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 ImperialCactus
Stranger
Registered: 12/24/05
Posts: 532
Last seen: 4 months, 30 days
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 Think i want to be single forever, am i the only one? 
#15118131 - 09/22/11 06:30 PM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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So yeah, i'm almost 25 now, male, and have never had a girlfriend or been in a relationship. I'm sure i'm not gay either, so it's not that. I think i know the reasons why... if anyone knew me personally it would be obvious but to make this easy to explain basically i'm damn near everything a girl would not want in a guy. About the only thing i have going for me is that, as far as i can tell, i'm not ugly or fat, but certainly not attractive either.
Also, i'm not looking for advice or anything like that, i pretty much have reached the point of not caring and think i would prefer to be alone anyways. I'm just curious if anyone else feels this way. It is a bit conflicting at times as i do get lonely but it's really not that bad when i consider all the bullshit that comes with a relationship, and see/hear how much friends and even relative strangers bitch about their significant others. So i'm just wondering if i'm the only one who feels this way? Oh, and no, i'm not a virgin either so i do know what i'm missing and still don't care.
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Humility
Working on it
Registered: 10/07/08
Posts: 6,696
Last seen: 30 days, 4 hours
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Re: Think i want to be single forever, am i the only one? [Re: ImperialCactus] 2
#15118364 - 09/22/11 07:17 PM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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Sounds fucking terrible bro.
If you don't need to be around women though for sexual reasons I guess that's a good thing? Pussy has a tendency to get you in more trouble than its worth, even if (especially if?) you're pimping and getting money for dealing with them.
I'd highly advise you to spend more time around females. Ones that are on your level will be best.
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cherokee
tennis shoes
Registered: 10/25/02
Posts: 41,163
Loc: Nationwide 
Last seen: 4 hours, 43 minutes
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Re: Think i want to be single forever, am i the only one? [Re: ImperialCactus] 1
#15118535 - 09/22/11 07:42 PM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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maybe you have to live alone and die alone
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Joolz
Registered: 09/19/10
Posts: 3,614
Last seen: 6 months, 17 days
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Re: Think i want to be single forever, am i the only one? [Re: Humility]
#15118567 - 09/22/11 07:45 PM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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I once came to the conclusion that I was going to be single forever. I decided that such a permanent statement isn't going to fly in this universe. I'm basically looking to make a friend before a relationship, so I don't see much relationship action either. But just like you OP, I'm not too worried about it.
It'd be nice to have that down to earth girl by your side but I'm not sweating over it. I've got a lot going on and am in no position to settle down anyways. I doubt many girls want to keep up with this lifestyle either, and if they do, well, they're already taken. 
I don't really even try to find a girl to date. I just make friends and go on my happy way. I've heard wayyyy too many people bitch about their relationships though. Sometimes its hard to even give a fuck whenever all you hear is about how people secretly hate their lovers.
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Prohibition didn't work for God; Eve ate the fruit.
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Mycowlogist
Freethinker
Registered: 06/29/08
Posts: 525
Loc: in a galaxy far far away....
Last seen: 3 months, 21 days
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Re: Think i want to be single forever, am i the only one? [Re: Humility] 1
#15118588 - 09/22/11 07:48 PM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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Interesting that your name has cactus in it?
Let me ask you this, are you okay with being single for the rest of your life?
I understand what you mean though. I have been married twice and consider my self to be a lucky man and have had great women in my life. But I feel if I were to ever be single again, I would be perfectly happy. Because I know my self enough to know that I love my self and need no one else to validate me.
I am more interested in you. so, are you okay with being single? The view that you have toward yourself seems negative. I don't think that is very positive for you.
I'm calling you out "Also, i'm not looking for advice or anything like that" Bullshit, then why would you post something like this if you didn't want to hear feed back.
So, why arevyou damage goods?
