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 luvdemshrooms
Two inch dick..but it spins!?
Registered: 11/29/01
Posts: 24,881
Loc: Lost In Space
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 If Republicans Were Democrats 
#6294044 - 11/17/06 03:44 PM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
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We'd be whinny little bitches.
Link
If Republicans Were Democrats
Different kinds of losers.
By Ned Rice
I suppose you’ve heard about the results of last week’s voting. No, I don’t mention Joey Lawrence getting voted off Dancing with the Stars — I’m talking about the midterm elections. And while Democrats would seem to have a lot to be thankful for, what exactly does the country have to be thankful for? I mean, besides the apparent end of John Kerry career in stand-up comedy? I would argue that the country should be grateful that Republicans aren’t Democrats. Because if Republicans acted more like Democrats, the post-election period would be proceeding somewhat differently.
For example, if Republicans were Democrats, a lot of them would be threatening to move to Canada right now. None of them would do it, of course — they might be Democrats, but they wouldn’t be insane. Well, not all of them. You know, technically. I mean, move to Canada? To paraphrase Charlie Rangel, who the hell would want to live there? Even Democrat-like Republicans (I know this gets confusing) would recognize the folly of living in a cold, boring country where so much of the current Democratic agenda has already been enacted (confiscatory taxes, socialized medicine, drug decriminalization, uh…Alanis Morrisette). Sure, my imaginary, sore-loser Republicans would be making some noise about jumping ship like the fair weather patriots they would be, but it would be all talk.
Instead, if Republicans were Democrats they’d be screaming from the rooftops that last week’s elections were clearly, obviously stolen. The really clever ones would be showing off their ability to recognize rhyming words by claiming that their betters had been “selected, not elected.” Ha, ha — get it? On a more serious note, they’d insist that conservative voters must have been intimidated into staying home by…well, by somebody, by golly. Probably some special-interest group with the word “Big” in their name, like “Big Oil,” “Big Steel,” or “Big Racial Set-Asides.” If Republicans were Democrats some of them would be blaming those same voters, charging that the lazy, stupid masses had just screwed everything up for the smart people. Somewhere, a Democrat-like Republican would have just started writing a book, entitled, “What’s The Matter With The Upper West Side?,” about how low-brow, ignorant Americans had inexplicably voted against their self-interests once again because, let’s face it, most Americans are just plain dumb.
If Republicans were Democrats the next thing they’d do would be to demand the abolishment of any voting system that involved advanced registration, government-issue photo IDs, machinery of any kind, electricity, or paper, perhaps in favor of a nationwide show of hands. Not only that, they’d also demand that anyone who ever worked in any capacity for any company that manufactured voting machines be stripped of their U.S. citizenship and immediately deported to…oh, I don’t know…Canada?
If Republicans were Democrats they’d have their version of a Terry McAuliffe — I’m drawing a blank as to who the Republican version of that braying, soulless lickspittle would be — explaining how last week’s setback was actually a great Republican victory for which he deserved considerable credit. Then, of course, they’d fire the guy. If Republicans were Democrats they would then take the one person who personified why they lost the last election and make him the chairman of their party, like Democrats did with Howard Dean. The Democrat-like Republican version of such a pas de deaux would be to replace Ken Mehlman with Jack Abramoff, who for all his faults would probably be a more effective fundraiser than Howard Dean has proven to be so far.
If Republicans were Democrats they’d next strike a blow for civility by refusing to acknowledge their opponents’ victory. They’d call Speaker Pelosi “Nancy,” and Majority Leader Reid “Harry.” Yeah, that’d show ‘em, all right. If Republicans were Democrats they’d point out that the major media were against them — and they’d be right. But in this case the story would be widely reported and treated as a credible charge, since if Republicans were Democrats roughly 90 percent of the working press would be registered, Democrat-like Republicans. If Republicans were Democrats they’d also demand broad new restrictions on free speech by media outlets that openly campaigned against them — whether effectively, like National Public Radio and Michael J. Fox, or not, like Air America Radio and Barbra Streisand’s current tour. If Republicans were Democrats they’d also be appearing on every cable TV around the clock claiming that the old-fashioned ass-whupping they got last week was merely the result of not getting their message out — despite the fact that after months of saturation coverage every man, woman and child in America can recite their losing message practically word-for-word. The “we didn’t get our message out” mantra would be repeated to the point where it, too had been unwittingly committed to memory by everyone in the continental U.S. within earshot of a television set or radio.
