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 citricacidx
FunGuy
Registered: 07/23/07
Posts: 655
Loc: GA
Last seen: 7 hours, 56 minutes
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 Trying to lie to myself
#8580030 - 06/30/08 09:27 AM (1 month, 28 days ago) |
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I read the post "She doesn't want a relationship." which hits close to home for me.
Quick background information: She has had 2 dreams with me in it that were very suggestive towards "Us", had a year relationship end in January, and a failed fuck buddy more recently, as well as other emotional scarring from relationships, and has a 2 month hang up where if she feels like something is getting serious she freaks out and pushes the guy away. She's planning on going to school out of country next year to work on her masters, so she'd be gone for a few years. Also, my last serious relationship was as such: Talking for the first time, 3 days later first date, 3 days later BF/GF. So I'm used to moving fast.
I've grown really close to a girl I knew back in high school. She's opened up to me, talks to me about her problems, family issues, school, work, whatever. She is in my group of friends and whenever we all hangout, I end up crashing at someone's house. Well being summertime in GA and two of my friends don't have good AC or are too cheap to pay for it, she let me start sleeping (just sleep) with her.
That was all well and fine, then one night we both woke up and just started making out. Then the next time we actually had sex. So we started talking and decided we were more than just fuck buddies.
So I start getting the mindset that we're dating and so I'm excited because I haven't had feelings for someone in over 2 years. I asked her a few days later if we were open or exclusive and she said she wasn't sure yet.
She finally gets back to me on that and tell me that she decided, for the sake of her mental state (and the 2 month hang up), that we are "Open but accidentally exclusive". So I again take that as meaning that we're dating and working towards possibly being serious.
A little bit of time goes on, we keep hanging out and hooking up. I, being a dive in head first, all or nothing kind of guy, am trying my hardest to take it slow, but apparently not slow enough. So a few nights ago we slept together (just sleep and making out, she was on her period) and then spent the whole next day together. That night, one of her friends called her upset about something, so it put her in a bad mood. So we go to bed uneventful, just sleep.
Next morning I wake up to leave and go to work. I ask her if we're ok and she says yes. Then she tells me nothing serious can come of us. We agree to try to be friends with benefits, and when I say this she goes, yeah I should've said that at the beginning.
In my mind, there's no doubt that if she would give it a chance, it would've worked nicely. But logically, with her leaving in a year, it would hurt more to progress to that point.
The way I see it, she's in my group of friends so I'd have to be friends with her anyways, so why not also get sex.
So now I'm trying to convince myself that I misunderstood the feelings I had towards her of love, and that what I was feeling was love for a friend and confused it because I'm not usually really as close to my female friends as my male friends.
Any advice on how to believe it or drop my emotions for her as more than a friend?
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Edited by citricacidx (06/30/08 03:35 PM)
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citricacidx
FunGuy
Registered: 07/23/07
Posts: 655
Loc: GA
Last seen: 7 hours, 56 minutes
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Re: Trying to lie to myself [Re: citricacidx]
#8587252 - 07/02/08 10:28 AM (1 month, 26 days ago) |
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Nothing?
Well here's a small update. After posting this, much later in the day, I headed over to hang out with a friend. On the way over I was listening to "The Grudge" by Tool, when one of the lines towards the end just hit me and made sense:
Quote:
Saturn comes back around
Lifts you up like a child
Or drags you down like a stone to
Consume you till you
Choose to
Let this go
Choose to
Let this go
So I was feeling better, got to the little bar and was drinking, just checkin out the ladies around and just feeling good. Our other friend got off work, joined us for a little, then we headed back to their apartment to chill and smoke.
Earlier in the day, I had been invited over to another friends to hang out with him and the girl that I'm having this issue with and just drink cause we were all having crappy days/times. 1 AM rolls around and I leave to go there. I get there and we're all hanging out, and everything is fine. End up leaving around 3, have to drive one friend home, then I end up going back to her place with her. We'd already established that tonight would be a "friend" night. So we get back to her place and get ready for bed and get in bed and she cuddles up next to me. Everything is good, I'm not having any problems with any of this.
Then the next morning when I woke up, just seeing her laying next to me made me feel kind of bad. I just wanted so much to kiss her but I refrained. And just talking to her while she was getting ready for work was also not fun cause I just wanted to kiss her even more. I ended up giving her a ride to work before heading out myself to get ready for work.
