|
 
Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! Please  login or  register to post messages and view our members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, encrypted messages, file attachments, board customizations, and much more!
|
 Hyper_Panda_GO
Team Action!
Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 9,660
Last seen: 5 hours, 28 minutes
|
 Various snippets I'd like critiqued
#8168987 - 03/19/08 08:31 PM (8 months, 12 days ago) |
|
|
Every so often I'll post bits of spur-of-the-moment writing and you write how much you adore/loathe/coudl care less about it
Ashley Ogyny kept giving quick little glances at the grandfather clock in the spacious living room. The mouse discovered by timing his skirts to when the graying thing's eyes were on the clock, he could easily reach the kitchen to some very delicious bits of cheddar. Even if he was noticed, Ashley wouldn't particularly care enough to do anything immediate. She was still rattled by her cousin's words, and was now anticipating the arrival of some distant blood relative she had never heard off up until five days ago. Amy, her cousin, had described the girl as 'someone Patti Smith would feel comfortable inviting to dinner', and as Ashley had cautiously burned Horses about thirty years prior, she looked forward to the meeting with little else but offensive anticipation.
--------------------
There is no valid reason you should be reading this
|
just me
Friend
 
Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 4,863
Loc: MO/FL/TX/HI
Last seen: 13 hours, 17 minutes
|
Re: Various snippets I'd like critiqued [Re: Hyper_Panda_GO]
#8169060 - 03/19/08 08:46 PM (8 months, 12 days ago) |
|
|
sounds like some angela lansbury shit!
hahahaha
j/k. nice writing. good technique. nice grammar and punctuation. very articulate. kept me intrigued the whole way thru. wouldnt mind hearing more of the story!
--------------------
  
--------------------------------------------------
For All Your ETHNO SEEDS Needs, Come See Me @ www.FreeSeedsRing.org
--------------------------------------------------
-pEaCeLoVeGoDbLeSs-
"The Downfall of Mankind; is Believing He Has Limitations."
|
Hyper_Panda_GO
Team Action!
Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 9,660
Last seen: 5 hours, 28 minutes
|
Re: Various snippets I'd like critiqued [Re: just me]
#8172597 - 03/20/08 04:35 PM (8 months, 11 days ago) |
|
|
All through the park, cautious mothers made sure their children didn't stray too far from their side. Recently, an epidemic of squirrels had taken hold of the once bustling green. Playgrounds had seen little activity, and hot dog vendors had been literally run out of business.
"Has the council said what they'll do about it?" asked Patty Smith
"Not a word," responded Jenah Tang, eyes roving across the highest branches of the trees.
"This is getting ridiculous. Kenneth has been a little bastard around the house, but there's not many other places we can take him." Patty sighed despondently. She looked at her little Kenneth, all of four and proud of it, swaggering across the dirt path with an unconquerable confidence found only in infants.
"Well, the twins and I are heading toward the beach this Saturday. Care to join? We're having a little picnic, just some tuna sandwiches with juicy cups and-"
"The beach?!"
"What?"
"Jenah, don't you remember what happened to McConnel's boy?"
Jenah remained quiet. Jason McConnel Jr.'s death had disrupted her close circle of friends. Everyone suspected the senior McConnel of drinking while his son had frolicked in the waves, and soon after the undertow had frolicked with him.
"Well, I doubt we'll be going into the water, maybe just play around with the foam, and all the weather reports say it'll be a calm day."
Patti still gave her a worried glance.
"I suppose I'll think about it, but god, you can't shake off those connections, can you?"
Jenah nodded her head, and chucked a good size stone at a small furry animal that was creeping a bit too close to Elsa
--------------------
There is no valid reason you should be reading this
|
just me
Friend
Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 4,863
Loc: MO/FL/TX/HI
Last seen: 13 hours, 17 minutes
|
Re: Various snippets I'd like critiqued [Re: Hyper_Panda_GO]
#8174439 - 03/20/08 11:58 PM (8 months, 11 days ago) |
|
|
hahahahahahaahahah from rabid squirrels to a tragic drowning!
--------------------
--------------------------------------------------
For All Your ETHNO SEEDS Needs, Come See Me @ www.FreeSeedsRing.org
--------------------------------------------------
-pEaCeLoVeGoDbLeSs-
"The Downfall of Mankind; is Believing He Has Limitations."
|
Hyper_Panda_GO
Team Action!
Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 9,660
Last seen: 5 hours, 28 minutes
|
Re: Various snippets I'd like critiqued [Re: just me]
#8176162 - 03/21/08 02:36 PM (8 months, 10 days ago) |
|
|
The faint chords of D flat and G flat grew louder on the speakers
"God, this is so stupid."
Dana sat cross-legged on her friend Maria's bed. She folded her arms and assumed what she thought was a judgemental glare. Maria simply smiled and turned the music up louder.
"As if I can't respect this decision enough, you really have to shoot up Heroin to Heroin?"
Maria shrugged.
"Why not?"
Dana pursed her lips but said nothing. Outside of physically tying her friend down and washing the junk down the drain, she couldn't do anything to stop Maria from experimenting with heroin. She felt sort of bad she hadn't already done that, especially considering she was intensely interested on how this would play out.
"Where did you even get this from?"
"The Tenderloin."
"Jesus. Not even from someone you know?"
"Hey, I know Peter!"
"You've known him for, what, a week? And you met him after drinking how many shots?"
"Better than buying from some junkie down there."
"You might as well have."
Maria squinted her eyes in a why-are-you-even-trying glare but Dana glares back. There was no genuine animosity between the two, just deep misunderstanding. Dana had no problem that Maria had bought from Peter. In her eyes, the drug she acquired was as dirty as it could be, whether it be from the hands of some downtown loser or a Hollywood starlet.
As Maria was making preparations, Lou Reed continued to chronicle his thoughts and hopes and fears of heroin.
"Now, I'm pretty sure you'll answer this with a no either way, but this song didn't have anything to do with your shooting decision, right?"
"Aw, jeez Dee, do you think I'm that shallow?"
Dana laughed, then immediately caught herself. This situation was light-hearted enough as it was.
"No of course not."
God damn she needs help Dana thought. Since entering high school, Maria had been the sort of girl to fall in with the first group that'd take her, reassembling all of her previous thoughts so long as it met the standards of everyone else, and Dana had felt a strange personal mission to help her find herself. She had told this once to her friend Eddy, and he proclaimed it was one of the gayest things he'd ever heard.
--------------------
There is no valid reason you should be reading this
|
Hyper_Panda_GO
Team Action!
Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 9,660
Last seen: 5 hours, 28 minutes
|
Re: Various snippets I'd like critiqued [Re: Hyper_Panda_GO]
#8182064 - 03/22/08 11:54 PM (8 months, 9 days ago) |
|
|
“Lily, I cannot think of a time this past year that has been more enjoyable, more pleasant, and more fun than tonight, so that’s why,
as I slit your throat, I implore you not to make a sound and show no fear.”
Lily’s hand froze in midair. The spoon holding a dollop of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, bought by the man who had just promised the end of her life, hung precariously close to her mouth. People were passing them by on the boardwalk. No one seemed to hear, or if they, they probably excused it as some strange romantic game the two were playing with each other.
“Walter…wait a second what?”
“Shh, Lily, please, hear me out,” Walter said , raising his index finger to touch her lips. His fingers were still warm from eating the fresh-out-of-the-oven cookie she had bought him.
“You’re a dear, dear girl, and I feel awful about doing this, I really do.”
Damn, this is noticeably rehearsed he thought. He didn’t take Kelly’s advice to simply say whatever was on his mind at the time. He had made a letter and stood for hours in front of the mirror, practicing the best tones to sooth and the best facial expressions to emanate warmth and security. He had even trimmed his hair tonight, in a way he thought was boyish and couldn’t worry anyone. He was wrong on most accounts. Lily’s face showed anything but composure. Her eyes were starting to water as they widened, and her hand started shaking. Bits of ice cream rained down on her rose-colored blouse. Walter was grateful she had worn it tonight. He though it made her look beautiful.
“Lily, before anything else commences, let me say that’s a very pretty blouse you’re wearing. It’s a beautiful fit on you, and when the authority’s find your body in the dawn’s light, the blood will go excellently with the color.”
He improvised a bit, but he thought it came out okay.
--------------------
There is no valid reason you should be reading this
|
Hyper_Panda_GO
Team Action!
Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 9,660
Last seen: 5 hours, 28 minutes
|
Re: Various snippets I'd like critiqued [Re: Hyper_Panda_GO]
#8185891 - 03/24/08 01:53 AM (8 months, 8 days ago) |
|
|
Easter morning crept in through the window until it covered nearly all of Peter's bed. A variety of stuffed animals, most in torn condition, continued to sleep in the sunlight while he slowly woke himself up. His friend Tommy said his family woke up on Easter mornings to the smell of his mom cooking baking and baking cookies. He sleepily headed out of his room, toward the kitchen cupboard, and pulled out a box of corn flakes. He checked the expiration date. Ms. Checkers always said check the expiration dates. It helped in saving food and to eat safely.
He could smell his dad's cigarette smoke in the other room, the tv blaring early morning news mixed in with his father's guttural rumblings. He checked the recycling. A few beer cans were turned up with a bottle of something he pronounce, but he understood whenever his father drank out of bottle likes that things got strange. He poured milk in the cereal bowl and then started to meticulously add corn flakes until a small mound with the desired height had been formed. He wondered what he could do today. Patty had suggested taking advantage of the candy sales that would be going on all around town, but he thought his friend was a getting a bit chubby and didn't want her turning into one of the big big girls. He spied on them at the bus stops sometimes, usually all alone and looking at the ground, or sometimes at the sky the way his mother looked in the mirror.
A warm breeze drifted in from an open window. He loved this sort of spring weather, the sort where no one found it strange if they found you sitting up in a tree branch and reading
--------------------
There is no valid reason you should be reading this
|
just me
Friend
Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 4,863
Loc: MO/FL/TX/HI
Last seen: 13 hours, 17 minutes
|
Re: Various snippets I'd like critiqued [Re: Hyper_Panda_GO]
#8187070 - 03/24/08 12:42 PM (8 months, 7 days ago) |
|
|
by all means im no reliable source of critique, but youre a great writer. have you ever written a full story(im sure u have)?
i really didnt want to quit reading about
Marias addiction, or Lilys inevitable death(or is it???)
id like more. and i know i havent viewed this 50somethin times. so obviously someone else enjoys them too.
peacelove, Just Me
--------------------
--------------------------------------------------
For All Your ETHNO SEEDS Needs, Come See Me @ www.FreeSeedsRing.org
--------------------------------------------------
-pEaCeLoVeGoDbLeSs-
"The Downfall of Mankind; is Believing He Has Limitations."
|
Hyper_Panda_GO
Team Action!
Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 9,660
Last seen: 5 hours, 28 minutes
|
Re: Various snippets I'd like critiqued [Re: just me]
#8189618 - 03/24/08 10:32 PM (8 months, 7 days ago) |
|
|
It's cool, so long a someone likes you're writing, I always think you should keep writing, even if it is for that one person
--------------------
There is no valid reason you should be reading this
|
Hyper_Panda_GO
Team Action!
Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 9,660
Last seen: 5 hours, 28 minutes
|
Re: Various snippets I'd like critiqued [Re: Hyper_Panda_GO]
#8197644 - 03/26/08 05:25 PM (8 months, 5 days ago) |
|
|
Joseph had an acute case of the airport blues. The weather was a stifling ninety degrees, he had forgotten to bring any snacks, and he had no cash left to buy any food. Even if he did, his plane left in just enough time to not allow for a stroll around the food court. The fact he a block of cocaine taped to his person did not help either.
He was shocked he had come this far. He was a person disposed to twitches over little things, like a leaf blowing onto his body or a couple of kids accidentally running into him. He sweat in the coolest weather and continually bit his nails. More than once in other airports he had been searched because of a particularly paranoid look he had given to each guard on duty. He assumed the drugs he carried with him, especially after running to get his boarding pass and to get to the checkpoint, would amplify these traits manyfold, and instead of seeing the blonde trainee named Alisa ineffectually search him, he saw only a large tattooed biker named Brutus unzip his pants.
Now he stood looking through the large glass windows at the plane he was to board. Middle class, row 29 A.
At least it's not a middle seat he thought. He prayed they served pop on the plane. He adjusted his backpack and felt the block dig into his rib. He wondered if traffikers specifically sought out scrawny young men. Frederico had been nice about it at least, or perhaps sadistic, but even with the pistol pointed slightly above Joseph's heart, he had never broken his tone of brotherly worry when he prepped him on how the operation would be carried out and how it would end.
He wished Leaving On A Jet Plane would come on from somewhere as he handed his pass to a grumpy looking old woman.
