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Ender Wiggin
Strange
Registered: 11/03/07
Posts: 133
Loc: Florida
Last seen: 15 years, 4 months
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Why Cant I Just Be Happy?
#8259259 - 04/09/08 10:50 AM (16 years, 12 days ago) |
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I just dont understand it, Im healthy, Im about to graduate from grad school, come from a good family, stay out of real trouble, so why cant i be satisfied and content with myself and my life?
What kind of self searching do I need to do? I know i want a girlfriend, but I also know that I will not be able to learn to make someone fully happy unless I am fully happy myself.
who knows
HELP!
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vitadura
Dream Seeker
Registered: 03/11/07
Posts: 451
Loc: Here, Now
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Re: Why Cant I Just Be Happy? [Re: Ender Wiggin]
#8259306 - 04/09/08 11:04 AM (16 years, 12 days ago) |
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Life has it's ups and downs, it's joys and sorrows. You have to not only accept that life is dual, but embrace it. Life is a mystery, it's all about searching for things.. not necessarily finding them.
Find a hobby that makes you happy and keep up with it. Give something back to the earth so you can feel accomplished. Know that every moment is a moment in which you CAN be happy if you want to be.
Tap into the love that is available at all times from all things. Best of luck
-------------------- "You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here." -Max Ehrmann, Desiderata
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MushmanTheManic
Stranger
Registered: 04/21/05
Posts: 4,587
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Re: Why Cant I Just Be Happy? [Re: Ender Wiggin]
#8259506 - 04/09/08 11:58 AM (16 years, 12 days ago) |
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Who says you should be happy?
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appleorange
Rainbow Technician
Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 4,868
Loc: Reykjavík
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Quote:
MushmanTheManic said: Who says you should be happy?
ME FOR ONE!
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Veritas
Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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Re: Why Cant I Just Be Happy? [Re: Ender Wiggin]
#8259606 - 04/09/08 12:21 PM (16 years, 12 days ago) |
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My guess would be that you have mental habits which undermine your satisfaction. Check out Albert Ellis' book "How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable."
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deCypher
Registered: 02/10/08
Posts: 56,232
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Re: Why Cant I Just Be Happy? [Re: Veritas]
#8259627 - 04/09/08 12:26 PM (16 years, 12 days ago) |
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Yeah, good luck trying to find happiness, man. Some of the latest research in measuring people's level of satisfaction and happiness indicates that happy events in people's lives (such as marriage) only temporarily raise their level of happiness... after a set period from six months to a couple years, their level of happiness goes back down to its initial level. On the other hand, if significantly traumatizing events occur (death of a loved one, divorce, etc...), people's levels of happiness tend to decrease permanently. http://news.softpedia.com/news/How-Long-Happiness-Last-49129.shtml
Kind of makes you want to become a pessimist, aye?
-------------------- We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
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Veritas
Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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Re: Why Cant I Just Be Happy? [Re: deCypher]
#8260032 - 04/09/08 02:12 PM (16 years, 11 days ago) |
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The problem is that we tend to think that our happiness "switch" is located externally. The fact of the matter is that it is internal, and our circumstances merely influence us to turn it on or off.
If we can learn to influence ourselves, then it is entirely possible to be happy more often than not.
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appleorange
Rainbow Technician
Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 4,868
Loc: Reykjavík
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Re: Why Cant I Just Be Happy? [Re: Veritas]
#8260063 - 04/09/08 02:19 PM (16 years, 11 days ago) |
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Great reply Veritas!
A yogi once said something to the effect of:
"Why do we seek happiness outside of ourselves when it comes from within?"
