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 jatangalo
Stranger
Registered: 01/16/10
Posts: 32
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
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 [1g lemon tek + DMT] The Pendulum 
#12353467 - 04/08/10 02:05 AM (2 years, 1 month ago) |
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After considerations, I choose to drink the orange juice I prepared from 1g lemon juice extracted psylocibe Cubensis.
After 30 minutes, it hit. The first time I have noticable ribbling effects and CEV. The body feeling is interesting..i wander around the house and while I look outside the window, a strong wave hits me and I really notice that I've got NO CLUE what kind of energys I'm dealing with. I get the feeling that I'm doing it wrong, that I'm a child trying to walk for the first time. That I'm totally stupid.
I wander around some more, "lock into" several different moods and thoughts and play around with them. I once wrote that psychedelics are the essence of life. I would now even say that they allow you to pick certain patterns of existence and look at them with magnifying lenses...to play with them.
I get the feeling that I could really use this state but I don't know how to deal with the energy to make "it work". Then, I sit down on the piano. I can't really play...but I try to remmeber a pianbo piece i wrote. It doesn't feel right, so I CLOSE MY EYES and start to hit random notes.
It sounded beautiful! I would ALWAYS hit the right key, with closed eyes. Then, i hit a note and it sounds off...and I realize that I wasn't really in the flow at this moment...I don't lose a breath...I just take it from there....and thats the biggest lesson:
You just have to "take it from there". Whatever happens to you in live. Having a difficult experience means, something goes a way you did not plan it to go. But you don't really _plan_...you UNFOLD. There is no "wrong note" if you continue to play. You only "fail" if you stop playing.
So I played and cried. It was beautiful. Then I locked into the thought of smoking spice.
I went into a very serious headspace. I prepped everything. I did not feel any emotions. I thought this to be goodybe! Adios old me. One look in the mirror and then: A Vapor Genie with 120mg spice in silent darkness. I vaped and knew after the first draw, that this would be the most amount of smoked spice ever...for me....I managed to take 2 really big hits, then I was catapulted into a very intense state...
I would feel my body vibrate and I went through the usual stages of a lower dose experience in hyperspeed. There was lots of pressure beeing put on my body. Then, I lost sense of my body and only felt like I was weighing 10.000 punds, as I I was a part of the place I became aware of. It was a huge pendulum sort of thing and I would look down on it. I felt like I wathced people working on these huuuuge pendulums...and I felt their weight on my soul.
Theres a saying ...the world last on sbd shoulders. It certainly did last on mine. I never thought I would experience a BLACK HOLE sucking me into some sort of Clockwork. It didn'T feel friendly at all and what then happend was very painful....
I slip out of the trance and notice a SHARP, BURNING PAIN!! Then I realize that it'S my face. My face is melting!! Like wax ...and it's hellishly painful...like i imagine purgatory to be. "So thats a difficult DMT experience then?" I think to myself as I can't find a way out of the pain. I turn the light on and I take a look at myself:
crumbled...I'm withering away! Like the fallen branch of a tree with moss growing on it.
The aesthetic quality of felt...i wither awyay...like a fallen branch of a tree in a dwarfs hut...still soaring with pain ..inside this oversaturated, cartoonish version of my room.
But i do not freak out. I'm the observer with a calm mind..."oh that's interesting"... but In reality I'm very disattached and I find that shocking. No emotion towards the negative experience. It just happend.
So I reflect on the day and think, that there were several situations were the experience could have taken a turn for the worse. I always associated nervous breakdowns, crying and self mutilation with negative mushroom experiences...then I realized, that I've already been to quite some of these diffcult states of mind during my youth, so I was somehow prepared.
I realized: I already have a stronger center than I thought. There's already a heavy pendulum inside me, keeping me balanced. I wont falter.
So I smoked some caapi and felt the love again. If just ever so slightly. I lay down again and smoke some more spice. I witness beautiful patterns of silky, smoky, translucent tubes full of gemstones. Then..i hear the door. I jump up and hastily clean the area.
"How was your day" I get asked
"Fine" I answered
But now, I'm not sure if this was the right word to use.
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jw2234
Astral Traveler
Registered: 08/17/09
Posts: 161
Loc: 
Last seen: 3 days, 6 hours
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 Re: [1g lemon tek + DMT] The Pendulum [Re: jatangalo]
#12356313 - 04/08/10 03:18 PM (2 years, 1 month ago) |
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i liked reading that, ur a pretty creative writer. as a writer myself, i would tell you to just let your words flow more. i liked how you did that in the end. all in all, good job, i really feel you on that idea of just letting yourself flow while playing an instrument. to my mind thats the only real way to play any sort of music. just flow. . . .
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Horsewithnoname
Someone
Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 670
Loc: Right here
Last seen: 6 hours, 18 minutes
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Re: [1g lemon tek + DMT] The Pendulum [Re: jw2234]
#12356705 - 04/08/10 04:17 PM (2 years, 1 month ago) |
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Awesome trip report man
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"The best way to live life is with death as a companion. Not in any gothic or pessimist way, more as a present companion that may touch you at any given time. If we lived our lives with death walking by our side no one moment would go wasted in our lifetimes."
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jatangalo
Stranger
Registered: 01/16/10
Posts: 32
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
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Thank you jw2234, the end of the story is where most off the important stuff happened so it was easier to write. Beside that, I agree with what you said. It's all about flow.
Horsewithnoname, thank you too!
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