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 I_was_the_walrus
eggshells
Registered: 05/01/02
Posts: 8,848
Loc: next door
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 Well thats it...5 year relationship down the drain, rant time. 
#13689457 - 12/27/10 05:41 AM (2 years, 4 months ago) |
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Long story short:
We were drinking and I joked about a threesome with my girlfriend. Turns out she was way for it. More so than I was ready for. I guess every relationship has their frustrations. Ours was a sexual frustration. If I didnt initiate it, it wouldnt happen at all..and I wasnt affectionate enough to get her started. After 5 years, it happens. The flame had died. The only difference was, I guess a great sex life wasnt that important to me. We had each other, and thats all I cared about. In the end, love would prevail. I asked her if she had anybody in mind. She said yes her best friend. Some chick she worked with. She had been becoming more attracted to women for the past little while (awesome) and her coworker/friend/boss (not so awesome). Hes a hypnotist/therapist, and shes an apprentice. I guess over time, she had developed a crush on him, nothing serious...but I was still butt hurt.
Why was she having these new sexual thoughts about men/women? Why the new attraction to somebody else? I was scared/confused. I went into defense mode. I suggested we take a break. Not a complete split...maybe take some time to think about what we wanted in a relationship, get our priorities in order...ya know? She was way hurt to say the least. Her view was "if we are so close how could you leave me for doing nothing...just a conversation? Is this what I get for being honest with you?"
Granted...yes. I over reacted. I fucked up. She was doing nothing more than talking, and being honest with me. I blew it up, and through my insecurities I fucked up a very good thing. However in my mind, there never was a break. I needed time. I was confused and scared. What she said was a big deal to me. We talked and talked. I tried to explain myself. Its been 2 weeks of talking and talking
Earlier we were talking and I sent her a text saying "I havent done anything with anybody else if that makes you feel better. Even when Im drunk, Im still thinking of you." I had been over our house a few nights and it was a mess. Bottles of booze everywhere. She had been drinking pretty heavy, when she ordinarily doesnt drink at all. So she sends me a text saying she started making out with her friend, and the two guys joined in. Who wouldnt?
Her excuse was "you left me....I thought we were broken up, I was hurt blah blah girls do stupid things". Well I partied at a friends house last week. Girls were in the hot tub asking me to get in. I said no. It was too soon. It was too fucking soon. I didnt want to make the situation worse. I respected her blah blah I dont want to hut her feelings, trying to be a gentleman. And this? REALLY?!?
FUCKING SLAP IN THE FACE. Needless to say, way to make a bad situation worse. I dont know what to do. Honestly...I just dont think we're right for each other. I know its hard to make a judgment off a short, vague internet post. I feel pathetic. If I was 5 years younger looking at myself now, Id be slapping myself in the face saying "what the fuck man?". I dont know how or why I got into this situation in the first place.
The only advice I can give is this: If you love the person you are with, show them.
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Edited by I_was_the_walrus (12/27/10 05:46 AM)
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 Humility
Working on it
Registered: 10/07/08
Posts: 6,696
Last seen: 29 days, 8 hours
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Re: Well thats it...5 year relationship down the drain, rant time. [Re: I_was_the_walrus]
#13689484 - 12/27/10 06:00 AM (2 years, 4 months ago) |
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I just split with my girl too man. There's a reason why it happened, and if you two weren't happy after 5 years that's saying a lot.
COinidentally enough, I was almost at the 5 year mark myself; 6 months shy or so.
I'm focusing on other things in life now. Something else will come along when it's time.
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Everlong
Please Stand By...
Registered: 03/25/08
Posts: 5,287
Loc: PA 
Last seen: 4 hours, 24 minutes
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Re: Well thats it...5 year relationship down the drain, rant time. [Re: I_was_the_walrus]
#13689513 - 12/27/10 06:30 AM (2 years, 4 months ago) |
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Be happy it happened now and not further into the relationship. Seriously, you two have complete opposite opinions on sex, so it would never work.
On a side note, the same thing almost ripped my relationship apart, except with reversed roles. Coming from someone who shares similar views with your now ex, trust me it had nothing to do with you or her love for you. Had nothing to do with you showing your love or not. Better advice would be make sure you are both on the same page regarding lifestyle choices IMO.
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I_was_the_walrus
eggshells
Registered: 05/01/02
Posts: 8,848
Loc: next door
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Re: Well thats it...5 year relationship down the drain, rant time. [Re: Everlong]
#13689544 - 12/27/10 07:05 AM (2 years, 4 months ago) |
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Absolutely man. People grow and change everday. I'm not the same person I was 5 years ago, and neither is she. Better now than 5 more years down the road. You need to be on the same page in a relationship. I guess over time we grew apart. If I had a time machine...woulda, coulda, shoulda. I see it as something to make me stronger to help build a more mature, understanding relationship in the future.
God It still hurts so much though. What a horrible thing to happen. We had so much potential.