Finally, if the Republicans of today were Democrats, and last week’s results left the Democrats in control of the Senate by a margin of 51 to 49, the Republicans would do something really crass. Really sneaky. In other words, really Democratic. What they’d do is convince Joe Lieberman, who’s essentially a liberal Republican now anyway, to switch parties. What’s he got to lose — seniority? All that good will he’s built up with Democrats by supporting regime change in Iraq? An invitation to Ned Lamont’s Christmas party? They’d make it worth Lieberman’s while, of course. Make him a chairman of some dweeby committee, rename the Bridge to Nowhere “Lieberman Bridge,” offer him complimentary shabbas goy services for life — you know, something. Lieberman’s switch would leave the Senate in a 50-50 tie and return control of the Senate to the Republicans through 2008 by endowing Vice President Cheney with the tie-breaking vote. For two glorious years the entire U.S. Senate — Kennedy, Kerry, Barack Obama — would be answering to Dick Cheney. Just imagine the possibilities — why, Hillary Clinton herself might spontaneously burst into flames. If this strikes you as unfair, remember that it’s more or less what the Democrats did to the Republicans in 2001 using former Republican tool and future Trivial Pursuit answer Jim Jeffords. The principle differences being, of course, that Joe Lieberman is a man of integrity, and that making him a Republican would reflect the will of the voters, not subvert it.
All of which makes a Lieberman switcheroo, all in all, not such a bad idea. Gentlemen?
— Ned Rice is a Los Angeles-based, Emmy nominated television writer whose credits include The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and Real Time with Bill Maher.
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“In politics, few talents are as richly rewarded as the ability to convince parasites that they are victims. Welfare states on both sides of the Atlantic have discovered that largesse to losers does not reduce their hostility to society, but only increases it. Far from producing gratitude, generosity is seen as an admission of guilt, and the reparations as inadequate compensation for injustices – leading to worsening behavior by the recipients.
Thomas Sowell
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 pokermush
Waterboardingmyself toprotect America!
 
Registered: 09/18/06
Posts: 475
Loc: Utah
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
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Re: If Republicans Were Democrats [Re: luvdemshrooms]
#6294119 - 11/17/06 04:13 PM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
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Yeah, I couldn't believe it last week. After losing the election the Republicans just gave up! No court battles, demonstrations, accusations, recounts, etc.
Quitters.
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Silversoul
Holon
Registered: 01/01/05
Posts: 22,562
Loc: Mostly harmless
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Re: If Republicans Were Democrats [Re: luvdemshrooms]
#6295019 - 11/17/06 09:17 PM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
luvdemshrooms said:
We'd be whinny little bitches.
Hence posting a thread whining about it.
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angryshroom
Stranger
Registered: 12/18/01
Posts: 7,262
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Re: If Republicans Were Democrats [Re: luvdemshrooms]
#6297433 - 11/18/06 06:46 PM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
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I couldnt think of anything for a reply except
"The Ambiguously Gay Duo."
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luvdemshrooms
Two inch dick..but it spins!?
Registered: 11/29/01
Posts: 24,881
Loc: Lost In Space
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Re: If Republicans Were Democrats [Re: angryshroom]
#6297799 - 11/18/06 09:02 PM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
angryshroom said:
I couldnt think of anything for a reply except
"The Ambiguously Gay Duo."
So, you didn't think very hard then.
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“In politics, few talents are as richly rewarded as the ability to convince parasites that they are victims. Welfare states on both sides of the Atlantic have discovered that largesse to losers does not reduce their hostility to society, but only increases it. Far from producing gratitude, generosity is seen as an admission of guilt, and the reparations as inadequate compensation for injustices – leading to worsening behavior by the recipients.
Thomas Sowell
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luvdemshrooms
Two inch dick..but it spins!?
