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Anonymous #1
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 gf's a slut. 
#13113815 - 08/28/10 01:28 PM (2 years, 8 months ago) |
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So my current girlfriend is, or used to be, a bit of a slut.
I don't have a problem with sluts, I just don't want a romantic relationship with em. I love everything else about her, but I can't handle the fact she used to get fucked or sucked some random guys cock after a drunk night out. It's a big turn off for me. Maybe it's because I'm not as big a slut myself, or I feel like It somehow makes our love mean shit, I really don't know. Whatever it is, I want to get over myself and just love the person she is right now. Everytime I think about it I get angry and just want to fuck and dump her. What do I dO?
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 AnimaSoulBlue
Truth Seeker
 
Registered: 01/12/06
Posts: 395
Loc: LA 
Last seen: 2 years, 8 months
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I had alot of girls like that. Best thing u can do is get rid of her.. unless you want sex that badly. If you love this girl however, get away from her asap b/c you will be the one to get hurt.
pray for a better woman, you'll meet them when the time is right. sometimes you just gotta wait till you find the girl that was meant for you.
If a girl that is dating you wants to party, go out w/ friends, and not invite you, or leave you and do them, then she is most likely not ready for a relationship. Bad girls have this tendency to find guys that make them feel good and loved, but at the same time they want a "bad boy" type too, and if your not both they cheat on you.
My first serious girl, whom i lost my virginity to told me so many lies which i believed. Love blinds you. Long story short, she went w/ other guys and walked all over me. I let her b/c i was young and stupid. Now however i dont fall for those tricks. i have the best woman i could ask for.
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Aesthetic Truth My website about TOOL
Believe in nothing~TOOLWe are eternal all this pain is an illusion~TOOLThink for yourself, question authority~Timothy Leary
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Anonymous #2
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hah at least she was drunk when she did it. my gf used to have one night stands sober. 
If its a problem, just end it now. It used to bother the crap out of me, but we have been dating a long time, and even when shit from her past comes up now I am only slightly disgusted and pissed. Then again my situation is not normal, I have no intentions of marrying this girl, just chilling til I finish college.
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futurehero02
uncoordinated teddy bear
Registered: 08/06/10
Posts: 209
Last seen: 9 months, 17 days
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Stay with her, but if she cheats tell her to hit the fucking road! Most slutty girls usually end up cheatin anyways. That would be my concern.
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Is it wrong to say hello when slapping somebody in the face? O well.... :-)
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mataylor
Traveler
Registered: 04/10/09
Posts: 149
Loc: my/your mind
Last seen: 2 years, 1 month
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like the first response, from experience all i can say is dump her bro. i've had a couple girls that you've described and, for me at least, I thought i was getting hung up on her past when i really just hated the bitch in general. think about it man, you know the right decision
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i'd tell all my friends but they'd never believe me. they'd think that i'd finally lost it completely -Thom
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 ZippoZ
Knomadic
Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 12,629
Loc: Pongyang, North Korea
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Re: gf's a slut. [Re: mataylor]
#13114213 - 08/28/10 03:16 PM (2 years, 8 months ago) |
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I have a pretty simple policy about girls like this.
I really dont care about who you fucked, or how it happened. I just care that you're clean. I think its pretty simple
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PEACE
 zippoz
"in times of widespread chaos and cofusion, it has ben the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m anagment, too much programming and controll, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption"
"People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."
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vegansoup
Stranger
Registered: 12/02/02
Posts: 58
Loc: ohio
Last seen: 7 days, 13 hours
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Is it possible she isn't a cheating lying whore in general? Maybe she made a lot of mistakes before because she's kinda naive or not self aware. For instance, maybe it was a self esteem issue.. maybe she just wanted to know someone could want her. Maybe she got her desire for someone to love her confused with sex. It does happen. Mistakes don't make you a bad person.. you just have to strive to do better.
Why can't she grow and learn and now be more self aware?
Don't make her feel bad about things she did when she didn't even know you. You proud of everything you've ever done?
I would try to help her work through her issues and insecurities..if she wants help.
Maybe it will help you with your own sexual insecurities if you understand why it happened.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,348
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 15 days, 14 hours
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Quote:
baai said:
So my current girlfriend is, or used to be, a bit of a slut.
I don't have a problem with sluts, I just don't want a romantic relationship with em. I love everything else about her, but I can't handle the fact she used to get fucked or sucked some random guys cock after a drunk night out. It's a big turn off for me. Maybe it's because I'm not as big a slut myself, or I feel like It somehow makes our love mean shit, I really don't know. Whatever it is, I want to get over myself and just love the person she is right now. Everytime I think about it I get angry and just want to fuck and dump her. What do I dO?
Well the first thing you could do is think about what does all that mean to you.
How does her past sluttiness affect you? What does that say about her, and also, what does it say about you? How are people who have casual sex, in your opinion?
You can't force yourself into loving someone, but it seems like you might be having some feelings for her and it would be a shame if you left her just because she had more more sexual partners than you.
