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Anonymous #1
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 Comfort with cheats 
#15444055 - 11/30/11 11:44 AM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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There was a time in my life where I was in love with a beautiful woman but I was overly jealous about shit that didnt matter at all. Eventually it drove her away and I lost her.
Then after that I had a girlfriend who was amazing and at one point she even asked me why I never got jealous? She said she was trying to make me jealous. I just wasnt like that anymore.
And now? I had the idea in the car the other day. I pictured myself in a deep relationship. In love and deeply in love. I pictured that one day my love cheated on me and fucked another man. And that is where my idea sparked up...
What if I didnt condemn her for it? After all its just sex and maybe she just wanted to explore a little. What if she didnt mean anything by it and she still loved me? What if instead of breaking up with her I stayed with her and loved her just the same? Maybe life is just too short to condemn people for sex. Maybe the girl would still want to grow old with me and be in my arms. And that should be enough.
I am not totally comfortable with the idea yet but it seems I am developing new ides in my head.
How do you guys feel about this kind of thing?
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 koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 20,261
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Wait until it really happens. Then note how you feel the moment you find out. And then try to think of your idea again. You'll see it's not just about ideas. Jealousy doesn't have much to do with rationality.
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Anonymous #1
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 Re: Comfort with cheats [Re: koraks]
#15444079 - 11/30/11 11:52 AM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
koraks said:
Wait until it really happens. Then note how you feel the moment you find out. And then try to think of your idea again. You'll see it's not just about ideas. Jealousy doesn't have much to do with rationality.
Its all about programming though. An idea has everything to do with that.
Can you admit that TV has sort of programmed out society to adore thin women?
And you are programmed to be upset when somebody you love fucks another.
But what if you rewire and accept that its just sex? Its not unheard of. I have seen it before.
I think ideas have everything to do with it. Because to me, at this time in my life, it is just an idea that I could even become upset if a girl cheated on me. Everything starts with a simple thought or idea.
Edited by Anonymous (11/30/11 11:59 AM)
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 20,261
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
Its all about programming though. An idea has everything to do with that.
Sure, programming goes a long way. The question is: how far should you take it? You could program people to be happy at the death of a loved one. Is it really worth it though?
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Can you admit that TV has sort of programmed out society to adore thin women?
To an extent, yes. Not only TV though, but I follow your argument.
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And you are programmed to be upset when somebody you love fucks another.
No. I don't think so. I think without programming, a person resorts to behavior that is ingrained in the human species through processes of evolution. A very basic 'ground rule' is that if someone steals your mate, you get angry. You can suppress that feeling, but you don't need to program a person to feel this anger.
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But what if you rewire and accept that its just sex? Its not unheard of. I have seen it before.
It's not for everyone. Some people can deal with this quite well, but others just can't, with or without programming (well, to a realistic extent). That is my conviction.
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Because to me, at this time in my life, it is just an idea that I could become upset if a girl cheated on me.
So what? There's nothing wrong with expecting your (future) girlfriends to be loyal to you in a sexual sense. I don't see why you'd need to go out of your way to be as accepting as possible just to accommodate any possible whim of your future partner(s).
Others may say that this makes you seem spineless. I wouldn't entirely disagree, to be honest.
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 pescadorabioso
Hedonistic Misanthropy
Registered: 07/07/10
Posts: 1,510
Loc: Fl
Last seen: 2 months, 12 days
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Re: Comfort with cheats [Re: koraks]
#15444116 - 11/30/11 12:03 PM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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How could you program humans to not experience jealousy and anger upon realizing their significant other has betrayed their trust?
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What has made them conceive that man must want a rationally advantageous choice?
I've become desensitized to these types of occurrences thus far. Yet, there lies a sensation of bitter disappointment embedded within.
FINE YOU IMBECILE; SUFFER!! IT IS YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE HURTING. NOTHING IS DETERRING YOU FROM ATTAINING THAT OF WHICH YOU INHERENTLY CRAVE. YOU HAVE LET THEM TAKE OVER YOUR MIND, YOU ARE NO LONGER IN CONTROL, YOU NEVER WERE.
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thedream
The Most High
Registered: 12/25/10
Posts: 491
Last seen: 5 days, 20 hours
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I've also been thinking about this issue as well. The thing is, cheating is a very slippery slope. I can see where you are coming from that it is just sex and it isn't as big of a deal as its made out to be.
And I agree with you on that, however when a situation like that occurs huge trust issues arise. And when you have to constantly second guess your partner, well then whats the point of being in a relationship?
Another way to look at it; maybe the person cheated one time and realized they didn't want to be with their partner anymore? I'm sure that would be upsetting to most people.
It pretty much comes down to if you want to be in a exclusive relationship or do you want to be in a open relationship because you really can't have it both ways unfortunately 
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Anonymous #1
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Quote:
pescadorabioso said:
How could you program humans to not experience jealousy and anger upon realizing their significant other has betrayed their trust?
