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Anonymous #1
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 how to stop these thoughts and get over my problem 
#10107346 - 04/04/09 11:06 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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when im not whwith my wife, i think that she is trying to cheat on me. if shes a few minutes late, thats what i assume thats shes doing. if she leaves a few mintues early for work, i feel that she is meeting someone. i know that she isnt. but thats what i think. i guess that i have been thinking these thoughts for about a year now. i dont like thinking, i dont want to think it. take for example one night she was 11 minutes late, i blew up, asking her where the fuck she had been, and stupid shit. knowing good and well that nonthing could happen in 11 mintues.
i try my best not to think about it. but i obessive over it. i love her more than anything in the world, she is my life, and my breath. before her i was and had nonthing, but with her i am, and have everything. its starting to take a toll on our relationship. sometimes when i start thinking about it, my hands start shaking, sometimes my breathing messes up, my heart beats rapidly. but i know that if it keeps up , that i will in fact lose her, the very thing that im scared to death of know
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Anonymous #2
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Re: how to stop these thoughts and get over my problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
#10107380 - 04/04/09 11:17 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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eat some acid with her and tell her what you're thinking and going through
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Anonymous #3
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Re: how to stop these thoughts and get over my problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
#10107480 - 04/04/09 11:37 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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I have a problem with irrational obsessions too. The latest and most painful example is when I worry that I'm going to become a pedophile, even though the only "pedophilic" thoughts I have are the ones where I'm terrified of mysteriously becoming a pedophile someday. At its worst it causes a lot of anxiety (shaking, heart pounding, sorta like you said). The thought is frightening enough that I can't always dismiss it easily, and I feel a need to "prove" to myself that it'll never happen, and yet at the same time I'm afraid that just thinking about it will make it really happen, and I can get caught up like that for a long time. It REALLY fucks me up sometimes. I read the other day that this type of stuff is actually a form of OCD, but I try to avoid self-diagnosis. I plan on talking to a therapist about it at some point soon, though. It's just fucked up enough that I think I'd be better off with somebody to talk to about it.
When I was much younger I had the same type of fears about mysteriously becoming gay someday, but they evaporated when I wound up hanging out with a lot of gay people and clearly saw that I really just wasn't gay.
Find some good distractions is all I can say, that's what I've been doing. Get help if you feel like you can't deal with it alone. 
Edited by Anonymous (04/04/09 11:59 PM)
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Anonymous #4
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Re: how to stop these thoughts and get over my problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
#10107752 - 04/05/09 12:31 AM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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"once again I would recommend and good dose of psilocybin mushrooms"
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Anonymous #5
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Re: how to stop these thoughts and get over my problem [Re: Anonymous #4]
#10107814 - 04/05/09 12:48 AM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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Psychedelics are not the end-all be-all to every fucking problem.
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Anonymous #6
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Re: how to stop these thoughts and get over my problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
#10108277 - 04/05/09 02:26 AM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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Dude , a lot can happen in ten minutes , seriously. I had quickies with dudes ol ladies in mere minutes. Its the excitement that she could get caught at any minute that gets her off. Plus , 11 minutes on your side says nothing of the minutes she left early. You need to inspect her panties , look for pubes , tap the phone & read her phone bill religiously. Give her a little leeway & act like you suspect nothing. (Key)
Your shaky & sweaty hands will only push her farther away. You need to get a grip. How far along has this manifested? Do you secretly think ( fantasize ) her in certain scenarios when you two have sex. Do you stay up at night , looking at her wondering where her lips have been?
Dude you have got to find this MFer & catch them in the act. Its the only way you will ever have peace & not be wondering how much more he satisfies her.
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Anonymous #7
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Re: how to stop these thoughts and get over my problem [Re: Anonymous #6]
#10108285 - 04/05/09 02:28 AM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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most of the time, for me atlest when i start to feel that feeling.... im right
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Anonymous #8
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Re: how to stop these thoughts and get over my problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
#10111127 - 04/05/09 05:38 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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Has she ever given you a reason to think this way?
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Anonymous #9
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Re: how to stop these thoughts and get over my problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
#10111178 - 04/05/09 05:48 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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i think u shud see a therapist and work on your possessive and controllingly obsessive behaviour.
unless shes late like every day then u dont have anything to worry about man.but ul lose her if u continue to behave like this. trust is one of the most important elements of a relationship and without it u cant hope to succeed.
