vipassana meditation, zen meditation or EFT. (i personally prefer nisargadatta-maharaj's meditation over any other meditation.)
Did you use to enjoy Marijuana ?
If you did, then it might not be a bad idea to smoke it sometimes,
and when it makes you feel uneasy... learn to not feel uneasy anymore on marijuana as well.
On mushroom, you can never ever worry.
Worrying is the way of the bad trip.
Even sober, it's completely useless to worry.
It's ok to try to change things for the better,
but you shouldn't worry about the outcome... because the outcome will remain the same, regardless of you worrying for it.
I think you should wait a while longer till you feel more comfortable sober/stoned, before you decide to trip again.
Maybe another 6 months or so.
Now i think about it, meditation might definately be useful to you
during a future mushroom trip... and during life in general...
Because it will make you more familiar with the thoughts and how the ego (you're sense of self) works.
If you start believing worries, it's possible to completely start worrying.
Therefor it's necessary to be a little observant of how you react to impulses,
and should you ever be confronted with the WORRY feeling... decide not to worry,
have faith in life and continue 
The way i experience life,
fear very often tries to get inside me...
i can feel how it tries... but i've learned not to fear anymore.
I'm not sure wether you should trip again...
It's not because your first experience was bad, that you're doomed to have only bad experiences with them.
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rhyumavampire
R33F3RM4DN3SS
Registered: 10/12/08
Posts: 293
Loc: Bakersfield, CA
Last seen: 2 years, 1 month
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Re: My first psychedelic experience, my mistakes, and my request for information. [Re: lobotomix]
#9507515 - 12/28/08 01:23 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Nice report man. Don't worry, everything that you're feeling should eventually go away, provided you don't dwell on it. You didn't really ease into the psychedelic world. Instead, you dove into it, which probably wasn't the best idea. If anything, consider it a humbling experience. The mushrooms were letting you know that you were in over your head, and that they were in full control.
Now try to focus on the positive things. Think about what you've accomplished. You have now been places that most people in this world will never visit. You have now seen things that most people in this world will never see. You have now felt things at a magnitude that most people will never feel. The mushrooms are a gift my friend. I think that it is sad that so many people will never experience something that can be so amazing and great. You should now have a new found respect for them.
Take less next time, and plan the trip out better so that everything is comfortable and perfect. Start smoking marijuana again too. Mary Jane is nothing but goodness.  
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flangenips
Batshitinsanse
Registered: 01/20/08
Posts: 1,520
Loc: aotearoa 
Last seen: 8 months, 5 days
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Re: My first psychedelic experience, my mistakes, and my request for information. [Re: lobotomix]
#9509090 - 12/28/08 06:54 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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to the OP:
I agree with the other two posters. Indeed positive thinking is a big thing. A trip can get frightening, but sometimes talking yourself out of it, using strength of mind, can turn a bad trip around into something so wonderful.
Developing a strong mind is probably an experience thing, some people are naturally weak-minded, some natural strong-minded, some in between, so take less next time and do your best to make the trip what you want it to be. Sometimes all it takes is to go with the flow to get what you want out of it. 
Set and setting is important, and also being around good friends who are also tripping can make it all so great.
good luck trippin 
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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher. - Ambrose Bierce
Edited by flangenips (12/28/08 06:57 PM)
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TD42
Traveller
Registered: 12/28/08
Posts: 4
Last seen: 2 years, 7 months
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Re: My first psychedelic experience, my mistakes, and my request for information. [Re: flangenips]
#9511642 - 12/29/08 09:31 AM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Thanks for the advice guys.
lobotomix, I have been thinking about meditation a lot and will certainly get round to it. More excersize and meditation will probably be a good idea.
As for shrooms, I don't think I'll try them too soon (not that I intend too) but depending on how the future pans out, maybe I will. Who knows. As for MJ, I'm gonna wait a few months and see if i want to do it again. In all honesty -- what happened on the trip happened. It's not so much I am afraid of the trip -- it was intense, yes. But that is not what has scared me. It is the strange physical effects (most of which have died down and gone, I still get a few headaches.. and trouble sleeping -- but that could be down to my sleep cycle.. or anything).
If I were to take a trip in the future, I think I'd play it a little safer. As rhyumavampire said, I dove into it. I guess I just couldn't wait any longer, hah. I'd certainly have someone else around and I'd probably go out for a walk and enjoy the outside. But If I'm going to do any of this I need a greater understanding of myself, so I'll consider it 6 months down the line.
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Some men see things that are and ask why; I dream things that never were and say 'Why not?'.
Edited by TD42 (12/29/08 09:31 AM)
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lobotomix
Stranger
Registered: 06/08/05
Posts: 327
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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Re: My first psychedelic experience, my mistakes, and my request for information. [Re: TD42]
#9512057 - 12/29/08 11:25 AM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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in case you will do mushrooms again,
it might be a good idea to take a really low dose at first...
maybe a treshold dose.
too low to have a decent trip,
but enough to feel wether your body/mind would have really adverse reactions.
just like strawberries for example,
everyone can eat strawberries...
but there's a very small percentage of people that just can't eat strawberries...
because they have adverse reactions.
it's possible to have something similar with psylocybin mushrooms,
and in that case it is strongly advised to never take them.
it is important to know when you would one time be again under the influence of mushrooms,
it's normal for the brain or body to feel a little weird,
and apart from nausea during the trip and perhaps a bit of stomach ache during and after the trip...
there shouldn't be any real problems afterwards.
it is possible that during a trip, you feel some weird sensations,
and when you focus on it it might appear as if the sensation is VERY ABNORMAL when it in fact is not...
something like that might again to make you panic and unncessarily fear for lasting damage.
if the treshold dose wasn't a real problem then i think you're safe to up the dose
because serious adverse reactions are really rare,
and if you're not having serious problems after doing them a couple of times
then the chance has become even more smaller that you'll ever have problems with them...
because people who do risk serious adverse reactions (physical or mental) with Mushrooms in almost all cases
experience this the first time(s) when using them.
i remember one time i had a bad trip,
and i was looping in my head, experiencing the same thing over and over again... (like in the movie groundhog day)
which made me think that i was actually totally gone mad,
laying somewhere in a mental hospital perhaps already for years!
but i came out just fine.
i'm telling this story as an example,
so that if you'd ever be under influence of mushrooms,
that you don't have to worry.
the chance you run in to serious adverse reactions is extremely small...
and thinking that things are "fucked up" will just make you unncessarily worry a whole lot.
you just got to always have faith in yourself/god/existence
and therefor whatever it is you are feeling/seeing/hearing
never be affraid... never panic... stay calm...
if you are unsure of what is real and what is not
which can happen to just about any tripper soon or later,
then just relax and be cool with not knowing.
it's not necessary to think all the time,
it's good to let go of excess thinking...
and learn to embrace whatever life is giving you at any moment.
Edited by lobotomix (12/29/08 11:51 AM)
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