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"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." Honest Abe
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rainx
Pilgrim
Registered: 07/31/11
Posts: 146
Loc: Seattle
Last seen: 1 month, 18 days
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Re: Think i want to be single forever, am i the only one? [Re: ImperialCactus]
#15118596 - 09/22/11 07:48 PM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
ImperialCactus said:
So yeah, i'm almost 25 now, male, and have never had a girlfriend or been in a relationship. I'm sure i'm not gay either, so it's not that. I think i know the reasons why... if anyone knew me personally it would be obvious but to make this easy to explain basically i'm damn near everything a girl would not want in a guy. About the only thing i have going for me is that, as far as i can tell, i'm not ugly or fat, but certainly not attractive either.
Also, i'm not looking for advice or anything like that, i pretty much have reached the point of not caring and think i would prefer to be alone anyways. I'm just curious if anyone else feels this way. It is a bit conflicting at times as i do get lonely but it's really not that bad when i consider all the bullshit that comes with a relationship, and see/hear how much friends and even relative strangers bitch about their significant others. So i'm just wondering if i'm the only one who feels this way? Oh, and no, i'm not a virgin either so i do know what i'm missing and still don't care.
The truth is that each of us is truly ALONE.....with a companion there is an illusion of US....when we die there is only I.
The path to Enlightenment is vastly simplified by being alone.
The Holy is within you, celebrate it....and seek to release attachments and desires.....
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"The Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna" is best source of insight into the self, universe, and the entheogen catalyzed experience. Forward by Aldous Huxley.
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 koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 20,261
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Re: Think i want to be single forever, am i the only one? [Re: rainx] 1
#15121233 - 09/23/11 05:47 AM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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OP, don't worry about this too much. You don't have to decide today if you'll have to live a single life forever. Just take it as it comes. I understand from your post that you have no problems having a good time on yourself - keep enjoying that. Sooner or later you'll bump into someone and before you know it, you're in a relationship. Which, it is important to note, shouldn't be a burden. Of course, having a relationship costs time and sometimes you'll have to deal with issues that you wouldn't have as a single, but the net effect should always be positive. It's great to have someone to support you and to offer support to once in a while, and just to do fun stuff with. If you look at it objectively, a relationship may look like a shitload of problems waiting to happen, but in reality, there's an emotional aspect to it that makes it all worth the hassle. And if there isn't, it evidently isn't a healthy relationship and there's no reason to continue.
The important thing is to realize that you can have fun on your own, or with someone else, and that you'll probably alternate between the two paradigms a couple of times over the next few years. There's nothing wrong with that: enjoy the moments you're alone, and enjoy the times you're with someone. Yes, I guess everyone here has had a period in which (s)he thought 'I'm done with the whole relationship thing and I better keep to myself'. Nothing wrong with that either, as long as you keep the option open for yourself to be with someone else, because sometimes, that just makes a person happy! Never deny yourself happiness.
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Joolz
Registered: 09/19/10
Posts: 3,614
Last seen: 6 months, 17 days
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Re: Think i want to be single forever, am i the only one? [Re: koraks]
#15123189 - 09/23/11 05:03 PM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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Koraks so wise. 
He's right though. Enjoy the single life but don't take yourself out of the market. Some day you'll find yourself really digging a girl and she digging you. The whole point of a lover is having a best friend there by your side all through life. Best friends don't fight and should be able to get over any problems easily because they're working towards a common goal, the betterment of each other.
I'm seriously right there with you. Been single for a few months now after I dated a girl for a couple months. Just go out and have fun and meet new friends, then pursue the ones who interest you. 
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Prohibition didn't work for God; Eve ate the fruit.
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ImperialCactus
Stranger
Registered: 12/24/05
Posts: 532
Last seen: 4 months, 30 days
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Re: Think i want to be single forever, am i the only one? [Re: Mycowlogist]
#15124673 - 09/23/11 10:09 PM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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Thank you all for the replies and insight. I strongly believe in being friends before going further too and that did almost work once. Thing is i just don't get out much and don't know a lot of people. So it's not likely that i'll even meet anyone in the near future, but of course you never know and I will stay open minded if by some off chance i did meet the right girl.
