First off, to everyone I hope that you are are doing well on your paths. I cannot access the internet very often, but I wanted to let you all know I'm still out there, and still thinking about all of you.

Much Love & Light.

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Robot Attack said:
Ech, I hate the thought that I'm going to forever be a struggling addict. You know the people that feel they struggle with sexual entanglement their whole life? Or the ones that have trouble eating too much/unhealthily? I'm neither. My one vice is substance abuse, and I fear that's how it will always be.

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what bothers me is that i don't feel like I'm able to use a substance responsibly. I can never just "keep something around" like my girlfriend can. If it's there, it's going to be used.[

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Oh the joys and pains of opiates. I even know why I feel the need to use them. A lot of people talk of opiates making them not care, well opiates make me do care. They make me care alot more than usual, they intensify my feelings, which I don't feel are strong enough usually, which in part is due to a relationship where I ignored my gut feelings for a long time when i was being treated like shit.

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Famous last words dude. That's called the honeymoon period, and it doesn't last. You don't want to know where this road will lead you, trust me on that.

I wish you much love and luck on your journey my friend, remember that you can do this; it's all inside.

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dobie said:
Man I just remembered about this thread I really think this should be sticky. I have been having a really hard time lately I got busted with some heroin I lost my job I lost my car am really close to loosing my apartment and on top of it all my fiance left me a couple months ago life really sucks I have cut myself down to using just enough to keep me well I havent even done any dope today just ate about 100mgs of morphine so I can sleep tonight. Life fucking sucks big time man It really does I am working on getting into a detox program I just need to get a new ID and 50 bucks and they will put me on suboxone to anyone reading this just getting into opiates watch your ass they will get ya before ya know it

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Well I have offically been clean for 17 days now. It took me going to jail and being forced to detox but I feel great now. My life was in the shitter and now its starting to look good again. I got my ass off the streets and into my parents house again. Sometime this week I am getting into a program too which should help alot. I am still having useing dreams almost everynight when I can sleep, But other than that I feel great I am so glad to be off dope.

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Dreamer987 said:
uuggg here it goes:

My life is a mess, and i use heroin a lot. However i don't have the cut and dried struggles/triumphs of an addict.
I'v been going steady for ??? a year or two mabey? and i'v never binged to the point of a physical addiction. But i shoot up a lot. And i'm depressed all the time.

And i want to be happy, but i'm stuck in a cycle of deppression. It would be great if i could say "oh if only i quit the junk it would be the first step to a happy life" but thats simply not the case.
I get high some days, than i may be sober for a week. Sometimes two.
And i have nothing in life to go to any more. All friends are gone.

So i go downtown, and i get a $20 balloon, and i take it home, and shoot half, and feel a familiar warmth, and sense of acomplishment. It makes me feel as if i was a better man.
Than depending on how strong it is, i shoot the other half, and i nod off on the back porch, and smoke ciggerettes, or lay down, and want it to feel like it used to. Want that bulldozing wave of euphoria, accompanied by the sense of complete well being, and the buetiful heroin dreams.
I rarely get anything close to that. Just feel pretty good, and a little fucked up.

Do i have to hit rock bottom to bounce up, and redeem myself, because it might be a LONG descent.
The Heroin used to be for fun, and now i run to it whenever i feel stressed, or deppressed, or bored. Which is ALL the time.
I could quit, but i don't think it will do any good. It won't solve any imediate or long term problems, as it won't help them either.

Am i in denial? I have to be to a certain extent, because everyone tells me i'm an addict. That the only thing heroin will ever do is make me dead or in prison.
They all turn there backs on me, because they believe that it will make me quit, and solve all my problems. I don't listen to them, and let them hurt us for giving the ultimatum, but the question still stands.

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dobie said:
This is like the junky roll call but none the less I am here, Hooked struggling with life and shit but with plans of rehab in the near future but am just afraid of taking that step and actually doing it.

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marshalldylan1 said:
I'm going to try and self-detox this weekend from opiates. Does anyone have any advice? Anything I can do to fight off the withdrawals?

My dealer was busted, and has to go to jail, so I won't be able to get anymore. I figured this was a good time to try and self detox. I also happen to be going to Voodoo Music Festival the 26th to the 28th. I don't want to be miserable while there, and the supply I have right now wouldn't last until then.

So, what are some things I can use to get off this shit? I plan to get some benzos, but I may not be able too. Any OTC drugs I can use?

Tonight will be my last nod....

Wish me luck.

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