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 Veritas
Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 9,772
Loc: PNW
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 Re: This sucks! [Re: OwMyHead]
#8408539 - 05/16/08 08:04 AM (4 months, 25 days ago) |
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Well, it is impossible to physically survive without water, food, & air, so I guess it follows that it would be impossible to feel ANY emotions if you went long enough without them. (Being dead, and all.) 
The idea that we MUST have love, sex & companionship in order to be happy is toxic, IMO. When we make our experience of happiness dependent upon the participation of other people, we cannot enjoy our relationships. Being emotionally enslaved does not foster trust, honesty or equality in a relationship.
We create our own misery by believing that we need others in order to be happy, or that we need a big-screen TV to be happy, or a Ferrari, or ___________. The fact is, happiness is a state of mind, not something others "grant" us.
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If people stopped looking on their emotions as ethereal, almost inhuman processes, and realistically viewed them as being largely composed of perceptions, thoughts, evaluations, and internalized sentences, they would find it quite possible to work calmly and concertedly at changing them.
~Albert Ellis
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 Grok
ElfspiceEnthusiast
Registered: 12/03/03
Posts: 859
Loc: Greener Pastures
Last seen: 8 days, 15 hours
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Re: This sucks! [Re: Veritas]
#8412646 - 05/17/08 12:24 PM (4 months, 23 days ago) |
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I still don't buy it. I agree on the premise that believing a Ferrari is the key to happiness may be in error (but perhaps not for everyone, either). I don't think that just because we equate certain things or people with happiness or derive it from the same means we are emotionally "enslaved" by them either.
People who are put in jail have adequate supplies to sustain their life - in some degree of comfort, even - and yet I suspect, based on talking to people who served long sentences and things I have read in kind, that it is extremely difficult to maintain any real degree of happiness in such an environment.
Just speaking for myself, I also believe that I would probably have been happier being born several hundred years ago and living tribally. Hypothetically, let's say that I did indeed live in such an environment and indeed was happier - same me, different environment, but not the same level of satisfaction. Was it beacuse of lack of effort? Unenlightenment? I don't think so, but maybe - I'm a generally discontent person anyway. By the same token, I don't equate contentedness with happiness either. Certain environments - things outside of ourselves - are more conductive to personal satisfaction than others; namely environments that are conducive to allowing our best self-expression, where we are easily 'in our element'. I think this is true for nearly everyone. That we have the capacity to be happy in essentially any non-life threatening environment is seemingly irrelevant to me - the same way that a Ferrari's capacity for going 200MPH is irrelevant when its stuck in traffic.
Really it's when you find it unacceptable to not have everything your own way or believe that you MUST have everything a certain way, or you grow heavily/unnaturally accustomed to relying on certain things for happiness that you're set up for disappointment. We all form attachment to some things, and we all feel grief from their loss. It's the human way. Anyone who says otherwise isn't being honest IMO.
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Reality: - (1) Where idealism goes to die.
- (2) "...a good place to visit, but not somewhere I wanna live!" - Uncle B
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." - Douglas Adams
"Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful." - Seneca the Younger
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cottlestonpie
wanderer
Registered: 01/18/03
Posts: 454
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One peice of solid advice, esepcially i you feel she screwed you over, do not get drunk and call her. Worst mistake ever.
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"If you will it there is no dream"
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JackthaTripper
Researcher
Registered: 01/29/07
Posts: 800
Loc: Mycoutopia
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Yeah, I won't be calling her on any drunken nights. I have nothing but bad feelings for her at this point. I guess I should have known from the first night we met that she is a whore and always will be (from the fact that we basically fucked the first time I met her). I don't know why I tried to make that slut into the relationship type. Oh Ludacris why didn't I take your wise words to heart, "you can't turn a ho into housewife, hos don't act right."
As far as not needing someone to be happy; I know I don't need a companion for happiness I think it would facilitate these feelings though. It just fits in with what I want overall in life, a family and kids someday. For now I am content with being single, hell its kind of nice. I've been in two major relationships that have lasted all through high school and college and now with only one semester in my undergraduate left it is quite fitting that I am single. Eventually I hope I will end up finding that girl that is perfect for me and I can spend my life with but if it doesn't happen for a while it is fine with me.
Thanks all for the kind words and advice. I still feel sad when I see things that remind me of her. And that empty feeling is still in my chest but its getting better. I think a few months and I'll be back to normal.
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Becoming Dreams
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