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 cateyes
Registered: 12/16/03
Posts: 2,754
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 A Short Story of One Period of My Life... In the Name of a Loving God 
#15195032 - 10/08/11 10:05 AM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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i'm hoping this is the correct forum to be posting this in...
i grew up in a very strict christian household... i was required to attend church service and bible study starting at a relatively young age... i just rolled with it, it was "normal" to me up until around the age of 12 when i began questioning everything through personal reflection as young as i was... i knew back then that there was something wrong... making new friends and experiencing new things only helped strengthen my evolving view of myself and my world... at age 14 i discovered i was really bisexual... i talked with many of my friends about this as well as my guidance councilor at school... they all supported me and said it was very cool... for one reason or another i decided to also share this with my family because i still was really confused on some levels... BIG MISTAKE... they immediately began flipping out calling me all kinds of names like "sinner" and "faggot" and saying how deeply ashamed they were of me and that i was surely on a path towards hell... they constantly played head games with me saying things like "will you pass me the potatoes sinner?" while at the dinner table... they had a deep distrust of all my male friends... one time my mother discovered an unused condom in one of my clothing drawers and immediately called the parents of the girl i was seeing at the time and told them that she was a whore and a tramp and she was not to see their son anymore behind my back... it completely destroyed my girlfriend... i was like what the fuck! all of this in the name of their love for their God??? all of this and more continued going on, up until around the age of 16 when they finally decided to throw me out of their home... i didn't have the chance to spend a single night on the streets... my best friends parents knew me very well and immediately took me into their loving buddhist home... they(pete and nancy) converted a home office into a bedroom, purchased new clothing for me, encouraged me to get involved in different things like studying music among many other things... they told me that i was a "precious asset" and that there was a place for me in this world... (note: to compound matters even further at this point one of my younger sisters died in a tragic accident... it was really bizarre to be in the presence of my parents at the wake and funeral... the two of us were really close and it really fucked me up... to this day i continue to think of her...) anyway, within two months of her death my real parents contacted me through school... when i called them they said they wanted me to come home... they never said they we're sorry or we love you once during the conversation... in retrospect i feel they were more embarrassed that someone else was raising their child and how it made them look... once they found out where i was living there was a brief period where everyone was concerned about legal action but nothing ever came of it...
my "adoptive" parents(for lack of a better word) paid for me to go to college... after about two years in i decided it really wasn't for me and dropped out after talking with them... the two sat me down and calmly said i must decide on something in order to insure i can make in this world... after about a week pete was chatting with a maintenance man at the research facility/pharmaceutical company he worked at and discovered the real opportunities in heating and refrigeration... i thought it was a great idea!... they enrolled me into tech school within a month... i had a perfect grade point average and won a scholarship from ASHRAE which helped offset the costs of my education... it turned out to be the best decision i had ever made(literally)... i would recommend it for anyone who might become disenchanted with college...
i still feel a love Jesus but have absolutely no use for the church or it's bible... i constantly strive for higher levels of "Christ Consciousness" in my life... while living with pete and nancy i became deeply interested in buddhism only to turn my back on it's teachings too, only to return to it about nine months ago... it's weird, i still feel there is something missing inside but i'm just rolling with it at this point...
Kensho
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Raven Gnosis
Born Dying
Registered: 02/10/11
Posts: 900
Loc: The forest floor
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 Re: A Short Story of One Period of My Life... In the Name of a Loving God [Re: cateyes]
#15195086 - 10/08/11 10:33 AM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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 Keep rolling with yourself, Brother. Honor yourself, where you stand and are at and listen to that heart of yours. 
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It took a moment to sink in, but there it was on the damp gravestone, my name. I wiped the mud and rain from these etchings in stone and stood in the dimming late autumn light, wondering what this meant for myself.
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 Fisherman
Tchee'ik
Registered: 10/06/08
Posts: 1,342
Loc: Glrrrrrrr!
Last seen: 5 months, 21 days
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Re: A Short Story of One Period of My Life... In the Name of a Loving God [Re: Raven Gnosis]
#15195175 - 10/08/11 11:04 AM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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Lofl, quit working and see where that takes ya, weird places in your head ill tell ya.
Gooooo!!!!!
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EVERYTHING IS DRUGS
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cateyes
Registered: 12/16/03
Posts: 2,754
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Re: A Short Story of One Period of My Life... In the Name of a Loving God [Re: Fisherman]
#15195401 - 10/08/11 12:27 PM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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why would i want to quit working?
