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 nakors_junk_bag
Lobster Bisque
 
Registered: 11/23/04
Posts: 2,415
Loc: ethereality
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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 Need some help. My awesome sister is having some trouble with Bulimia. 
#6930504 - 05/17/07 01:25 PM (5 years, 12 days ago) |
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She is this totally amazing looking girl. I don't know what here problem is. She picked up this nasty complex while I was away in lock up. My parents told me about it over the phone. I am very worried. It can be fatal. It also rots out teeth, and I think destroys women's reproductive systems. On top of all this she is turning into a bona fide bitch. She didn't use to be so mean.
I really don't know what to do. I mean we have never really been close. I am eight years here senior. I left the house when she was only eight. So its not like we have an extensive history I can call on as a tool to help her deal with this.
Also she lives at home with a very bitter drunken father and an evil tyrant of a step mother. My step mom is decidedly lacking in intelligence. I mean she isn't stoopid she just isn't on the same level as my sisters. She is a credit to the race of women tho, cause when mom died she had already raised her youngins and didn't have to become a surrogate mother for my siblings. I think she really cares for us, just doesn't know how to show it. She can by quite arbitrarily tyrannical, I think it only makes things worse. She is the typical, do it cause I said so type old fashioned woman. You just can't treat extremely smart people that way. they will rebel.
Anywayz, Cackles goes to college next year and I am afraid if we don't lay this issue to rest before she leaves some serous bad shit will happen. I don't think she is ready for that level of freedom yet.
Holy shit I don't know what to do.
Any suggestions?
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Asshole
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rubixcubies
porch monkey ferlyfe
Registered: 08/05/06
Posts: 1,218
Loc: ottawa on
Last seen: 3 years, 1 day
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Re: Need some help. My awesome sister is having some trouble with Bulimia. [Re: nakors_junk_bag]
#6931080 - 05/17/07 04:21 PM (5 years, 12 days ago) |
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probably control issues that arent being acknowledged manifesting themselves... but im not sure if id listen to me but most girls i met with bulimia who would open up to you at all it seems control issues.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
 
Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 13,719
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 3 days, 11 hours
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Re: Need some help. My awesome sister is having some trouble with Bulimia. [Re: nakors_junk_bag]
#6931499 - 05/17/07 06:13 PM (5 years, 12 days ago) |
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Quote:
I don't think she is ready for that level of freedom yet.
What kind of freedom? Like... bulimia? 
I didn't think that bulimia is a freedom, it's the desire for freedom 
This is a serious issue. But I strongly believe that any attempt of talking reason into her will be futile. In any form. Teenagers and totally stubborn and determined... it's their best quality and flaw... depends on how they use it. If you say she's smart, reversed psychology will fail too.
It is hard and you must feel helpless.
Maybe the best thing (if it's possible) is for you to take her live to your place until she goes to college or you going back where she lives...  ... IDK, just testing the possibilities. Maybe even asking her to visit you during the week ends. When you could just hang out. And talk. And get to know her. Without bringing bulimia in any discussion in any form. I don't know your sister but it looks/seems like she's behaving like this because she feels suffocated, not loved and a little drama behaviour like all the teen agers have. She needs, I think, to feel free and understood. Give her that. Any way you can... no judgment at all, just love and understanding... Hope it will help or at least give you a better perspective on what could happen in her mind. 
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All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
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 WhiskeyClone
Not here
Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,474
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Ca...
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Re: Need some help. My awesome sister is having some trouble with Bulimia. [Re: nakors_junk_bag]
#6934040 - 05/18/07 09:06 AM (5 years, 11 days ago) |
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In my experience, you can't 'reason' someone out of bulimia. It is an insidious, irrational mental illness. I'm no expert, but IMO the best thing is acknowledgment of the problem by all parties, unconditional family support, and professional treatment ASAP.
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Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.
~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 13,719
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 3 days, 11 hours
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Re: Need some help. My awesome sister is having some trouble with Bulimia. [Re: WhiskeyClone]
#6934248 - 05/18/07 09:52 AM (5 years, 11 days ago) |
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Yes, good advice. The thing with professional treatment is that she will still feel manipulated and suffocated. I think that before trying to seek for professional support I think they should try to connect with her and to and give her the love and freedom that she needs. These are two essential things in resolving these issues.
Bulimia, as many other psychological disorders are NOT that dramatic as we might think and in some cases they only become a real a real problem when we treat them with fear or in a radical way. I'm more inclined to believe in the "soft" handling of the situation.
--------------------
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
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WhiskeyClone
Not here
Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,474
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Ca...
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Re: Need some help. My awesome sister is having some trouble with Bulimia. [Re: MushroomTrip]
#6934536 - 05/18/07 11:01 AM (5 years, 11 days ago) |
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Quote:
MushroomTrip said:
Bulimia, as many other psychological disorders are NOT that dramatic as we might think and in some cases they only become a real a real problem when we treat them with fear or in a radical way. I'm more inclined to believe in the "soft" handling of the situation.
You are probably right. Like I said, I'm no expert. It seems to me like bulimia is a symptom of other, long-undealt-with issues coming to a breaking point. Induced vomiting is seriously dangerous behavior. I'm just not sure how to handle a situation like that 'softly'. Obviously you can't ignore it, but you're right; a panicked, fearful response probably makes the person feel worse. It's really tricky... 
In any case, the only thing I know for sure is that love helps, and blame hurts.
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Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.
~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
Edited by WhiskeyClone (05/18/07 11:11 AM)
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 13,719
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 3 days, 11 hours
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Re: Need some help. My awesome sister is having some trouble with Bulimia. [Re: WhiskeyClone]
#6934715 - 05/18/07 12:05 PM (5 years, 11 days ago) |
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Quote:
In any case, the only thing I know for sure is that love helps, and blame hurts.
