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 MOTH
Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 17,380
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 An honest trip report
#8444283 - 05/25/08 05:57 PM (4 months, 14 days ago) |
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An honest trip report...
So I'd been planning to take these aborts, but totally underestimated them. I feel pretty comfortable in psychedelic space, and feel I can "maintain presence" even in the grip of a strong trip. I just thought I'd have a light trip, honestly, on 2.75 grams, when I've taken much much more then that before.
I took them in a cacao pudding and within 10 minutes, I was already tripping. That was my indicator that this one was gonna be big, but I decided to just relax into it, and do what I normally do, whatever that is. Well, the trip just kept getting stronger and stronger, and by the time my friends arrived for a walk in the park, I was really really altered.
By the time we hit the park, I was shooting up to the sky like I had rockets attached to my ass. I was walking on the sidewalk and saw it open up and become a tapestry of intricate visual depth. It felt like an escalator, and the visions that I saw in between the grains in the sidewalk staggered me. I lifted my head at one point and looked around, and didn't recognize anything around me. The grass had turned bright bright red laced with yellow slashes, and kept growing up and up and up. The grass got HUGE, that's all I can say, and, when I looked at the lake, it seemed like it was coming for me, like even a hundred feet away, I felt like I was going to fall right in, and drown. Then I started feeling like I was drowning in the visuals, because they were everywhere; like colorful pages of incredibly detailed stuff, screens of visuals of all types, overlapping what was "normal." Basically, before long, I was hallucinating across my entire vision field. Everything was changing, and a hallucination; I could not tell what was real, and what was not; it was all changing all the time.
My friends could tell I was really out there, so I was led to a trail into the woods where I could get some privacy. I literally could not walk - I kept feeling like every step was something else other then what it was. I would take a step, and it would take FOREVER. I would look down at the ground, and see it COVERED in vines and snakes, and all sorts of other stuff. I tried to keep walking, but seriously, it was like I was going straight into a brick wall of energy. I couldn't keep walking, so I found a bench by the lake and struggled to let go.
As soon as I started to let go, my entire body became fluid. I felt blood (energy?) gushing out the middles of my palms. I didn't even know what to do I was tripping so hard. My friends were saying, "breathe," and of course I heard them, but I didn't know how; in fact I pretty much ignored breathing for awhile. I sat on that bench FOREVER. I looked across the lake, on a bridge, and saw an old couple walking across. I realized that they would be walking there forever, and they were; what seemed like HOURS passed, and they hadn't taken a single step, even though they were constantly moving. It was very bizarre. I started to feel my own mortality very, very strongly, as my ego began to die.
Eventually, I don't know what triggered it exactly, but I started to cry. I was just so fucking overloaded, so confused, feeling so intense, that I just let the tears come. Of course, I couldn't stop crying. What made it worse was when I managed to keep walking, and found another bench, and watched a beautiful swan clean himself in a boggy (and covered with rainbows) pool of water. It was the strangest and most illuminating thing I've ever seen, watching that swan use his neck like an arm to reach all over. In fact, it really triggered me then;
I had all sorts of thoughts begin to come. I felt bad for the swan for some reason. I started to imagine what life would be like without swans around, and it hit me very hard, because the creature was so unique and beautiful. I started to appreciate life in a way I can't remember doing before. I started to BALL. I felt bad because humans are so negligent towards other forms of life that the swan might not be here one day. I felt every negative thing that my species does to the planet and I FELT THE PLANETS PAIN. It was too much to bear. I basically began blubbering like an idiot and balling, totally unsure how to handle the fact that there might not be swans one day because of my own species.
Then I got a higher perspective; I realized that the swans form is not what the swan IS. I realized what my form, is not what I AM. I started to understand that behind everything in the universe, there is an indwelling spirit. That the same thing that's in the swan is in humans, and vice versa: WE ARE ALL PART OF THE SAME THING: the Spirit of Life. I started thinking about the universe, and that if the swan dies, if I die, if all human life on the planet vanishes, LIFE WOULD STILL GO ON, because of the indwelling energy behind everything there is. But then I realized how UNIQUE Earth really is; how out of ALL THE UNIVERSE our planet is the only one (so far) that has the right conditions to foster life: MY LIFE! I realized that I had no right to be on Earth, that it DIDN'T MAKE SENSE for me to be alive! This blew my mind; I was totally hooked on the universe; I totally didn't believe it, I didn't believe my own existence. I couldn't accept the fact that I was alive, because I felt so nonexistent.
I kept saying to my friends, "everything changes form," and "I just don't believe it," over and over again, crying hysterically, and they did awesome; they just let me be, they allowed me to work through whatever I needed to work through, offering nothing but comfort, companionship and peace. At many points I tried to get up and keep walking, but I was too confused, I kept "getting lost" in a 1 foot sized space, I was sooo gone.
On my way out of the park, I needed to find another bench, so I plopped down on one and was ASTONISHED to see the sky and everything nearby it become a purple kaleidescope of puzzle pieces, opening and closing, fitting into one another and sliding out again. It was fucking fantastic; an awesome visual, despite the fact I was out of my head.
The main thing I got out of this trip, is the realization that everything changes form, but it's the same thing inside EVERYTHING. All the same spirit, playing pretend in different forms. Knowing this, I had the strong conviction that DEATH IS NOT THE END. Life continues; life goes on, as fucking weird and bizarre as it is.
