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Last night I had my first experience with DMT. Up until this week, I had never strayed outside the realm of liquor and Mary Jane. Ive always suffered from some anxiety and depression, but it didnt really kick into high gear until I was about 27. For the last year Ive been trying therapy, medication, meditating, anything that could possibly help. A good friend of mine who now lives across the country was telling me about his similar life experiences, and how DMT helped open his eyes to a lot of mental barriers preventing him from being happy. I figured at this point, why not give it a try.
During the extraction process, my friend brought over a couple of tabs of LSD. Pretty mild stuff, it was like a good oral marijuana trip. Body sensations, mild euphoric feelings, etc. Not much else, but I hoped it would serve as a bit of preparation for the DMT.
### Trip 1 (Non-Breakthrough) ###
It took some time after loading up my pipe with crystals and ash before I was able to calm myself down. I sat in my couch recliner, breathing out the anxiety, and trying to remember all of the helpful tips Ive read on these boards. After a few minutes I finally took my torch lighter and took a fairly weak hit. The taste was, of course, reminiscent of burning plastic. I felt my legs tingle a bit right away, so I knew that Id at least extracted this stuff correctly. I took another hit, much larger this time. As I exhaled, I coughed a bit and noticed some more smoke left in the pipe. I puffed that quickly and raised the lighter again. Unfortunately I was a bit freaked out at this point, and hesitated a bit too long for another hit. Once I let out that last bit of smoke, I felt either unable (or too afraid) to take another.
Immediately I heard the stereotypical noises, and stretched back in the recliner. I had quite a few thoughts of panic, as reality was distorting little by little in front of my eyes. I had to convince myself for a short period of time that I was not dying, and that there was a reason I had turned off my phone and placed it out of reach. After some convincing and breathing, I settled in a bit more and tried to let go and enjoy the ride. I would liken that part of the experience to being on one of those carnival rides that straps you into a chair, raises you way into the sky, then drops you suddenly. This whole period was like getting onto one of those rides and trying to convince yourself that it is perfectly safe, despite the fact that the ground is shrinking below your feet.
After I settled down a bit, the TV in front of me somehow shifted from widescreen to a perfect cube. Suddenly everything in the room decided to follow suit. Its hard to describe the squareness of everything at that point, it was sort of like my brain had come up with this new cartoon-esque definition of what a square consisted of. I spent a long time staring at the rounded lamp attached to my ceiling fan, which had also become a cube. All of my dvds, books, chairs, toys, and anything else I glanced at had a completely square facade behind it. Almost like my brain was interpreting that everything in life was made up of these cubes, and this was how it all fit together. That, or I was high and just looking for an explanation.
After the cubes disappeared and the room took its original form, I tried closing my eyes. There wasnt much going on there, so I stared at the ceiling for awhile and very light patterns danced across it until I eventually started to regain sobriety. The trip seemed to last for ten minutes before wearing off, and towards the end I felt the distinct urge to do. Usually when I feel like that, I turn on the TV to calm down my brain, so I did that. I couldnt focus on it at all though, so I turned it off and just closed my eyes until I felt like getting up again. I noticed that my legs were a bit wobbly at first, but other than that the aftereffects were minimal.
Im planning another trip today. Anyone have words of advice? My friend told me that I should do it outdoors, but other than my back patio I cant think of anyplace convenient. My back patio is on the third floor, and though I was totally incapacitated by the weak trip, I dont want to risk smoking it and taking an insane leap over the railing. Ill update this thread with more trip reports as I go along.
### Trip 2 (Non-Breakthrough) ###
I decided to go ahead and smoke it outside. I figured with the level of incapacitation from the first trip, there's no chance I'd be leaping off the railing. I set up my most comfortable chair and an ottoman on the deck at around 11am, right when the sunny so-cal sun would be on me but not in my face. I loaded up a bigger dose than before, and lit into it. I got in 3 good sized tokes before the buzzing started, and I stated "Here we go" aloud to no-one in particular. I laid back and tried to keep myself calm, the buzzing noise was alarming and reality seemed to be distorting more swiftly than before. I shut my eyes and felt the sun, and noticed warm orange and red patterns cascading like a kaleidoscope.