How is your relationship with her? How is she as a person, besides the fact that sex had sex with more than a few people? Is she loving or cold? Is she honest or dishonest? Do the two of you work together well? Is there any kind of real friendship between you two?
How would you like to be judged by the number of the sexual partners you had?
How did you find out about her sexual experimentation? Was she the one that mentioned it, or did you find out from someone else? If you found all that stuff out from someone else, did she try denying it when asked?
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All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
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Silversoul
Holon
Registered: 01/01/05
Posts: 22,562
Loc: Mostly harmless
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I have to wonder if women have the same concerns about guys who've been around the block a few times. I mean, if a guy has slept around a lot and had several one-night stands, does that mean he can't be trusted? I think the important question is not whether she has a history of sleeping around, but whether or not she has a history of sleeping around while in a relationship.
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yogabunny
cat herder
Registered: 11/01/09
Posts: 7,770
Loc: ∞
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Quote:
AnimaSoulBlue said:
I had alot of girls like that. Best thing u can do is get rid of her.. unless you want sex that badly. If you love this girl however, get away from her asap b/c you will be the one to get hurt.
pray for a better woman, you'll meet them when the time is right. sometimes you just gotta wait till you find the girl that was meant for you.
If a girl that is dating you wants to party, go out w/ friends, and not invite you, or leave you and do them, then she is most likely not ready for a relationship. Bad girls have this tendency to find guys that make them feel good and loved, but at the same time they want a "bad boy" type too, and if your not both they cheat on you.
My first serious girl, whom i lost my virginity to told me so many lies which i believed. Love blinds you. Long story short, she went w/ other guys and walked all over me. I let her b/c i was young and stupid. Now however i dont fall for those tricks. i have the best woman i could ask for.
im sorry but this possessive horeshit that you're spouting here. no bueno. so judgmental also. what is "bad" and "good"??? i hate when people make sweeping generalizations like this about a relationship.
OP: so she fucked a bunch of guys, so what? she's with you now, and if she's doing anything to make you feel like you're not safe with her then you should discuss that. but otherwise OP I am sorry to inform you but you're the one with the issues here and have fear/jealousy issues you need to confront if you're thinking of dumping your girlfriend because of something she did in the past.
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तत् त्वम् असि
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Grok
Has Been a Bad Boy
Registered: 12/04/03
Posts: 1,262
Loc: Greener Pastures
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
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Don't write her off just yet. If she's cool and you don't detect any nostalgia within her for that sort of lifestyle, keep an open mind. After awhile, you probably won't care about that shit. Time buries baggage quite well. But if you're so hung up on it that it makes you miserable -- or if you sincerely think she'll revert to slutitude -- ditch.
Fact is, as a dude I would have slept with multitudes were it easier, or more aptly were I not too stupid to seize the opportunity back then. While I think there is some characteristic difference between dude and chick sluttiness, it is a double standard (usually) to hold it against a chick.
But I hear you, nobody wants to make the village bicycle their daily driver.
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Entropy is increasing.
To send me a PM, go to my journal
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yogabunny
cat herder
Registered: 11/01/09
Posts: 7,770
Loc: ∞
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Re: gf's a slut. [Re: Grok]
#13116009 - 08/28/10 09:31 PM (2 years, 8 months ago) |
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it absolutely IS a double standard.
OP how far in her past was her promiscuous behavior? how old are you both and how long have you been seeing each other? how did you become aware of her past "sluttiness"?
i think it's pretty irrational to be so irate over things that happened before you two were together, when you say "i love everything about her." do you? really? does she do anything to make you feel like she'd stray or cheat on you?
my ex husband was with A LOT of women before he was with me, and I never judged him for it. i knew that was his past and felt very secure in his love for me.
the question is, why do you not feel secure? if it's only because of how she behaved in the past then i am inclined to say you have some serious control/jealousy/fear issues to explore.
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तत् त्वम् असि
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AnimaSoulBlue
Truth Seeker
Registered: 01/12/06
Posts: 395
Loc: LA
Last seen: 2 years, 8 months
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Re: gf's a slut. [Re: Grok]
#13116033 - 08/28/10 09:36 PM (2 years, 8 months ago) |
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*sigh* i was only speaking from my perspective. Ive been through alot of bad relationships. most of the girls that Ive dated weren't rdy for a relationship but i was. i have a soft heart and Ive always wanted love. i call them "bad" girls. i guess i might be wrong using that term. i got used and abused and it made me bitter too.
Anyway, im not possessive. my wife does whatever she wants, but she doesn't like goin to clubs and all that junk. we both dont so we do family oriented activities. i grew up in that department a long time ago. to me a girl that parties all the time and sleeps around isn't ready for a true relationship. True relationships involve both of you doing things together. im old fashioned i guess. thank god my wife is like me. thanks for the criticism though.
