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Anonymous #1
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 A little help/advice needed...trying to get w/ a girl 
#15964093 - 03/18/12 07:11 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Part1:
Before I get into the problem, I guess I should let you know a little bit about myself. Firstly, I have low self-esteem issues that I'm currently working to get rid of. I'm not shy or anything. On the contrary, I'm socially adept and very easy to chill with. I literally have no enemies. Anyways, I've also been told that I'm very attractive by many people. I myself don't believe it. Every time I look in the mirror, I see myself as less than what people tell me. I'm also not a "player". I've been told by many of my friends, peers, etc. that I can get ladies right and left if I just had the guts to do it. I reply to them that I'm not that kind of person to go sleeping around. I'm not gay though. I'm a very straight guy. There have been opportunities in which I could have slept with a woman had I pursued it but I didn't. I'm the kind of guy that's looking to lose my virginity to someone whom I think is special and won't go away. As many have told me, I wear my heart on my sleeves. Say what you want about that, but I've heard it all before and in the end, I'm the way I am.
Anyways, there's this girl I met last semester (in college) whom we'll just call "Dee". She and I had an 8AM class that last about an hour 40mins. The class was always quiet so I never really got the chance to just sit and talk with her. After class, I had another class scheduled in 10-15mins so we never really got the chance to just "chill" and talk. It'd happen from time to time though as I'm walking to class. She'd smile when I looked at her and whatnot. The point is: she was interested in me and I knew it.
I didn't think of her much at the time. I've had many women approach me...and believe me: GORGEOUS WOMEN!! Some of my friends have hated me for not taking the chance to "tap that" but I told them the only reason I didn't go through with it is because - to bluntly state it - my heart did not agree with my dick. A woman may look gorgeous and she may be to-die-for but I won't ever consider a relationship if I don't "feel" anything. Don't ask me why. But I'll say this: if I'm gonna be in a relationship, it's going to be for more than just sex.
Part2:
So the last day of the semester has arrived and I only had one hour of sleep. I took two finals that day including the one in which Dee is my classmate. Later on, I met her in the hallway talking to some of her friends. When she saw me, she smiled and I approached her. We talked for a bit about the final exam, what she plans to do for the vacation and whatnot. Finally, I told her I needed to go because I only had one hour of sleep and that I was really tired. She immediately offered me her number and told me to "keep in touch". I took down her number and that was that.
I texted her later that day saying it was great to see her before the vacation and that we should keep in touch. I got her facebook as well. I didn't call her until a week later because I had been so busy. Admittedly, I was also quite nervous at the prospect of calling her. This is the first girl I ACTUALLY wanted to go out with. When I finally called, we spoke for a couple of minutes. She didn't seem too excited or anything but I assumed she had a long day or something. I was very upbeat and I did my best to avoid those awkward silences. I ended the call by saying I "had to go" and that we should "chill sometime or something".
I'd text her from time to time. Often times, she'd reply eagerly and whatnot. The texts went back and forth really well. However, I kept them spaced apart so as not to seem to eager. One day I asked her when she was free for lunch or something. She replied that she was working everyday. I was a bit disappointed but at the same time relieved. I hadn't the slightest clue on how to go about on a date with a girl. I've never been on a date before but I had researched the issue thoroughly and I was quite confident that I could pull it off. What was important was that we got to know each other and I knew how to do that well.
Anyways, one day I see a photo she posted on facebook of her and some other dude she knew from high school. Initially, I was very taken aback. Was she going out with him? The way she rested her head on his shoulders...god it got me going. I didn't know what to make of it. Maybe it was just a close friend. Whatever. I went to bed in utter confusion. My emotions were running high. Then I hear a ring from my phone. It was a text she sent to me. I had texted her earlier that day at around 3PM. It was 1AM. She texted me at 1AM...why? It was a funny, upbeat text as well. I was too confused. I decided she might've just been playing around with me or something and so I hadn't texted her for 4 days.