I opened my eyes and got a full view of the flourishing trees just feet away from the edge of the deck. The rest of the world lost focus and these trees, formerly benign, were now withering and dying at a terrifying rate. Then I noticed that the leaves were multiplying and coming back to life prior to the deaths, and I realized upon later reflection (after coming back down) that it was cyclical. Life was ending and restarting over and over again. My eyes drifted up and down the trees, and noticed that perspective was shifting dramatically. The trees, which are very tall, now seemed much shorter. Then just as suddenly they would seem enormous, and the normal notches along the sides were multiplying and throbbing while the trees swayed and withered.
As I sat and watched this slightly frightening yet oddly soothing display, I tried to put words to what I was seeing. I was already considering a future post here, and what I would say when describing the experience to friends. This set of an anxious bit of mental wandering, as I'm known to do in normal life. Ideas about other people just bounced around in my head, although now they were amplified and more present rather than the normal background noise of life. As I looked at the trees, solid black birds began to appear from within the branches, and once they flew away their feathers would shed behind them and disintegrate. I calmed down a bit and the trees seemed to be communicating with me. They told me that I was way too concerned with what other people thought, and yet I had no concern for what I think. They seemed to think that this was enough for now, and that I should focus on that once the trip was over.
Around this point, the trip began to wear off and I became more aware of who I was and what I was doing. I was able to look around but doing so would limit the visuals that I was still getting from the trees, so I sat very still and just tried to silence my mind as much as possible. I stared at my hands for awhile, and marvelled that they had the appearance of a five year old's hands. The signs of age and wear had disappeared, even from the back. All of the hairs along my forearms danced in the wind. It was very calming. Once I pulled out of it, I felt great for the next half hour or so.
### Trip 3 (Non-Breakthrough) ###
This trip was fairly uneventful. My sister was around and wanted to try it based on my testimonial, so I set up the chair/ottoman scenario on the patio again. I put on some calming music and loaded up a bong instead of the pipe this time. I had burned my finger on the pipe the day before, so I figured the bong might help. I laid back in the chair while my sister watched with a pencil just in case I said anything.
I packed a fairly moderate bowlful of ash/spice/ash, and lit into it. After the fourth toke I unexpectedly said "here we go" again. I put down the bong and laid back, then realized that nothing was happening. I took another couple of tokes and the bong began to distort a bit, so I set it down again.
The chair was tilted a bit to keep us out of the sun, so my view of the trees was also shared with a wall that extends past the railing. This distorted and became far taller, which pushed my sister in her chair out of view. For the remainder of the trip, she seemed to be present but separate, as if in the next room. Like I said, this trip was nothing spectacular. It seemed like the trees weren't very talkative, and I just sat trying to focus on letting go, as this led to more visuals than when my mind was racing.
Eventually I stared at my hands, which again seemed youthful in appearance. Is this a common scenario for people?
I noticed that while coming down, I was aware of my ability to speak but felt compelled not to. It seemed that there was a definitive time that it was again OK to speak, and I did at that point.
My sister had a very mild trip by the way. She was very scared of it, and didn't want to try a stronger dose later. Oh well, it's not for everyone.
### Trip 4 (Non-Breakthrough) ###
This took place about four days after the previous trips. I had spoken to my therapist about all of this (I'm serious about this as a therapeutic method) and he found it interesting that all of the mental revelations seemed to mirror a lot of things that I'd been complaining about in session. He didn't necessarily condone what I was doing, but he definitely didn't discourage me. In fact, he gave me advice for future usage such as making sure that I have a sitter and trying to do it laying down indoors where I'll feel secure.
I decided to listen to the trees from the previous trip and stop caring what people thought. I have sort of an irrational fear that my friends will look down on me for this sort of thing, when they are really decent friends and would likely understand. So that weekend I decided to share my spice experience with them, while allowing another friend (with whom I tried the LSD previously) to give it his first go. All of my friends were extremely interested, and two of them wanted to try it. I let two of my friends give it a whirl out on their patio, and they were very impressed. Flabbergasted, as most of us are.