Eventually I managed to leave the park and go home, where I continued to trip severely for the next 7 hours. I seemed to trip even harder in my house; visuals covering EVERYTHING I looked at, my entire body vibrating, as though my cells could not contain themselves. My friends stayed with me until I was calmer, and then they left.
Guys, I got my ass kicked HARD. Respect the shrooms...especially aborts. I was not expecting the trip I got. I definitely can't wait to trip again, so that I be in the space again, but that was one of the most intense trips of my entire life.
Needless to say I feel embarrassed, but I'm glad it happened the way it did.
Respect the shrooms! 
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MOTH
Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 17,380
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 Re: An honest trip report [Re: MOTH]
#8444288 - 05/25/08 05:58 PM (4 months, 14 days ago) |
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Oh, and there was ALOT more to the experience, but I can't seem to put it into words. 
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 Tantradvaita
Registered: 05/24/08
Posts: 48
Loc: Infinity
Last seen: 3 months, 30 days
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Re: An honest trip report [Re: MOTH]
#8446034 - 05/26/08 06:07 AM (4 months, 14 days ago) |
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Birth & death are two sides of one immortal coin, LIFE.
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"Don't keep searching for truth, simply let go of your beliefs" Buddha
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rick0909
 
Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 527
Last seen: 6 days, 16 hours
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Good report Moth. You described your trip very well. Why do you feel embarrased? You had an enlightening trip which is basically what the experienced trippers are looking for.
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MOTH
Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 17,380
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Re: An honest trip report [Re: rick0909]
#8447120 - 05/26/08 02:38 PM (4 months, 13 days ago) |
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At the time, I felt like the way I reacted was completely justified.
But now that my ego is back, I feel like I could have handled the intensity better.
Oh well. All it does it make me want to trip again. 
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farmer88
Registered: 01/14/07
Posts: 269
Loc: Land of Oz
Last seen: 2 days, 10 hours
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Re: An honest trip report [Re: MOTH]
#8449758 - 05/27/08 07:00 AM (4 months, 13 days ago) |
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Quote:
MOTH said:
An honest trip report...
Needless to say I feel embarrassed, but I'm glad it happened the way it did.
Respect the shrooms!
Yeah, I know the feeling, when you find yourself in space you thought you were experienced enough not to be in. Embarrassed? Or is it really humbled, in awe? I've been thinking about that and after a while it seems to be the later. As if the shrooms decided to ask for a little more respect when you didn't realise you needed the lesson...but you did.
Anyway Moth, I'm fascinated and encouraged that it happened to you. Some of the experiences I had in recently were remarkably similar. I was embarrassed enough to post to a moderator or two before the group, but used less words because I was still "sheepish" and humbled. I like your approach better. 
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Buy the ticket, take the ride.
Hunter S. Thompson
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MOTH
Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 17,380
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Re: An honest trip report [Re: farmer88]
#8452196 - 05/27/08 08:09 PM (4 months, 12 days ago) |
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OH yes, humbled is a good word for it. And I haven't been humbled in so long by a psychedelic that I call it "embarrassed." Ha.
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andrewss
wünscht säure
Registered: 08/17/07
Posts: 2,981
Loc: ohio
Last seen: 11 minutes, 23 seconds
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Re: An honest trip report [Re: MOTH]
#8452595 - 05/27/08 09:18 PM (4 months, 12 days ago) |
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Cool report, and yes, even in my limited experience I can see how mushrooms demand respect! They are pretty humbling.
Sounds like a perfect trip, good sitters and plenty of ying/yang drama to truly make for a worthwhile experience, if you know what I mean.
Anyway, interesting stuff, sounds like you like Platonism. The idea of a "form" in the literal Platonic meaning is a bit odd to me. I think the world of forms is a wonderful idea, but I think what we see is essentially what we get in a way. However I suppose there is a huge amount of depth in the material world that we are blind to. I think all life forms share irreducible relationships with each other, whether it be a true basic building block that makes up everything and/or a basic "spirit" of a will to life...
Anyway, good trip, nice to read reports like this  
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MOTH
Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 17,380
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Re: An honest trip report [Re: andrewss]
#8453010 - 05/27/08 10:36 PM (4 months, 12 days ago) |
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Thanks, this was my first report to write and post here in awhile. I think I'm going to write more trip reports...seems to be good therapy for afterwards.
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andrewss
wünscht säure
Registered: 08/17/07
Posts: 2,981
Loc: ohio
Last seen: 11 minutes, 23 seconds
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Re: An honest trip report [Re: MOTH]
#8453066 - 05/27/08 10:48 PM (4 months, 12 days ago) |
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^ Yea, but it seems that these threads dont get that much traffic, but your thread is doin pretty well 
I reponded to the other thread you made previously in "Physical and Mental Well Being" section, seems those thoughts made an impact on this trip 
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MOTH
Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 17,380
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Re: An honest trip report [Re: andrewss]
#8453190 - 05/27/08 11:14 PM (4 months, 12 days ago) |
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Definitely...and in fact it seemed like I've been building up to this trip for weeks now.
The dam broke!
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Narapoid
Inquisitor
Registered: 05/26/08
Posts: 6
Loc: U.S.
Last seen: 14 days, 21 hours
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Re: An honest trip report [Re: MOTH]
#8453313 - 05/27/08 11:53 PM (4 months, 12 days ago) |
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Read some Ralph Waldo Emerson, the theories of "Interconnectedness" and an "over-soul" were his bread and butter.
Transcendentalism is the most enlightening subject I've read thus far.
My friend had a similar experience with the tears. While listening to Dragonforce he cried apparently due to how epic they are. Slightly different scene though I guess...
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