This may have been the turning point because after that day, she wouldn't reply to my texts that quickly. I spaced the texts about 1-3 days apart. After the 3rd unreplied text I sent asking her out for lunch, she replied that she was busy or something. College was starting in a week. I told her if she had free time during the spring semester, we could chill then. She replied with a "definitely  " and I left it at that. I noticed that she deleted her facebook. A couple of days later, I tried to search for her name and it didn't come up. I then searched for her through one of her friends' friend list and found her under a slightly modified name. For whatever reason, she had created a new facebook profile. She still won't come up on the search but I at least have her URL. I didn't add her for fear that I may come off as a stalker or something. After all, how else could I have found her if her intent was to avoid me? If she even is avoiding me....I'm not sure. I also wanted to see if she'd make to effort of adding me which she didn't.
I texted her on the 2nd week of college and I never received a reply. I believed I got the message and so I deleted her number off my phone. I feel that maybe I might have carried this on for too long or something. Maybe she lost interest. I'm not sure where to go from there. I hadn't contacted her since the end of January. She still goes to my college. I have only seen her once while walking down the block to the college. She didn't notice me because she was walking in the opposite direction and looking down at her phone. Or maybe she did and she wanted to seem busy.
Part3:
I want to start things up again with this girl but I'm not sure how to go about it. I still remember her number (even though I deleted the number and our texts). However, I think I still want to keep the possibility of me "losing" her number should I meet her again. Thing is, I don't know when she's in college. I'm only sure of that one day I saw her on the street which was on a Monday. I've been thinking of adding her on facebook but I still feel that it'd be better if I just met her in person again. If she lost interest, maybe seeing her again would remind her why she liked me in the first place. Perhaps get us to finally talk and find out more about each other. I'm not counting on it though...I still have yet to see her again.
What should I do?
Edited by Anonymous (03/18/12 09:28 PM)
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Anonymous #1
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 Re: A little help/advice needed... [Re: Anonymous #1]
#15964333 - 03/18/12 08:19 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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I'd also like to add that things seemed to have ebbed off rather than ending on a bad note. In other words, I still believe I have a chance to try again...
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 yogabunny
proper peach
 
Registered: 11/01/09
Posts: 7,800
Loc: ∞
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Re: A little help/advice needed... [Re: Anonymous #1] 1
#15964344 - 03/18/12 08:23 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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she sounds like a flake and not interested. doesn't really matter why but i sense it's not worth your energy to start up again. let it go!
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Anonymous #1
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Re: A little help/advice needed... [Re: yogabunny]
#15964404 - 03/18/12 08:35 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
yogabunny said:
she sounds like a flake and not interested. doesn't really matter why but i sense it's not worth your energy to start up again. let it go!
I'd agree but the thing is: I never really got a chance to know her or chill or anything. Had we done that I would've been content that I at least did something. Then we'd know whether or not it would work out. I've been trying to do that actually. But I'm still struggling so your advice is heeded and currently in progress...
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 Krash Kharma
What Doth Life?
Registered: 08/20/08
Posts: 2,384
Loc: The 518
Last seen: 1 month, 22 days
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Re: A little help/advice needed... [Re: Anonymous #1]
#15964688 - 03/18/12 09:42 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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She's not a flake and she was very interested but you didn't do anything about it. That's why she doesn't talk to you anymore. You blew it.
'Carefully spacing your texts apart so as not to seem eager' is totally ridiculous. Do you like when people play mind games with you? Yea, no one else does either. She almost definitely thinks that YOU were just stringing HER along, pretending to be interested not to hurt her feelings. That's how it comes off when you plot out your moves like that.
You're the one playing games bro. She was into you until you were too scared to make a real move.
I'm not trying to put you down here, this is like a brotherly thing. I was a virgin til I was 18 because I didn't know how big average dicks were and thought mine was probably too small and would just get laughed at. I'm not judging you. I'm just talking to you from the perspective of some one who became confident.
The best thing you can do is send her a message or whatever explaining your feelings HONESTLY. Worst thing that can happen is she lols and doesn't talk to you anymore. She's already not talking to you, so who cares? Best thing that can happen is she understands and you finally get the opportunity to lose your virginity to some one you deem worthwhile.
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The number of times I edit my post is directly related to the number of times I've hit the bong 
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Anonymous #1
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Re: A little help/advice needed... [Re: Krash Kharma]
#15964754 - 03/18/12 09:56 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Krash Kharma said:
She's not a flake and she was very interested but you didn't do anything about it. That's why she doesn't talk to you anymore. You blew it.