So finally it was my turn, and I'd brought a bigger dose than I'd ever tried before. Still nothing too extreme, but hopefully big enough for a breakthrough. Two of my friends wanted to sit and watch, and they agreed to keep silent and not interfere. Once I had a few really good hits, I felt the pipe distort and said "here we go" purely for nostalgia's sake at this point. I handed it off to a friend and leaned back. The buzzing noise was barely present, and I noticed a lot of ash/spice mound in the pipe so I reached for it. It was then that I realized that all of my arm hairs were spiralling upwards, so I pulled the pipe in quickly while I still had the capability. As I toked, the pipe grew octopus tentacles and a long black char mark singed and glowed along the line where smoke travels inside. I took in as much as possible and again handed off the pipe. I leaned back and tried my best to relax.
I felt the typical "oh shit oh shit" anxiety kicking in. I tried to breathe deeply and tell myself that everything was OK, that I wasn't going to die, and that I should allow things to just happen. It was at that point that the trees in the courtyard began warping and distorting. The large tree up front began reconceptualizing as other representations of tree, while the one in the back simply turned cartoonish.
I noticed that my two friends were, similar to my sister in the last trip, present but separated. Their room in the back seemed distant and secure, but then I noticed my friend who did not want to try the spice. He seemed to be snickering, as if I looked really silly high. I then became very aware of how slack jawed and ridiculous I must have looked. Then I started to hear my other friend laughing at a TV show inside. Noticing these things pulled me out of the experience dramatically. Once I tried letting go again, the visuals came back but they also brought my friends separate "room" to the forefront. It highlighted my friend's snickering, which seemed to be the kind of laughter normally reserved for potheads mocking one another. I tried to tell myself that there was no way he was laughing at this point, and that I was likely imagining this as a result of my caring too much about what other people think.
I thought back to the trees, and tried to stay calm. I decided to take a look at my hands to take my mind off of my friend, which was a mistake. My hands, normally youthful while on the spice, were now frightening and surreal. The fingers opened, which then begat their own sets of fingers which opened at the tips. I was later told that when I looked at my hands, I seemed to be literally blown away by what I saw, which actually caused my friend to laugh out loud. This brought me down almost completely, and the message as I was departing seemed to be telling me that I was nearly there, but that I had to get rid of any anchors that might weigh me down.
I took a few days off after this, but I felt more determined than ever. I really felt close this last time, and felt that smoking the spice alone on my bed might finally do the trick.
### Trip 5 (Breakthrough) ###
I figure I can fill in the previous non-breakthrough experiences after I jot down some of the details I can recall from my first breakthrough experience.
Yesterday I decided to listen to what the previous experiences had taught me, and try a good sized dose alone, in my room on my bed, with the doors locked. I made sure that the girlfriend would be gone and nobody would be coming by, so that my very anxious mind would at least be able to let go of the potential people around me. Previous trips had told me that I was too anchored by the people in my life, and I think that this was why I was finally able to break through.
I put on some soothing music from my childhood (the Mysterious Cities of Gold soundtrack, if any of you remember that poignantly amazing show from the 80's) to calm myself. Once I felt ready, I took a fairly small dose at first to get myself over the anxious first stage. Nothing too amazing there, a few light visuals that were over within a few minutes. As soon as I was able, I reached over for my backup dose, which was much larger. I cannot express how helpful this was in keeping me calm and in the right mindset.
I then took four big hits from my pipe and quickly set it down. I knew immediately that this was going to be the breakthrough trip. I closed my eyes and enjoyed a rich kaleidoscope of colors and shapes for what seemed like only a few moments before it was all ripped away from me. It was savage and peaceful all at the same time, a feeling like I was hurtling at light speed across a pathway that suddenly stopped in a pure white room. Unlike in other trips, where I was conscious that my physical body was still seated somewhere, I was fully lucid and conscious of the fact that I was standing in the middle of this white room.
