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Crystal G
Ultimate Scumbag and Douchebag



Registered: 06/06/07
Posts: 5,073
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 4 hours, 36 minutes
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Drugs & How They Pertain to Identity 1
#16129369 - 04/23/12 06:49 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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I feel like when you do drugs for too many years, that your usage becomes such a strong indicator of who you are, that it becomes permanently fused with your identity. You don't just use drugs, you also live the drug lifestyle, you hang around drug friends, you have drug conversations, you engage in drug politics, and therefore you develop a "drug identity." You read drugs, you breathe drugs, you inject drugs, you snort drugs, you plug drugs, you live drugs. You identify with it so strongly that once you stop doing drugs, it's almost like you don't know who you are anymore.
It's like those hardcore potheads. Extreme potheads sometimes begin to identify with it so strongly they might sport the dreadlocks, or listen to reggae and Pink Floyd, might engage in activism with NORML, or sport a bunch of shirts and accessories with the potleaf symbol on it. And even long after they stop smoking pot, they might still be wearing the same stuff and acting the same way, because pot has become so embedded in their personality and their lifestyle that it becomes fused their identity.
I feel like no matter how long I stay clean, I always feel like that dirty junkie deep down inside. It's just so connected to my personality that it's one of the first things I think about when people ask me about my life and my interests (though I never actually talk about it to most people, since most people are judgmental about drug use). It's a problem when I can't go out on dates without wanting to talk about drugs. I just don't really know what else to say about myself, honestly. Seems like everything that I'm into is either illegal, offensive, sexual, or just plain inappropriate to talk about. I think that's why my dating episodes always end up being super short-term.
I think that's the hardest part about quitting drugs, is that you need to establish a whole new identity all over again that's completely separate from that. I hope I'm not stepping out of my realm here or am coming across as full of myself by saying this, but I honestly feel like losing my drug identity is almost like a gay person quitting gay sex. That's how strongly I feel about it.
Does anybody else have this problem?
-------------------- Men who have a fear of women who exert control of their sexualities, know that they wouldn't be able to control or easily manipulate women who are aggressive, dominant, or defiant. Women who refuse to passively cooperate or adhere to stereotypical gender roles. So they use social stigma and social shame and call us "sluts" to try to implant fear and guilt in us, in an effort to control and coerce our behaviors. It is a completely selfish philosophy that stems from the belief that they OWN women.
Thus, me taking control of my sexuality is my big way of saying "FUCK YOU" to the institution, and another "FUCK YOU" to the patriarchy!
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Parrott
Tripper



Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 821
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 6 hours, 26 minutes
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Re: Drugs & How They Pertain to Identity [Re: Crystal G]
#16129402 - 04/23/12 06:56 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Once the door is open, it can never be closed..
-------------------- "The only one who's really
judging you is yourself.
Nobody else."
-Tame Impala
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 80,493
Loc: underbelly
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Re: Drugs & How They Pertain to Identity [Re: Crystal G]
#16129427 - 04/23/12 07:03 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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My ex was a junkie and an alcoholic. Her new persona was a combo of new age religious seeker and hard ass ball buster. I can't believe I stuck it out for three years. Well, she was very hot. 
But she felt she had to fight everything and she felt she had to prove she wasn't a junkie and whatever. I never felt she had to prove anything but she never believed that.
-------------------- "People convince themselves of their own lies, becoming victims of their own inventions as they begin to direct their lives by standards of behavior, ideas, feelings, or instincts which do not correspond to their inner reality. What is truly serious in this matter is that the individual loses all points of reference regarding what comprises truth, and what comprises lies. He becomes used to considering as true only that which is convenient for his personal interests; everything that is in opposition to his self-esteem or in conflict with already established prejudices, he considers false."
- John Baines
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Diploid
Cuban



Registered: 01/09/03
Posts: 18,283
Loc: Rabbit Hole
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Re: Drugs & How They Pertain to Identity [Re: Crystal G]
#16129452 - 04/23/12 07:07 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Does anybody else have this problem?
I don't see it as a problem. Drugs play a central role in my life, and I'm fine with that. If they started to make me unhappy, I'd have a different opinion, but that hasn't happened.
-------------------- "The axioms for a group are short and natural... Yet somehow hidden behind these axioms is the monster simple group, a huge and extraordinary mathematical object, which appears to rely on numerous bizarre coincidences to exist. The axioms for groups give no obvious hint that anything like this exists." -- Richard Borcherds
If there is a creator, he definitely has a sense of humor.
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Diploid
Cuban



