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 ExplosiveMango
HallucinogenusDigitallus
 
Registered: 07/12/05
Posts: 2,962
Last seen: 1 day, 11 hours
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 My Grandfather's Life Ended Today
#8886863 - 09/06/08 01:12 PM (2 months, 27 days ago) |
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It's the first time I've had someone in my life die.
Yet my foremost concern is if I will be perceived as responding appropriately.
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Know your self.
Know your substance.
Know your source.
Stop knowing what you are and realize what you could be.
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cutemushie
Mushrooms arefascinating.
Registered: 05/31/08
Posts: 85
Last seen: 1 hour, 9 minutes
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Re: My Grandfather's Life Ended Today [Re: ExplosiveMango]
#8886898 - 09/06/08 01:23 PM (2 months, 27 days ago) |
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I am sorry to hear that, and I sympathise with you. You need to realise that different people respond differently to loss. So don't worry about how you respond and how it is being perceived.
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sealorcawhale
Revolution
Registered: 08/08/08
Posts: 128
Last seen: 2 months, 22 days
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Re: My Grandfather's Life Ended Today [Re: ExplosiveMango]
#8886935 - 09/06/08 01:35 PM (2 months, 27 days ago) |
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sorry to hear that, mine just died a few weeks ago too. weird coincidence?
maybe they gonna meet up and Have the best time ever.
Sad for Grandma...
you'll be ok ,
I am Pleased to know my grandDad is now free from the intertwinement with His Physicaly
Aging body.
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 deCypher
Registered: 02/10/08
Posts: 6,511
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Re: My Grandfather's Life Ended Today [Re: ExplosiveMango]
#8887144 - 09/06/08 02:39 PM (2 months, 27 days ago) |
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I never understood the importance of being perceived to mourn, be respectful, etc... after someone you love has died.
If you truly cared for them, you would have been there with them in their last living moments, not conforming to societal expectation after the fact.
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we are born naked, wet, hungry, and torn from the woman we love. then things get worse.  
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sealorcawhale
Revolution
Registered: 08/08/08
Posts: 128
Last seen: 2 months, 22 days
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Re: My Grandfather's Life Ended Today [Re: deCypher]
#8887162 - 09/06/08 02:43 PM (2 months, 27 days ago) |
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i was.... I had a feeling the last time i saw him it would be the last time i would spend with him. I was right. I really valued my last moments with him as extremely valuable.
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daytripper23
Wanker
Registered: 06/22/05
Posts: 1,792
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Re: My Grandfather's Life Ended Today [Re: sealorcawhale]
#8894077 - 09/07/08 11:54 PM (2 months, 26 days ago) |
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Quote:
it's the first time I've had someone in my life die.
Yet my foremost concern is if I will be perceived as responding appropriately.
Here is one of the greatest most inspiring peices of literature Ive ever read. Its a very sincere look at death, from the perspective you seem to describe as well as the actual confrontation of death; and not to mention a beautiful story. Im not throwing new agey stuff at you either, its a literary classic, by Leo Tolstoy. In terms of length its about an afternoons read. This is the full text in html:
The Death of Ivan Ilyich
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Lakefingers
Proto-over-under-neo-modern
Registered: 08/26/05
Posts: 1,550
Loc: mumuland
Last seen: 1 month, 12 days
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Re: My Grandfather's Life Ended Today [Re: ExplosiveMango]
#8894447 - 09/08/08 01:45 AM (2 months, 26 days ago) |
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my regards
there's always a game teetering there between inside and outside,
maybe at a time like this you can be both extroverted and introverted,
not give in to yourself and not give into others
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 10,533
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Re: My Grandfather's Life Ended Today [Re: Lakefingers]
#8894666 - 09/08/08 03:06 AM (2 months, 26 days ago) |
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the concern you have about behavior goes with not being struck with grief.
your work first of all is to assure anyone who has intense grief that you are there and will be strong.
this is social behavior and is related to concern about behavior.
second of all your work is to find peace within yourself
peace related to his life and his death and how you have encorporated him into your psyche.
if you were overcome with grief, only the second work would apply to you and it could take some time
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~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
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adjust
ɥƃnouǝʇuɐɔı
Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 8,583
Loc: Canada, LOL
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Re: My Grandfather's Life Ended Today [Re: ExplosiveMango]
#8894695 - 09/08/08 03:23 AM (2 months, 26 days ago) |
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I hear you.
When my grandpa died it was also the first person in my family that died. He was... a really horrible man. He abused my mom and my grandma and all of my aunts and uncles. It's strange how... people look at things differently when you die. Suddenly the monster was a saint... they even talked about how they would see him in heaven.
I didn't care. I didn't cry. Everyone else did (or at least outwardly it appeared that way).
My advice is, although I'm not sure if you even are looking for advice, just act how it feels normal. If you cry like a baby go with it. If you don't feel anything, don't.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 23,817
Loc: underbelly
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Re: My Grandfather's Life Ended Today [Re: ExplosiveMango]
#8895270 - 09/08/08 08:34 AM (2 months, 26 days ago) |
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Quote:
ExplosiveMango said:
Yet my foremost concern is if I will be perceived as responding appropriately.
That's par human nature for the cultural program. He certainly doesn't care.
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What the thinker thinks, the prover proves. R.A.W.