To Mycowlogist, yes that's a good observation about the cactus. I just like them in general, i never really thought of it like that. You could be onto something, i don't know. Right now and up until now i've been ok with being single, it did bother me for a while but i got over that pretty quick. Will it bother me 20 or 30 years from now? I have no idea, but hell i'm not sure i even want to live that long. I don't exactly have a positive outlook on myself, no. If i'm not depressed it's because i'm distracted by something more important or because i've drugged myself out of it. We all have our issues.
About the not looking for advice, i maybe shouldn't have worded it that way. I kinda changed the topic of the post after i started writing it and then pretty much started over. I meant i didn't want dating advice and stuff like that, but yeah i did want feedback and others opinions and thoughts on the matter which i appreciate.
I must say your very good at reading between the lines, i never said damaged goods but that's exactly what i think. I don't really know how to explain why without going into so much detail that it would probably be really long and boring to read. I'll try to sum it up i guess.
I was very good friends with this one girl from about 19-20 or so. That's as close to a real relationship as i've gotten, and i really did love her, but she was with someone else. I learned a lot about myself during that time, and especially the times i spent with her and her friends. Besides being depressed, having mild anxiety, and being absolutely horrible in social situations, it doesn't help that i do a lot of drugs and don't get out much. It was really, really awkward at times, i just can't function well in large groups of people at a social gathering. I don't know how else to explain it. I guess I would say my personality and life in general is boring, there's really nothing i have to offer to someone else, nothing that they would want anyways. Well, besides a little money.
Also, like i said i'm not sure i want to live to be that old. At the rate i'm going i'll be a miserable wreck if i do make it that long. I don't want kids, because i don't think it's a good idea to create more people since overpopulation issues are not getting any better, it's getting worse. And it's a fucked up world to bring a person into, i don't want to be responsible for that. So yeah, i have some serious problems i should work out, if i can. But what kind of woman would want to be with a guy like that? I don't know of any. Yes i may have a very negative outlook about life and myself, but even that doesn't really bother me. I just don't care, i feel like this is not my time or place, like i really don't belong here. But here i am.
Well, it's good to know that i'm not so fucked up that no one feels at least a little similar.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Think i want to be single forever, am i the only one? [Re: ImperialCactus]
#15125072 - 09/23/11 11:43 PM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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I just broke up with my girlfriend, and I'm going down that path. I don't want to be in a relationship at all anymore. My friend who is 28 has been single forever, and he is content alone. He actually loves it. He said he had a girl who stayed with him for two weeks, and to him it was awful. He's also asexual though. He's not interested in men, nor women. I don't mind being alone either. I much rather it. I was alone for two years, then I got in the relationship, and was just like.. 
I just want to live, until I gotta die. You're not alone OP.
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drr
Registered: 05/20/09
Posts: 6,556
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Re: Think i want to be single forever, am i the only one? [Re: ImperialCactus]
#15126056 - 09/24/11 05:14 AM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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Personally...I love being in a relationship, when it's good. Nothing better than having somebody there for you who cares all the time and you can talk to about anything, not to mention the constant sex.
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Freyja
High Priest of his own madness
Registered: 09/03/11
Posts: 336
Last seen: 2 days, 13 hours
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Re: Think i want to be single forever, am i the only one? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#15126085 - 09/24/11 05:38 AM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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Start talking to females, It dosent matter what you talk about. Just ask about her and most will answer, if not move on.
You don't need to go out this will work with the girl at the local gas station or any where else.
Thinking you can be single will likely blow up in your face.
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The future did not look good for Schrodingers cat.
one shroom, two shroom, green shroom ... wait how did that get there?
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Connoisseur
sideline observer
Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 7,824
Loc: LI
Last seen: 2 months, 3 days
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Re: Think i want to be single forever, am i the only one? [Re: Freyja]
#15126281 - 09/24/11 08:46 AM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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Yea OP ik how it is, no one I seem to meet is ever intelligent/open enough. Not to say im smart but everyone seems pretty dumb. (Sorry if you think im steriotyping women, im well aware throughout history women have been respected leaders and shamans) Most nowhere days are merely "victims of the modern era" (the same can be said for guys).