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meams
Blessed
Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 17,454
Loc: In a Tree
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Re: Well thats it...5 year relationship down the drain, rant time. [Re: I_was_the_walrus]
#13689822 - 12/27/10 10:03 AM (2 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
I_was_the_walrus said:
I respected her blah blah I dont want to hut her feelings, trying to be a gentleman. And this? REALLY?!?
FUCKING SLAP IN THE FACE. Needless to say, way to make a bad situation worse. I dont know what to do. Honestly...I just dont think we're right for each other. I know its hard to make a judgment off a short, vague internet post. I feel pathetic. If I was 5 years younger looking at myself now, Id be slapping myself in the face saying "what the fuck man?". I dont know how or why I got into this situation in the first place.
Really sorry to hear you're in this spot, Walrus. Defiitely not a situation anyone would ever want to be in (but unfortunately a situation I have found myself encountering in the past).
5 years is a long time, so it doens't sound like you two are young & immature like most of hte posters on here ---- but judging from the way she acted at that party I dont think you should have any reservations about walking away. Sure, these things are harsh - but she clearly has other things in mind (her boss, her friends, random guys). Sure, you could probably put a patch on your relationship, but any time things weren't 100% in the future, you'd have that ambiguous uncertainty hanging over your head about what she might do as a reaction to whatever you're going through in your relationship.
I call them spite sluts. They get back at you the only way they know how: by swinging from your heartstrings.
Cut the string, let 'em ensnare someone else with their immature actions. Tell her theres a new show on MTV coming out next year called Skinz that she'll really love.
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I_was_the_walrus
eggshells
Registered: 05/01/02
Posts: 8,848
Loc: next door
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Re: Well thats it...5 year relationship down the drain, rant time. [Re: meams]
#13690857 - 12/27/10 02:47 PM (2 years, 4 months ago) |
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lol thanks man. I think the only comfort I find in this, is knowing it will be years and years before she finds somebody as nice, laid back and loving as I am. Her boss is an older, married family man. He's not stupid. Good luck with that. Her friend is just a young drunk lesbo attention whore scenario. Good luck with that. She'll be with guy, after guy, after guy, and non of them will be like me. One of the biggest things she wanted with me was to settle down and start a family. Looks like its back to the drawing board for her. Good luck with that! What a thing to throw away...
I guess its time for me to get my balls back, and move on
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feifen
Registered: 10/18/08
Posts: 7,040
Last seen: 2 years, 4 months
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Re: Well thats it...5 year relationship down the drain, rant time. [Re: I_was_the_walrus]
#13690937 - 12/27/10 03:09 PM (2 years, 4 months ago) |
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I went through the same thing last year, except of 4 years and a slightly different situation
But truth be told, I am much happier today than I was last year
You will be fine, give it some time and you might end up finding someone you connect with much better 
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dshow
Nomad
Registered: 01/22/09
Posts: 5,255
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
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Re: Well thats it...5 year relationship down the drain, rant time. [Re: feifen]
#13691123 - 12/27/10 03:49 PM (2 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Honestly...I just dont think we're right for each other
Go with your intuition. Its usually right.
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tripleclick
cloud bursting
Registered: 05/06/07
Posts: 3,434
Loc: mirror maze 
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Re: Well thats it...5 year relationship down the drain, rant time. [Re: I_was_the_walrus]
#13691173 - 12/27/10 04:00 PM (2 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Everlong said:
Be happy it happened now and not further into the relationship. Seriously, you two have complete opposite opinions on sex, so it would never work.
I know that feeling 
good luck man
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DoseInTheWoods3420
LSD Connoisseur
Registered: 10/07/09
Posts: 1,134
Loc: wherever im needed (midwe...
Last seen: 1 year, 28 days
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Re: Well thats it...5 year relationship down the drain, rant time. [Re: tripleclick]
#13691348 - 12/27/10 04:39 PM (2 years, 4 months ago) |
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dude. i had a gf for 4 years and this situation came up a lot. we had problems so we "went on a break" to clear the air. well she wanted to fuck other guys so she already had him lined up. i soon moved on but we got back together. weve been struggling alot recently going back and forth. she broke up with me and i get with another girl the next day, so she freaks out when the time before this she was cheating before she broke it up.
all in all, just cause its a break doesnt mean that feelings cant be hurt. on the other hand you made her single, there are consequences.
its hard to move past tho
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You're either on the bus, or off the bus!
AIM= DoseInTheWoods
everything i say is complete and utter bulshit 
getting started on that abelton shit real soon. look out midwest
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meams
Blessed
Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 17,454
Loc: In a Tree
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Re: Well thats it...5 year relationship down the drain, rant time. [Re: DoseInTheWoods3420]
#13693295 - 12/27/10 11:05 PM (2 years, 4 months ago) |
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DoseInTheWoods i also recommend y0u and your girl just end it. It's apparent you both want other things.
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