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 GhoulGreen
Stranger
Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 21
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 How grand is Cupid's arrow 
#15369067 - 11/14/11 02:45 PM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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It's been five years since I last had a girl.
About two months ago I head to the bar alone,
my bro has a visit with some hips.
On the way there I think of this girl who frequently visits.
Pretty nice gal; not overly attractive but smart and has some strange quirks.
I walk into the bar and shes sitting there alone,
greetings and I set myself on a bar stool next to her.
Have a few drinks, share a few laughs and I build some tension.(lol)
She asks me to go watch a movie at her place.
"Hmmm yeah why not"
Some tingling in my nuts.
Through the rain, downtown.
Smoking a cigarette, taking a leak.
We arrive at the den.
"Don't mind the mess"
"hehe"
"Check out this cool lamp"
"cool"
...
Some looking for a good movie, ends up being the single most fucked up film I have ever seen.
But whatever not much watching going on, mostly talking about random stuff.
"You going to sleep here?"
"Uhm yeah"
Watching some other movie in her bed.
More talk.
She gets close and we touch.
I explore but she flinches.
"I can't have this right now"
I think *hmm this is not how it's supposed to go*
Next day we spend the day together with a friend watching some arts.
"Hope you had fun"
"Hell yeah"
Two weeks later, meeting in a bar.
"I'm gonna have a bite at my place, wanna come?"
"Off course"
The same thing happens and I ask a bit about why this ain't happening.
Afraid of hurting me, no space in her life.
"You don't need to worry about me, you won't hurt me, I just want to be with you"
"Yeah but.."
The week after.
Same bar as last time.
Clown around a bit; she talking to some geezers.
I'm turning kinda sour, but hey I'll go talk to some other people.
*Where has she gone*
I ask the bartender.
"She's in the back"
*What the fuck*
I ask him if i can go back there.
"Sure"
"What's wrong?"
"I'm just thinking"
"About?"
"I can't handle this, I'm confused"
Bartender asks us to get out of there. (lol)
We go out to the street.
She asks me to try to not talk about my feelings again.
Some words later I head home.
Few days later.
I text her.
"doing something tonight?"
She tells me I can come over but she doesn't want me sleeping there, I decline since I sense some troubles on her side.
I straighten things out for myself.
I love her but I will not wreck myself over it.
If it comes, good.
If not, so be it.
Last week Wednesday.
I head to the bar.
She is sitting at a table with some other people, I throw her a smile.
I place my ass outside, have a drink and a smoke.
She's leaving the bar, comes over to me and asks how i am.
"All right. You?"
"All right"
She says bye bye and gets her bike.
As she passes she stops by me and asks if I want to come with her.
I Hesitate but tell her I do.
We watch a movie, mostly some talking, not much paying attention.
She's going to bed and I go home.
Last Thursday.
She asks me if i wanna come over.
"I will be right there"
We hang in her kitchen until 2 am.
And I head home.
Yesterday.
She texts me she will be at her place in 20 minutes.
I answer to her that I'll be there shortly.
We watch some episodes.
Really having fun.
She's going to bed.
I lay by her for a bit watching something.
I tell her I better be heading home, she tells me I can sleep over if I want to.
*Better not*
See ya.
I go down the stairs, and get to the main floor.
I spend a minute watching a mirror and head back up there.
She's kinda startled.
I don't say a word and I get into her bed.
"I want to stay with you"
...
"You want to say something else?"
"You already know what I want to say"
"True"
I get next to her and she turn off the television.
She lays close to me and puts her head on my shoulder.
I hold her close and we lay there for a while.
She really starts to get close to me, legs tangled.
I kiss her for the first time. (Jesus christ that's freaking strange after five years, she must have been like WTF?!?)
So I'm really touching her now, I feel her breasts.
I get down to nether regions and she seems to go along with it.
Then all of a sudden she flinches.
No go.
"I can't do it to you"
We go to sleep.
And wake up early.
I tease her a bit.
We talk a bit.
I just love her eyes.
Things seem to be going the right way.
I try to kiss her and she won't allow me.
Her housemate comes over.
Words start flying all over the place, grandma's and whatnot.
Me and the girl head to the store.
"So you really don't want it?"
"I don't want to hurt you.
I already know now I will hurt you if I am with you.
I like being alone to much"
"All right. That's too bad."
We hang out a bit.
I head home.
I take a nice walk, set things straight.
Everything is fine, life is good.
Proceed to cry.
Still want her.
Tomorrow I will have dinner at her place in company of ten other people.
Gotta love this shit.
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Good exercise.
What would or wouldn't you have done?
Future action?
Just interested in other people's opinions.
Pretty sure I'll keep trying, some way or another.
I don't want to hurt her either by making her feel guilty and I don't want our bond to break, but I want to get with her.
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eat shit suck fuck kill and die honest
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 angryface
dubstep producer
Registered: 12/03/10
Posts: 237
Loc: Canada 
Last seen: 4 months, 22 days
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Re: How grand is Cupid's arrow [Re: GhoulGreen]
#15370623 - 11/14/11 08:55 PM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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"As your friend, you know I would never fuck you over, but I would gladly fuck you over and over."
This is how you get passed the very good/close friend barrier.
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 Mr. Bojangles
Breathe In
Registered: 04/08/08
Posts: 1,565
Loc: The Dirty
Last seen: 1 minute, 53 seconds
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Re: How grand is Cupid's arrow [Re: angryface]
#15371739 - 11/15/11 12:05 AM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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Sounds like mixed signals. Best way to deal with mixed signals is to put a bitch on ice.
