this is not a trip report but just a short script of certain phenomenon felt during the trip.
shortly after peaking, I went into the living room to sit and meditate. I live in a populated area now, with hundreds of houses nearby. suddenly, as I began to doze off, it felt as if my hearing became amplified intensely. It was at this point hard to tell if I was hallucinating or actually hearing stuff, but I heard a group of people arguing, some people having sex, some people chatting, little kids crying/whining, all coming from different directions, and all stuff that really wouldnt surprise me if it were in fact real, but it seemed like it was coming through the walls, from hundreds of feet away. The noises persisted for at least 5 minutes. I decided not to try and listen to these things anymore, as they were putting a bad vibe on my trip (the area has a lot of poverty and other problems and the last thing I wanted to hear were the realtime horrors of it).
Then, suddenly, I felt shunned by a force. I felt compelled to only do good things and to try and use my brains potential to help the greater good from now on. I felt a presence, a very JUDGEMENTAL presence that could not be bullshitted. It wanted me to come up with some sort of solution where LSD could be used for to help the community (not by giving anybody LSD per se, but by using it as a potentiator in any form). I started writing in my journal. When I began to stutter out a BS answer at first, I felt a mockery and a fleeing of the presence, but I said wait wait wait don't leave, and came up with a couple simple ideas, like finding a group of people who shared this idea. This felt completely right, and great. But after that, I think my mind wandered and I lost touch with the presence.
Minutes later, I decided to do some nitrous. This is where things got crazy. I immediately propelled into a metaphysical world.
When I started, I was listening to "Pebbles and Marbles" by Phish, and I swear I was hearing some subliminal messages in the song, although I can't seem to remember what they were. It was as if the various abnormal timings in my head were making the messages apparent. The same thing happened when I was listening to Grateful Dead. Does this happen to anyone else, or was I just hallucinating?
The LSD tune-in frequency was there again. This time, I heard other young adults partying around the neighborhood, or in fact, it couldve been around the region or even the world for all I know, as it was so surreal. (Edit: I was half-way under the impression they were also doing nitrous and we were tuning into each other's frequencies somehow) It sounded like they were coming from various houses around the neighborhood though, calling me to join them in a metaphysical parallel world. My body let out a vibration that seemed to shake the house, and I swear I heard it ripple down the block through all the walls of the other houses. When I did this, I suddenly heard the people get excited and cheer me on, and came rushing in my direction, as if ghosts. But this was so overwhelming, that when the two people I first saw were looking at me, they showed concern, as if I was not ready to plunge yet. (Later on, I pondered the thought that this might have simply been a PTSD flashback not related to the "partiers" at all). Then I looked down, and there I was, in betwen my legs, peering up at myself through the floor, sticking my tongue out, laughing and having a good time at, with another guy and a girl beside me, both looked to be about 20-24, sort of like "BOO! haha isn't this cool?" kind of attitude about them.
Then a weird thing happened. I suddenly flashed back to a memory as a child. I think the memory was kind of shitty, but not horrific. I kept seeing something trying to grab my attention, a 5-4-3-2-1 of the hand, if I thought of the hand, it would count down and the flashback would begin. Otherwise, it wouldn't. Just a memory of when I was about 7, living in not-the-best conditions in between parents and schools in a not-so-good city, but my parents did try very hard to make it seem to me that the world was grand (and it was...you know the kid mentality) and spoiled me with enough toys so that I would not pay much attention to or realize the troubles. It was then I realized how much I love my parents, even of their imperfections and mistakes, they gave me a life. So there I am again, I saw the same flashback over and over and over, all I remember was that it was night time, and we were out on a front porch and I was with my siblings and possibly my mom or some lady, but I can barely remember what it was since nothing really happened in it, it was just a 6-second clip or so, and now all I can remember is a distinct play of sounds and the very beginning of the clip.
After this, something told me something like "There it is...the thing you keep forgetting to hold onto when you go (into the abyss or whatever), it's LOVE, you need to hold onto it or you'll face uncertain hells...this is why I showed you the memory" and then I realized it was my DAD who was telling me this, and it was a surprise because I couldn't understand how this was possible.
I felt I needed to just let go, to forget everything except love, and just then something or someone took a picture of me, a mental snapshot, and it was of my face, like someone saying pick your jaw up off the ground. Suddenly, I smiled, and there I was!!! In what seemed like absolute heaven, looking at the picture that was just taken. Some of my family was there (both passed and still alive - including my Dad), they were laughing and obviously just enjoying being free in this infinite space, and I said "I'm going to get to see everything when its my time, aren't I..." and they nodded and smiled.
It was the most intense feeling/emotion I've ever experienced. Yet, it felt incredibly familiar, a de ja vu or sorts. Perhaps a dream I once had that I now had access to? Who knows, but it certainly felt real.
Today, I'm having a hard time grasping what I should take from this experience. I don't want to live my life in a hallucination of the afterworld. Yet at the same time, this felt so true to me that it's hard to deny. How to pick apart the real from the unreal, the benefitiary from the detrimental.
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The answer to 1984 is 1776.
Edited by kake (08/25/05 11:20 AM)
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Perhaps I'm always too distracted by other things to notice on mushies, but this was insane, I'm talking I could hear things I knew were over a hundred feet away, through walls upon walls, with windows closed, like I was in the next room over. 