"Safe flight," she mumbled, and thumbed a page of Vogue.
"Safe vacation," he mumbled back.
--------------------
There is no valid reason you should be reading this
|
just me
Friend
Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 4,863
Loc: MO/FL/TX/HI
Last seen: 13 hours, 17 minutes
|
Re: Various snippets I'd like critiqued [Re: Hyper_Panda_GO]
#8226633 - 04/01/08 10:43 PM (7 months, 30 days ago) |
|
|
ohhhhhhh Joseph you wylie coyote....
sorry ive been away for a minute. good to see we didnt lose any characters yet. 
peacelove, just me
--------------------
--------------------------------------------------
For All Your ETHNO SEEDS Needs, Come See Me @ www.FreeSeedsRing.org
--------------------------------------------------
-pEaCeLoVeGoDbLeSs-
"The Downfall of Mankind; is Believing He Has Limitations."
|
iamconfused
Uninvited Guest
Registered: 03/14/06
Posts: 102
Last seen: 8 hours, 47 minutes
|
Re: Various snippets I'd like critiqued [Re: Hyper_Panda_GO]
#8226694 - 04/01/08 10:57 PM (7 months, 30 days ago) |
|
|
Deep in the pea green park was a snee.
Not one snee, but two snee and three snee,
all hanging from a weeping willow tree,
all hanging up in sneeious glee!
Well oh my, oh gosh, oh gee!
What mischievous snee-loving man,
who would have did what he can,
and not what he could,
(which is, you know, the opposite of what he should!)
would find it fit to hereby decree,
for all gentle men and women who would see,
with a twist of a mustache and a trill,
to all of the snee's thrill,
that the grievous snee could be free,
just so that when you pass under the weeping willow tree,
all much to your dread,
a snee could pee on your hanging head?
What, pray tell, is a snee?
Well, a snee has no knee for no need be,
a snee has no spine, for a book's bindings will suit him fine,
a snee has no ear, which I fear he finds quite irritating,
so about I go, with mad ear-making!
For you see, a snee is a thought,
a bold one that will not be sold or bought.
In fact, for brandishing that keyboard he brands you a hound,
a clown - it seems his nosey nose knows no bounds!
OH, DEAR...
Edited by iamconfused (04/01/08 11:00 PM)
|
just me
Friend
Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 4,863
Loc: MO/FL/TX/HI
Last seen: 13 hours, 17 minutes
|
Re: Various snippets I'd like critiqued [Re: Hyper_Panda_GO]
#8226879 - 04/01/08 11:56 PM (7 months, 30 days ago) |
|
|
goes well with a reggae rhythm 
--------------------
--------------------------------------------------
For All Your ETHNO SEEDS Needs, Come See Me @ www.FreeSeedsRing.org
--------------------------------------------------
-pEaCeLoVeGoDbLeSs-
"The Downfall of Mankind; is Believing He Has Limitations."
|
Hyper_Panda_GO
Team Action!
Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 9,660
Last seen: 5 hours, 28 minutes
|
Re: Various snippets I'd like critiqued [Re: just me]
#8253097 - 04/07/08 09:41 PM (7 months, 24 days ago) |
|
|
The day Sarah caught her mother talking in hushed tones to a pear was also the day she never saw her mother again, and for a long while after that she bore a special hatred of the thing, going so far as to chuck a bunch of them across the fruits section.
"It's all right," Dr. Leeland explained. "It's perfectly natural and acceptable to have that shallow connection between fruit and your mother. She had been insane for a long time,"
Sarah mouthed no, staring directly at his name tag. The extra 'e' in the Leeland portion tickled some sense of anger.
", and could've talked to anything and you'd hate it just as much."
"Yes," Sarah said.
"Yes?" questioned the doctor.
"Yes," Sarah said solemnly.
The doctor said and wrote something down in his notebook. Later that night Sarah was forced to take two blue pills that made her feel sleepy and uncreative.
"No apples today," David said happily. Sarah took a bite of her banana and chewed thoughtfully.
"I do like the bananas a lot more," she said. "This is the first time in a while." She stared at the bitten banana. A soft brown settled in the middle of yellow mush. "I never even objected to the taste of fruits, and whatever, man, I only really disliked one fruit."
"What was it?" David asked, skinning his apple in a novice way.
"The day my mom disappeared, she was eating a pear." She bit her lip. "No, not eating, talking to the pear."
