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 Walking paradox
Stranger
Registered: 07/04/08
Posts: 51
Last seen: 2 months, 5 days
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 have i cast my mind to chaos?
#8594138 - 07/04/08 05:55 AM (4 months, 30 days ago) |
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There were steps
General understanding granted me the ability to accomplish tasks with relative ease, it would seem my mind was a gift beyond my grasp. Taking an adventure into my own mind was a trial i had come to face with residual hubris clinging to my spiteful being. While i could see grand progression in what i was capable of, my thirst for truth was unquenchable. I dont know what i did wrong. I know what i did wrong.
The chaos found its way to me at a speed i thought unimaginable. a flame set in my mind. my past self immolated.
These days i just wander, drawing, playing guitar and trying to occupy my mind as best as i am capable.
I swing from euphoria to great despair. This is a curse. This is a blessing. this is what i asked for. i knew not what i did.
is all i have left my love for the waves crashing?
or is there hope yet for logic twisted beyond comprehension?
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illume
Alchemist
Registered: 05/19/08
Posts: 192
Loc: NSW, Australia
Last seen: 1 day, 22 hours
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There is hope, and it is twisted beyond comprehension, Bot it has absolutely nothing to do with logic..
It sounds as though you are battling with what you always believed you would be, and what you really are.
Be happy for most people in todays western society dont have such a realization until old age.
Just know that in the end all will be answered
IMHo
Edited by illume (07/04/08 06:07 AM)
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Walking paradox
Stranger
Registered: 07/04/08
Posts: 51
Last seen: 2 months, 5 days
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Re: have i cast my mind to chaos? [Re: illume]
#8594144 - 07/04/08 06:11 AM (4 months, 30 days ago) |
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poor choice of words on my part, i get stuck on though complexes that are fruitless but cant find myself out of them.
my friend recommended some book on psycho cybernetics but its help has been less than tangible.
im trying meditation more and more, that has helped take my mind off of it somewhat, but it almost seems i turn to the same wasted thought almost immediately afterwards.
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illume
Alchemist
Registered: 05/19/08
Posts: 192
Loc: NSW, Australia
Last seen: 1 day, 22 hours
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I see, What kind of meditation?
YOu should look into zazen, It teaches one to empty the mind of all thought.
Could be quite helpful given your description
Also welcome to the shroomery
Edited by illume (07/04/08 06:28 AM)
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Walking paradox
Stranger
Registered: 07/04/08
Posts: 51
Last seen: 2 months, 5 days
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 Re: have i cast my mind to chaos? [Re: illume]
#8594157 - 07/04/08 06:32 AM (4 months, 30 days ago) |
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pranayams and long kriya, usually gets my mind pretty empty; however its hard to keep that state of mind long after the trip.
and thanks, i really like how the community looks here so far.
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Grav
Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 2,772
Loc: Plano, TX, USA
Last seen: 3 days, 19 hours
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i used to experience euphoria to desolation on a daily basis. i felt euphoric to be alive, and then desolate because life seemed to have no meaning for me.
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be your true mind
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Walking paradox
Stranger
Registered: 07/04/08
Posts: 51
Last seen: 2 months, 5 days
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Re: have i cast my mind to chaos? [Re: Grav]
#8594206 - 07/04/08 07:37 AM (4 months, 29 days ago) |
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have any books you could recommend?
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Grav
Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 2,772
Loc: Plano, TX, USA
Last seen: 3 days, 19 hours
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interview with a vampire
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be your true mind
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 Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 23,817
Loc: underbelly
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Quote:
Walking paradox said:
There were steps
General understanding granted me the ability to accomplish tasks with relative ease, it would seem my mind was a gift beyond my grasp. Taking an adventure into my own mind was a trial i had come to face with residual hubris clinging to my spiteful being. While i could see grand progression in what i was capable of, my thirst for truth was unquenchable. I dont know what i did wrong. I know what i did wrong.
The chaos found its way to me at a speed i thought unimaginable. a flame set in my mind. my past self immolated.
These days i just wander, drawing, playing guitar and trying to occupy my mind as best as i am capable.
I swing from euphoria to great despair. This is a curse. This is a blessing. this is what i asked for. i knew not what i did.
is all i have left my love for the waves crashing?
or is there hope yet for logic twisted beyond comprehension?
Don't fret, you have an ace in the hole. Eventually you will play that card and be free of all this.
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What the thinker thinks, the prover proves. R.A.W.
I don't believe anything, but I have many suspicions. R.A.W.
“I contend we are both atheists, I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.” ~Stephen Roberts
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Walking paradox
Stranger
Registered: 07/04/08
Posts: 51
Last seen: 2 months, 5 days
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Re: have i cast my mind to chaos? [Re: Icelander]
#8595551 - 07/04/08 04:58 PM (4 months, 29 days ago) |
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thats comforting, i just hope that ace isn't eventual death or something.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 23,817
Loc: underbelly
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Death it is. In the mean time do what you can to enjoy your time here. There's always some little ways to make things better. Focus on those.
--------------------
What the thinker thinks, the prover proves. R.A.W.
I don't believe anything, but I have many suspicions. R.A.W.
“I contend we are both atheists, I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.” ~Stephen Roberts
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Walking paradox
Stranger
Registered: 07/04/08
Posts: 51
Last seen: 2 months, 5 days
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Re: have i cast my mind to chaos? [Re: Icelander]
#8596037 - 07/04/08 09:23 PM (4 months, 29 days ago) |
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well thats disappointing.
did you say that simply because thats how i replied or are you serious?
either way, i suppose i cant be dissatisfied with the outcome considering i brought it upon myself. yet surprisingly my contemplations of suicide which have plagued me for years have passed almost completely. life is good, i just wanted it to be great.
Edited by Walking paradox (07/05/08 10:14 AM)
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