I don't believe anything, but I have many suspicions. R.A.W.
“I contend we are both atheists, I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.” ~Stephen Roberts
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Shad0w
In trouble again.
Registered: 06/08/08
Posts: 532
Last seen: 1 month, 3 days
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Re: My Grandfather's Life Ended Today [Re: Icelander]
#8895544 - 09/08/08 10:07 AM (2 months, 25 days ago) |
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Im kinda the same way when people die..........
I want to say something along the lines of "Aw, that sucks...... but that is what happens to people. I expect to do it, and am sure you will too, someday."
But am pretty well aware that isnt what anyone wants to hear.
I agree with redgreenvines on telling people who are grieving that you are there if they need you.
On somewhat of a sidenote, I think some people just dont sympathize strongly with others, And those emotions are hard to fake...... but if you dont appear grieved....... you feel as tho people are looking at you like you are some kind of callous prick. 
But, IME , if you werent close to that person, most people know that. And wont hold it against you if you dont cry. You just gotta act somewhat "normal" when they are crying. >.<
Strong silent type. Once they start talking and bawling..... just listen quietly. they will feel better, and perceive you as having something to do with it. 
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Lakefingers
Proto-over-under-neo-modern
Registered: 08/26/05
Posts: 1,550
Loc: mumuland
Last seen: 1 month, 12 days
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Re: My Grandfather's Life Ended Today [Re: redgreenvines]
#8895686 - 09/08/08 10:47 AM (2 months, 25 days ago) |
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precisely put
well recommended
don't be greedy with yourself or others
be there and grow
i hope that's the best
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daytripper23
Wanker
Registered: 06/22/05
Posts: 1,792
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Re: My Grandfather's Life Ended Today [Re: Icelander]
#8895718 - 09/08/08 10:55 AM (2 months, 25 days ago) |
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I dont think its as simple as just caring or not caring.
In all likelihood, all the social rituals come before the death really hits, whether it is significant to you or not. This is confusing. When my Grandmother died, I was so accosted by these social affectations it was hard to even know myself whether I really cared or not.
Reminds me a bit of highschool graduation. Many congradulations, people saying they are proud of you, all for what after all these years? Like we really have a choice in the matter. I got through highschool like I would get through a flu.
If you think society is fake in general, it is the absolute worst at a funeral. You have to go along with it to an extent, of course, and its almost impossible not to get completely sucked up.
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TheAxis
Run like a cantalope
Registered: 08/20/08
Posts: 682
Loc: New Jersey
Last seen: 10 hours, 59 minutes
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Re: My Grandfather's Life Ended Today [Re: daytripper23]
#8896879 - 09/08/08 03:31 PM (2 months, 25 days ago) |
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dont worry about what other ppl think, if u dont wanna grieve dont, everyone handles death a different way
and to daytripper: yea funerals are by far one of the most fake things in the world, especially a religious one. Growing up jewish, my great grandmother had the typical jewish funeral with some raabi or someone talking about her in greeting card format as if he actually knew her (which he did not), saying some prayers and then leaving, pissed me off so much.
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When you make your piece with authority, you become authority
Jim Morrison
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder
Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 6,277
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 17 hours, 38 minutes
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Re: My Grandfather's Life Ended Today [Re: ExplosiveMango]
#8897756 - 09/08/08 06:17 PM (2 months, 25 days ago) |
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My condolences to you.
I have seen death as recently as today. A very nice substitute teacher from my native state of NJ, who was gonna burn a John Coltrane CD for me, dropped dead today in front of a classroom of children. I helped clear the room of furniture for fire-rescue and jumped on the ambulance. He didn't make it.
Being a crisis counselor, tomorrow we'll have droves of kids who witnessed the event, plus anyone else who liked the man, sobbing and bawling as recent losses in their young lives are opened up and death anxiety creates a mass bereavement.
Grieve alone and mourn publically if you wish. Death is always a sting to our attachment.
Consider love as a state of being, and loved ones as 'keys' to our heart - not the source of love. Keys are lost, love never dies.
+++Peace be with you+++
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Vocatus Atque Non Vocatus Deus Aderit
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truekimbo2
ghost of an alien robot
Registered: 12/08/02
Posts: 4,971
Loc: ny
Last seen: 1 hour, 41 minutes
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Re: My Grandfather's Life Ended Today [Re: ExplosiveMango]
#8899021 - 09/08/08 10:00 PM (2 months, 25 days ago) |
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nice EM. you've begun a long and interesting journey. best friends, girlfriends, wives, neighbors, co-workers, aunts, uncles, cousins, strangers.
watching people die around me takes a weird toll (i've only had a half dozen or so), and i assume its a normal part of "growing up"
honestly it makes me numb as hell
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I'm trapped with a mad man. look at him, staring into me, filling my mind with paranoid thoughts
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ɥƃnouǝʇuɐɔı
Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 8,583
Loc: Canada, LOL
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Re: My Grandfather's Life Ended Today [Re: daytripper23]
#8899101 - 09/08/08 10:11 PM (2 months, 25 days ago) |
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Quote:
daytripper23 said:
Reminds me a bit of highschool graduation. Many congradulations, people saying they are proud of you, all for what after all these years? Like we really have a choice in the matter. I got through highschool like I would get through a flu.
Good point there, hehehe 
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