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Veritas
Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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Re: Why Cant I Just Be Happy? [Re: appleorange]
#8260157 - 04/09/08 02:44 PM (16 years, 11 days ago) |
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"Men are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of them”
~Epictetus
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Fruitboot
Stranger
Registered: 10/04/05
Posts: 417
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
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Re: Why Cant I Just Be Happy? [Re: deCypher]
#8260442 - 04/09/08 04:23 PM (16 years, 11 days ago) |
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Quote:
The Cypher said: Yeah, good luck trying to find happiness, man. Some of the latest research in measuring people's level of satisfaction and happiness indicates that happy events in people's lives (such as marriage) only temporarily raise their level of happiness... after a set period from six months to a couple years, their level of happiness goes back down to its initial level. On the other hand, if significantly traumatizing events occur (death of a loved one, divorce, etc...), people's levels of happiness tend to decrease permanently. http://news.softpedia.com/news/How-Long-Happiness-Last-49129.shtml
Kind of makes you want to become a pessimist, aye?
It's not saying being happy is a bad thing, it's just saying that events in life can raise your happiness, but eventually it gets leveled out. It doesn't say your happiness goes away, it just means you aren't super stoked anymore.
Example: You win the lotto. Woohoo! A year later you are used to this new lifestyle, you've adjusted your wants, and now you are back to your level of happiness before you won the lotto. People are always comparing themselves to others that are like them. When you first win the lotto, you are comparing it to your financial situation before. After awhile though, you have somewhat forgotten about how having a normal amount of money felt. You now compare yourself to other millionaires and whatnot. Why do you think athletes are constantly bitching about their salary when they make millions and millions of dollars a year? It's because they are comparing themselves to other athletes who may be making a few million more.
Also, sure some traumatic events can lower your normal level of happiness (which is called your set point). But a lot of times people who have their spouse die, go through some terrible event, ect. end up reporting months, possibly years later that they are back to their normal happiness set point. Time does and can heal.
Edited by Fruitboot (04/09/08 04:24 PM)
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deCypher
Registered: 02/10/08
Posts: 56,232
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Re: Why Cant I Just Be Happy? [Re: Fruitboot]
#8260569 - 04/09/08 04:47 PM (16 years, 11 days ago) |
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Yah, I agree with you. I'm not saying being happy is a bad thing, just that it's a rather impermanent status. The interesting thing in that article I attached was that:
Quote:
But those who get divorced, unemployed, injured, seriously ill or physically disabled, however, did not, on average, recover the initial level of happiness they previously were at.
I'm sure a lot of people do end up going back up to their normal happiness level... But it looks like on average that doesn't happen, which is rather depressing.
-------------------- We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
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Veritas
Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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Re: Why Cant I Just Be Happy? [Re: deCypher]
#8260579 - 04/09/08 04:51 PM (16 years, 11 days ago) |
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Their subjective measurement of their own happiness may have been altered due to their perception that they had undergone something from which they could not recover.
I've been divorced, unemployed, injured and seriously ill (some of these things at the same time!), and I have become happier every year. It's not the events, it is the meaning we assign to the events. If I had decided that getting divorced was a huge tragedy, that it meant that I was a loser who would never find love, etc...and had carried those ideas forward in the years since my divorce, of COURSE I would say that I was less happy now!
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appleorange
Rainbow Technician
Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 4,868
Loc: Reykjavík
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Re: Why Cant I Just Be Happy? [Re: Veritas]
#8260674 - 04/09/08 05:17 PM (16 years, 11 days ago) |
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I'm just gonna throw a fart into the wind here and contribute my two cents as to what I think makes a person happy.
I think it is when we are still that we are happy.
That job, that dream wife/husband, or that car makes us still because we think that they fulfill us. If you feel incomplete because you do not have something, how can you be still? How can you be still when your mind is craving?
Dead Can Dance - "How Fortunate The Man With None"
You saw sagacious Solomon You know what came of him, To him complexities seemed plain. He cursed the hour that gave birth to him And saw that everything was vain. How great and wise was Solomon. The world however did not wait But soon observed what followed on. It's wisdom that had brought him to this state. How fortunate the man with none.
You saw courageous Caesar next You know what he became. They deified him in his life Then had him murdered just the same. And as they raised the fatal knife How loud he cried: you too my son! The world however did not wait But soon observed what followed on. It's courage that had brought him to that state. How fortunate the man with none.