'Carefully spacing your texts apart so as not to seem eager' is totally ridiculous. Do you like when people play mind games with you? Yea, no one else does either. She almost definitely thinks that YOU were just stringing HER along, pretending to be interested not to hurt her feelings. That's how it comes off when you plot out your moves like that.
You're the one playing games bro. She was into you until you were too scared to make a real move.
I'm not trying to put you down here, this is like a brotherly thing. I was a virgin til I was 18 because I didn't know how big average dicks were and thought mine was probably too small and would just get laughed at. I'm not judging you. I'm just talking to you from the perspective of some one who became confident.
The best thing you can do is send her a message or whatever explaining your feelings HONESTLY. Worst thing that can happen is she lols and doesn't talk to you anymore. She's already not talking to you, so who cares? Best thing that can happen is she understands and you finally get the opportunity to lose your virginity to some one you deem worthwhile.
I'd add a rating to your post or to your general rating but I'm afraid that would defeat the purpose of being Anonymous. So here's 5 shrooms to you bro 
I completely agree with your advice. It makes total sense given that I understand my situation better than anyone else. Funny thing, I had a dream about her a couple of weeks ago that pretty much confirms what you said. I by no means intended to "play" her or come off as acting interested. I already established that fact in my first post.
However, I want to ask about when I asked her out for lunch in one of my texts? Did that still come off as just "pretending to be interested"? I'm just saying; I don't want any misunderstandings...maybe you missed that part of my long first post or something.
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qman
Stranger
Registered: 12/07/06
Posts: 3,697
Last seen: 1 hour, 47 minutes
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Re: A little help/advice needed... [Re: Anonymous #1]
#15964756 - 03/18/12 09:56 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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You have the patience of a saint, be more direct, this is your time that you are wasting.
Tell the girl, "I like you and find you attractive and want to hang out with you". Stop the bullshit texting and facebook stuff, call the girl on the phone and talk to her.
If she is just leading you on, call her on that fact, say I think you are playing games with me, and I don't play bull shit games.
Bottom line, it's time to act like a man and not a scared little boy, no woman is going to respect small talk from texting, make some demands and earn some respect.
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Krash Kharma
What Doth Life?
Registered: 08/20/08
Posts: 2,384
Loc: The 518
Last seen: 1 month, 22 days
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Re: A little help/advice needed... [Re: qman]
#15964796 - 03/18/12 10:06 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:However, I want to ask about when I asked her out for lunch in one of my texts? Did that still come off as just "pretending to be interested"? I'm just saying; I don't want any misunderstandings...maybe you missed that part of my long first post or something.
She probably really had to work every day bud.
Quote:
qman said:
You have the patience of a saint, be more direct, this is your time that you are wasting.
Tell the girl, "I like you and find you attractive and want to hang out with you". Stop the bullshit texting and facebook stuff, call the girl on the phone and talk to her.
If she is just leading you on, call her on that fact, say I think you are playing games with me, and I don't play bull shit games.
Bottom line, it's time to act like a man and not a scared little boy, no woman is going to respect small talk from texting, make some demands and earn some respect.
Exactly.
This sounds like complete douche baggery until you actually try it and you realize, that's the way it is. Women want MEN. You need a woman who brings the man out of you, but that can only happen if you take the initiative to start something. Men put on displays and show their feathers, women are dazzled by it, men get confidence from dazzling women, women get turned on by confident men, and so on until babies are made. Notice, in that scenario, the balls take the first step.
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The number of times I edit my post is directly related to the number of times I've hit the bong
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Krash Kharma
What Doth Life?
Registered: 08/20/08
Posts: 2,384
Loc: The 518
Last seen: 1 month, 22 days
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Re: A little help/advice needed... [Re: Krash Kharma]
#15964823 - 03/18/12 10:10 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Your whole attitude will make you a great man one day, an understanding caring and sensitive one. But you still have to accept that you're a man with balls and a dick and you have it in you to take control. And they want you to.
They don't want to be controlled or forced, but they want to be protected and held in the safety of your arms. If you're afraid to make a move theyre not gonna feel protected by you and they're not gonna wanna breed with you.
You shouldn't even need to be anon right now. There's nothing embarrassing about your situation, that's why this forum exists. Because SO MANY OF US are going through or have gone through this or worse.
Show your balls dude. It's ok.
