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Anonymous #1
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 Re: Open Relationship/Casual Sex  [Re: madz]
#15451572 - 12/01/11 10:00 PM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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We've been in an open relationship for a while and neither of us have ever chosen to hook up with anyone else. Also, at Burning Man, we both had other people that we wanted to fool around with but after talking about it and both of us giving the ok, we were so turned on that we spent the rest of the week fucking each other. I'm not worried about her wanting to break up and if she wanted to fuck somebody else, I wouldn't care. I would probably be ok with fooling around if she was doing it too.
She's really shy and she considers all of her sexual experience prior to those she has had with me to be traumatizing. In her life, she's been sexually assaulted twice, once by a close friend. She has told me many times that this is why her desire for sex is minimal. I know this is something within that she needs to overcome before she will become comfortable with sexuality. How do you help someone overcome something like this?
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 madz
Dick Senormous
  
Registered: 12/13/08
Posts: 2,217
Loc: Michigan
Last seen: 7 months, 18 days
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Sounds destined for failure.
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Anonymous #3
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Re: Open Relationship/Casual Sex [Re: madz]
#15451717 - 12/01/11 10:31 PM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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The key to open relationships and polyamory is the guidelines have to be set before you even start to see one another.
It DOES not really work once your already doing monogamy.
Its a bunch of jealously resentment and heartache.
If you think you can handle it, in the future when your not with this girl make it abundantly clear.
Prepare your own psyche that your going to try this relationship thing way different than any pre-conceived notion.
It can be a lot of fun.
If you start to fuck other girls she might be cool at first but that one night she goes to the bar a couple months later with her 'girlfriends' and stops answering her phone...shes gonna have the ammo to justify getting someone else dick that night...and you can't really put up much of a fight to that.
And it will hurt.
If she doesn't match up with you find someone else.
Just my opinion, lifes short.
Coming from a dude that just got out of a long drawn out emotionally fucked up codependent relationship.
Theres tons of girls out there, even if their not exactly what you see in your current chick.
//edit grammar check
Edited by Anonymous (12/02/11 01:14 AM)
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B0b0
Sage
Registered: 09/23/11
Posts: 655
Last seen: 2 days, 10 hours
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Anon #3 is right, talk to her and set some guidelines. Just make sure you read her body language tho, chick love fucking mind tricks/traps. Tread softly!
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pothead_bob
Resident Pothead
Registered: 04/12/08
Posts: 1,797
Loc: Your computer screen
Last seen: 3 months, 14 days
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So are you two looking to just have sex with other people or start relationships with other ppl?
As for her traumatizing sexual experiences, just be there for her, listen to her without bias, support her and give her lots of love. That's gonna take lots of time for her to get over. Be there for her, though, and she'll grow more comfortable and open with you. Don't ever throw it up in her face or use it as ammunition against her. Let her know that you understand that it was terrible for her, that you are sorry that she ever had to go through something like that, and that it makes you feel so close to her that she can share something so personal with you and look to you for support. Tell her that you'll alway be there to lend an ear if she ever wants to talk about any of it. And reassure her that it doesn't change the way that you feel about her in any way. Often times girls will feel like they've been damaged and are un-love-able after something like that.
Quote:
Also, at Burning Man, we both had other people that we wanted to fool around with but after talking about it and both of us giving the ok, we were so turned on that we spent the rest of the week fucking each other.
Sounds to me like you guys are on the same page about this and that it's a sexual fantasy for the two of you. There's nothing wrong with that. Talk about it a lot before you do anything and I'd start out slowly doing same-room things. The other key to a successful open relationship is it first being a stable relationship, which you already said it was. Disregard all the naysayers on here, of which there seem to be plenty. Experimenting with group sex brought me and my wife closer... it didn't destroy our relationship like so many other posters would lead you to believe.
Also, if you do start doing things, be prepared for a little bit of jealousy. It may or may not rear its head. It's a natural response. Instead of letting it consume you, though, just understand its source, how it affects you, and talk it all over with your girlfriend. Talking openly and honestly is the remedy for everything in these cases.
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No knowledge can be certain, if it is not based
upon mathematics or upon some other knowledge
which is itself based upon the mathematical
sciences. -Leonardo da Vinci (1425-1519)
Speak well of your enemies. After all, you made them.
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