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Anonymous #10
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Re: how to stop these thoughts and get over my problem [Re: Anonymous #9]
#10111222 - 04/05/09 05:59 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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You should ask her if she wants to do a threeway with the guy shes messing with and bust a nut on him during the 3some and she'll stop seeing him
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Anonymous #11
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Re: how to stop these thoughts and get over my problem [Re: Anonymous #10]
#10112545 - 04/05/09 09:39 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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You have got to get a grip. I.m guessing you are very young (late teens - 20 something). Saying things to her like "you are my life" and "I can't live without you" is the fastest way to chase her off.
It's about respect. Have you ever seen a girl that is obsessed with a guy that treats her like shit. Yeah, I've seen quite a few. The reason is respect. If you smother her she will get sick of that shit. You have to be a man and just ignore her eventually she'll wonder "why is he ignoring me". Then she will be grateful for every little bit of attention she gets from you.
And if she is cheating just kick the bitch to the curb. I know what it's like to worry so much that you can't eat. Trust me It's not worth it. It's something you eventually grow out of after you get fucked over a few times.
Just remember this. In a relationship the person that cares the least gets the most. Now be a fuckin man about it.
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Anonymous #12
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Re: how to stop these thoughts and get over my problem [Re: Anonymous #3]
#10112900 - 04/05/09 10:42 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
I worry that I'm going to become a pedophile, even though the only "pedophilic" thoughts I have are the ones where I'm terrified of mysteriously becoming a pedophile someday.
Quote:
When I was much younger I had the same type of fears about mysteriously becoming gay someday, but they evaporated when I wound up hanging out with a lot of gay people and clearly saw that I really just wasn't gay.
Maybe you should hang out with a couple of pedophiles, I'm sure that will cure that 
Seriously though, you need to get laid. With an adult woman thats damn fine.
You do like women don't you? I mean sexually?
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Anonymous #12
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Re: how to stop these thoughts and get over my problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
#10112913 - 04/05/09 10:45 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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OP what you're describing is pathological jealousy. Yes, it does destroy relationships.
The answer must be found in love. In your love of her, find trust she will not cheat on you.
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Anonymous #11
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Re: how to stop these thoughts and get over my problem [Re: Anonymous #12]
#10112971 - 04/05/09 10:53 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #12 said:
OP what you're describing is pathological jealousy. Yes, it does destroy relationships.
The answer must be found in love. In your love of her, find trust she will not cheat on you.
Chronic bitch dependency
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Anonymous #3
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Re: how to stop these thoughts and get over my problem [Re: Anonymous #12]
#10112985 - 04/05/09 10:55 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
You do like women don't you? I mean sexually?
Yeah, I love women, I don't have any doubt as to my real orientation, never truly have. What I'm describing is more of an anxious tic than anything else. It only ever comes up when I'm already anxious over one thing or another, and my mind gets overactive, like it's searching for stuff to worry about. This is just one example (though by far the most fucked-up) of many.
I've always loved kids, and I've always loved bonking women, and I've always wanted to have children someday, so it's like a nightmare scenario for me to imagine that I might betray myself in all those ways by becoming a pedo someday. I'm pretty sure I should talk to a therapist about it either way, because there's no real way to talk to your friends about something like this. 
I don't really know how much all this relates to OP's situation, but his description of imagining something irrational which then causes him ridiculous amounts of stress was familiar to me.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: how to stop these thoughts and get over my problem [Re: Anonymous #3]
#10114177 - 04/06/09 02:36 AM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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no she hasnnt ever done anything. its all in my head. and yes i do realize that its a form of ocd, anexiety, severe depression, low self esteem and the list goes on and on. im working on it, i guess i jus needed someone to talk to about it, vent it i guess. this past week has been real good. i realized that i really had a problem, and that i would lose her if the shit didnt stop. it cant happen all at one time, i know that. it takes a while to get over.
to the one that posted about the pedophile thoughts, i can see your thoughts on that. i understand what you mean. im 27. and no shes not cheating, i know that. its jus the thought, ya know. i need to work on building my self esteem up. one thing that is help me, is now i realize that if she does she does, if she dont she dont. i have no control over it. i jus have to have faith and trust.
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Anonymous #13
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Re: how to stop these thoughts and get over my problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
#10114636 - 04/06/09 05:46 AM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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Anonymous 3, why did you hijack op's thread?!
Your selfishness is the first problem you need to confront.
Start another thread, seriously. You must control and end your obsessive behavior. Really, start another thread and rewrite your post.