You heard of honest Socrates The man who never lied: They weren't so grateful as you'd think Instead the rulers fixed to have him tried And handed him the poisoned drink. How honest was the people's noble son. The world however did not wait But soon observed what followed on. It's honesty that brought him to that state. How fortunate the man with none.
Here you can see respectable folk Keeping to God's own laws. So far he hasn't taken heed. You who sit safe and warm indoors Help to relieve our bitter need. How virtuously we had begun. The world however did not wait But soon observed what followed on. It's fear of god that brought us to that state. How fortunate the man with none.
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Fruitboot
Stranger
Registered: 10/04/05
Posts: 417
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
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Re: Why Cant I Just Be Happy? [Re: appleorange]
#8261090 - 04/09/08 06:47 PM (16 years, 11 days ago) |
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Happiness and sadness must coexist, neither could exist without the other.
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WhiskeyClone
Not here
Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Canada ...
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Re: Why Cant I Just Be Happy? [Re: Veritas]
#8261467 - 04/09/08 07:52 PM (16 years, 11 days ago) |
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Quote:
Veritas said: "Men are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of them”
~Epictetus
This is the answer ^^^
All unhappiness comes from one's mental reactions to what happens. If you are thinking about how the moment should be different, you are unhappy. Recognize this: in order to be happy, you must not have any mental resistance to what is happening. And you only have to deal with one moment at a time.
Occasionally things line up just perfectly, and there is nothing you would change about the moment if you could. 95% of the time this is not the case.
When something unpreferable happens, a thought will almost always pop up that condemns it or imagines how it should be different. Learn to recognize that thought as a conditioned reflex, and drop it before it snowballs. That initial negative thought is a normal involuntary reaction, just like the reflex to protect your stomach when someone pretends to poke you in the ribs. Dismiss that thought as the bad habit it is and return your attention to the moment. Be aware of any judgmental thoughts that arise, and let them go too.
What is happening is happening. Always. You have to acknowledge that, without indulging the temptation to make enemies out of the moment. Live through that moment as if you had chosen it, without escaping to wishful fantasies about what it should be, and suddenly it is not a problem. You are then free to act consciously in response, without any suffering.
Most people resist every moment that is not ideal, and thus spend most of their time in a state of dissatisfied thinking, suffering through the bulk of life in anticipation of those relatively rare moments when they receive exactly what they want.
-------------------- Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it. ~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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Veritas
Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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Re: Why Cant I Just Be Happy? [Re: WhiskeyClone]
#8261542 - 04/09/08 08:04 PM (16 years, 11 days ago) |
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My thoughts exactly!
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WhiskeyClone
Not here
Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Canada ...
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Re: Why Cant I Just Be Happy? [Re: WhiskeyClone]
#8261762 - 04/09/08 08:48 PM (16 years, 11 days ago) |
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One thing to add:
When you are able to meet the moment as it is without any anger towards it, something very interesting happens. The most appropriate response becomes obvious. You don't have to groan and begrudgingly 'do the right thing,' you just watch yourself do it. Strangely, it feels easy!
The reason it's easy is because you have a deep understanding that the other option makes no sense. To curse the situation and start thinking about who put you in this situation, or what horrible things might happen if the situation ends up badly, or what you should have done differently... it does not help.
-------------------- Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it. ~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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dorkus
Registered: 04/12/04
Posts: 1,511
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Re: Why Cant I Just Be Happy? *DELETED* [Re: Ender Wiggin]
#8262141 - 04/09/08 09:56 PM (16 years, 11 days ago) |
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Post deleted by dorkus
Reason for deletion: .
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ChiefGreenLeaf
Registered: 01/11/07
Posts: 1,596
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Re: Why Cant I Just Be Happy? [Re: dorkus]
#8264243 - 04/10/08 12:51 PM (16 years, 11 days ago) |
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A happy body makes a happy brain makes a happy mind. Think about it
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