"What?" David asked with raised eyebrows.
"I know," Sarah nodded without looking up from her snack.
"Wow. What did she say?"
"I don't remember."
"I wonder what you could talk to a pear about."
"Maybe something important. These men in black suits took her away. They looked official, robotic. Those are the government's men, aren't they?"
"The boys in black, and some girls too."
"Maybe she was a spy."
"Traitorous family, what other relative is a turn-coat?"
Sarah laughed then bid the boy farewell. When she got back to her room, she lay down on the bed, put her face against the pillow, and cried for a while.
--------------------
There is no valid reason you should be reading this
|
 Cameron
perma-stone
Registered: 10/31/07
Posts: 2,143
Loc: Canada
|
Re: Various snippets I'd like critiqued [Re: Hyper_Panda_GO]
#8257713 - 04/08/08 10:25 PM (7 months, 23 days ago) |
|
|
Overall, I like the storie(s). In my opinion, it could benefit greatly from better character descriptions/development, and better descriptions of the 'scene', rather than focusing mainly on dialog to explain the story. Other than that, the storie(s) were interesting, captivating, and fluid. Good job, I'll definitely read on 
|
Hyper_Panda_GO
Team Action!
Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 9,660
Last seen: 5 hours, 28 minutes
|
Re: Various snippets I'd like critiqued [Re: Cameron]
#8265135 - 04/10/08 04:47 PM (7 months, 21 days ago) |
|
|
Brandon could barely make out the cover of the vinyl laying on the floor through the haze of smoke in the room. It was probably some strange, one-shot 60's band Preston had recovered from the depths of the used bin. He had been on a huge psychedelic kick lately and now he and Brandon were sitting in a purple-colored room, with three other people, two of which Brandon suspected were whores, passing around a hookah and awaiting for the effects of the LSD to kick in.
"Ignore the glasses with the paper in the back," Arthur said, directing his joint in the direction of a young man. He was a frail looking fellow with vacuous brown eyes staring through thick glasses. He was writing things on a yellow notepad while never taking his eyes off of the group, and if he blinked, no one saw. As for other details, Brandon was entirely too high to notice.
"Customer's little brother," Arthur said to Preston. "Or cousin," he said, turning around to Amethyst and A.M. "Film major, or something else creative like that," he said, turning to Brandon.
Brandon nodded.
"Is he...is he just jotting down what's happening right now?" Preston asked. He had taken his hit of acid some time ago and fixed the kid with a stare that was inappropriately long. The kid stared right back, pen moving continuously on yellow surface.
"I guess so. Don't trip about it, I made it clear that if names were kept, I'd kill him and his family."
"You're pretty nice for a drug dealer, Arthur," Amethyst said
"And pimp," chimed in A.M.
"Thanks, babe," Arthur said, taking a toke and passing it to Brandon.
He puffed quietly and calmly. His ability to take monstrous hits and hardly cough was a source of envy amongst his friends
--------------------
There is no valid reason you should be reading this
|
just me
Friend
Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 4,863
Loc: MO/FL/TX/HI
Last seen: 13 hours, 17 minutes
|
Re: Various snippets I'd like critiqued [Re: Hyper_Panda_GO]
#8276045 - 04/12/08 11:53 PM (7 months, 19 days ago) |
|
|
ahhh either way, every one of them makes me want to continue reading. which is the one thing an author must worry about the most. capturing the reader. im not much of a reader, but i would read the entire book of any one of the snipets!
--------------------
--------------------------------------------------
For All Your ETHNO SEEDS Needs, Come See Me @ www.FreeSeedsRing.org
--------------------------------------------------
-pEaCeLoVeGoDbLeSs-
"The Downfall of Mankind; is Believing He Has Limitations."
|
Hyper_Panda_GO
Team Action!
Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 9,660
Last seen: 5 hours, 28 minutes
|
Re: Various snippets I'd like critiqued [Re: just me]
#8278515 - 04/13/08 04:47 PM (7 months, 18 days ago) |
|
|
No one batted an eye as Clarice slowly put her head in the carton of Neopolitan ice cream. A dozen fans blowing valiantly in the room, and all for naught. Shirts still clung to the bodies that put them on, bodily odor permeated around the office, and there were muffled cries of anguish whenever someone had to reprint or resign a document, the original piece of paper being ruined by sweat. Nancy got out of her chair and looked at the sweat stain on the seat, a testament to the crazed heat of the day.