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"It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong."
-Fracois Marie Voltaire
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pyrate999
INTP
Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 6,898
Loc: Wrong place, wrong time.
Last seen: 7 minutes, 56 seconds
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Re: How grand is Cupid's arrow [Re: GhoulGreen]
#15371774 - 11/15/11 12:10 AM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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I like your style. There are always complaints about a post not being split into paragraphs, but never about having too many.
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Do you have a cat?  
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 20,712
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Re: How grand is Cupid's arrow [Re: GhoulGreen]
#15372723 - 11/15/11 04:13 AM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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She either needs to work out some issues herself, or she's just not interested in you sexually. Either way, she doesn't need you in her bed right now. Sounds harsh, but I think it's a good idea to shift your attention. She may come around, and she may not, but don't sit around and wait until it happens.
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GhoulGreen
Stranger
Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 21
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Re: How grand is Cupid's arrow [Re: koraks]
#15373111 - 11/15/11 07:41 AM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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Very true koraks.. if she really wants me she would go ahead and do it. But then why would she allow me to go half the way? Maybe I was just too awkward, I have to admit I wasn't doing things very smoothly. 
Focusing my attention elsewhere is not too much of a problem for me, I have plenty to do and an active mind.
But I'm not a quitter.
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eat shit suck fuck kill and die honest
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cateyes
Registered: 12/16/03
Posts: 2,754
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 Re: How grand is Cupid's arrow [Re: GhoulGreen]
#15373172 - 11/15/11 08:11 AM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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koraks pretty much summed it up, although i'm willing to climb out on a limb here a bit and lean more towards she has issues because your close friendship leads to you cuddling and touching while in bed with each other at times... how many close friends does she have that sleep with her? you have a good attitude and seem to be able to just roll with it... at this point it's nothing more then a close friendship, you fill some kind of empty space she has deep inside... i would remain close friends with her but i wouldn't expect anything more out of this... if something happens, cool... but i wouldn't miss out on other opportunities while waiting for her to come around, because that might never happen... i'm not sure if this is what you wanted to hear, but sometimes you just have to let go...
i thought about this song while i was reading and responding to your post...
Meytal Cohen~~~3 Libras by A Perfect Circle
Kensho 
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GhoulGreen
Stranger
Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 21
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Re: How grand is Cupid's arrow [Re: cateyes]
#15373409 - 11/15/11 10:51 AM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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Thanks for the song. Certainly not my usual kind of music but it's very nice. Been listening to Cat Power a bit too.
She does have other people sleeping over. But whatever it is that is holding her back I don't think it has got something to do with sexuality. She is just all free love all or something like that. She thinks she will spend her life with a person "by accident". Things were very simple in her hometown according to her, but when I hear about all these people shes had these strange things with.. I'm not so sure it was that simple. I'm from the city but I have a mind like a rock.. or something like that.
Things like this are always hard on me, but I learned alot from past experience.
It's just sad cause for the first time in a long time I actually felt something for somebody and got a response. In the five years I've been alone there have been a few girls; but it was always stone cold.
The close friends barrier. Well the first night I went with her I barely knew her name. I don't think there really was a barrier. There still ain't, she knows my feelings.
Putting her on ice.. she is very sociable and surely can find other people. Even though I am one of a kind. 
Haha all this bullshit flowing out my mind. Feels good to write it down though.
Time to get a bottle of wine and head to her place.
Can't wait to see her.
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eat shit suck fuck kill and die honest
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Divinity
Wanderer of Paths
Registered: 11/17/09
Posts: 2,691
Loc: Iowa
Last seen: 43 minutes, 20 seconds
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Re: How grand is Cupid's arrow [Re: GhoulGreen]
#15373438 - 11/15/11 11:03 AM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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Do you keep a pen and paper with you everywhere you go?
That was detailed lol.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: How grand is Cupid's arrow [Re: Divinity]
#15374189 - 11/15/11 02:39 PM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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good story. thanks for sharing. After 5 years of not being with a girl, that should be easy right?
That was meant in no way, negatively.
My real question is, have you be come complacent and/or not caring too much that a girl or you walk to one or another's life?
focus your attention elsewhere, hopefully she will come along.
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Joolz
Registered: 09/19/10
Posts: 3,614
Last seen: 7 months, 13 days
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I would personally keep visiting her but I'd move away from sex. I'd still cuddle in bed and visit all the time, I would just move slower through the bases than trying to get a home run in one swing. Maybe more physical contact in the form of hugs, kisses, cuddling, and holding hands as well as treating her right will turn her around.
Good luck man.
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Prohibition didn't work for God; Eve ate the fruit.
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GhoulGreen
Stranger
Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 21
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Re: How grand is Cupid's arrow [Re: Joolz]
#15377525 - 11/16/11 03:46 AM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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No I don't keep pen and paper on me.
But I should to write down all these poetic thoughts that keep flying through my mind. Compile them and send her weekly letters containing these words. Guaranteed failure? Most likely.
I'm not quite sure what you mean to ask, Anon#1.
I very much care about furthering our entanglement.
Solid advice Joolz.
I had a good time at her place yesterday.
And now I want to see her again.
I shouldn't start sending her messages, she won't like that.
Just hope there will be a next time.
I want to whisper in her ear.
And look into her eyes.
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eat shit suck fuck kill and die honest
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