DO NOT COPY AND PASTE IT. This will be the first step in confronting this issue. If you do this, I guarantee things will begin to get better. Surprisingly fast. I'll see you in that thread.
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Anonymous #7
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Re: how to stop these thoughts and get over my problem [Re: Anonymous #13]
#10114646 - 04/06/09 05:50 AM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #13 said:
Anonymous 3, why did you hijack op's thread?!
Your selfishness is the first problem you need to confront.
Start another thread, seriously. You must control and end your obsessive behavior. Really, start another thread and rewrite your post.
DO NOT COPY AND PASTE IT. This will be the first step in confronting this issue. If you do this, I guarantee things will begin to get better. Surprisingly fast. I'll see you in that thread.
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Anonymous #13
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Re: how to stop these thoughts and get over my problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
#10114792 - 04/06/09 06:45 AM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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OP, please listen...
you are being incredibly selfish. Don't ALLOW this to lead to the end of your relationship! If you get over this obsession, you will likely lead each other into the happiest relationship possible. If you don't, your wife may leave you.
Yes, I am putting pressure on you.
It is very simple.
To you she is "your life", "your breath", your after-nothing, and your "everything".
Ok, did you really need to be that repetitive? I get it.
THAT IS THE SOURCE OF YOUR PROBLEMS
She can not live up to that. You know that. That is what is eating you up
inside(whether you are aware or not). You MUST be able to survive on your own.
This isn't a 5step, or 12 step program. DO IT NOW! Survive on your own.
(Mothering is for infants. You are not an infant. You CAN survive on your own.)
It is only then that you will be able to love her.
She needs to be able to survive on her own too. Imagine how difficult it is for her to live her own life? Imagine if she has to carry you as well?
She is carrying you.
Your selfishness is causing you to love yourself above anything else. But the problem is, by doing this, you are actually hating yourself, and then hurting yourself. Love and hate CAN be the same thing, simultaneously.
Your love is completely misdirected at the moment.
(Take pedophiles for instance, like anon3 is afraid of becoming. they 'love' children, but its quite an evil love isn't it? Evil love? is that even possible? Yes, but it can only be seen like that when all personal judgments and emotions are set aside.)
You are hurting her. I bet you hide all of this from her right? She has an idea of your jealousy, but she has NO idea how much you really hurt. You don't think she feels the immensity of this pain. You hate that too don't you?
You also believe that this is the only thing separating you and your wife from THE perfect, life-long relationship?
Well, it is. Its just that simple...
Do not take LSD or mushrooms! If you want a tool to help you place aside judgment and emotion, and allow you to understand the burden you are causing your wife to carry, I would recommend a medium dose of MDMA, methylone, or possibly 4-mmc. (the latter two are legal(sort of) to obtain. It may be worth the risk.
DO NOT USE THESE RECREATIONALLY. I repeat: DO NOT USE THESE RECREATIONALLY
Not now. You don't deserve recreation right now.
You have pressing issues that need to be addressed. Recreation is indulging. It will take you further from what you need to do. Stop drinking as well. This is something you need to confront here and now.
If you two take one of these empathogens, Here are some things you can think of off the top of my head...
Why and how you are selfish.
Explore your wife's selfishness.
Think about your parents and friends relationships. Your relationship to them.
Explore the relationship that mothers/fathers have with their babies, and up to their teens. (both humans and animals!)
Why do you love her.
what you understand love to be.
Do not give in to the powerful recreational value of the these chemicals. Remember, its not the drug. Its your mind. With these chemicals you have the tools, the power to change your mind. Use these things wisely. You will have major breakthroughs. These are not artificial, you have experienced them, therefor they ARE.
When you are coming down, realise the gifts of truth that you have just explored with this person.
Change your life by changing your mind!
We are humans, this is what we do!
I wish you all the best. This will work. And you will have no one to thank for this. Keep it that way...actually, if anything..thank your wife, for putting up with you and sticking with you as you change.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: how to stop these thoughts and get over my problem [Re: Anonymous #13]
#10116562 - 04/06/09 02:20 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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thanks. i dont drink, and very rarely eat shrooms. but when i do, they change my mind set, and for about a month, i have no thoughts, and everything is the way that it should be. but i didnt realize that it was being selfish. that i was really making it about me. umm
thats deep. as far as the medication you suggested, i have no idea what that is.
and yes, well i think i hide it, but she shes it. the thoughts i hide, but the actions and being a smartass about arent hid
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