Registered: 11/29/01
Posts: 24,881
Loc: Lost In Space
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Re: If Republicans Were Democrats [Re: Silversoul]
#6297802 - 11/18/06 09:03 PM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
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So much for being reborn.
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“In politics, few talents are as richly rewarded as the ability to convince parasites that they are victims. Welfare states on both sides of the Atlantic have discovered that largesse to losers does not reduce their hostility to society, but only increases it. Far from producing gratitude, generosity is seen as an admission of guilt, and the reparations as inadequate compensation for injustices – leading to worsening behavior by the recipients.
Thomas Sowell
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fireworks_god
SexyButt McDanger
Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,198
Loc: Red Panda Village
Last seen: 27 minutes, 51 seconds
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Re: If Republicans Were Democrats [Re: luvdemshrooms]
#6297835 - 11/18/06 09:12 PM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
luvdemshrooms said:
So much for being reborn.
Wow, what a powerful response.
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If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you
  
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RogerRabbit
Bans for Pleasure
Registered: 03/26/03
Posts: 39,269
Loc: USA Mountain Northwest
Last seen: 7 days, 14 hours
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Re: If Republicans Were Democrats [Re: fireworks_god]
#6297927 - 11/18/06 09:56 PM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
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If Republicans were Democrats they'd get their blowjobs from Women.
RR
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Download Let's Grow Mushrooms
semper in excretia sumus solim profundum variat
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gluke bastid
Stinky Bum
Registered: 12/21/00
Posts: 3,248
Loc: Charm City
Last seen: 50 minutes, 42 seconds
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Re: If Republicans Were Democrats [Re: luvdemshrooms]
#6298103 - 11/18/06 11:25 PM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
luvdemshrooms said:
For example, if Republicans were Democrats, a lot of them would be threatening to move to Canada right now.
But Canada is a liberal country. There is no country in the world that is as neo-conservative as the USA, and the Bush administration has alienated America from every other Democratic Nation in the globe. So Republicans don't have anywhere to run to. They know that there is no other country in which they can own an assualt rifle, drive a hummer, and hold on to the paltry hope that gay marriage and abortion will be outlawed.
Quote:
luvdemshrooms said:
If Republicans were Democrats they’d next strike a blow for civility by refusing to acknowledge their opponents’ victory.
Bullshit. All I've been hearing from Republicans for the last two weeks is "The Democrats didn't win, the Republicans lost."
fireflyfans.net albanyinsanity
Which pretty much translates to "Boo-hoo it's not fair we lost! Waah! You guys don't play nice! Waaah I want my congress back!"
Let's face it. Republicans have no dignity. Which is apparent from Tom Delay's defeat speech. Neither do democrats for that matter. Edwards summed it up on election night 2004 when, through a grimace, he reassured voters that the election wasn't over until the fat lady sings and they were going to be counting votes all November if they had to, only to trudge out 20 mintues later to concede the victory to Bush.
So don't pretend like the same whiney power grubbing that gets everyone on top of the pile isn't what constitutes the core of the Republican party. To assert that Democrats are whinny bitches and Republicans aren't is willfull naivete
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Society in every form is a blessing,
but government at its best is but a necessary evil
- Thomas Paine
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AlteredAgain
Think Spherical
Registered: 04/27/06
Posts: 11,051
Loc: Sol III
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Re: If Republicans Were Democrats [Re: luvdemshrooms]
#6298265 - 11/19/06 12:49 AM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
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let's all chill and remember that
Quote:
If Republicans Were Democrats
absolutely nothing would change..
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luvdemshrooms
Two inch dick..but it spins!?
Registered: 11/29/01
Posts: 24,881
Loc: Lost In Space
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Re: If Republicans Were Democrats [Re: gluke bastid]
#6298803 - 11/19/06 07:52 AM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
All I've been hearing from Republicans for the last two weeks is "The Democrats didn't win, the Republicans lost." Which pretty much translates to "Boo-hoo it's not fair we lost! Waah! You guys don't play nice! Waaah I want my congress back!"
Actually, many would translate that as an acknowledgement of opportunity squandered.
I guess it's hard to acknowledge when the other side is a better sport. You can do it if you try.