Overall, it wasn't as bad I thought it would be. There were a few times when I had to bite my tongue hanging out because we like to joke about sexual stuff, like trading hepatitis and how I'm goin for the whole alphabet (I don't have any STDs, it was a joke). Obviously the mornings are something I need to work on.
Also, she's going to be in and out of town pretty much all month so I think that will help to give me distance and give me a chance to hang out with just guy friends and have fun and maybe meet some other ladies.
So, does anyone have anything to say, comment, advise?
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Heffy
journeyman
Registered: 08/30/04
Posts: 489
Last seen: 2 days, 14 hours
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Re: Trying to lie to myself [Re: citricacidx]
#8587456 - 07/02/08 11:26 AM (1 month, 26 days ago) |
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Gotta let it go man. She is gonna flake out on you if you get too serious.
But like you said, you are part of the same group anyways.
So you have to hang out with her one way or another.
Might as well be having sex while you are at it.
Plus, this girl sounds like she has no idea what she wants.
Like if someone told me that they decided our relationship was "Open but accidentally exclusive", I might slap them.
But if she's now decided that "nothing serious can happen between you", it gives me the impression that she is all over the place, and (like many young women) just wants whatever seem most appealing at a given time.
I think you are doing fine. If you want more attention from this girl the best thing you can do is pay less attention to her. Act like you took what she said really seriously, and you agree with her. Don't make as much of an effort to hang out with her, or do stuff for her.
Most importantly, pay more attention to other girls, especially when she is around. It might make her feel differently. Don't feel bad about it. She was the one who made the decision, plus she's going away, you need to meet other girls.
Good luck.
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imagine
Random Shroomerite
Registered: 09/24/05
Posts: 192
Last seen: 1 hour, 59 minutes
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Re: Trying to lie to myself [Re: Heffy]
#8592438 - 07/03/08 05:21 PM (1 month, 25 days ago) |
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well, if i were in your shoes from day 1 i would've mapped out the possibilities if you WERE to enter a relationship with her. the first turn off for me would be her leaving in a year. i like to follow my life one day at a time, but if you are entering a serious relationship with somebody one year isn't a good limit. i'd like to hope it lasts as long as possible. she also doesn't seem as emotionally in touch with herself as you, which could be a problem later (although it already IS a problem with the way she said you were "accidently" exclusive). i mean cmon, how immature do you have to be to "accidently" see someone? it was HER choice to persue (or be persued). there is no excuse for that. she is obviously not ready to be committed if she has set backs like that. if i were you, i would simply be friends with benefits. i think you can find someone better when it comes to relationships. i understand you may have some feelings for her but, now is the time to step back from the seriousness. you can do it. you seem mature.
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citricacidx
FunGuy
Registered: 07/23/07
Posts: 655
Loc: GA
Last seen: 7 hours, 56 minutes
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Re: Trying to lie to myself [Re: imagine]
#8592494 - 07/03/08 05:40 PM (1 month, 25 days ago) |
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I appreciate the comments. Last night was the first benefits received since she told me nothing serious could come of it. It was pretty awesome.
I do have feelings for her, but if I can only be friends with benefits then I will do my best to do that.
I am keeping my eyes open for a real relationship girl. After 2 years of no feelings, and finally getting some, I believe I'm ready to find a serious relationship. But until that time I will continue to make her call my name out in the wee hours of the morning.
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TheEyeIsWatching
Stranger
Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 35
Last seen: 28 days, 12 hours
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Re: Trying to lie to myself [Re: imagine]
#8592500 - 07/03/08 05:42 PM (1 month, 25 days ago) |
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Quote:
Most importantly, pay more attention to other girls, especially when she is around. It might make her feel differently. Don't feel bad about it. She was the one who made the decision, plus she's going away, you need to meet other girls.
I agree with Heffy here. From my experience, when you 'force' a girl to change her perspective by ignoring your emotional feelings towards her, she may just realize how she really feels about you. If you try this a few times and nothing comes of it then keep her as one of your friends and try to go out and meet other girls.
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citricacidx
FunGuy
Registered: 07/23/07
Posts: 655
Loc: GA
Last seen: 7 hours, 56 minutes
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In a friends w/ benefits situation, how can you let the other person know you want a little more sex without compromising anything?
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