Registered: 01/09/03
Posts: 18,283
Loc: Rabbit Hole
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Re: Drugs & How They Pertain to Identity [Re: Icelander]
#16129462 - 04/23/12 07:09 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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she felt she had to prove she wasn't a junkie and whatever
Sounds like a guy I know who eats speed pills like candy. But he won't smoke it. No way! That's for druggies and losers!
-------------------- "The axioms for a group are short and natural... Yet somehow hidden behind these axioms is the monster simple group, a huge and extraordinary mathematical object, which appears to rely on numerous bizarre coincidences to exist. The axioms for groups give no obvious hint that anything like this exists." -- Richard Borcherds
If there is a creator, he definitely has a sense of humor.
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G-Cotty
Naturalismo



Registered: 08/14/11
Posts: 242
Last seen: 9 hours, 56 seconds
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Re: Drugs & How They Pertain to Identity [Re: Crystal G]
#16129546 - 04/23/12 07:23 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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I think that's the hardest part about quitting drugs, is that you need to establish a whole new identity all over again that's completely separate from that. I hope I'm not stepping out of my realm here or am coming across as full of myself by saying this, but I honestly feel like losing my drug identity is almost like a gay person quitting gay sex. That's how strongly I feel about it.
Does anybody else have this problem?
Yes. I can absolutely understand where you're coming from. Upon graduating high school, I told myself I would quit being pothead. But, it was much more complicated than that. Quitting weed was like quitting all of my friends. Anytime I would wanna chill with someone weed was always involved.
So I gave up, and got REALLY into psyches that following summer. In fact, they became an obsession. To this day, even though my weed usage has slowed way down and I only use psyches about once a month, they are an integral part of who I am. When any girl I try to talk to mentions how she goes out and drinks, I feel obligated to tell her about my interest in shrooms, cid, and DMT.
A downside to this is that it scares people away. Some people think I'm sincerely messed up when I tell them i trip. But, I get what you mean, OP. I am passionate about these substances. It sounds kinda fucked up typing it out, but I genuinely love researching them, talking about them, and (of course) experimenting with them.
I think there is no real harm to this. I mean, I feel the same way about music as I do drugs. It is a part of who I am. It only becomes negative, IMO, if there is potential to cause damage (physical or relational). Just don't get addicted and other than that, its your body.
On a side note, sometimes I wish there wasn't this 'hippie fuck' attitude associated with the drugs I take. Maybe it is augmented because I am in college, but I feel like I should be able to talk about this shit with no reservations, but I cant.
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4896744
Small Town Girl


Registered: 03/06/10
Posts: 5,128
Loc: United States
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
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Re: Drugs & How They Pertain to Identity [Re: Crystal G]
#16129572 - 04/23/12 07:28 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Awesome post. I am more like Diploid as far as not feeling bad about enjoying drugs, but i would be lying if i said people's negative reactions didn't make me feel bad ocassionally.
I fucking love all sorts of drugs and routes of administration, and they are a huge part of what i identify my self with.
-------------------- Live your Life!
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Unicron
Stranger

Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 13
Last seen: 4 months, 23 days
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Re: Drugs & How They Pertain to Identity [Re: Diploid]
#16129603 - 04/23/12 07:36 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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I have a huge history with drugs and really left most of it behind a couple of years ago. I totally hear what you are saying. You can take the drugs out of the person.....
I recently started dating someone who had never even smoked weed. It's been so strange seeing drugs from that outside perspective and it really does make me see how much of my life was devoted to it. I don't consider it a bad thing, but I really see the other side now. She doesn't want to hear any of my stories, even if I think they are great! She doesn't get it, just like I don't get how you could live 34 years and never smoke any weed. I mean, she's a hard core Beatles fan for crying out loud! Anyway, lickily we do have a lot of other things in common. I have no idea what the future holds. I finally did convince her to smoke. She hated it but at least she doesn't care if I do it.
What I hope for is that I integrate my experiences and gain new ones and eventually I'm not the 'druggie' or the 'sober guy' but somethig else entirely. I don't want to turn all preachy or regret my past actions. That's not how I roll. It's toughest to find the middle ground.
A couple weeks ago I took my first trip in years at a Jane's Addiction show. It was fun but I don't see myself doing it too often in the future.
If you stay self-reflective your life and identity will evolve over time. I really do think that if you stay away from drugs long enough, that part of your identity fades into the background. It never goes away completely, none of our experiences do.
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jammin
Karma Farmer