Imagine a culture where it was socially accepted. People would be less prone to getting angry.
On top of that example, the human mind is so incredibly powerful. It can adapt, cope, and change so beautifully.
Surely you know how powerful your mind is. After all you are on a website where people swear by profound revelation mushroom experiences that changed there entire life. Along with all the people who are tormented by anxiety which is, in my opinion, due to past social experiences and therefore programming. And there are psychologists who help you reprogram and beat that anxiety.
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Anonymous #1
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I just saw this movie where a guys wife cheats on him. He ends up finding out after she dies.
Meanwhile when she is on her deathbed they both take a piece of paper and write down where they spent their happiest place. After she died the guy found her piece of paper and he had no idea what it meant. It turns out it was a place she shared with the man she cheated with.
The husband tracks down the man she cheated with and plays chess with him while pretending to be his wife through e-mails. Eventually he reveals his identity and they have a major scuffle.
In the end the two men get together and celebrate how great the lady was.
It was kind of disturbing.
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amilibertine
Midwest Myconaught
Registered: 06/10/09
Posts: 2,578
Loc: Midwest, USA 
Last seen: 8 days, 3 hours
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If I love someone and they fuck someone else no amount of reprogramming or conditioning is going to make me just accept it as no big deal. It's a huge deal. I get what your trying to say, but being a person who has unfortunately caught someone in this act I can tell you that it would be quite a bit more difficult than you'd imagine to just brush it off and continue as if nothing happened.
I've watched one of my best friends put up with a habitually cheating spouse for over ten years. It's pretty much broken his own identity. It's an awful thing really.
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Anonymous #2
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
I just saw this movie where a guys wife cheats on him. He ends up finding out after she dies.
Meanwhile when she is on her deathbed they both take a piece of paper and write down where they spent their happiest place. After she died the guy found her piece of paper and he had no idea what it meant. It turns out it was a place she shared with the man she cheated with.
The husband tracks down the man she cheated with and plays chess with him while pretending to be his wife through e-mails. Eventually he reveals his identity and they have a major scuffle.
In the end the two men get together and celebrate how great the lady was.
It was kind of disturbing.
Movie title, please.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
 
Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,348
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 14 days, 2 hours
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
There was a time in my life where I was in love with a beautiful woman but I was overly jealous about shit that didnt matter at all. Eventually it drove her away and I lost her.
Then after that I had a girlfriend who was amazing and at one point she even asked me why I never got jealous? She said she was trying to make me jealous. I just wasnt like that anymore.
And now? I had the idea in the car the other day. I pictured myself in a deep relationship. In love and deeply in love. I pictured that one day my love cheated on me and fucked another man. And that is where my idea sparked up...
What if I didnt condemn her for it? After all its just sex and maybe she just wanted to explore a little. What if she didnt mean anything by it and she still loved me? What if instead of breaking up with her I stayed with her and loved her just the same? Maybe life is just too short to condemn people for sex. Maybe the girl would still want to grow old with me and be in my arms. And that should be enough.
I am not totally comfortable with the idea yet but it seems I am developing new ides in my head.
How do you guys feel about this kind of thing?
I think your ideas are cool. I agree with you that this can happen and that maybe this shouldn't imply that the relationship is over.
We're sexual beings after all and it is perfectly possible to love a person and want to be with them and still feel attracted to someone else. So why not explore? Even though, I must admit, I think it'd be more preferable that, if in a meaningful relationship, parents let each other know they're considering having sex with someone else before they do it.
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All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
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Anonymous #3
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
What if I didnt condemn her for it? After all its just sex and maybe she just wanted to explore a little. What if she didnt mean anything by it and she still loved me? What if instead of breaking up with her I stayed with her and loved her just the same? Maybe life is just too short to condemn people for sex. Maybe the girl would still want to grow old with me and be in my arms. And that should be enough.
I think sure that should be enough; I never understood why so many people seem so eager to end their marriage over a single act of cheating. It seems like many use it as a way out of something they wish they hadn't started. Of course infidelity breeds negative feelings, trust issues, and points to a serious lack of communication which make things complicated, but if you really love someone I'd hope you'd be able to forgive once or maybe even twice and strengthen your relationship. Optimally your partner would be comfortable enough talking to you about her desire to explore before it happens instead of betraying your trust.
Unfortunately it's not that simple. People don't typically cheat just for some exploration. I'm beginning to think that at the point where someone is willing to cheat usually the relationship is over or unimportant in their mind anyway.
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Anonymous #4
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Quote:
MushroomTrip said:
Quote:
Anonymous said:
There was a time in my life where I was in love with a beautiful woman but I was overly jealous about shit that didnt matter at all. Eventually it drove her away and I lost her.
Then after that I had a girlfriend who was amazing and at one point she even asked me why I never got jealous? She said she was trying to make me jealous. I just wasnt like that anymore.
