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OfflineDerk
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What makes this reality the way it is?
    #8210708 - 03/29/08 03:02 PM (16 years, 3 days ago)

I've gone through an anxiety trip like this before after my first use of salvia when I lost my ego. It sparked one of the deepest fears held within me that I had learned to supress over the years: Will I continue to live on after I die physically? Will my mind cease to exist totally and all this living will be for nothing? However, this anxiety soon ended when I realized that I still had a piece of myself there when my ego had been trancended; it just wasn't all there unless I consciously requested it to be. Then my panic attacks stopped and I started looking into OBE and lucid dreaming.

Well I recently tripped on LSA, a moderately heavy dose, and it stripped me of almost all concept of reality. All my habits and thinking patterns were broken, and I was left in a kind of dumbed down state in which I felt disconnected from my memories, body, and mind and had to let my instincts help me live day to day. To make things worst, I picked up the flu the day after I tripped, so I thought it was the seeds I had ate giving me diaherrea and fevers and that it was permanent damage. I often find myself observing myself doing 'normal' or habitual things and asking, why do I do/say this? Or, why does this work this way? It's like I know something will do the thing it does, but I've lost the understanding why. This was almost two weeks ago.

I have been going through severe mental obstacles each day. At first, I let all my anxiety take over me, leading me into daily panic attacks and vomitting because I kept thinking 'what if I was really dead', 'why do I feel like I'm still tripping maybe I have brain damage', and 'why am I so disconnected from my memories? Maybe I was just put into existence this instant and all these memories are fake.' I came to realize that the fevers were also making me dellusional, so I decided to wait it out.

I've been getting more back to normal mentally, cept sometimes when I start running fevers and getting body aches due to the flu my negative thoughts tend to get the better of me. I'm not breaking down and crying anymore though. I've finally regained that voice in my head that says everything will be okay and be happy no matter what.

However, the only thing that keeps freaking me out is the thought, "If my dreams are fake and only a creation of my subconscious, what makes me so sure that this reality is real at all?" Then I get the feeling of just swimming in a vast void of emptiness, that none of the objects around me exist. Then I become perplexed on why the things around me exist they way they are, and think why not like a cartoon world or as some object never before thought of? Then I realize I am in a body, like I never had before noticed it. A voice in the back of my head starts saying, "none of this is real" and then the immense heat and stomach aches come from the anxiety crashing down upon me because I fear what I don't understand. I don't understand why reality exists this way, therefore it must not be stable, and I get the feeling everything could be ended in an instant and I don't want that to happen.

Hopefully this shit goes away along with my sickness, as I have not really left my house in 2 weeks because I am asleep or laying down (I'm not allowed to drive under my meds the doctor gave me for my flu and anxiety) so I guess all this could be from not experiencing the rest of the world like I used to. But until then, can someone help me out with a few thoughts on this?

Thanks!

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InvisibleIcelander
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Re: What makes this reality the way it is? [Re: Derk]
    #8212429 - 03/29/08 09:33 PM (16 years, 3 days ago)

Will my mind cease to exist totally and all this living will be for nothing?

Living is never for nothing. Your problem as i see it is that you want living to follow your personal desires. That's called neurosis. It's one of the main reasons for suffering. You are no different then an ant in reality. I'll bet an ant never worries about meaning.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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OfflineDerk
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Re: What makes this reality the way it is? [Re: Icelander]
    #8212847 - 03/29/08 10:53 PM (16 years, 3 days ago)

Quote:

Icelander said:
Will my mind cease to exist totally and all this living will be for nothing?

Living is never for nothing. Your problem as i see it is that you want living to follow your personal desires. That's called neurosis. It's one of the main reasons for suffering. You are no different then an ant in reality. I'll bet an ant never worries about meaning.




I never did before I ate those seeds. Since then I've been having so much anxiety and paranoid thoughts. Before I used to just sit back in a chair outside and enjoy the countryside scenery. Now I go outside and ask why does this all exist the way it does?..and it leaves me with a nervous feeling in my stomach and it makes everything around me look and feel alien as if I have never seen it before even though I know I have seen it for all my life.

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Invisiblederanger
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Re: What makes this reality the way it is? [Re: Derk]
    #8213196 - 03/30/08 12:45 AM (16 years, 3 days ago)

relaxation sonn

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InvisibleIcelander
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Re: What makes this reality the way it is? [Re: Derk]
    #8214518 - 03/30/08 01:21 PM (16 years, 2 days ago)

Quote:

Derk said:
Quote:

Icelander said:
Will my mind cease to exist totally and all this living will be for nothing?