Registered: 03/30/11
Posts: 2,546
Loc: Missourah
Last seen: 6 hours, 46 minutes
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Re: Drugs & How They Pertain to Identity [Re: Unicron]
#16129634 - 04/23/12 07:44 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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I'm all for my life being surrounded by drugs and drug culture, it's just that the stigma about drugs tends to make me feel somewhat guilty and crazy with my use, even though my use is under control and responsible. damn propaganda making me feel like that at times...
--------------------
"Bassnectar is god, and I am Jesus"
-Bassfreak
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Mr. Wilson
meddler



Registered: 12/19/11
Posts: 1,180
Loc: Next door, FOOL!!
Last seen: 1 month, 26 days
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Re: Drugs & How They Pertain to Identity [Re: jammin]
#16129691 - 04/23/12 07:59 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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yeah i agree its only bad because certain people portray it as"bad" everybody's got a hook--whether its gambling prostitution drinking religion what ever
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zannennagara
Found in Space



Registered: 09/26/08
Posts: 433
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Re: Drugs & How They Pertain to Identity [Re: Crystal G]
#16129763 - 04/23/12 08:15 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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This topic line goes a long way. We might reframe the consideration to examine identity and how much of that which composes it is something easily interpreted as a drug.
Note how many people toss off "addicted" as a badge of honor of sorts for particular sorts of encouraged behavior: exercise, studying, reading, television shows, sex, socializing. These hobbies are how people define themselves. Two people talking about the latest episode while the third non-watcher waits, estranged, for some relatable term of reference, is a lot like a nonuser listening to the exploits of junkies. Similarly, nuclear physicists have few friends who work as department store lead cashiers.
The signifier "drug" is simply applied to those objects which occupy a space of malignant good-for-nothingness or escapism and therefore possess a resultant marginalization and verboten reputation among their detractors. An interesting but scarcely imaginable notion would be an identity undefined by obsessions, in which every carabinered lifeline of security is constantly severed so that every day brings renewed opportunities for exploration - but this by far is the most alienating route to take. And just think how bad it would be for the economy! We can't have that. We want people to take on a distinct mania for the team, so that they can lead exotic and insane lives that make people shake their heads in awe admiration or hatred, give work to aspiring documentary filmmakers, biographers, journalists and social scientists, and give everyone else some kind of role model to cling to and therefrom guide their own wild-eyed frightened curious stumblings through the dark corridors and vast expanses of humanity.
-------------------- No debe haber separación, no puede haber definición.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 15,167
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Re: Drugs & How They Pertain to Identity [Re: Crystal G]
#16129774 - 04/23/12 08:20 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Quitting smoking but not quitting all substance usage makes sense to me but I do not actually have an addictive nature. It's not easy but not that hard either. I have done it 10 times - so I guess it can creep back into the life.
Quitting drinking for health and social/family/legal health (in case of addiction) makes total sense to me. With these 2 major adjustments (smoking and drinking) you can still be friends with the same people and live nearly the same identity.
Marijuana, however is a social platform and it is very hard to extend your identity if it is shaped by marijuana. the people into it will seem boring later, or you will to them.
Cocaine, crack speed can be dropped, but you totally have to drop your contacts too, they are too compelling, too much of quicksand (my guess is heroin or oxy too and this probably applies to ex and dance drugs).
An aspect of fondness and maybe fondness with revulsion could remain in the afterlife of your character for cocaine crack and speed use but it needs to be wistful nostalgia and nothing more.
all of that make sense.
the weird thing, is that if you have been identified as an addictive person and if you accept that this has been a problem, you have to eliminate them from your life to be healthy and your character and friends and habits have to morph to the new life.
if you do not have an addictive personality, (which may just be a matter of time or not) then you can sample the wares that float by.
I think there are some doctors and lawyers, and maybe more than just some who have regular cocaine speed and heroin patterns, yet they lead productive lives and have 'healthy' relationships with non users - their personal substance habits remain totally hidden - non-social.
LSD, on the other hand, if it can be located, or shrooms for that matter, well these things are medicine, healing things, that could be used sparingly without threat of descent into an addictive life but I don't think you can explain that to a parole officer. They can help to rediscover your self and to help appreciate all the effort you are putting into healing. They are personal - non-social medicines.
-------------------- ~~~~~
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Crystal G
Ultimate Scumbag and Douchebag



