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InvisibleliloldmeFacebook
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Age of Consent Essay for school *DELETED*
    #14287898 - 04/14/11 12:54 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Post deleted by liloldme

Reason for deletion: old


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Re: Age of Consent Essay for school [Re: liloldme] * 2
    #14287908 - 04/14/11 12:56 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

The teacher was being nice.


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Re: Age of Consent Essay for school [Re: liloldme]
    #14287912 - 04/14/11 12:57 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

ohh yeah I was totally joking towards the end aha im down with running start ahaha

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Re: Age of Consent Essay for school [Re: liloldme]
    #14287921 - 04/14/11 12:59 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

other people decided to write about how baby dophins are better than whales idk I thought it was decent. Im only in english 102 im not fucking rainman or some shit

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Re: Age of Consent Essay for school [Re: liloldme]
    #14287924 - 04/14/11 12:59 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

I am not here to write about whether they are right or wrong



but then u go on to write about ur subjective opinions...


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Re: Age of Consent Essay for school [Re: liloldme]
    #14287932 - 04/14/11 01:01 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

I think it was the sarcasm at the end there that made her bump your grade down.


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OfflineThe_Ghost
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Re: Age of Consent Essay for school [Re: liloldme]
    #14287940 - 04/14/11 01:02 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Thats an essay? Seems a bit short. And bad.


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Re: Age of Consent Essay for school [Re: The_Ghost]
    #14287977 - 04/14/11 01:12 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

The_Ghost said:
Thats an penis? Seems a bit short. And bad.



dont be so harsh


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Re: Age of Consent Essay for school [Re: The_Ghost]
    #14287981 - 04/14/11 01:13 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

yeah it was only a 2 page double spaced requirement. I think your right i shouldnt have been so sarcastic at the end. Im always mega blazed when I write honestly Ill be glad to be done with english classes.

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Re: Age of Consent Essay for school [Re: liloldme]
    #14287985 - 04/14/11 01:14 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Dude, you're lucky to have gotten a C. There are so many things I could fault this essay with. To begin with, there are no paragraphs. :picard:

What level English is this, anyway?


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Re: Age of Consent Essay for school [Re: Coaster]
    #14287987 - 04/14/11 01:14 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

omg I suck at these fmL aha I wish it was a botany class or something

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Re: Age of Consent Essay for school [Re: liloldme]
    #14287993 - 04/14/11 01:15 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

its 102, and yeah copied and pasted over destroyed the layout :frown:

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Re: Age of Consent Essay for school [Re: liloldme]
    #14287999 - 04/14/11 01:17 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

We had to talk about the color yellow for like an hour yesterday and how it made us feel, idk I guess I'm just not meshing with this class.. I loved my last 2 english teachers.

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Re: Age of Consent Essay for school [Re: liloldme]
    #14288006 - 04/14/11 01:18 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

I'm taking English: Formal Composition right now and it's hellish. I actually write for pleasure, which is totally incompatible with the stuff they're trying to teach us. Original thought is optional, proper MLA format is not. It's like a class designed to suck all the joy out of something I've always loved. :zomgwtf:

I understand why it's important to have formal composition skills as a graduate, but god damn it hurts anyway :emo:


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You really are the worst kind of person.


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Re: Age of Consent Essay for school [Re: liloldme]
    #14288070 - 04/14/11 01:30 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

This has revision written all over it.  I can tell that your interested in the subject, have points to get across and write with a strong voice.  But when I read this I find that your making a fair amount of nonspecific comments that leave me either wondering how you support the information, or that the information your presenting doesn't explicitly state anything.
Example:
"Studies have shown women who have babies at a younger age are much more likely to have strong healthy young"
I'm left wondering where you got this information and what studies your referring to.  Its common knowledge that a 20yo woman is a superior biological vessel for a child then a 40yo woman (on average).  But if you start referring to studies then you MUST back up the claims.


In addition, your being too wordy.  This was exactly how I would have written a paper in English 12.  I thought that using more words meant that I was being more descriptive, and thus a better writer.  But dancing around the point confuses the reader (and simply leaves the reader with more to get through).  I think if you get it down to the meat of the matter then the body of your essay is going to have more form.

Also, much like my previous writing tendencies, your asking a ton of questions.  Questions in a paper/essay are mainly best if they are rare and rhetorical.  Its easy to ask a bunch of questions, its much harder to clearly and lucidly give your opinion to a question someone has asked you to write on.

If I'm coming off as a dick, I'm sorry, but after many years of being a bad writer, I've come through to intimately understand these mistakes.  Depending on the level of education your at, I think the grade (although it sucks) was deserved.  BUT, if I was the teacher/instructor/professor I would have made notes and asked for a revision.


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With the exception of grammatical corrections, everything I say is completely false and without foundation.

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Re: Age of Consent Essay for school [Re: Treefeeler]
    #14288085 - 04/14/11 01:34 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

i didn't read your essay but if its about what i think its about then i think your teacher was nice not to just flunk u just for thinking about


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Re: Age of Consent Essay for school [Re: makaveli8x8]
    #14288120 - 04/14/11 01:43 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

heres a tip,

if you spend class time talking about the color yellow.

probably not wise to pick a subject that is controversial like that.

pick green energy or something.

put ya tried :thumbup:


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Re: Age of Consent Essay for school [Re: liloldme]
    #14288401 - 04/14/11 03:54 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)


Quote:

liloldme said:
If I could help pass a vote making it illegal for women to date men younger than the age of 18 knocking out a huge percentage of my competition I would be all over that.





For future reference do not use language like that in a serious essay, using phrases like "I would be all over that" drags down the tone of it and makes it sound retarded. Be happy you got a C.

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Re: Age of Consent Essay for school [Re: liloldme]
    #14288418 - 04/14/11 04:15 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

It's not necessarily the topic, but the way its written.  Your sentence structure and essay construction are pretty poor.  It's  pretty common among young writers though, so I'm not sure what your teacher is comparing to.  C is about right.


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...the whole experience is (and is as) a profound piece of knowledge.  It is an indellible experience; it is forever known.  I have known myself in a way I doubt I would have ever occurred except as it did.

Smith, P.  Bull. Menninger Clinic (1959) 23:20-27; p. 27.

...most subjects find the experience valuable, some find it frightening, and many say that is it uniquely lovely.

Osmond, H.  Annals, NY Acad Science (1957) 66:418-434; p.436

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Re: Age of Consent Essay for school [Re: badchad]
    #14288947 - 04/14/11 09:05 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

thank you for all your input guys this all really helps!!

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