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The number of times I edit my post is directly related to the number of times I've hit the bong
Edited by Krash Kharma (03/18/12 10:12 PM)
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Anonymous #1
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Re: A little help/advice needed... [Re: Krash Kharma]
#15964851 - 03/18/12 10:16 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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I'm very thankful that you have posted in my thread, Krash Kharma. Your words resonate powerfully. I'm very grateful and I thank you for clearing the confusion. I will text her sometime this week (when I feel the time is right). I guess I'll ask her what she's been up to and then I'll say something along the lines of "listen, I really want to get to know you more. When are you free this week? Perhaps we could get lunch or something?" Any suggestions is, of course, greatly appreciated. Thank you all for your responses....
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Krash Kharma
What Doth Life?
Registered: 08/20/08
Posts: 2,384
Loc: The 518
Last seen: 1 month, 22 days
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Re: A little help/advice needed... [Re: Anonymous #1]
#15964898 - 03/18/12 10:25 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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No problem at all man.
Tell her you've been thinking about her and really want to see her. Specifically mention that you've been thinking about her and miss seeing her all the time.
Take her to eat somewhere informal but not awful (pizza joint, not McDonald's) and then do something entertaining like an arcade or walk around the mall.
You don't have to go into crazy detail if you don't want to, but definitely tell her that you wanted to start something with her a looooong time ago but just didn't feel like you were in the right place mentally. Let her know that you regret not making an effort sooner.
Do something to make her feel special. Give her something that relates to an early memory you guys shared, or take her somewhere you guys talked about or something.
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The number of times I edit my post is directly related to the number of times I've hit the bong
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Anonymous #1
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Re: A little help/advice needed... [Re: Krash Kharma]
#15964934 - 03/18/12 10:37 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Krash Kharma said:
No problem at all man.
Tell her you've been thinking about her and really want to see her. Specifically mention that you've been thinking about her and miss seeing her all the time.
Take her to eat somewhere informal but not awful (pizza joint, not McDonald's) and then do something entertaining like an arcade or walk around the mall.
You don't have to go into crazy detail if you don't want to, but definitely tell her that you wanted to start something with her a looooong time ago but just didn't feel like you were in the right place mentally. Let her know that you regret not making an effort sooner.
Do something to make her feel special. Give her something that relates to an early memory you guys shared, or take her somewhere you guys talked about or something.
LOL...I don't think I can tell her all that in a single text message. However, I do get what you're saying. We don't have that many shared memories, if at all but I can make do.
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Krash Kharma
What Doth Life?
Registered: 08/20/08
Posts: 2,384
Loc: The 518
Last seen: 1 month, 22 days
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Re: A little help/advice needed... [Re: Anonymous #1]
#15964950 - 03/18/12 10:40 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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The part about thinking about her and missing her is the only part I meant to txt. The rest is stuff to tell her when you're actually together irl and of course is just a suggestion. Even if you just give a simple 'I wish we woulda done this sooner!' would suffice if you don't want to go crazy about it.
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The number of times I edit my post is directly related to the number of times I've hit the bong
Edited by Krash Kharma (03/18/12 10:41 PM)
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qman
Stranger
Registered: 12/07/06
Posts: 3,697
Last seen: 1 hour, 47 minutes
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Re: A little help/advice needed... [Re: Anonymous #1]
#15965121 - 03/18/12 11:31 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
Quote:
Krash Kharma said:
No problem at all man.
Tell her you've been thinking about her and really want to see her. Specifically mention that you've been thinking about her and miss seeing her all the time.
Take her to eat somewhere informal but not awful (pizza joint, not McDonald's) and then do something entertaining like an arcade or walk around the mall.
You don't have to go into crazy detail if you don't want to, but definitely tell her that you wanted to start something with her a looooong time ago but just didn't feel like you were in the right place mentally. Let her know that you regret not making an effort sooner.
Do something to make her feel special. Give her something that relates to an early memory you guys shared, or take her somewhere you guys talked about or something.
LOL...I don't think I can tell her all that in a single text message. However, I do get what you're saying. We don't have that many shared memories, if at all but I can make do.
Try using a phone, texting is part of the problem, it's the easy way out, and you don't get to really get to express yourself, and you really don't get to hear her voice, and feel how she is feeling about things.