I want a woman whos gonna bring some intelligence to the table, and that seems to be about the most unrealistic thing atm.
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Bambi
Stranger
Registered: 03/23/09
Posts: 1,056
Last seen: 2 hours, 34 minutes
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Re: Think i want to be single forever, am i the only one? [Re: Connoisseur]
#15127418 - 09/24/11 02:39 PM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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It seems like everyone i meet nowadays (men or women) are of a lower intelligence than the normal. I dont think im of myself as overly intelligent, but i do have some common sense... more than i can say for most people. It just seems that making friends is a bit more difficult when there is not an equality in intelligence. Bleh, idk. i know that there are people out there, but just seems hard to find them
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Beanhead
appreciating aesthetics
Registered: 10/11/08
Posts: 13,252
Loc: Geospatial inversion
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Re: Think i want to be single forever, am i the only one? [Re: Bambi]
#15127526 - 09/24/11 03:07 PM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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For all the intelligent ones out there:
You may seem smart in comparison with... But then again someone with another 10 IQ points above yours may think just the same about you.
I think it's rather funny to seek intelligence alone in people, heck one of my better friends is such an idiot but I don't love him less because of it. Sure we aren't at the same level and we can't have discussions going very deep but it's just that, him looking at the things in such simplicity it makes it possible for me personally to stay strong on my feet instead of floating in the air with my head  . I do get your point though, it's no fun trying to explain yourself to a bimbo.
Anyhow I wouldn't mind spending my time alone but it'd be nice to share my experience with someone.
Just let life unfold instead of thinking like that, you'll never know who you'll meet or where you'll end up!
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Je sens que je vais aller voir ailleurs
Là où tout est beau et plein de douceur!
Les femmes.
Je sens mon corps se remplir de bonheur
Et mon sourire noyé par les pleurs
Je danse mais j'hésite encore...
Des larmes.
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Beanhead
appreciating aesthetics
Registered: 10/11/08
Posts: 13,252
Loc: Geospatial inversion
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Re: Think i want to be single forever, am i the only one? [Re: ImperialCactus]
#15127689 - 09/24/11 03:44 PM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
ImperialCactus said:
I was very good friends with this one girl from about 19-20 or so. That's as close to a real relationship as i've gotten, and i really did love her, but she was with someone else. I learned a lot about myself during that time, and especially the times i spent with her and her friends. Besides being depressed, having mild anxiety, and being absolutely horrible in social situations, it doesn't help that i do a lot of drugs and don't get out much. It was really, really awkward at times, i just can't function well in large groups of people at a social gathering. I don't know how else to explain it. I guess I would say my personality and life in general is boring, there's really nothing i have to offer to someone else, nothing that they would want anyways. Well, besides a little money.
Also, like i said i'm not sure i want to live to be that old. At the rate i'm going i'll be a miserable wreck if i do make it that long. I don't want kids, because i don't think it's a good idea to create more people since overpopulation issues are not getting any better, it's getting worse. And it's a fucked up world to bring a person into, i don't want to be responsible for that. So yeah, i have some serious problems i should work out, if i can. But what kind of woman would want to be with a guy like that? I don't know of any. Yes i may have a very negative outlook about life and myself, but even that doesn't really bother me. I just don't care, i feel like this is not my time or place, like i really don't belong here. But here i am.
Well, it's good to know that i'm not so fucked up that no one feels at least a little similar.
That's more like it, you are aware of the issue now you can (if you want) change it. I'm also akward, I also feel worthless and empty mainly because I believe I don't have anything to offer to someone.
If you truely feel worthless then start working out! Yes, yes it's advice like many others have said but treating your body as a temple and chiseling it to your liking does improve your overall look on life and yourself... When I was still working out (mostly running and swimming) almost daily it also was far more easy to just shrug off the small things in life and be more "content" in general.