Kensho
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c0sm0nautt
Registered: 05/19/08
Posts: 10,027
Loc: NY
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Re: A Short Story of One Period of My Life... In the Name of a Loving God [Re: cateyes]
#15195429 - 10/08/11 12:36 PM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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Thanks for sharing. Sorry to hear that your real parents had their own internal problems and distorted view of what Jesus advocated. It's awesome a family was able to take you in and offer you the love everyone human deserves. Keep on searching and unlearning all the crap they feed us since birth. 
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The intuitive mind is a sacred gift, and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant, and has forgotten the gift. - Albert Einstein
    
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cateyes
Registered: 12/16/03
Posts: 2,754
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Re: A Short Story of One Period of My Life... In the Name of a Loving God [Re: c0sm0nautt]
#15197427 - 10/08/11 09:11 PM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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thank you for your kind and encouraging words c0sm0nautt... i sincerely appreciate them... PeaCe2U
Kensho
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graffix87
ישו הוא האדון
Registered: 07/28/11
Posts: 299
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Re: A Short Story of One Period of My Life... In the Name of a Loving God [Re: cateyes]
#15197520 - 10/08/11 09:30 PM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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yeah man, i feel for you that's hard about your parents and sister, remember thought that people are people and make mistakes, you have the chance to be the bigger person here and show your parents love still. Just don't let this whole experience ruin your relationship with God, He has a perfect and true love for you. I would definitely recommend reading His Word though, that will bring you encouragement.
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cateyes
Registered: 12/16/03
Posts: 2,754
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Re: A Short Story of One Period of My Life... In the Name of a Loving God [Re: graffix87]
#15197934 - 10/08/11 10:55 PM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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thank you graffix87... i did eventually rekindle my relationship with my parents through the birth of my first child... through deep conversations with my my wife and some friends(including pete and nancy) i made the decision to reach out to them... i couldn't find it within me to call them(besides, their phone number turned out to be unlisted)... i had this underlying fear of being rejected again so i decided to mail them a letter instead... in it i explained i was fine, where i was in life, that i was married and that they had a grandson who i wanted them to know... about a week or so later i received a letter in the mail... i still have it, it simply said:
Dear Kensho,
We would love to see you, your new wife and our grandchild...
Love,
Mother
the letter kind of weirded me out... it seemed cold to me in a way and i began to think about what my life was like growing up with the all over again... she didn't set a date and their phone number is unlisted so we decided to just show up at their door one saturday afternoon... they were stunned to see the three of us standing on their doorstep... the time we spent there went pretty well, my mother gave my wife and i a deep hug and kiss, my father did the same... they both took turns holding matthew the entire time we were there... for a moment i began wondering to myself if they adored me like that at that age, then i just let it go...
overall it was an excellent visit, i have to admit... my mother is constantly emailing us and we receive a phone call once or twice a week... they visit our home once or twice a month and always stay for dinner(my wife and i are vegans and both of my parents are meateaters, yet they love what we prepare for them)... i had learned to let go of my pain and programming many years ago but i still wish i had felt this love i am receiving from them now when i was younger...
as i said, i love Jesus but through my own personal research i am convinced that the church was completely corrupt from day one and that the bible is not the real word of God... constantine's influence over the very early development of the roman catholic church blew my mind(among other discoveries)... the same catholic church that gave us the bible everyone depends on today... the one that tells us we are nothing more then sinners in Gods eyes and are unworthy of his love... i read about Jesus through other sciptures... i deeply respect your faith but it's just not for me... thanks for caring enough about me though, i really mean that... PeaCe2U my friend...
Kensho
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Fisherman
Tchee'ik
Registered: 10/06/08
Posts: 1,342
Loc: Glrrrrrrr!
Last seen: 5 months, 21 days
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Re: A Short Story of One Period of My Life... In the Name of a Loving God [Re: cateyes]
#15199033 - 10/09/11 07:31 AM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
cateyes said:
why would i want to quit working?
To experience life.
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EVERYTHING IS DRUGS
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cateyes
Registered: 12/16/03
Posts: 2,754
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Re: A Short Story of One Period of My Life... In the Name of a Loving God [Re: Fisherman]
#15199199 - 10/09/11 09:31 AM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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i can "experience life" while holding down a job... if you can't then there is something wrong... it's easy, don't kid yourself... quitting work just isn't practical in this day and age... perhaps maybe if it were just me i'd be able to buy land somewhere and live a more simpler life then i do now but i have a wife and two children that depend on me to provide for their needs... i gladly, no joyfully accept this responsibility... we all love one another which is really experiencing life... i am very happy with things as they are... is rummaging through someone else's garbage for a meal a new form of enlightenment?
i'm one of those "weird" people who doesn't need to be destitute in order to experience life... PeaCe2U
Kensho
Edited by cateyes (10/09/11 09:35 AM)
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