Registered: 06/06/07
Posts: 5,073
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 4 hours, 36 minutes
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Re: Drugs & How They Pertain to Identity [Re: redgreenvines]
#16129839 - 04/23/12 08:41 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Fer fucks sake, I just remembered I even have drug TATTOOS. 1 of my pieces is a bromo dragonfly tatt, and my next 1 I'm planning to get is a spider tattoo on my ribcage, because in prison a spider is the symbol of somebody who has or had a drug addiction. I was planning on making it a black widow, which I thought would be ever so perfect, considering 2 of my drug using boyfriends died from an overdose and suicide.
I also want to get some datura flowers, hells bells, or papaver somniferum opium poppies or bumblebees (for the hive lol). Good lord, I never realized just how bad the problem was until I remembered the tattoos I have. Tattooing is so strongly connected to identity, people usually don't get work done unless its a symbol of something significant in their lives.
-------------------- Men who have a fear of women who exert control of their sexualities, know that they wouldn't be able to control or easily manipulate women who are aggressive, dominant, or defiant. Women who refuse to passively cooperate or adhere to stereotypical gender roles. So they use social stigma and social shame and call us "sluts" to try to implant fear and guilt in us, in an effort to control and coerce our behaviors. It is a completely selfish philosophy that stems from the belief that they OWN women.
Thus, me taking control of my sexuality is my big way of saying "FUCK YOU" to the institution, and another "FUCK YOU" to the patriarchy!
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i like cow poo
Nature Lover


Registered: 10/20/09
Posts: 2,666
Loc: Mother Nature's Vagina
Last seen: 3 days, 15 hours
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Re: Drugs & How They Pertain to Identity [Re: Crystal G]
#16129896 - 04/23/12 09:00 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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I identify with mushrooms and lsd. Guess I should be glad its not crack or herion. However, drugs have brought alot of paranoia into my life because I am very scared of going to jail. But I believe shrooms helped me reestablish a connection to nature and buddhism. Psychedelics are definatly fused into my personality for better or for worse
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Mr. Wilson
meddler



Registered: 12/19/11
Posts: 1,180
Loc: Next door, FOOL!!
Last seen: 1 month, 26 days
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Re: Drugs & How They Pertain to Identity [Re: zannennagara]
#16130172 - 04/23/12 09:57 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
zannennagara said: This topic line goes a long way. We might reframe the consideration to examine identity and how much of that which composes it is something easily interpreted as a drug.
Note how many people toss off "addicted" as a badge of honor of sorts for particular sorts of encouraged behavior: exercise, studying, reading, television shows, sex, socializing. These hobbies are how people define themselves. Two people talking about the latest episode while the third non-watcher waits, estranged, for some relatable term of reference, is a lot like a nonuser listening to the exploits of junkies. Similarly, nuclear physicists have few friends who work as department store lead cashiers.
The signifier "drug" is simply applied to those objects which occupy a space of malignant good-for-nothingness or escapism and therefore possess a resultant marginalization and verboten reputation among their detractors. An interesting but scarcely imaginable notion would be an identity undefined by obsessions, in which every carabinered lifeline of security is constantly severed so that every day brings renewed opportunities for exploration - but this by far is the most alienating route to take. And just think how bad it would be for the economy! We can't have that. We want people to take on a distinct mania for the team, so that they can lead exotic and insane lives that make people shake their heads in awe admiration or hatred, give work to aspiring documentary filmmakers, biographers, journalists and social scientists, and give everyone else some kind of role model to cling to and therefrom guide their own wild-eyed frightened curious stumblings through the dark corridors and vast expanses of humanity.
yeah yeah goody two shoes america--put that in ya pipe an' smoke it!!
--------------------
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Ghostwriter
Registered: 06/18/10
Posts: 4,825
Loc: USA
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Re: Drugs & How They Pertain to Identity [Re: Mr. Wilson]
#16153490 - 04/29/12 01:22 AM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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i have the thc molecule tattooed and an ancient mushroom rock art drawing that represents my ego death experience that changed me forever
i can relate to the drug use especially thinking about quitting for good is like starting yur life over almost i cant explain it either but i know u know what i mean
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