Living is never for nothing. Your problem as i see it is that you want living to follow your personal desires. That's called neurosis. It's one of the main reasons for suffering. You are no different then an ant in reality. I'll bet an ant never worries about meaning.




I never did before I ate those seeds. Since then I've been having so much anxiety and paranoid thoughts. Before I used to just sit back in a chair outside and enjoy the countryside scenery. Now I go outside and ask why does this all exist the way it does?..and it leaves me with a nervous feeling in my stomach and it makes everything around me look and feel alien as if I have never seen it before even though I know I have seen it for all my life.




As Don Juan said "you are beginning to learn"

Everyone who is suddenly faced with the reality of death and the fact that we are not more important than anything else goes through this. I did also. Hang in and you can become a hardend old coot like myself. Otherwise you will fall apart, which is another option. Good luck.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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OfflinegeokillsA
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Re: What makes this reality the way it is? [Re: Derk]
    #8214724 - 03/30/08 01:56 PM (16 years, 2 days ago)


> "If my dreams are fake and only a creation of my subconscious,
> what makes me so sure that this reality is real at all?"


What is it that makes your dreams fake or your reality real? Your "self" will experience whatever your mind pieces together out of the various sensory data that is constantly flooding it. You do have some power in choosing how to interpret and react to the data (some people will argue that you can have complete control). In a very real sense, reality is what you make of it. Certain mental disorders will reframe an individual's reality in a way that is different from the conventional human interpretation of its surroundings. Does this mean that the autistic or schizophrenic person is living in a fake world? Perhaps, but just maybe they are operating on a different level of consciousness that is no less real than that which most of us operate within; somewhat akin to the difference between being able to interpret visible light versus light that is in the ultraviolet or infrared spectrum. Just because the human eye cannot detect UV or IR light does not mean it is fake or does not exist. Most of us simply aren't equipped to process that information.



> I don't understand why reality exists this way, therefore it must not be stable

Reality exists because this is how you see it to exist. There is chaos, but there is also order in the chaos. This order comes in the form of a speculated atomic cohesiveness, those forces which bind matter together into its tangible forms. I say speculated, because we are a part of a larger system and therefore we are both affected by and have an effect on the system, so any observations we make cannot be entirely objective, and therefore any truths are in fact only theory.



> I get the feeling everything could be ended in an instant and I don't want that to happen.

There is nothing to fear but fear itself. Everything can be ended in an instant. Every living human will come to experience that moment. Why should it bother you? Did it bother you before you were conceived in your mother's womb? It would stand to reason that it won't bother you after death either. An individual's conscious mind (in my opinion) is finite. Once our biological support system (the body) shuts down, I believe our consciousness will shut down with it. When that happens, one won't have to worry about feeling any of the myriad of human emotions including fear and sadness, so why spend your time consumed with those emotions now? You would be much better served focusing your energy on the present moment which you are constantly immersed in, rather than worrying about the inevitable moment of death which will come in its own time.



> I guess all this could be from not experiencing the rest of the world like I used to.
> But until then, can someone help me out with a few thoughts on this?


Don't try to get back to a place you have already been. We can only progress forward through time, and the only constant in this world is the constant change around and within us. To live a peaceful life, I believe you need to get past your resistance to change, you ought to accept the fact that there will be unknowns in life, that you are not always in control of the circumstances around you (but that you are in control of how you interpret and react to them!), and that you ought not to worry about things beyond your control because in so doing, there will be no solution and you will only serve to consume yourself with negative emotion.



> Thanks!

You're welcome, and thank you for the thought-provoking topic. In closing, I will note that the psychedelic experience is not for everybody, and even those who may have enjoyed it in the past, may no longer enjoy it in the future. If you find yourself having a difficult time coping mentally, I would strongly suggest that you discontinue your psychedelic use as it could potentially exascerbate the anxiety and general discontent you have been faced with of late. Good luck brother! And remember, Don't worry about things you cannot control!





--------------------

--------------------
··∙   long live the shroomery  ∙··
...π╥ ╥π...

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Invisiblederanger
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Re: What makes this reality the way it is? [Re: Icelander]
    #8214741 - 03/30/08 01:58 PM (16 years, 2 days ago)

Quote:

Icelander said:Hang in and you can become a hardend old coot like myself. Otherwise you will fall apart, which is another option.




one way or the other eh?

