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Anonymous #1
Unregistered
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 "Dealing with it"
#8390604 - 05/11/08 08:35 PM (4 months, 29 days ago) |
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What would be a good method for handling life?
As a child I was abused, and I believe that led me to become the person I am. My prominent character traits are probably: Unlikable, aggressive, hateful and mean. I find forgiving people nearly impossible, and will fume for hours over small incidents, such as being cut off in traffic.
Only a short time ago I was an alcoholic (been sober for just over a month now). I found alcohol a mirror for my feelings and was able to stop thinking about everything for a short amount of time.
I'm always scrambling for money though it is easier without buying drinks.
Unless I am drunk or stoned I cannot go for more than 2 hours sleeping without being awoken by terrifying nightmares.
In my stressed state I need tips on making life easier. I think learning to forgive and forget would be a good first steps, but no matter how hard I try I can't calm down.
Sorry for the wall of text, and thanks for any help.
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 grymmtymm
lostinthought
Registered: 03/29/08
Posts: 513
Loc: midwest, unfortunately
Last seen: 1 day, 4 minutes
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sounds like you had some bad abuse, i grew up in a bad household too. dad was a drunk, hit my mom, did some other real bad things, abused some kids. you're right when you say your childhood shapes what you become as an adult. i know the difficulties you live with. i too sometimes find it hard to forgive people, sometimes for things i think that i should just let go yet can't seem to.
you're just gonna have to remember that the rest of the people in the world are not the ones who caused you harm and not everyone is like the people you grew up with.
everday i wake up and go through my day telling myself i will never be like my dad,never. almost to the point of it being an obsession, i will never be like my dad.
character/personality changes are not easy to go through, especially by yourself, which is probably what your needing, given what you have said. you may need to someone to talk to that you won't get here, like a professional. but if your like me, you really don't want to do that.
so here is my suggestion, find something you like to do, something you love, and immerse yourself in it. find some kind of attainable goal and go after it. me, for example, i used to be fat, and was sick of it, so i set out to change it. and i swore i wouldn't stop until i got it. six years later i'm still going at it. i have changed my bodytype, and am stronger from have doing it. i have proved to myself that i can do what i want, so long as i don't give up. it surely wasn't easy, but it was definitely worth it. and no one can take that from me. no matter what...
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TheHappyHippies
Dick Hippie
Registered: 05/07/08
Posts: 107
Loc: Your mom, somewhere near ...
Last seen: 3 months, 30 days
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Re: "Dealing with it" [Re: grymmtymm]
#8392029 - 05/12/08 09:44 AM (4 months, 29 days ago) |
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I have some similar past issues. I went to this great native american woman for counseling at a battered women's shelter, and she taught me about a concept that I find VERY helpful in overcoming patterns in my life.
Core Beliefs:
Every human develops a core of beliefs about themselves. These beliefs are generally formed by the age of 7-8. This core is a sort of filter. We ascribe meaning to our everyday interactions and pretty much everything that happens by first filtering it through this core.
For instance:
I am a friend of yours. You see me walking down the street, and you wave. I look right at you and keep walking without acknowledging you. This event happening doesn' have a meaning to you, until you process it through your core beliefs. if your core beliefs are that you are "Unlikable, aggressive, hateful and mean" then you will probably think that you have done something to upset me, and will wonder what you have done wrong. If your core are that you are a caring, happy, and kind person, then you will most likely wonder why I am upset, or what has happened in my personal liffe to make me react to you this way.
These core beliefs have a need to be "fed". Meaning you subconsciously seek activities and even acquaintances and friends who will reinforce your core beliefs.
In my past, I believed that I was incapable of making good decisions, and needed to be controlled by another in order to successfully survive, and that abuse was something that was just part of life, and to be expected from the ones I loved the most. Consequently, I married a controlling abusive douchebag who made me feel inadequate, and deserving of his abuse. (obviously not the amazing man who I am married to today whom you all know as Dick)
The good news about this stuff is once you figure out your core beliefs, and their effects on your decision making, you can start to change them. Changing your core beliefs is a hard task, but rewarding and worthwhile. Some people think the only way to do this is with cognitive behavioral therapy, but imho, meditation is the answer. Meditate on what you currently believe, and slowly incorporate the new beliefs that you'd like to have about yourself.
Be the change you want to see!
~Jane
--------------------
Under the old oak tree,
The Village Idiot sat...
Amusing himself, by abusing himself
And catching it in his hat!
-Anonymous
Today's asshole is Chris!
-Chris Leavins & Colty
(www.cutewithchris.com)
-- Yes, I am THE Dick Hippie
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Anonymous #1
Unregistered
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Thanks for the help both of you. I'm still unsure of what to do, and found myself, once again, wound up, anxious and angry today.
Working on that self-control.
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