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 alexithymia
Smiling Puppy
Registered: 07/08/09
Posts: 565
Loc: Florida
Last seen: 30 days, 19 hours
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 Post-trip depression? 
#13065559 - 08/17/10 07:51 PM (2 years, 8 months ago) |
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Okay hear me out.. has anyone felt really depressed and out of touch after heavy psychedelic use?
Usually I'm a pretty infrequent but consistent psychedelic user. I usually dose shrooms 2-3 times a year and experience strong level 2 to mild level 3 trips each time. But this past July I did mushrooms 3 times in two weeks. All 3 were very different trips, all of which I would say were a decent level 3 or above. You can ignore the part in brackets below, it's kind of just me rambling and describing each of my trips, skip ahead if you'd like.
[The first was my closest experience to "ego death", it was a somewhat difficult trip but still overall good. I lie there questioning everything about myself and who I was. The person I was in the "everyday" world didn't coincide with the person I felt in that moment and there was an extreme cognitive dissonance I felt of sorts. The second trip was at the beach and was a lighter dosed one but it was probably the most "happy" of all of them. I just felt this extreme pure bliss and me and my best friend were dancing in the water and watching the waves and I felt so beautiful and alive in a way I have never ever felt before. I can honestly say that day was the best day of my life. The last trip was very different from any trip I've ever felt. It was the last time I would be tripping for at least 5 months, because I was leaving for university a couple days later. It was probably equally as strong as the first one but everything was so clear and lucid mentally, very unlike the first one. It was also very emotional. I lie on a bed getting lost in the moment as I watch ceiling warp as patterns zig zagged across it and then I started crying uncontrollably. Not hysterically, just tears streaming out of my eyes for however long I lie there (felt like an eternity, was probably more like 10 min). Crying because I knew it was just a trip, and all the connection I felt to everything around me wasn't "real". It was the product of some chemical reactions in my brain induced by a drug. I lay there wishing I could spend an eternity there, mourning the fact that real reality didn't par up with the way I felt in that moment, knowing that I would never experience something so powerful and beautiful without the source of psychedelic drugs. I remember thinking "if this could be what would happen after you die, that you'd just spend an eternity like this, I would kill myself tomorrow".]
I guess to experience that sort of warped and amazing world under the influence of psychedelics and to be thrown back into "reality" so many times in a short amount of time takes a toll on you, and I didn't realize how much it was until now. It was like we (my best friend and I) were chasing a reality that wasn't "real". Trying to escape the real world because it didn't meet our standards.. It's like you've been eating bread all your life and then you start eating.. sushi (or insert favorite food of choice here), and then you have to go back to eating bread.. I just started feeling so empty and blue after that last trip. And I've been feeling that way for the last couple weeks, but I'm starting to feel it wear off.. Has anyone else experienced this? Am I crazy or does it make sense for me to feel this way?
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 accountant
Stranger
 
Registered: 05/09/06
Posts: 1,016
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I think it makes sense. Doesn't it alter the levels of dopamine, similarly to a stimulant like amphetamine? I think your body is just recovering. But you sound like you feel how someone sounds after abusing stimulants.
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XDS
alive at dawn
Registered: 07/10/10
Posts: 446
Last seen: 1 year, 9 months
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Re: Post-trip depression? [Re: accountant]
#13065813 - 08/17/10 08:41 PM (2 years, 8 months ago) |
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I usually find that I feel more myself when I am tripping especially after the peak. My mind reaches this peaceful zone where nothing can touch me or agitate me and the actions, intentions and motivations of people seem utterly clear in the most lucid way possible.
I try and focus in on these thoughts and this way of thinking as much as possible during the later half of the trip and I feel it stays with me for a long time afterwards, days and weeks.
I don't think it is at all unnatural for you to feel like you do after tripping 3 times in a couple of weeks. You sound like you had some great experiences, and I wouldn't just dismiss them as meaningless/unreal experiences simply because you were under the influence of a drug. I can have a great time when I am drunk and definitely pay for it afterwards. It doesn't mean I had any less fun just because I was drunk.
Sobriety is just another state of consciousness.
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