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“In politics, few talents are as richly rewarded as the ability to convince parasites that they are victims. Welfare states on both sides of the Atlantic have discovered that largesse to losers does not reduce their hostility to society, but only increases it. Far from producing gratitude, generosity is seen as an admission of guilt, and the reparations as inadequate compensation for injustices – leading to worsening behavior by the recipients.
Thomas Sowell
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fireworks_god
SexyButt McDanger
Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,198
Loc: Red Panda Village
Last seen: 27 minutes, 51 seconds
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Re: If Republicans Were Democrats [Re: luvdemshrooms]
#6298921 - 11/19/06 10:14 AM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
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I was going to comment that the thread wasn't a very signifigant one, but then I read at the bottom where the guy proposed the notion of the Republicans beckoning Joe Lieberman to vote as a Republican and having Dick Cheney in there voting the Democrats down and making a show about it. I mean, what does Joe Lieberman have to lose, he was just outted by the Democrats and he won entirely on his own merits.
To be perfectly honest, I do not see any reason why he would enertain the notion of helping the Democrats out. 
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If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you
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RogerRabbit
Bans for Pleasure
Registered: 03/26/03
Posts: 39,269
Loc: USA Mountain Northwest
Last seen: 7 days, 14 hours
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Re: If Republicans Were Democrats [Re: fireworks_god]
#6298993 - 11/19/06 11:12 AM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
fireworks_god said:
I mean, what does Joe Lieberman have to lose, he was just outted by the Democrats and he won entirely on his own merits.
Not quite. Lieberman has always been a Republican in Democrat clothing. More than that, he's a rabid zionist who would back a president of either party going against any enemy of Israel, no matter what the reasons. He took a small amount of the Democratic vote, but nearly ALL of the Republican vote, since the Republicans boycotted their own candidate to vote for Lieberman.
RR
--------------------
Download Let's Grow Mushrooms
semper in excretia sumus solim profundum variat
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fireworks_god
SexyButt McDanger
Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,198
Loc: Red Panda Village
Last seen: 27 minutes, 51 seconds
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Re: If Republicans Were Democrats [Re: RogerRabbit]
#6299006 - 11/19/06 11:21 AM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
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Why all of the hoopla over the Senate, then? Do the Democrats not realize that he's not really with them, or do they just want to put on a big show on the surface to make themselves feel good? 
Also, I remember being like fifteen and thinking Joe Lieberman was a complete asshole, simply knowing him for his work agansit video games. 
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If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you
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Basilides
Servent ofWisdom
Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 7,059
Loc: Crown and Heart
Last seen: 1 year, 11 months
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Re: If Republicans Were Democrats [Re: luvdemshrooms]
#6299084 - 11/19/06 12:22 PM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
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I'm happy for John Kerry and Democrats, they fought a hard election campaign
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"Have you found the beginning, then, that you are looking for the end? You see, the end will be where the beginning is. Congratulations to the one who stands at the beginning: that one will know the end and will not taste death."
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zappaisgod
horrid asshole
Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 42,313
Last seen: 10 hours, 45 minutes
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Re: If Republicans Were Democrats [Re: RogerRabbit]
#6299211 - 11/19/06 01:41 PM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
RogerRabbit said:
Quote:
fireworks_god said:
I mean, what does Joe Lieberman have to lose, he was just outted by the Democrats and he won entirely on his own merits.
Not quite. Lieberman has always been a Republican in Democrat clothing.
Nonsense.
http://www.courant.com/news/politics/hc-lieberman0715.artjul15,0,2373366.story
By the numbers, Joe Lieberman is a true, consistent Democrat.
"He votes with Democratic colleagues almost all the time. His record gets him high marks from interest groups close to the party, from the AFL-CIO to the NAACP."
I realize that the "almost" qualifier in there makes him seem like a Republican to moonbats, but normal people can understand it quite well.
Quote:
More than that, he's a rabid zionist who would back a president of either party going against any enemy of Israel, no matter what the reasons.
I'm sure you think anybody who isn't willing to abandon the Israelis to the murderous morons on their borders is a rabid zionist. Nor has he made any call to "go against" any of the peaceful Israel-hating nations in the region.
