On a human level I see where you are coming from. About this time last year my human self centered world view came crashing down like a house of cards. The parable about where you build your house in Matthew 7:24-27 sums up my spiritual journey.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+7:24-27

I spent all my time building upon the sand because that's all I knew how to do. God was not impressed with what I could do for him or anybody else. We don't earn anything in his kingdom. We choose to receive it as a gift. Really I wasn't even capable of choosing to accept his gift without his help. In human terms I believe we have a choice, but God has settled it in my mind that he chose me first.

If you ever catch a glimpse of how depraved you really are and the light brings to the surface the darkness of your heart, you will cry out for God and Jesus will give you peace which surpasses understanding or you will run and hide and burn with hatred for God.

The fact is there are many who call themselves believers out there who are not representing God's kingdom truthfully. It is my belief that since Jesus is the way, it is only natural that it will be the most perverted and twisted in some cases as well. Anything even resembling truth will be attacked and infiltrated by lies. I believe this universe has two forces at work in it and good always prevails over evil ultimately. Satan is at work in this world and has blurred the line between right and wrong so much that many on this board will tell you right and wrong do not exist. I remember believing the same thing myself. You may not yet be as deceived as I was.

I think the most dangerous place to be is complacent and apathetic while basing your beliefs on what others are saying. I never even gave the Bible a real chance because of all the slander I heard towards it. Be honest with God and tell him about your doubts.

“God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6). He may just kick your proud door in like he did me.