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Aesthetic Truth My website about TOOL
Believe in nothing~TOOLWe are eternal all this pain is an illusion~TOOLThink for yourself, question authority~Timothy Leary
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yogabunny
cat herder
Registered: 11/01/09
Posts: 7,770
Loc: ∞
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it's not a criticism.
i probably overreacted, but i can't stand judgment. really nothing is "bad" or "good" unless we make it so anyway, but that's another story. it's also soooo fucking subjective. you had this experience so you think all girls who do "X" are "bad".
i was a wild child. i still looove live music and going out dancing but i've definitely calmed down and my big point is that it's possible for people to change. you never know, maybe some of those girls who broke your heart before have grown into solid women.
bless you for having a soft heart, im glad you and your wife found each other it sounds like y'all have a great thing going.
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तत् त्वम् असि
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Greendreams
Here and there
Registered: 01/07/08
Posts: 3,443
Loc: Unknown
Last seen: 8 hours, 59 minutes
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Quote:
MushroomTrip said:
Well the first thing you could do is think about what does all that mean to you.
How does her past sluttiness affect you? What does that say about her, and also, what does it say about you? How are people who have casual sex, in your opinion?
You can't force yourself into loving someone, but it seems like you might be having some feelings for her and it would be a shame if you left her just because she had more more sexual partners than you.
How is your relationship with her? How is she as a person, besides the fact that sex had sex with more than a few people? Is she loving or cold? Is she honest or dishonest? Do the two of you work together well? Is there any kind of real friendship between you two?
How would you like to be judged by the number of the sexual partners you had?
How did you find out about her sexual experimentation? Was she the one that mentioned it, or did you find out from someone else? If you found all that stuff out from someone else, did she try denying it when asked?
This. All that really matters is the now. How does she act now?
I've dated girls who used to be big into the party/bar scene and aren't anymore. For those girls I've met it was just a phase, something they had to get out and experience, now they've moved on and I would trust them completely unless they gave me a reason not to. Everyone has a past, part of a relationship is learning to get over your jealousy, trust your partner and realize that they are with you now, not their ex or some one night stand, but you.
I've also been cheated on by a girl who was still into the party scene. She was just wanting to have fun, I was that fun for awhile but we didn't want the same thing. I wanted a serious relationship and she didn't, every relationship is different and everyone is looking for something different. Some people are cool with an open relationship, others want complete monogamy, and some want something in-between. If you and her want the same thing out of this relationship and she's given you no reason to not trust her then you need to learn to get over her past or move on. If you can't get over it then it will just eat you up and sabotage what you have.
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ModusPwnd
Stranger
Registered: 07/08/10
Posts: 508
Last seen: 2 years, 8 months
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Quote:
Silversoul said:
I have to wonder if women have the same concerns about guys who've been around the block a few times. I mean, if a guy has slept around a lot and had several one-night stands, does that mean he can't be trusted?
I think they do. People don't want to marry a slut, doesn't matter what gender you are.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,348
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 15 days, 14 hours
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People that don't want to marry a slut don't want to marry a slut, not all people. 
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All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
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yogabunny
cat herder
Registered: 11/01/09
Posts: 7,770
Loc: ∞
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Sweeping generalizations FTL. By making that statment you imply that all people judge people with lots of sexual experience as sluts. I don't. My ex husband had been with A LOT of people before me, I appreciated his honesty andnever would have labeled him a slut. He wasx clean and loved and was ready to settle down with me.
I feel bad for all the peole who limit themselves by closing their minds in judgement of others.
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तत् त्वम् असि
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,348
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 15 days, 14 hours
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Those who make such blank generalizations also increase their chances for unhappiness because they expect that everyone else will have the same feelings and preferences and thoughts. Then, when their expectations aren't being met, they feel sad. 
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All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
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PowerTrip
Polypharmaceutical Shaman
Registered: 03/07/05
Posts: 1,148
Loc: The void
Last seen: 7 months, 18 days
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Quote:
futurehero02 said:
Stay with her, but if she cheats tell her to hit the fucking road! Most slutty girls usually end up cheatin anyways. That would be my concern.
QFT..
People don't change their entire morals overnight unless something seriously traumatic happens to catalyze the change. Girls that have a long history of getting trashed and randomly hooking up with people are going to repeat that behavior.
It's a tough decision to make but do you really have it in you to wonder every time she goes out partying with her friends. The unfortunate thing is that you probably will never find out if she does cheat or has been cheating. Even after a breakup most women don't admit it unless it's intentionally to hurt the ex.
I've been down that road. If you know her history I can only assume that her friends or your friends told you about her. I ignored it in the past with two different girls. Tried using the fact that they were so happy to convince myself that they wouldn't do anything. Both times I found out after the fact that the girls had fucked someone else one or more times while we were together. Not that it matters really because they aren't people who I would want to be with long-term, but still I kick myself for completely ignoring what everyone told me was going to happen.
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I spit reality, instead of what you usually learn
and I refuse to be concerned with condescending advice
cause I'm the only motherfucker that can change my life
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