If you get to know someone very well, then texting is fine, but you don't get any where when you are just starting to meet someone. Man up and pick up the dam phone, enough of this texting BS.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: A little help/advice needed... [Re: qman]
#15966141 - 03/19/12 06:16 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
qman said:
Try using a phone, texting is part of the problem, it's the easy way out, and you don't get to really get to express yourself, and you really don't get to hear her voice, and feel how she is feeling about things.
If you get to know someone very well, then texting is fine, but you don't get any where when you are just starting to meet someone. Man up and pick up the dam phone, enough of this texting BS.
LOL...I'd call but it would seem very "out of the blue". Besides, I think it would be too fast for her if she were taken aback by my call. I haven't contacted her since the first or second week of February. To call out of the blue and spill my feelings and ask her out would put her on the spot. Chances are she'd be afraid and she'd "kindly" turn me down. At least with texting, it gives her a chance to mull it over and think about it. Texting is much less intrusive than a phone call. This isn't to say I WON'T EVER call her. I just agree that texting her after a long silence is the best way to start contacting her again.
However, another part of me AGREES with you and thinks it's best to call her instead of texting her. I just need some reinforcement as to why that option is better...
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Az0th
quantum transfiguration
Registered: 02/13/00
Posts: 53,741
Loc: The Void 
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Re: A little help/advice needed... [Re: Anonymous #1]
#15966197 - 03/19/12 07:22 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Just forget about it. She doesn't seem interested anymore and you played games for too long. The line has gone cold.
That not texting for a few days to not seem stalkerish kind of thing is a dumb game to play. If you are interested in a girl let her know it goddamnit.
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~Thought Creates Reality~
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Experimenting
Stranger
Registered: 02/11/12
Posts: 152
Last seen: 3 months, 22 days
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Re: A little help/advice needed... [Re: Az0th]
#15966962 - 03/19/12 01:24 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Shroomism said:
Just forget about it. She doesn't seem interested anymore and you played games for too long. The line has gone cold.
That not texting for a few days to not seem stalkerish kind of thing is a dumb game to play. If you are interested in a girl let her know it goddamnit.
Only 2 things happen when you mess around and dont tell a girl your interested in her 1. she loses interest 2. you get friendzoned.
neither of those are where you want to be with a girl.
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"living's naturally hell, you have to work to put a smile on" -Hopsin
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Anonymous #1
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It doesn't matter, guys. I texted her, she hasn't texted me back. I blew it... thank you all for your help, though.
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Lynnch
Strangerer
Registered: 04/29/09
Posts: 4,306
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Re: A little help/advice needed... [Re: Anonymous #1]
#15971125 - 03/20/12 12:06 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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No big deal dude, next time don't fool around, go for it!
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Anonymous #1
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Re: A little help/advice needed... [Re: Lynnch]
#15976604 - 03/21/12 04:03 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Lynnch said:
No big deal dude, next time don't fool around, go for it!
For now, it is a big deal until I get over it. I'm working on that though....
I guess my only question now is: What do I do if/when I happen to run into her? Say I'm walking into the library and she happens to be sitting where I usually sit or something. I run into her in the hallway or in a room. The college building itself is pretty small and I've already seen her once walking down the street. There's a definite chance of me running into her again so I just want to know what to do if that happens. Which, chances are, it will.
BTW: I texted her yesterday basically indicating that I wanted an answer. Call me an idiot or whatever but I figured if the first text didn't illicit a response, what the hell?! Why not? I already blew it. What have I got to lose anyway? Here's the text I sent: "It's ok if you say 'no'...I'll understand...I just wanna know..."
I guess the thing that's bothering me the most is the silence. I'm never a bad person to anyone. Honestly. I haven't hurt anyone's feelings or caused anyone harm. For the simple reason: I know what it's like to be harmed, bullied, etc. Why do that to others? So, it puzzles me as to why she at least won't respond by saying "No". What have I done to her to blow me off? I swear it would relieve the shit out of me if only she answered. At this point, I don't care if the message was "Fuck off, you freak! I don't like you!" at least I'd understand. Now, I know silence in of itself is a message but not in this case. I asked her a question, and if she really doesn't want me bothering her then she could just as easily ended it all by giving me a simple, strict, and straightforward answer. I mean...clue me in here guys...total n00b here I guess
I guess what I'm trying to ask is this: what exactly is she trying to say by not answering me back?
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