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OfflineMushroomTrip
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Re: What makes this reality the way it is? [Re: geokills]
    #8214955 - 03/30/08 02:44 PM (16 years, 2 days ago)

Great response. :thumbup:

The only thing that I would add right now is that we all die; it is simply a question of how and when. The fact that you are consciously concerning yourself with the matter of your own death implies that you are almost ready to embrace a great opportunity to transcend fear and other mental obstructions that limit the quality and nature of our present experience. Bring consciousness within your breathing and really seek to perceive the present moment to a greater degree. Look around you and notice the detail and colors in everything around you. You might as well live life to its fullest if you're going to die. :wink:


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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InvisibleOrgoneConclusion
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Re: What makes this reality the way it is? [Re: Icelander]
    #8214978 - 03/30/08 02:49 PM (16 years, 2 days ago)

Hmmm, hardended old coot or fall apart? Hardended old coot or fall apart?

You sure there is not an option C.?


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InvisibleOrgoneConclusion
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Re: What makes this reality the way it is? [Re: deranger]
    #8214992 - 03/30/08 02:53 PM (16 years, 2 days ago)

Synthetic, did not mean to repeat your thought - didn't read it. :sorry:


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Invisiblederanger
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Re: What makes this reality the way it is? [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #8215006 - 03/30/08 02:56 PM (16 years, 2 days ago)

:rofl:

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OfflineDerk
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Re: What makes this reality the way it is? [Re: deranger]
    #8215163 - 03/30/08 03:29 PM (16 years, 2 days ago)

What is it that binds us to this Earth though? How come when we go to sleep and dream, we always find ourselves back here? I would say that it is our equilibrium state, however the fact that we die seems to disprove that.

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Invisiblederanger
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Re: What makes this reality the way it is? [Re: Derk]
    #8215393 - 03/30/08 04:32 PM (16 years, 2 days ago)

letting go of the need to find answers to all of these questions may help you to feel a little more centered. let go of the need to grasp, because some things just can't be grasped.

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OfflineDerk
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Re: What makes this reality the way it is? [Re: deranger]
    #8216046 - 03/30/08 07:36 PM (16 years, 2 days ago)

Quote:

SyntheticMInd said:
letting go of the need to find answers to all of these questions may help you to feel a little more centered. let go of the need to grasp, because some things just can't be grasped.




Sometimes I wish I never had discovered the occult so I could be blissfully ignorant.

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OfflineMr_Spliff
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Re: What makes this reality the way it is? [Re: deranger]
    #8216068 - 03/30/08 07:40 PM (16 years, 2 days ago)

I have experienced what you say. If you listen to David Icke in his book "time loop" talks about how this reality is hanging on by a thread, that we have gotten so far removed that the world we live "in" has started to feed of fear, its feeding off us, we sustain this reality, and acourding to Icke, we are also bringers of love, which is what origianly started this whorlepool in time.

In my mushroom trips, this urgency of NOW is very prominent, and I feel what Icke is saying, and Deja Vu is accuring more and more in my experience. So its all real triped out and if its true, I can only PRAY that SOMETHING has mercy on the human race, I like it here, when we detach our self, there is no fear.

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Invisiblederanger
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Re: What makes this reality the way it is? [Re: Derk]
    #8216081 - 03/30/08 07:43 PM (16 years, 2 days ago)

don't worry, you can still be blissfully ignorant.  we all can :wink:

it just takes a bit of integration after such shocking experiences.  many of us have been through it here.

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OfflineDerk
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Re: What makes this reality the way it is? [Re: deranger]
    #8216534 - 03/30/08 09:00 PM (16 years, 2 days ago)

Quote:

SyntheticMInd said:
it just takes a bit of integration after such shocking experiences.




What exactly do you mean by this? You mean to don't dwell on it and pretend it didn't happen...or what exactly?

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Invisiblederanger
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Re: What makes this reality the way it is? [Re: Derk]
    #8216784 - 03/30/08 09:42 PM (16 years, 2 days ago)

well don't ignore it, accept it and go with the flow. practise relaxation and being aware of what is going on within you. be aware of the experience, questions, and thoughts you have but try not to become so identified with them... it only causes confusion, unbalance and disconnection. eventually all may come together. sometimes it takes a long time though, depending on how often and how hard you've been tripping.

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Offlineallisthesame
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Re: What makes this reality the way it is? [Re: deranger]
    #8216850 - 03/30/08 09:51 PM (16 years, 2 days ago)

Lets all get somewhere new.

Adults suck... older people can rule... thety can be awesome... but HELLO BEING AN ADULT SUCKS HI I'M LIKE not fuckign kidding here... i don't care what philosophy you have when you think you're ready adn I don't care if you think you know what's importent. bleh... it's lame. carry that attitude from day one and see how you turn out.


--------------------
Guess what?; You...


A spot of Sunshine: We are energy,... matter is energy that simply has been reduced to a crawl and condensed together to form something.

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InvisibleIcelander
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Re: What makes this reality the way it is? [Re: allisthesame]
    #8216866 - 03/30/08 09:53 PM (16 years, 2 days ago)

meds


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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