This was the point when some shapeless white beings, which seemed to be consciousnesses taking a physical form. They grew hands which they laid on my shoulders, and seemed to be mentally projecting the idea that I should not be afraid of them, or this place. This was simply existence, a state that I normally cannot access because my mind is constantly racing, busying itself so that I have no ability to focus on what I'm feeling in the moment. So it was at that point that I was reminded that my ego existed, and decided that I needed to define what I was seeing so that I could describe it to other people. It was at this point that the glorious white world was taken away, and I was told to open my eyes.
Once I did, I was aware that I was now laying down in my room, but the ceiling and surrounding walls were constantly redefining themselves as other objects, like giant cartoon flowers that would explode and reshape as all kinds of impossible objects. Language was exploding in my mind as well, and I was hearing a very loud and alarmingly intense series of voices chanting a mish-mash of words and sounds. Once I calmed down and tried to feel what the voices were telling me instead of interpreting, I started to feel like I understood. My mind or whatever it was speaking wanted me to learn to let go of my need to define and just exist, and then I'd be allowed to explore places like the white plane again more freely.
Once the voices stopped, I looked at my hands. They began reshaping and twisting in front of me, so I just relaxed and started to wave them around in front of my face. Tracers followed them wherever I went, and I felt the world begin to move along with them. The walls squared up and I felt my consciousness move back to second or third grade, in the library at school. I was reading one of those Choose Your Own Adventure books, which I haven't thought about in years. It was in watching this young version of myself that I saw something very sad. I was reading ahead in the book for any signs of "the end" and earmarked them, so that I could say that I made it through the book without a bad ending. Then I was shown the way that I reacted to my parent's feeling of disappointment in me whenever I screwed up as a child. The guilt that came with it was paralyzing, and through that I developed the unhealthy mindset that would one day lead to my current state of crippling anxiety.
I felt very sad for my young self, and was immediately soothed by the voices. They told me that once I learned to exist, to learn to not cheat myself of the experience of life by not allowing myself to enjoy the bad as well as the good. That if I could learn to let go, and exist with life rather than fighting it, I'd be able to be happy like I've always wanted. I'd be able to shape my world into something that would satisfy me. To illustrate this point, the world now began to shape itself more to my movement, and I felt a level of power and control that I'd never experienced.
Once I started to come out of it, and the world began to take normal shape again, I began to sob. Mind you, I've been a very large emotionally stunted man since about the age of 13. Two years in therapy hadn't led to this level of emotional release. I felt joy like I can't ever remember experiencing. It was like the pure unweighted feeling of being a child without responsibility or oppression. For someone like me, who's anxiety and the weight of other people's opinions have gone from mental to physical consequences, it was the most amazing experience of a life filled with fear and doubt.
The next day, my anxiety is back and I'm still just as big a mess as the day before, but I feel different. I feel hopeful for the first time in a long while. This particular journey was so perfectly fulfilling that I have a hard time accepting it. It feels like exactly what I needed to hear and what I needed to feel that it seems cheap, like the perfect Hollywood ending to a Hugh Grant romantic comedy. But I appreciate it. I still haven't had the want to try it again, but I'll be sure to keep this thread updated with any future and previous experiences soon.
DMT is certainly an amazing little chemical, glad to see you feel inclined to give it a second go. As far as experiencing DMT outdoor I would say it is indeed a must try experience. If you can, I would recommend a secluded field with a view of the clouds. You'll never look at clouds the same again. As far as smoking the DMT on a third story patio, I personally would not be too hesitant provided I was seated but if you're feeling apprehensive about it perhaps you should wait until you're more comfortable with the substance. At higher doses it tends to really dissolve reality entirely. Hope this helped, good luck with your travels!
-------------------- It's a strange world. Some people get rich and others eat shit and die. - Hunter S. Thompson
I smoked what I thought was a small dose of DMT last night and it transformed my body and mind into a network of transforming psychedelic fiber-optic cables. DMT is an absolutely insane drug; it might scare you at first (it certainly scared the living shit out of me the first time I broke through, and that's after two years of acid and shroom tripping) but work with it. It's very worth it and will lead to many wonderful things in your life if you let it. Fear only represents aspects of your life you can work on.