Yes. That's the only certain thing. And since thing is the only reliable statement, I think it should also be a start point. Teen agers change their minds like the wind. It's a magick faze no matter what others might say. Full of confusions but also very energetic. Sometimes it takes a very small push to change situations.
Grown-ups, adults, people who have passed their first youth need bigger stimulants because they become more "rooted".
For a teenager is much easier. I've seen cases where teen some teen agers were in real danger close to commit suicide and all it took was a small but welcome change in their lives. Like falling in love, or changing their place, or even getting to meet new friends that they connect with.
Also I have the fresh memory about how it was to be a teen ager and I know what i took to change my mind. It was the subtle but consistent. We sure a revolutionary in that faze our lives and we require balance. When balance occurs we can make the shift. I am sure that by getting in touch with his sitter, as friends, as a person who doesn't want to "help" but to connect would make some difference.
The problem with professional support is that teen agers are not stupid and are never to be underestimated. Even if they lack of that analytic mind they have a strong intuition and can smell the bull shit from miles away. And if we're being honest to facing the reality, professional help, in most cases is bull shit. Is what you hear in movies. How can one who want to protest come to an agreement with that kind of "reasoning"? When what they disprove, in most cases, is that kind of attitude?
Human contact is one of the most important things in one's life. And when somebody manage to get over him/her self one becomes more honest and open, and they make those around him feel the positive change in attitude.
--------------------
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
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nakors_junk_bag
Lobster Bisque
Registered: 11/23/04
Posts: 2,415
Loc: ethereality
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: Need some help. My awesome sister is having some trouble with Bulimia. [Re: MushroomTrip]
#6947757 - 05/21/07 02:26 PM (5 years, 8 days ago) |
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Quote:
MushroomTrip said:
Quote:
I don't think she is ready for that level of freedom yet.
What kind of freedom? Like... bulimia?
I didn't think that bulimia is a freedom, it's the desire for freedom
This is a serious issue. But I strongly believe that any attempt of talking reason into her will be futile. In any form. Teenagers and totally stubborn and determined... it's their best quality and flaw... depends on how they use it. If you say she's smart, reversed psychology will fail too.
It is hard and you must feel helpless.
Maybe the best thing (if it's possible) is for you to take her live to your place until she goes to college or you going back where she lives... ... IDK, just testing the possibilities. Maybe even asking her to visit you during the week ends. When you could just hang out. And talk. And get to know her. Without bringing bulimia in any discussion in any form. I don't know your sister but it looks/seems like she's behaving like this because she feels suffocated, not loved and a little drama behaviour like all the teen agers have. She needs, I think, to feel free and understood. Give her that. Any way you can... no judgment at all, just love and understanding... Hope it will help or at least give you a better perspective on what could happen in her mind.
Well, she lives right up the road with me parents. It may not be the best thing for her to come live with me right now, I lack the financial might to support the two of us, and as she is presently engaged with school she is unable to work. Also, i have my own issues I am dealing with. I have just recently been released from jail and I am currently living under some rather strident rules and regulations, courtesy of D.O.C. Plus, our parents would never go for it. The drugs and transient lifestyle are a point of some contention.
She knows I pass no judgment. WHO the hell am I? I have multiple arrests, dropped out of high school, and have very rarely held a jog longer than a few months. All these conspire to prevent me from taking an active role in helping her overcome her burden.
I try to just let her be herself and constantly reinforce how beautiful I think she is. I constantly hint at the kinda women I think are beautiful, in a most sophisticated and subtle way, so that maybe she will start to see that there are many kinds of beautiful and not just heroin model chic.
I know some of the problem stems from the family dynamics, there is simply nothing that Can be Deon to remedy this situation until she is sent off tho college. This very solution is in and of itself a potential problem. How is she going to behave when there is no one there exert their rigid set of morals and understandings of right and wrong on her. I mean, having some discipline is required for the normal growth of adolescents, but I believe in my household i has served more to fuck her up than make her right.
I don't know if I should sit down and have an earnest face to face with her, being sensitive and honest of if would be best to just see how this pans out.
part of me feels it is nothing more than a passing phase, the other part understands the serious nature behind bulimia.
Oh, well I guess a head will be had soon.
One thing in favor of a favorable outcome is she is in nutritional and mental therapy. Let us hope it takes.
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Asshole
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DrCamacho89
Mazel Tuff
Registered: 03/12/07
Posts: 1,981
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: Need some help. My awesome sister is having some trouble with Bulimia. [Re: nakors_junk_bag]
#6956755 - 05/23/07 12:09 PM (5 years, 6 days ago) |
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In my experience in dealing with people with eating disorders, the more you tell them what they are doing is dangerous/wrong, the farther away they will pull from you. A bulimic can easily rationalize her actions in her own head, and those who don't get it, just don't understand her.
It is a cry for help and understanding, but telling her she has a problem/you're worried/she needs to stop is not going to get through to her. Either is forcing her to go see someone who is only going to tell her what she is doing is wrong.
It is never to late to form a close relationship with a sibling. Just because you were too young to relate to each other before, doesn't mean that a tight adult relationship can't form. Help her adjust to the real world. You cannot be her father, so don't try. You can be the big brother who gets her out of the house, who convinces your parents to let her stay at your place and then sits around with her and drinks and smokes and talks. Through those talks, you might be able to form a bond where she will one day be willing to open up to you. THEN, you can guide her without her feeling defensive. She will then trust that you understand what it is like to be her age, and value your insight.
Take your time, be patient, and do not express worry in a punishing disappointed demeanor. You will be sure to lose her if you take that route.
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"The Highways of Life are Paved with Flat Squirrels who Couldn't Make Up Their Minds"
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