Quote:
He took a small amount of the Democratic vote, but nearly ALL of the Republican vote, since the Republicans boycotted their own candidate to vote for Lieberman.
RR
Do you even try to garner information before you spout an opinion? The raw data can be found here:
http://www.cnn.com/ELECTION/2006//pages/results/states/CT/S/01/epolls.0.html
Lieberman 50%
Lamont 40%
Shithead 10%
Of Liebermans 50% block 13 were Dems (fully 1/3rd of Dem voters, hardly a small amount) 18 were Reps and the largest block, 19, from independents. The Republicans had a choice between voting for strong security with either of two candidates, one of whom had no chance of winning. What would you have done if you were a conservative? Further, Lieberman took independents by a 54% to 35% percent edge over Lamont. Here is my post from last August.
http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/5947079#Post5947079
Quote:
The Republican candidate is nothing more than a sacrificial lamb and Lieberman will probably pick up quite a few Republican "Anybody But Lamont" voters. Probably half. Call it 200K. Virtually none for Lamont, unless his mom is Republican. Then there is the Democrats, who split evenly in the primary but I will give a higher percentage of those votes to Lamont in the general election out of party loyalty, say 2/3rds. So, 450K to 225K. We're now at 450K for Lamont and 425K for Joe. Then we get the unaffiliated voters, of which there is 875K. For anyone to expect an inexperienced, largely unknown campaigner running on one issue to beat an experienced well respected INCUMBENT among this group is just naive. All of a sudden ol' Ned is going to have to answer a lot of questions about issues completely unrelated to the war. I see Joe getting 400K to 300K for Ned. That gives us 825K to 750K for Joe with whoever the Republican patsy is getting around 425K.
Astonishingly spot on by me. I totally nailed the Dem split and the Republican and independents went slightly higher for Lieberman than I thought (at Schlessinger's expense), which explains the slightly greater margin of victory. Republican turnout was roughly as high as Dem turnout (as a perecntage of registered party members) and Schlessinger was a complete ass. "Boycott" their own candidate? Then you might as well say one third of Dems boycotted THEIR own candidate. The moonbats have not yet taken over Connecticut.
As to the whole deal with Lieberman's party affiliation, this is a truly beautiful thing. If he stays a Dem he will retain his seniority on several committees. If he switches he will lose that. OR NOT. Seniority is not etched in stone, it is a courtesy. As an example, Pelosi is trying to get an impeached judge (Alcee Hastings) with less seniority to be head of the chair of the Intelligence committee over Jane Harman, with whom she has feuded. The Republicans could offer him retention of his seniority if he switches. That would swing the Senate back to them, although with a new RINO. But not as big a RINO as they just lost in Rhode Island
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Silversoul
Holon
Registered: 01/01/05
Posts: 22,562
Loc: Mostly harmless
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Re: If Republicans Were Democrats [Re: luvdemshrooms]
#6300080 - 11/19/06 08:24 PM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
luvdemshrooms said:
So much for being reborn.
So much for having a response.
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pokermush
Waterboardingmyself toprotect America!
Registered: 09/18/06
Posts: 475
Loc: Utah
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
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Re: If Republicans Were Democrats [Re: gluke bastid]
#6302831 - 11/20/06 03:47 PM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
gluke bastid said:
Bullshit. All I've been hearing from Republicans for the last two weeks is "The Democrats didn't win, the Republicans lost."
I'm no fan of Republicans and voted against them in every category this election. But the insanely stupid democrats are every bit as bad. There's a huge difference between declaring "they didn't win, we lost" and the Democrats who still whine about both presidential elections "the Republicans stole the election, Bush was selected not elected".
At least the Republicans, who fully deserved to lose the election, took responsibility for losing and accepted the decision. No recounts, court challenges, or cry-babying about fraud and intimidation. The way the Democrats behave when they lose is disgraceful.
The only thing the Democrats offered this campaign is "we're not Republicans", and that was enough. The Democrats didn't win, the Republicans lost.
Oh, and neo-conservative doesn't mean what you think it means. A key part of the the democratic strategy was to put up neo-conservative democratic candidates in tightly competitive races.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neo-conservative
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