I know severe speedball junkies or people that are k-holing all the time and even THEY find girlfriends. Don't worry too much about your issues, as a matter of fact you don't have to tell everyone at first sight either how you are truely feeling. If you are together with someone you love it doesn't even matter what you are doing other then spending time with eachother... So cherish those first few weeks of neurotransmitter heaven to get to know each other and afterwards you can decide if it's someone you want to share your life with (adressing the issues with her) . Any reasonable person capable of feeling emotion and love will understand anyhow... Unless you're some psychopath which I severely doubt.
If you really DGAF you wouldn't be writing this? See we aren't much diffirent, I also think far, far into the future, which is stupid, we should be enjoying the moment. It's a cruel world, it's a shitty time but overpopulation shouldn't be a reason to hold you back to JUST getting together with someone... It's not like everyone wants kids after a short amount of time, aye?
You feel like you don't belong here or are at the wrong place in time but what is it that you seek then?
I can guess that it's only overcoming the anxiety a bit... Lay of the drugs for a while!
What drugs do you use? I poly-abuse several as a coping mechanism, life is easier when you don't have to feel but whenever I do take a sobriety pauze it makes me realize they are just that... A coping mechanism.
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Je sens que je vais aller voir ailleurs
Là où tout est beau et plein de douceur!
Les femmes.
Je sens mon corps se remplir de bonheur
Et mon sourire noyé par les pleurs
Je danse mais j'hésite encore...
Des larmes.
Edited by Beanhead (09/24/11 03:50 PM)
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ImperialCactus
Stranger
Registered: 12/24/05
Posts: 532
Last seen: 4 months, 30 days
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Re: Think i want to be single forever, am i the only one? [Re: Beanhead]
#15128775 - 09/24/11 08:12 PM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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Good ideas, i am trying to work out but i keep losing motivation and my shoulder is kinda fucked up from repeated injuries so that can get fairly painful at times making it more difficult.
It just seems like most women i've met want to have kids at some point, and most girls my age are starting to look for "the one" instead of just something more casual and for the moment. Not to say i'm afraid of commitment or anything, but you know how it is. Maybe i'm way off i don't know i don't have a lot of experience here.
I need to lay off the drugs anyways for other reasons, and lately i haven't been as bad. It would be easier to list the stuff i haven't tried, but now all I do is smoke weed daily, the occasional few Vicoden, Xanax almost daily and at times very high doses. I drink about 1 pint to a 1/5th of 100 proof liquor a week or so. Lsd is kinda random but since i've been able to get it i'll trip somewhat regularly, like a couple times a month for a bit then a break. And cigs, half a pack a day.
Might not feel like my time or place but i can't travel though time, nor would i want to if i could. Only because of the whole paradox thing and fucking up the timeline. I'm sure i could find a better place on this planet but not by a lot, people are still the same with generally minor cultural differences. So i really don't know what else I can expect on that one.
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pwnasaurus
Stranger
Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 8,289
Loc: Canada 
Last seen: 2 hours, 40 minutes
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Re: Think i want to be single forever, am i the only one? [Re: ImperialCactus]
#15132186 - 09/25/11 03:23 PM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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Man smoking half a pack of day and weed every day is pretty heavy use IMO.
I feel you on the shoulder injury though. I'm just recovering from surgery on my shoulder right now, and I want to work out SO BADLY. I've lost 20 lbs since I hurt myself and I'm such a scrawny bastard now.
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LobsterSauce
Concrete clogs
Registered: 11/09/08
Posts: 14,495
Loc: Down the rocks
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Re: Think i want to be single forever, am i the only one? [Re: ImperialCactus]
#15132351 - 09/25/11 03:57 PM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
ImperialCactus said:
Good ideas, i am trying to work out but i keep losing motivation and my shoulder is kinda fucked up from repeated injuries so that can get fairly painful at times making it more difficult.