"Soda run," she said, walking over to Rueben. "Anything?"
"Grape," he said quietly, fishing coins out of a sweat-stained shirt pocket. Of all her comrades at Humdrum and Punkk, Nancy felt most for Rueben. He was a huge man who had an undiscovered past that probably involved a lot of physically labor and a lot of food. He had a lazy-looking face full of thick dark hair and a bombast beard that could probably be used to smuggle illicit drugs throughout airports. He was handsome, in a trollish way, though she had no clue if this favored him in the gay community. Today he looked like hell, though his expression didn't betray. He mumbled a thank you through a beard tangled with little droplets of sweat. Clarice mumbled through the ice cream something that sounded like Cherry something and gave Nancy a dollar without looking. Her blonde air hung drearily on her back and on her desk.
She went around the office, collecting requests and the change to carry them out. Nancy was one of those friendly people who always manged to get her work done first, always a pleasant encounter if you saw her at a bus stop or a restaurant, but didn't associate with anyone outside of work, save for a few chance plans made in the moment of joviality. She had an overly maternal air about her that usually dismissed any potentially romantic notions in men she found attractive, and men with deep issues and deformed hearts usually flocked to her in droves.
I'm thinking of somehow tying these all together in one packed post-modern novel full of nothing
--------------------
There is no valid reason you should be reading this
|
just me
Friend
Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 4,863
Loc: MO/FL/TX/HI
Last seen: 13 hours, 17 minutes
|
Re: Various snippets I'd like critiqued [Re: Hyper_Panda_GO]
#8284585 - 04/14/08 10:18 PM (7 months, 17 days ago) |
|
|
hahahaha, it would be all over the place. youve just set up the stories of about 20 ppl who are the only survivers(thought to be) after a massive meteor...no thats played out...after...wwIII....nah too touchy...after....idk i bet youve already thought of one.
whatever it is, cheers!
--------------------
--------------------------------------------------
For All Your ETHNO SEEDS Needs, Come See Me @ www.FreeSeedsRing.org
--------------------------------------------------
-pEaCeLoVeGoDbLeSs-
"The Downfall of Mankind; is Believing He Has Limitations."
|
Hyper_Panda_GO
Team Action!
Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 9,660
Last seen: 5 hours, 28 minutes
|
Re: Various snippets I'd like critiqued [Re: just me]
#8353648 - 05/02/08 12:35 PM (6 months, 30 days ago) |
|
|
For no other reason than he was able to, Jeremy bough an owl.
"What the hell?!" his boyfriend cried when he walked into the small apartment that was hardly fit for two good-sized men, much less two good-sized men and a large owl. It hooted deeply, almost offended by the man's reaction.
"I thought it'd be a nice change," Jeremy said, eyeing the vibrant colors of the vicinity. Seafoam green splashed around the kitchen while sky-blue blue cast a spell in the living room. The bedroom was painted an obnoxious yellow that even Easter would have rejected and their room was dominated by a sort of cranberry velvet shade.
"A change to what? An owl? What...just what the HELL Jeremy?"
The owl shifted uncomfortably in its cage. He was a truly majestic specimen, covered in thick feathers the shade of brown one sees in bark of a healthy pine tree, sagacious yellow eyes appearing from two large gray circles. His head turned wizardly around, inspecting his new home. He let out a hoot of satisfaction.
"Say hello to Ezra," Jeremy smiled holding the cage nearer to Bryant.
The owl hooted in greeting and ruffled one of its wing, trying to extended it out the cage so the man could gently shake it.
"As in pound?" he asked.
Jeremy shrugged.
"I think he needs a bigger cage, though. He looks confined."
"I think he needs another home," Bryant said, trying but unable to look away from the owl. He had made eye contact with the bird and was now under some sinister avian spell.
"Aw, come on Bryant, I put up with Jefferson for a whole year." Jefferson was the white rabbit Bryant owned that did little else besides find creative ways to get out of its cage and defecate and urinated specifically on Jeremy's pillow. In an ironic bladder movement that even Bryant appreciated, it had pissed on the cable of the self-cleaning rabbit bodily waste box Jeremy had gotten for the damn thing on its birthday.
--------------------
There is no valid reason you should be reading this
| |
|
|
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit 
Reply 
Quote 