It never ceases to amaze me how much deeper the DMT pool is than even high doses of other psychedelics (acid particularly IME). The word "psychedelic" technically fits its effects but they are still of a very unique, bizarrely powerful character.
I always smoke DMT inside. Outside sounds like a pain in the ass (with wind and stuff) and I certainly wouldn't like the idea of smoking it on a balcony near a railing. My bedroom suits me quite well most of the time. Though I wouldn't suggest having the TV on next time, that type of stimulation can be quite overwhelming.
Good luck on your return trip! Be sure to share with us how it goes.
Man, I love smoking DMT outdoors, especially somewhere quiet , beautiful, and where I don't even have to consider dealing with anyone I don't want to. Give it a shot sometime.
-------------------- Entropy is increasing.
To send me a PM, go to my journal
Hell yeah man! DMT is by far the most powerful trip. ive done LSD & shrooms god knows how many times.. i too have been low dosing for a couple weeks with the spice.. very posotive results, my head feel re-connected, ive never been able to think this clear before((after effects) its after effects, say last for days after, almost like an anti-depressant. Im not shure about breakthrough doses for that is all that is left, so i will be breaking through very soon, probably tomarrow.. very powerful substance..
--------------------
"Think for yourself & question authority!" -T. Leary
"TAKE THE THIRD TOKE!!!" -Terrence McKenna
I am certifiably insane, as such all posts written by me should be regarded as utter nonsense or attempts to get attention.
Amen. After listening to Terrence McKenna, I want to try ayahuasca, pharmahuasca, or smoke some DMT. I'm jealous and envious you got there first! I need more experience coming to grips with the effects of shrooms and salvia. Thereafter, I'd love to meet up with the DMT entities. N.B.
-------------------- All submitted posts are by Someone Who Isn't Me (SWIM) - and in any event are works of pure fiction or outright lies. Any information, statement, or assertion contained therein should be considered pure unadulterated bullshit. Note well: Sorry, but I no longer answer PM's unless you are a long-time trusted friend, so don't bother. If you have a question, ask it in the appropriate thread...no exceptions. Anyone with less than 1,000 posts is automatically assumed to be a cop.
Quote: mildlyfunctional said: The next day, my anxiety is back and I'm still just as big a mess as the day before, but I feel different. I feel hopeful for the first time in a long while. This particular journey was so perfectly fulfilling that I have a hard time accepting it. It feels like exactly what I needed to hear and what I needed to feel that it seems cheap, like the perfect Hollywood ending to a Hugh Grant romantic comedy.
Nice write up, man. I am sincerly happy for you that you feel different and more hopeful. I think that is a great beginning...now just go forward and build on it.
BTW, there's nothing "cheap" about what you've done or accomplished here. Do you realize what kind of bravery it takes to do what you did? Not 1/10 of 1% of the people in this world have either the motivation or GUTS to peer into these realms and come back and share it with others with the quality (yes, quality) of writing that you demonstrate above.
Props and good vibes to you! N.B.
-------------------- All submitted posts are by Someone Who Isn't Me (SWIM) - and in any event are works of pure fiction or outright lies. Any information, statement, or assertion contained therein should be considered pure unadulterated bullshit. Note well: Sorry, but I no longer answer PM's unless you are a long-time trusted friend, so don't bother. If you have a question, ask it in the appropriate thread...no exceptions. Anyone with less than 1,000 posts is automatically assumed to be a cop.
Nice write-ups on all your trips. I share that "OH SHIT OH SHIT" sensation, being that several times now I've had the flippancy to underestimate the power of DMT - the brevity of the trip making me think it would be okay to take it in a less-than-perfect set and setting (we're talking filthy house and copious alcohol in my system). My body and mind were instantly splayed out into a massive, rhythmically transforming, cavernesque network of psychedelic fiber-optic cables. It was very painful, though there was no terror because as soon as I comprehended pain I was also comprehending that I was on drugs and that the experience would end shortly.
I need to clean my house the fuck up, stop drinking so much, and get some real me-time is what it really comes down to.
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My bedroom suits me quite well most of the time. Though I wouldn't suggest having the TV on next time, that type of stimulation can be quite overwhelming.
I'm off to my pinner.