And now? I had the idea in the car the other day. I pictured myself in a deep relationship. In love and deeply in love. I pictured that one day my love cheated on me and fucked another man. And that is where my idea sparked up...
What if I didnt condemn her for it? After all its just sex and maybe she just wanted to explore a little. What if she didnt mean anything by it and she still loved me? What if instead of breaking up with her I stayed with her and loved her just the same? Maybe life is just too short to condemn people for sex. Maybe the girl would still want to grow old with me and be in my arms. And that should be enough.
I am not totally comfortable with the idea yet but it seems I am developing new ides in my head.
How do you guys feel about this kind of thing?
I think your ideas are cool. I agree with you that this can happen and that maybe this shouldn't imply that the relationship is over.
We're sexual beings after all and it is perfectly possible to love a person and want to be with them and still feel attracted to someone else. So why not explore? Even though, I must admit, I think it'd be more preferable that, if in a meaningful relationship, parents let each other know they're considering having sex with someone else before they do it.
It depends really on the circumstances. The act of wanting to have sex with someone else is perfectly fine, Mushroom Trip is right about loving someone and having sex with another - but the going behind someones back (eg. having an affair without the other knowing) is wrong because that destroys trust.
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amilibertine
Midwest Myconaught
Registered: 06/10/09
Posts: 2,578
Loc: Midwest, USA
Last seen: 8 days, 3 hours
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
Quote:
Anonymous said:
What if I didnt condemn her for it? After all its just sex and maybe she just wanted to explore a little. What if she didnt mean anything by it and she still loved me? What if instead of breaking up with her I stayed with her and loved her just the same? Maybe life is just too short to condemn people for sex. Maybe the girl would still want to grow old with me and be in my arms. And that should be enough.
I think sure that should be enough; I never understood why so many people seem so eager to end their marriage over a single act of cheating. It seems like many use it as a way out of something they wish they hadn't started. Of course infidelity breeds negative feelings, trust issues, and points to a serious lack of communication which make things complicated, but if you really love someone I'd hope you'd be able to forgive once or maybe even twice and strengthen your relationship. Optimally your partner would be comfortable enough talking to you about her desire to explore before it happens instead of betraying your trust.
Unfortunately it's not that simple. People don't typically cheat just for some exploration. I'm beginning to think that at the point where someone is willing to cheat usually the relationship is over or unimportant in their mind anyway.
I love this idea that relationships can recover and become stronger after infidelity. That's a joke. If you want to fuck other people (without me) then you can hit the fucking road. Why even be in a relationship. Cheating is unforgivable. To me at least.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,348
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 14 days, 2 hours
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Quote:
amilibertine said:
To me at least.
Exactly
--------------------
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
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amilibertine
Midwest Myconaught
Registered: 06/10/09
Posts: 2,578
Loc: Midwest, USA
Last seen: 8 days, 3 hours
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 qman
Stranger
Registered: 12/07/06
Posts: 3,505
Last seen: 5 minutes, 56 seconds
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Men were programed to hate his girl having sex with others, he was programed by nature. Having another male pass on his seed with your girl makes him the winner in the DNA game. If the OP finds this acceptable, then he is ultimately the loser in the DNA game, which makes perfect sense to me.
So go ahead and live a life with guys banging your woman, and convince yourself that it's "ok" because everyone in society is brainwashed, but the fact of matter is nature and everyone else will be laughing at your "programmed" thoughts.
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greys
Mushroom Dork
Registered: 07/16/06
Posts: 37,370
Loc: nunya
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It depends on what happened...one night shouldn't ruin a marriage. More than one night...different story.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Comfort with cheats [Re: qman]
#15469053 - 12/05/11 01:02 PM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
qman said:
Men were programed to hate his girl having sex with others, he was programed by nature. Having another male pass on his seed with your girl makes him the winner in the DNA game. If the OP finds this acceptable, then he is ultimately the loser in the DNA game, which makes perfect sense to me.
So go ahead and live a life with guys banging your woman, and convince yourself that it's "ok" because everyone in society is brainwashed, but the fact of matter is nature and everyone else will be laughing at your "programmed" thoughts.
Well.. That would be true.
Unless you were out banging other women. 
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amilibertine
Midwest Myconaught
Registered: 06/10/09
Posts: 2,578
Loc: Midwest, USA
Last seen: 8 days, 3 hours
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Re: Comfort with cheats [Re: greys]
#15469067 - 12/05/11 01:05 PM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
greysRDbest said:
It depends on what happened...one night shouldn't ruin a marriage. More than one night...different story.
I doubt there are many times where it is just one night.
Seems like the biggest problem is the fact that people want to have sex with someone else besides their partner but they either don't have the guts to end it first, or they want to have their cake and eat it too.
Either way, they aren't for me. You people can have them.
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