It just seems like most women i've met want to have kids at some point, and most girls my age are starting to look for "the one" instead of just something more casual and for the moment. Not to say i'm afraid of commitment or anything, but you know how it is. Maybe i'm way off i don't know i don't have a lot of experience here.
I need to lay off the drugs anyways for other reasons, and lately i haven't been as bad. It would be easier to list the stuff i haven't tried, but now all I do is smoke weed daily, the occasional few Vicoden, Xanax almost daily and at times very high doses. I drink about 1 pint to a 1/5th of 100 proof liquor a week or so. Lsd is kinda random but since i've been able to get it i'll trip somewhat regularly, like a couple times a month for a bit then a break. And cigs, half a pack a day.
Might not feel like my time or place but i can't travel though time, nor would i want to if i could. Only because of the whole paradox thing and fucking up the timeline. I'm sure i could find a better place on this planet but not by a lot, people are still the same with generally minor cultural differences. So i really don't know what else I can expect on that one.
You're obviously lacking in confidence amongst other things but don't worry, everyone has been there at various periods of their lives.
How's your diet? You cook mostly or mostly buy frozen and/or processed foods?
Improve your diet either way, more fruit + veg.
I think you need to come out of your shell in a way, would that be right?
Weed definitely worsens peoples social anxiety as you may know, I wouldn't say give it up because it's so good but maybe if you are meeting people(new people), hold off on the smoke until after?
I can tell you that you'll be far happier(or just content) if you found a girl. There is no pressure, remember that.
I'm telling you if you had three eyes, buck teeth and long hairs coming out your ears, but were quietly confident, you could get a girl.
Maybe you should practice projecting confidence at little intervals during your day, even just to the girl behind the counter in the shop. With a nice smile + eye contact, just greet her. She'll most likely smile back and say hi or whatever(it's her job to be polite but still).
That'll be one successful, positive interaction with a girl. Easy.
Next, the cute girl walking by you down the street. Eye contact, not too much, but just enough. Maybe nod your head or say hi if you feel up to it. Nice eye contact maybe enough though.
Eye contact is different from culture to culture though, some are way more into it than others. Windows to the soul and all that.
Get a few of these under your belt until you feel like it's not a big deal at all.
Next, the bar, just do the same. You have to be confident and if you're not confident, you at least have to seem confident, it's not that hard really.
Smoking weed before trying to meet girls is fucking useless for me and others I know, I just end up with nothing to say, almost brain dead.
A drink or two is key also. Just enough to loosen you up and not care as much.
One compliment and a smile can make a huge difference, instead of just conversing, you're letting them know you're available and interested.
How some of this helps.
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"Have you ever cried while playing guitar? No? Then you've never even felt your music! YOU'RE A FOOL!".
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senorcafe
pass the wasabi
Registered: 09/23/11
Posts: 1,478
Last seen: 5 months, 16 days
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Re: Think i want to be single forever, am i the only one? [Re: LobsterSauce]
#15144315 - 09/27/11 11:29 PM (1 year, 7 months ago) |
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way to lazy and have homework to read through that but imperialcactus...
im the type that if a relationship forms great but if not its thier lost... not conceeded but i would rather move to the mountains build a home from scratch have a lab and go hunting/ fishing women drag it down and its one more mouth to feed
if a i found a girl who would move with me pull thier weight it be great but i dont go seeking sex and every relationship ive been in itgets to the sex stage and they want it more than me and she gets the feeling im unintrested i prefer going to a lake and looking at the ants on a tree than stickin my diddley doo in a doodley dee, one day the angel girl will be found and ill move to the mountains
peace live long live happy and dont let no one hold you back from your REAL dreams
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if you can you should
-senorcafe
.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.
little brown mushroom-so hard to identify-look alikes common
varied habitats-the mycophile wonders-edible deadly
underneath blue sky-you spread from grass to tree line-popping up when rains
little brown mushroom-maybe one day i shall know-who you really are
-senorcafe
.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.
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